Willow Smoke

by Adriana Kraft

  “That’s for sure,” Daisy whispered, hugging the smaller woman who’d thrown her a lifeline on more than one occasion. Yes, she’d think on her words. Carefully.

  Maybe she just wasn’t ready to decide.

  “So you’ll be leaving us soon.”

  Daisy peered at Mary Brown. How had that woman read her mind again? Having showered and dressed, Daisy had been trying to decide whether to pack before talking to Nick or after. It might be safer to do so before, but if he found out she was all packed he might be wounded more than she wanted. This wasn’t going to be a painless departure, but she didn’t want to torpedo their entire future either.

  Mrs. Brown stood in Nick’s bedroom doorway with her feet spread wide apart.

  Closing the closet door before answering, Daisy turned and said, “Yes, I need to get back to my place. I’ll be closer to help Maxine. And...well, I just need to be there.”

  To her surprise, Mary Brown chuckled and entered the room. “I’m not gonna bite your head off. Mr. Nick’s the one you gotta worry about. Not me. Just be careful, girl. There’s too much evil lurking around you.”

  Daisy scowled. “Maybe. But I can’t hide out here any longer.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “Who?”

  “Now I am gonna get mad. I’m not stupid. Do you love Mr. Nick?”

  Daisy sank onto the bed. “I wish I knew.” She glanced up at Mrs. Brown. “I don’t even know what love is.”

  “Now that’s a crock of spoiled milk, if you ask me. Your momma loved you. I know she didn’t do great by you, but maybe she did her best. Your grandma loved you. You know that now, don’t you?”

  Daisy nodded.

  “And them people at the group home you told me about. And them who took you home to live with—they loved you, right?”

  Again Daisy nodded.

  “Then don’t tell me you don’t know what love is. You’ve felt it. It’s touched your heart and your soul. Do you feel it from Mr. Nick? And do you feel it for him?” Mrs. Brown shrugged her shoulders. “I suspect you know the answers to them questions, but you’re too afraid to see them. But, that’s okay. No matter. When you’re ready, then you’ll see. In the meantime, I wish you well, girl. You’ve been good for Mr. Nick. Though his bounce has been sagging a little of late.”

  Without waiting for an answer, Mrs. Brown headed for the doorway. Before stepping out into the hall, she turned and announced, “I’ll cook up a good meal for you when you’re ready to come back. You can count on that.”

  Daisy threw herself on the bed. She hadn’t even thanked the woman. They both knew she’d be gone before breakfast.

  - o -

  “You don’t look so good,” Tom Harrison said, glancing up from polishing a section of cedar on the bow of a canoe. It was early evening and the rest of the employees had gone home. Tom was doing his typical touchups. “If those circles around your eyes get any darker, the authorities will accuse Daisy of abuse.”

  “Wouldn’t be too far off,” Nick responded flatly. “I’m losing too much sleep.” Nick scowled at Tom’s raised eyebrow. “From worry.”

  “Oh. Is that asshole brother-in-law still bothering her?”

  “He hasn’t shown his face since the incident at the hospital. And that bothers me. I’d like him to be out in the open where I can keep track of him.”

  “I can understand that. You think he’s dangerous.”

  “Anyone who carries a blade in his boot is potentially dangerous.” Nick ran his fingers through his hair. “Clint Travers has his people at the agency checking Lassiter out. So far he shows up with loose connections to the mob. He seems to have fallen out of grace. I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t try to scam them, or maybe he’s just too much into drugs. He’s a dealer and a user.

  “The cops want to nail the guy for selling around the area schools, but every time they think they’ve got him, a witness decides they didn’t see anything after all. He’s had a small string of women working for him, but their number is decreasing. I’d say the guy’s sources of income are drying up and that makes him even more dangerous. And makes Daisy more of a target.”

  “And you,” Tom pointed out, putting down his sandpaper, moving to straddle a sawhorse.

  “Yeah, probably. I’m going to talk with the people who installed our security system in the morning. Want to make sure we’re as well equipped as reasonable. Maybe I’ll check into a private night watchman, too. It certainly wouldn’t surprise me if our macho man might try to attack me through the business.” Nick squared his shoulders and crossed his arms. “If he tries anything here, his ass will be flayed.”

  “That’s more like it.” Tom grinned. “Maybe we should stand guard, for old time sakes. It’d sure surprise the bastard to be looking down the barrels of two Uzis if he shows up with a torch in his hand.”

  Nick shook his head. “I’m not ready to go there yet. Maybe he won’t even try anything.” Nick rubbed the bridge of his nose and straightened his glasses. He took two steps back toward his office, hesitated and turned back to his friend. “You know she’s going to leave me.”

  “Ah, damn.” Tom brushed fine sawdust from his jeans. “I’m sorry, man. When?”

  Shrugging his shoulders, Nick said, “Don’t know. She hasn’t said anything yet. I just know. Soon, I expect. Something is wrong between us and I can’t figure out what it is. If I could, I’d fix it.”

  “Maybe it’s something you can’t fix,” Tom offered.

  “Maybe.”

  “Is it the age thing?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “She won’t tell you?”

  “I’m afraid to ask.”

  “Oh. You can’t make her stay.” Tom stood and walked around the canoe, squinting, looking for any sign of imperfection.

  “I know that. Can’t make the woman do a damn thing.”

  “So is she unhappy with the horse partnership?”

  “No, not that. Oh, she thinks I give her too much of the horses for her contribution, but I don’t think so. Besides, I’ve agreed to reduce the percentages in the future.” Nick ran his hands along the smooth contours of the canoe. “No, I think she’s upset that I’m now involved with her family. And she’s still put off by my wealth. I don’t know what else is bothering her, but something sure is.”

  “That might be enough,” Tom said, dryly.

  “There’s more. And she’s stubborn as hell. Won’t listen to reason.”

  “You mean she won’t cowtow to Underwood logic, don’t you?” Tom grinned broadly. “She’s got spunk, Nick, and she values her independence. She probably needs some space and time to figure out what’s going on around her and what she wants to do.”

  Nick looked at his palms and flexed his fingers. “So what am I supposed to do?”

  “Depends on what you want.” Tom ducked his head and examined a tiny knot in a wood strip. “If you’re done with her and ready for another woman, you help her pack her bags and wave goodbye.”

  Nick’s stomach knotted and his fingers balled into fists. “That’s not what I want. And you know it.”

  “Good. Then you might want to figure out how you can help her do what she needs to do. If she needs time, give her time. If she needs space, give her space.”

  “But how can I protect her if she leaves?”

  “How can you protect her if she stays? If she’s in danger, and from what I know I assume she is, you can’t provide twenty-four hour lock-down security. Sounds to me like at some point this brother-in-law will have to be dealt with. He’s more likely to be flushed out of his hole if Daisy’s at her apartment than at your place.”

  “I don’t want to use her as bait.”

  Tom looked directly at Nick. “She is, whether you like it or not. The question is who’s prepared to move in if the bastard steps over the line?”

  “Ah. Surveillance.” Nick closed his eyes and pinched his nose. “God, she’d call it an invasion of privacy. Or Nick taking con
trol again.”

  “Maybe. But she doesn’t have to know, does she? The point is to nail Lassiter. If you find out along the way she’s bedding three young studs, you’ll have to deal with that. But once Lassiter is off the streets, the two of you will be in a much better position to sort out what you may have between you. Until then, Lassiter is the wild card. And a wild card can trump the best of hands.”

  Nick shoved his fists in his trouser pockets, nodded at his friend and without replying made his way back to his office.

  Sitting at his desk, he pondered his choices. She was going to leave. No way could he make her stay; he wouldn’t want her unless she could match his love. Otherwise, what was the use?

  He’d do what he could to provide for her safety, whether she liked it or not. Clint Travers was high on his list for a phone call. But that could wait another day. He had to make sure they didn’t let up on the horses during this period of redefining their relationship. While he wouldn’t try to buy her with horses, he wasn’t above using their mutual interest in them to remain in contact. What else? He’d think of something.

  Nick rose, picked up his jacket, and with his jaw firmly set, headed out of the canoe factory to his Jeep. He tried not to worry too much about what was waiting for him at home.

  Nick gazed at Daisy sitting across from him in a captain’s chair at the kitchen counter. It was Mrs. Brown’s night off, so the two of them had shared a meal of cold cuts, fruits, veggies and wine. Daisy looked as bad as he felt. Her eyes were red and her cheeks swollen. They’d both been uncharacteristically silent while eating. Now with the dishes cleared and coffee before them, he waited for Daisy to speak.

  “We have to name Hip sixty-four,” she said. “I hate calling him a number.”

  Nick cocked his head. That wasn’t what he expected to hear. He nodded. “Do you have any ideas?”

  “I do. How about Paddle Dreams?”

  “That’s great.” Nick found it hard to breathe. Did this mean that he’d been misreading her moods these last two weeks? Maybe she was just upset with Maxine and Reggie. He watched her gather herself by taking a deep breath before eyeing him with that look of determined vulnerability he’d grown to love and dread. No, he hadn’t misread her.

  “I’ve got to move back to my apartment,” she whispered. He wished he could erase her pain and his own.

  “It’s not that I don’t like it here and appreciate what you’ve done for me, but I have to be on my own. At least for a while.”

  “So are you saying we’re finished?”

  Her eyes clouded over. “No, not unless you want us to be finished.”

  “You know I don’t,” he admitted. “Far from it. I want you to...”

  “Please don’t say it,” she interrupted. She gagged. “It would only make this harder.”

  “Okay. So how do you want to play it? We’re not finished, but you’re moving out. It’s your game. So what are the rules?”

  Daisy brushed a lock from her forehead. He noticed that her hand lingered a moment longer at the corner of an eye.

  “I don’t know. I’d still like to do things together. The horses and the track. But not sex.”

  “No, not sex.” He sounded mocking. And maybe he intended to be just that.

  “I don’t want you out of my life, but I don’t know what to do with you. You want more than I can give. Or at least am ready to give.” Her eyes implored a response.

  Nick sighed and shook his head. “I don’t want you out of my life either. I love you. I want you even more in my life.” He watched her scowl. “But I won’t go there, not now.” She relaxed a little. He gave her a tight smile. “Maybe we should go back to square one.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Nick leaned back in his chair. “We kind of got started without much romance. Oh, there was some banter. But I never had the chance to really romance you.”

  - o -

  Daisy reached for her coffee cup. She swallowed slowly and reddened, remembering rapping on the door of his suite in Shakopee. “That wasn’t your fault.”

  “It wasn’t anyone’s fault. And I’m eternally pleased that you took the first step. I doubt that I would’ve. Not that I hadn’t fantasized about you a lot. I just figured the age difference made you off limits.”

  “Hah. So much for your figuring.” Daisy clamped her mouth shut. It was so easy to fall into a pleasurable bantering with Nick. If she wasn’t careful, she’d succumb to the comfort of their relationship and never leave. But wasn’t love about more than comfort?

  “I know you’re determined to leave,” Nick said. “I won’t try to make you stay. Might as well try to make water run up a ten percent grade. I want to make a deal with you, though.”

  Daisy lowered her head. Be careful, here he goes again. This is where things will get sticky. He’s not going to just let me fly away on my own. She shivered. She wasn’t sure she wanted to fly away entirely on her own. “What do you have in mind?” she whispered.

  Placing his hands around his coffee mug, Nick said, “First, as to your security.”

  Daisy flinched, but remained silent. It didn’t surprise her that this would be his first point.

  “I know we can’t provide for your complete security.” His voice shook. “But as long as Reggie is out there you are at risk.”

  “No more than usual.” Why couldn’t she sound convincing?

  “The ante has been upped, Daisy, and you know it. I want to put a security system in your apartment.”

  “What good will that do?”

  “It may help you sleep better. I know you won’t be able to avoid the creep entirely, but at least he won’t have the element of surprise on his side. Do you agree?”

  “It’s your money.”

  Nick withdrew as if she’d slapped him.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be snide. And I do appreciate your concern for my safety. But you also have to realize that I was raised on the streets, Nick. I have a graduate degree in street smarts.”

  “Good. Second, I want to continue growing our horse partnership. I’m not interested in switching trainers. Are you still interested in managing our horses?”

  “Of course.”

  “Good. Third, I want to see you on a regular basis. Some at the track, but I also want to escort you to plays, to the art museum, to the Bulls, to places you want to go.”

  “The romance you talked about?” Daisy eyes rounded.

  “Yes. Do you agree?”

  She should scream no, but the word would not form on her lips. It would have been the easy way out. Instead she answered, “Yes, if I can say no.”

  “Allowed.”

  “Good.”

  Nick smiled broadly.

  She loved to watch him when he thought he was on a roll.

  “No sex.” He scrunched his mouth. “I understand, but that’s going to be hard.”

  “Hard on both of us,” Daisy admitted. She’d miss his arms clutching her to him or his hand lazily patting her buttocks in the middle of the night. Familiarity. She’d grown accustomed to that. Too accustomed.

  “Good. But part of romance may include touching and even kissing.”

  It was her turn to smile. “Yes, if I agree.”

  “So what do you think? Do you have anything else to offer at the moment?”

  She met his gaze steadily. “I do have an additional thought. We once agreed that while seeing each other, we would remain committed, that is we wouldn’t see other guys or women. Do you still want that?”

  “I know what committed means.” His brow furrowed. “Do you still want that?”

  “Yes,” she squeaked.

  “Good,” he gasped. “I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m sure you don’t know how much time you’ll need.”

  Eternity, maybe. Daisy shook her head. “No.”

  “I don’t want to put any more pressure on you, but you do need to know I won’t wait forever either. How long? I don’t know.”

  “T
hat’s fair,” Daisy heard her voice say. Why couldn’t she stop her hands from trembling? “I better go pack my things.”

  “You’ll stay the night.” He chuckled. “I won’t break the rules. I promise. There are at least a half a dozen beds that you can choose from. First thing in the morning, I’ll have a security team over at your apartment installing a monitoring system.”

  Daisy flashed her eyebrows and nodded. “Thanks for understanding. I need some breathing room.”

  Nick stood and placed their coffee cups in the sink. “Don’t give me too much credit.” His voice cracked. “I didn’t say I understood. I’m just not ready to give up on us yet.”

  Wanting to avoid displaying more tears, Daisy ran toward the stairs.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Daisy studied her reflection in the mirrors on her bedroom wall. It had been a nerve-wracking day. She looked as frazzled as she felt. She hugged herself. It was good to be back in her own space.

  She slipped into a nightshirt and knelt on the futon. Clutching Bear to her chest, Daisy cried a new round of tears. Would she ever stop crying? She’d always prided herself on not being like those other women who cried when any little thing went wrong. “Oh Bear,” she whispered. “It’s not just a little thing. My entire life is falling apart.”

  She’d left Nick’s house before dawn. There was no need for further goodbyes, with him or with Mrs. B. The security people had already installed a motion and sound system. Little red lights blinked at her wherever she went. She’d be in more trouble if she forgot it was on. Grudgingly, she admitted she did feel safer in her protected cocoon, but she couldn’t stay inside her apartment forever. And at some point, sooner than later, Reggie would learn that she was back.

  Daisy turned off the light and crawled under the covers. With Bear tucked in the crook of her arm, she closed her eyes, but sleep refused to come. “Oh, Bear,” she moaned, “I love you so much. So why do I feel so bereft, so alone?”

  “Ah Baby, thanks for bringing by the groceries,” Maxine said. “I’m getting better day by day, but it really helps.”