by Dianne Drake
Except... She placed her hand on her belly and felt a kick. The very first one. It caught her off guard because it hadn’t happened before. But it was a good, sharp kick, and she gasped.
Immediately, Matt was at her side. “What?” he choked out, dropping to his knees, automatically taking hold of her wrist to take her pulse.
But she guided his hand to the spot where she’d felt the kick and smiled. “First kick,” she whispered, amazed that she was suddenly on the verge of tears over something so ordinary. She was, though. Her lips were trembling when the second kick came, with Matt’s hand pressed to her belly, then her tears started. Damned hormones.
“Strong one,” he said, a look of amazement coming over his face. “And this was the first time?”
She nodded, sniffing back the tears. “She’s been very quiet up until now.”
“She?” he asked, refusing to move his hand from her belly. “You already know?”
“Not really. I’ve just assumed...”
Finally, he pulled away and stood. “With a kick like that, it’s definitely a boy. Strong one. He’s going to come out ready to play football.” He backed away, saw that the scramble he’d been fixing had burned, and dumped it in the garbage.
“Women can be as strong as men,” Ellie said, not quite ready to go take her shower now. Somehow, being connected here as a family of three seemed comforting. Cozy. It wouldn’t last long, though. Everybody was caught up in a moment—and the moment would be over in a blink, and life would be back to where it had been. It was a complicated place to be in. But for now the fantasy of something she’d never had was settling over her, making her feel mellow. Would she ever have that? Or would her life be as it was now—all work, all the time?
“Sure they can. I’ve worked with some amazing women who were as strong as any man. But it still felt like the kick of a little boy to me.”
Ellie laughed. “Wishful thinking, Doctor?”
“Not particularly,” Matt said. Then suddenly that moment was over. His face darkened to almost a scowl and the look in his eyes went distant. “Look, I’d like to be out of here in thirty, if you’re still interested in coming. My goal is to be back here by noon, grab Lucas, and see a couple of the locals this afternoon. After that, I do have one call later today, not out on a ranch. Shut-in who needs her medicine. You’re welcome to come along on that, too, if you wish, since I promised Lucas we’d go to the Roadside for pizza afterwards.” With that, he tossed the used dishtowel on the counter and headed toward the hall.
“Bring yourself some water. It can get hot out there. Oh, and two conditions. Let me examine you before we go. You showed up here exhausted and dehydrated and passed out yesterday, so I want to see if anything’s off this morning. If it is, I’m going to suggest you go back to bed. Second, if you go, you sit. Nothing else. OK?”
“Are you saying pregnant woman aren’t capable—?”
“No,” he interrupted. “I know exactly what pregnant women are capable of doing. But since you haven’t allowed me a good look at you, and I have an idea you’re not going to, I just want to be careful. And it wasn’t that long ago you passed out so, since that pregnancy is also mine, I don’t want to take any chances. All I want to do, Ellie, is take care of you and the baby while you’re here.”
She did understand his concern because she was concerned as well. But being fussed over so much—she wasn’t used to it. Her life was about taking charge, doing everything on her own. Then suddenly to turn part of herself over to someone else, even if only for a little while, was difficult. Went against her natural grain. But her life, right now, wasn’t only about her, was it? It was also about the baby, which made it about Matt as well.
“I appreciate your concern,” she said. “And I apologize if I seem...put off. I’m not. In fact, I’m grateful for what you’re doing. I know my being here isn’t easy for you, especially with the news I brought. So whatever you think you need to do...”
“How about we take this minute by minute?” he said. “I’ve got more going on than I ever thought I’d have, and for me it’s mostly about improvising in the moment.” Matt chuckled, finally lightening up. “Being in surgery wasn’t as complicated as what I’m going through here. At least there I knew what to do. Here I haven’t a clue, and it’s a challenge I don’t have a solution for yet.”
“Well, get your stethoscope ready. I’ll be back down here for my exam in fifteen minutes.”
Ellie glanced back at Matt before she walked down the hall to the casita. He was heading toward the stairs, walking very rigidly. She’d never seen anyone so rigid before. But like he’d just told her, this situation was a challenge. She hadn’t meant that to happen but, realistically, she should have expected it. Maybe she had, subconsciously. Because he was acting the way she would have, given the same circumstances—reluctantly. In her business world she didn’t like reluctance, didn’t deal with it too well.
But this wasn’t her business world now, and she was beginning to see a side of life she’d never seen before. Matt was sacrificing a lot, staying here for Lucas. And here she was, asking him for an even greater sacrifice, then not being as cooperative as she should when he wasn’t giving her what she wanted. She had to do better, and not just for the baby’s sake. For Matt’s as well. She genuinely cared for him. He was an honorable man, stuck in a very tough place. She’d seen that honor in Reno. But now, seeing him in this situation, she admired him. He was holding it together better than she would have.
Had she known him better when she’d made her decision to come here, she might not have come. But she was here and now, for the first time since she’d learned she was pregnant, this pregnancy wasn’t just about her. She had to keep that in mind.
* * *
Matt looked in the dresser mirror and imagined a hundred tiny wrinkles had popped up around his eyes since yesterday. He wanted to kick something, or punch it so hard it smashed the bloody hell out of his knuckles—anything to make him feel something other than numb. But that’s all he felt right now. Numb. Trying to be civil. Trying to hold it together—but not even sure what he was trying to hold together.
Six weeks ago, a soldier had been brought in on a stretcher, massive trauma below the waist. One leg gone above the knee, one leg hanging by a thread. No blood pressure to speak of. Massive bleed-out without the necessary replacement in store. Everything had been wrong with him. He shouldn’t have lived. But he had.
They’d put in their time, not with much optimism, done everything humanly possible to save him, and while they’d sent him out with extensive damage, they’d sent him out. Miracle. He recalled celebrating that one with his colleagues. The ones who had been off duty had partied hard all night while he’d simply sat back, grateful another mother would have her son coming home. It was a feeling that always overwhelmed him.
Another soldier came through the door a few days later—had a little headache. They’d put him at the end of the list because he’d walked in on his own, was alert, joking, said all he needed were a couple of aspirin and he’d be good to get back out. Except ten minutes later he was lying dead in the entry hall. Healthy, to all outer appearances, and nothing wrong. But a bullet had ricocheted off his helmet, hadn’t so much as touched his skin. Yet the impact had caused a brain bleed. No miracle there. And it hadn’t made sense. Sometimes nothing did. And that had been the one he’d gotten drunk over. Had kicked a hole through the wall. Gone outside and screamed into the night for the uselessness of it all.
He felt like screaming now, being back in Forgeburn. Taking over a medical practice, even if only temporarily. Raising a child, again temporarily. Then finding out about his own child.
Matt wouldn’t scream, of course. Or get himself drunk the way he had over the soldier with the headache. So that left feeling numb, and maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing after all. He could just go through the motions, step by step, until som
ething happened. Or until he knew what to do. But, damn—he wanted to kick something anyway. Which he did. The trash can sitting next to the dresser. Funny thing was, it had no effect on him. Nothing satisfying, nothing stress-busting. In fact, he felt foolish, which was just one step above feeling numb.
Now all he had to do was go for stupid, and he’d have the perfect triple. Why? Because she’d been here no longer than the blink of an eye and he was already having...feelings. Sure, in Reno he’d had feelings. But he chalked them up to what had been happening in the moment. They’d been good. No denying that. And he’d enjoyed her company. Sitting around talking and relaxing—it was something he never did. But with Ellie it had felt right.
Now, though... Matt took one last look in the mirror, not even sure he recognized the man looking back. “How could you even think about her that way?” he asked himself as he threw on a respectable, doctor-like shirt. “She was just someone to suit your mood. Someone convenient.” Except, even as he said the words to his reflection, they stuck on his tongue, bitter and disgusting. Ellie wasn’t like that. He’d known that from the start. So why was he trying so hard to convince himself otherwise now? “Because she scares you, McClain. Because she’s not like the others.”
That was true. She wasn’t. But why did that make a difference? “Because you’re stupid. Bingo! Triple.”
The only problem was, caring for Ellie in any capacity didn’t really make him feel stupid. It made him feel...alive. She was nice to look at. No denying the attraction. It had hit him hard and fast the first time he’d set eyes on her in Reno. And it hadn’t been just her beauty that had attracted him. It had been her confidence. And the way she’d dealt with the people who’d stopped by her display. Everyone had been important to her. Everyone had received her beautiful smile. Even the ones he’d seen pestering her for something other than information about her services.
His keen attraction aside—and it was difficult putting it there—now that he was getting to know Ellie even better than he had after their two nights, he liked what he was discovering. Sure, she was stubborn. And used to having things her way. But that’s what had made her successful. She was smart, too. The best part was, even though she might be resistant to his suggestions at first, she listened to reason. She wanted what was right for their baby and for that he loved her.
In the romantic, happily-ever-after sense? Admittedly, that had popped into his mind a time or two, even as far back as Reno. But common sense always took over. It couldn’t work. As harsh as that seemed, it was true. Neither of them wanted that kind of relationship. No romance, they’d both said. Of course, they’d both said one night only, and look what had happened to that. Still, those two nights in Reno may have been the best nights of his life, but that’s all they had been. Two nights in his life. Two nights like he’d never known before. Probably would never know again.
“OK, ready for your physical?” he asked Ellie, on his way down the stairs. She was dressed in a pair of loose-fitting khakis and a white cotton blouse meant to hide the baby bump. But now that he knew it was there, it was obvious to him.
“If you insist,” she said, sounding surprisingly calm. “But I’m not undressing.”
He chuckled. “Maybe that’s something we should have considered a few weeks ago.”
“As I recall, you weren’t complaining,” she said, holding out her arm as he wrapped an old-fashioned manual blood-pressure cuff around it.
“Soldier on leave first time in over a year. Surrounded by pretty women at a convention. What can I say?” He pumped up the cuff, listened, then deflated it. “What’s your norm?” he asked.
“About one-ten over mid-seventies. Why?”
“Because, like yesterday, you’re a little high. Still in the normal range, but high for your normal.”
“Which really doesn’t mean anything,” Ellie defended.
“Says who?” he asked.
“I was an obstetrics nurse. I know these things.”
Matt bent down and assessed her ankles and lower legs. “And I’m impressed by that how?”
“Do you work with obstetrics on the battlefield?”
“Sometimes.”
“But it’s not your specialty?”
“Never claimed it was. Where I work...let’s just say I’m a jack-of-all-trades. I take whatever’s thrown at me.” From the very best of it to the very worst.
“Well, obstetrics was my specialty, and...”
He stood back up and took a penlight to examine her eyes. “And you’re an illustrator now. Correct?”
“And videographer,” she said, tilting her head back for his exam.
“Which doesn’t exactly put you in the mainstream of current medicine,” he said, clicking off his light then next examining her hands.
“Actually, it keeps me right in there since I’m the one who’s doing the media that med students, residents and even fellows are studying. You, too, if you stay current with the journals. So I would say that makes me more current than most doctors.”
He prodded her fingers for a moment then looked directly at her. “Guess that’s a field I don’t know much about. You’ll have to tell me more when we have time. Now, give me your physician’s contact number. I want to talk to him before I turn you loose to do something crazy.”
Ellie looked instantly alarmed and her face drained of nearly all color. “What’s wrong?” she sputtered.
“Nothing that I can see,” Matt said, instantly regretting his lack of bedside manner. “Look, I’m sorry for being so—abrupt. I’ve never had a bedside manner, never had to. My patients come and go faster than you can imagine, and I rarely get to speak to them. My work is concentrated solely on getting the problem in front of me fixed. So I know sometimes I come on too strong and—”
“Strong? You come on too strong?” She held out her wrist. “Take my pulse and feel what your coming on too strong has done to me. That kind of bedside manner out here isn’t going to work, Matt. I don’t know battlefield medicine. Can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like out there for you, and I’m not going to judge you for your abruptness. But you’re not out there right now. And I don’t mean to be critical, but you really do need to concentrate on being...personable.”
He chuckled. “Personable?”
“Friendly. Smile. You know, the way you were in Reno.”
“Ah, yes. Me in seduction mode.”
“Which worked,” she said.
“Apparently. Anyway, do you always try to fix things like the way you’re trying to fix my bedside manner?” he asked.
“Yes. It’s what I do. Most people would call it second nature or something like that, but for me it’s my first nature. I have a lot of people working for me around the world and I have to make sure everything stays fixed all the time.” She smiled sheepishly. “I guess I was the one coming on too strong, wasn’t I?”
“Look. We’re in an awkward spot here. You know it, and I know it. We’re both nervous. I’m not sure either one of knows what to do, or even how to go about starting to figure it out. It’s going to take some time to get it all sorted, so how about we just make the best of it for now? Maybe be friends?”
“Sure, friends,” she said.
Seeing the sudden look of sadness come over her, Matt walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. “We’ll get you through this, Ellie. Not sure how but, I promise, you’re not alone.”
“I’m always alone, Matt. And I didn’t come here because I wanted someone to take care of me.” She sniffled. “I really wanted to do the right thing.”
“I appreciate it. Not sure what to do with it but, for what it’s worth, I really do appreciate it.”
Ellie sniffled once more, then pulled away from him. “You’ve got appointments, and I’d like to go, so if you need to call my doctor in Reno...” She brought up Doc Shaffer’s number on her phone
and handed it to him. He took it then wandered down the hall for some privacy. Three minutes later he returned. “Gestational diabetes?” he asked.
“Not diagnosed, no symptoms. My mother had it, and she’s a Type-One diabetic, so naturally he’s worried about me. Which is why I’m spot on nutritionally with everything I need to be. It’s not a condition, Matt, until it is. So far, I’m good.” She brushed the last of her tears off her cheeks.
“But you didn’t tell me.”
“Tell you what? A list of everything I don’t have?”
“He said you were as stubborn as they came.”
“But did he say I’m healthy enough to go out on this ride with you?”
“He said, and I quote, ‘She’ll do what she wants to do. I told her to go home and rest for a day but, apparently, she took a ten-hour drive and passed out in your exam because she wouldn’t even stop long enough to buy a drink. That’s who she is.’ Which tells me that you’re a royal pain.” He said it with a smile on his face because under different circumstances he was sure he’d like the challenge of her. Right now, though, it worried him.
“I’m determined, Matt. There’s a difference. What I do has a purpose. Being a royal pain is simply for fun and pleasure.”
He chuckled. “So, this is how it’s going to be?”
She smiled back at him. “How about I work on my bedside manner, too. Although you didn’t complain about it in Reno, did you?”
His response was to groan. “Like I said, you’re along for the ride only. Nothing else.” Words easier said than done. He knew that. Knew that, with Ellie, he had a whole new level of headache to add to the ones already stacking up on him.
The first few miles took them down the highway. Smooth road. Beautiful scenery, with all the cacti in bloom. Ellie had read that this was such a good bloom year that all the vibrant colors were visible by satellite. She didn’t doubt it. While Reno was on the edge of the desert, this was different. More remote. More raw. Wild. Stunning in a way she’d never expected, given that she’d never been here before. “It’s amazing,” she said, finally settling in, still feeling the tingle of Matt’s touch as he’d examined her. She rubbed her arms briskly as the goose-bumps reappeared simply from the memory. “Prettier than any garden I’ve ever seen.”
