by Dianne Drake
When he’d been young, Matt had wanted a family. Sometimes he’d walk up and down the streets, stop at a particularly cozy-looking house and just stand outside, wandering what it would feel like, going inside and simply being part of that family there. But in the end, he’d always returned to wherever they were staying at the moment, always knowing what to expect. Nothing. That’s all there ever had been. It was hard growing up that way, or even the way Ellie had because nothing was nothing, no matter how rich or poor it was.
But that wasn’t going to be Lucas. No matter what he had to do, Lucas was going to be the lucky one. Still, the three of them—actually, the four of them as a family—made him long for something he’d wanted all his life but hadn’t had.
“Well, guess we’d better get you back to the house and get Lucas to his pony,” he said, pulling back onto the road.
“If I can find a place to sit and watch, I think I’d like to go with you two,” she said.
Eyes forward and hands on the steering wheel, Matt smiled. Another moment of delusion? Yes, he could handle it. Because spending time with Ellie was becoming a habit—a very nice habit. One he could get used to.
* * *
It was lovely sitting in a chair, under a tree, watching Bert Connors lead the pony around the corral while Matt held on to Lucas for dear life, even though the boy was so secured onto the pony’s saddle a tornado couldn’t have blown him off it.
Matt was in agony, though. It showed in his every movement. But he wasn’t going to let that hamper Lucas’s fun, and that was another thing she loved about him: the way he put Lucas—and even her—first. She desperately wanted Matt to raise their baby and now she couldn’t even imagine anybody else doing it. Didn’t want anybody else doing it. But she didn’t have the heart to disturb his life any more than she already had, so that was a wish she’d have to put away.
But another plan was forming. One that was trying to poke through as hard as she was trying to push it back. Trying to ignore it. Trying to see herself in the future, doing exactly what she’d done before Reno. Except that image was beginning to blur.
“Care for a lemonade?” Francine Connors, Bert’s wife, asked, holding out a glass for Ellie. “Just made it.”
“I would love some,” she said, bending forward slightly to take at. As she bent, though, she was hit with such a stabbing back pain that she gasped.
“You OK?” Francine asked.
Ellie leaned back in the chair, hoping the pain would go away, but it didn’t. In fact, it got so bad that she doubled over and fell out of the chair to the ground. “Get Matt,” she panted, scared to move, scared to breathe. This couldn’t be happening. She had known it was a possibility but had never really considered that it would happen to her. Losing the baby... Tears slid down her face into the dirt, leaving small mud splotches.
“Ellie,” Matt cried, dropping to his knees beside her. He took her pulse, turned her head to look at her face.
“Don’t let it happen,” she begged him, choking on her sobs. “Please, don’t let this happen.”
“We can take her inside, Doc,” Francine offered. “To one of the beds.”
“I don’t want to move her just yet. Could you run to my truck and get my medical bag? It’s in the back, in the crew cab.” He glanced over at Bert, who’d taken full charge of Lucas, then pulled Ellie into his arms. “We’ve got to get you into a hospital,” he said, taking the medical bag from Francine and immediately pulling out his stethoscope. He listened to her heart, then tried to listen for the baby’s heartbeat, but since he didn’t have the right equipment for that, all he could hear were normal stomach sounds.
“Francine, do you know Cruz Montoya?”
“Sure. Everybody knows him.”
“Would you call him and tell him I have an emergency, that I need to get a patient to a hospital as quickly as possible. Ask him if he can fly us.” He glanced down at Ellie’s face again. Her eyes were shut but she was still crying softly. “Tell him stat. He’ll understand.” He handed Francine his phone.
While Francine made the call, Matt took Ellie’s blood pressure. “How high is it?” she asked.
“Not that bad. Just the high end of normal, and that could be from stress as much as anything else. How bad are the pains?”
“Stabbing at first.”
“And now?”
“Not as bad.”
“Were they different from the pain you’ve had before?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she said, glad he was there, glad for his touch, even though he was only examining her. “Why?”
“There can be a lot of different kinds of pain associated with a pregnancy. I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on with you.”
“You mean, it might not be...”
“I don’t know, Ellie,” he said, bending to kiss her on the forehead then pulling her even closer to him. “I just don’t know.”
“Cruz is on his way,” Francine said. “He’s going to land in the back pasture so she’ll have to be carried out there. But he says he has a stretcher, so not to worry.”
Matt nodded. “It might be a little rough,” he told Ellie, “but I’ll be with you and I’ll take care of you.” He looked up at Francine. “Lucas...”
“Don’t worry about him. I’ve got six grandkids. I’m used to having little ones around.”
“I appreciate that,” Matt said. “I lived here when I was a kid, and I don’t remember the people being so...decent.”
“I remember you when you were a kid,” Francine said. “Didn’t know you, but everybody in these parts knew how bad you had it. Felt sorry for you. I’m glad you made something of yourself.”
He nodded, as the sound of a helicopter drew his attention. “Ellie, I don’t want you moving, if you don’t have to. Cruz and I will do all the work and the only thing you have to do is relax.”
“Relax?” she asked, trying to smile. “Doctors and their unrealistic expectations.” Then she shut her eyes. The pain was subsiding, but her anxiety was not. She was more scared now than she’d ever been in her life. But Matt was there, and she trusted him to get her through this. She counted on him. Needed him like she’d never needed anybody, ever.
Cruz Montoya came running with an old army stretcher in his grip. Tall, handsome, dark, with black hair, he immediately dropped to his knees next to Matt and took Ellie’s pulse like it was instinctual. It was. He’d been an army medic, a fact Matt was grateful for.
“She’s got a hormonal imbalance that puts her at risk for miscarriage,” he explained to Cruz. “That’s why I’d asked for the lift to the hospital tomorrow. But back pains are one of the symptoms that indicates something could be going wrong, and she’s going through that right now. I don’t want her trying to move herself.”
“Easy enough,” Cruz said, laying the old canvas stretcher out. “You tell me how you want us to move her and we’ll get it done.” He looked down at Ellie and smiled. “I’m Cruz, by the way. Tour guide to paradise and occasional air ambulance.”
Matt liked him. He seemed confident, and competent. He’d only met him once before, when he’d handed over Ellie’s sample, but that had been enough to know that Cruz was probably good at everything he did. At least, Matt hoped he was, because today he was going to be the one to get Ellie to the hospital.
“Let’s roll her to her side, get part of the stretcher under her, then we’ll lift her across it.”
“Sure thing,” he said, saluting Matt. “Did it just like that more times than I’d care to remember.”
“You served in combat?” Ellie asked, as Matt gently rolled her to her side.
“Yep. Dispatched to Afghanistan the first time, then had a short stint close to Baghdad.”
“Surprised we didn’t run into each other,” Matt said, as he settled Ellie down into transport position. “I was in Ramadi for
a while, and had my turn in Afghanistan as well.”
“I was evacuating injured de-miners—taking them to Bagram to get shipped out to a proper hospital.”
Matt felt a connection to Cruz. They’d shared the same war, seen the same casualties. And both had ended up in Forgeburn. “Well, I think the evacuation we need to get on with now is Ellie.”
“Which means you take her feet, I’ll take her head.” He smiled at Matt. “A superstition handed down to me from my dad. He did air rescue in Desert Storm. Said every time he was the one who took the head, everything turned out fine. No reason for me to break tradition.”
“Hope you’re right,” Matt said, as they headed toward the helicopter. He hoped to God Cruz was right.
As they passed the corral, Matt waved to Lucas, who was now at the fence, watching what was going on. Bert was standing right behind him. “I’ll be back in a little while,” he said to the boy.
And Lucas waved back at Matt. “Bye, Daddy,” he said.
“Matt,” Ellie whispered.
“I know,” he said, choking back tears. Damn it all. His baby was in jeopardy, so was Ellie. And Lucas was calling him Daddy. What was he going to do? What the hell was he going to do?
* * *
Dr. Anita Gupta smiled as she entered the exam room. “The good news is you don’t have to stay. Nothing indicates you’re having a miscarriage, and I’m actually leaning toward the diagnosis of severe muscle spasms. At least, for now. The bad news is, like Susie Caldwell said, you’re going to have to see a maternal-fetal medicine specialist such as myself, or someone else of your choosing, every three weeks for the rest of your pregnancy, or even more if you start showing other signs of risk. Also, you must rest. I know you’ve heard that before, but the less you do, the better off both you and your baby will be.”
“But everything’s normal with the baby?” Matt asked. He was standing behind Ellie, who was still sitting on the exam table in her hospital gown, his hand on her shoulder for support. Both his own as well as hers. This wasn’t the side of medicine he liked being on.
“While we didn’t run a lot of specific tests, because they weren’t indicated, what we saw leads us to believe everything is good. And I do know the gender of your baby, if you’re interested.”
Ellie twisted to look at Matt. “What do you think?”
“Sure,” he said, trying to sound detached when he was anything but. Even though he’d been too nervous to check the gender when he’d looked at Ellie’s ultrasound, now knowing that he could find out made the baby more of a reality than he’d expected. This was his baby and the idea that it would become somebody else’s baby was hitting him hard.
Dr. Gupta looked to Ellie for her approval, and when she nodded, Gupta smiled even more broadly. “It’s a boy.”
Matt’s eyes widened. “I have a son?” he asked.
“You do, Dr. McClain. Normal size, nothing to indicate problems with fetal development from what we could see. And I did have the radiologist look at it as well.”
It stunned Matt, thinking in terms of his baby now having an identity. But he noticed Ellie wasn’t reacting. There was no expression on her face. In fact, the look there was as cold as he’d ever seen on her. She was shutting this out. All of it. Trying not to make it personal. “Ten fingers, ten toes?” he asked, realizing he needed to be sensitive to Ellie’s feelings but at the same time eager for the details for himself.
“Something like that,” Dr. Gupta said. Then she addressed her next comments to Ellie. “With your back going bad, plus the stress of the trip getting you here, and I’m sure the worry over miscarrying, I want you to stick to light activity once you get back to Dr. McClain’s house.
“You can drive short distances, take easy walks, go about normal chores if they don’t make you too tired or cause your back to ache. There’s always a fine line between allowing someone with a high-risk pregnancy to continue with daily life on a restricted basis, and sending them to bed for the duration. You’re not near that line yet, and I want to keep it that way. So, please, use common sense. Like no lifting anything over five pounds, avoid using stairs as much as you can, no running.
“Oh, and no trips longer than what it takes to get you here to the hospital—by helicopter. Not driving. I don’t want you on the road that long.”
“What about working?” she asked.
“I hear you’re a workaholic. That’s got to stop. I’m going to limit you to four hours a day if you do it from home. Or Dr. McClain’s home, if that’s where you decide to stay. If you do go back to Reno, I’ll set you up with a doctor there, but he’ll probably restrict you to the same and tell you not to work from your office. I want you to have a safe, easy pregnancy, Ellie, and I want to see that son of yours born a happy, thriving baby.”
Well, at least Gupta was giving Ellie some options, which was more than Matt had expected. Of course, those were daddy expectations. Not doctor expectations. Right now he wasn’t sure what Ellie was feeling, but she’d be grateful that she wasn’t being put on total bed rest once she got through the fright of fearing she was losing the baby. He was sure of that as she was the most determined, resilient person he’d ever met. “So we’re good to go back to Forgeburn?” he asked, already texting Cruz to return.
“I don’t see why not, unless Ellie doesn’t feel ready. We could let her stay overnight and get rested.”
“I’m fine,” she said. “And I’d rather do my resting in Matt’s casita.”
Dr. Gupta held her hand out to Ellie. “It’s been a pleasure meeting you, Ellie. I’ll be happy to see you as your regular specialist, if that’s what you choose. Or I’ll make a referral to a colleague in Reno. He’s very good. Either way, let me know.”
“I appreciate that,” Ellie said, the smile she returned to Dr. Gupta looking like it was forced.
“And you, Dr. McClain,” Dr. Gupta said, extending a hand to him. “I admire the kind of practice you’re attempting to run out there. It can’t be easy, and I certainly wouldn’t want to do what you’re doing. So good luck with that. And in the future, if you run into another high-risk pregnancy, I’d certainly be glad to take the case. Or if there’s any other kind of specialist you need, for anything, please call me. We’re set up here for almost anything, and I’ll be happy to connect you to the right person.”
“Thank you,” Matt said, deciding not to tell her his time in Forgeburn was limited. What difference would that make? Besides, saying that he was leaving was getting more and more complicated.
“I’ll send the nurse in to help you dress, Ellie, then you can check out. Call me any time if you have questions or concerns.”
Ellie nodded, but didn’t reply. Instead, she slipped off the exam table, stepped behind the screened dressing area without waiting for the nurse, and reappeared only moments later, dressed. As she passed by Matt on her way to the door, she didn’t look at him, didn’t say a word. It was like they were total strangers.
“I’m sure Lucas will be glad to see us,” he said, attempting to engage her in a conversation that wasn’t about her pregnancy.” But she didn’t engage. She merely nodded and kept on walking. He followed, not sure whether to bring up the rear or step to her side.
He opted to step to her side, and he also opted to take hold of her arm, totally expecting her to shrug him off. But she didn’t. She simply let him hold on through the check-out process, then to the cab outside that would take them to the airfield. “Are you OK?” he finally asked, once they were both inside, and the miles were ticking off on the meter.
“I don’t know what I am,” she replied. “Today’s been...rough, and I feel so isolated.”
“Because of Forgeburn?” he asked.
“No. Because of me. It’s like I’m walking through this in a daze. Nothing is the way it should be and there’s no simple solution to fixing it. Especially now that I know I’m carrying
a boy. Hearing Dr. Gupta say that makes everything too...real.” Ellie sighed, and leaned her head against Matt’s shoulder. “And I’m proving to myself that I’m not as strong as I’ve always thought I was. Maybe that’s the hardest part of all.”
Matt pulled her closer to him, enjoying the feel of her. “I’d gone out with the medics one day. The hospital wasn’t under fire, but where I was headed was straight into the middle of it. I have this buddy, Carter Holmes. Great surgeon. A man I always counted on to have my back. He wasn’t supposed to go out with me, but at the last minute he jumped on the truck, said he didn’t want me out there alone.
“We were on this bad road that had already had the hell bombed out of it and Carter got motion sick, told the driver to pull over, so he could get out and, well, you can imagine what he did. Anyway, he got off the truck and I decided to go with him just to make sure he was OK. While we were out there, the truck got hit and everybody inside was killed. There was nothing we could do for any of them, it happened so fast.”
He paused for a moment, took a deep breath, then continued. “Then we get shot at. I mean, we’re doctors, not soldiers, and here we were in the middle of gunfire. So we looked for a place to hunker down. Found it under some rocks. Crawled in and held on.
“We were there for nearly thirty-six hours. There was fighting and gunfire all around us for two days and here we were, stuck under some rocks, no medical supplies, totally useless because we couldn’t get out safely. It was a nightmare, knowing people out there might need us and we couldn’t help. Listening to all that gunfire...
“For me, other than knowing I should be out there helping, it wasn’t a big deal because I used to run away and hide from my dad all the time. Some of my hiding places were pretty bad. But Carter couldn’t handle it. Like me, he was worried about the soldiers out there who might need a medic. It bothered both of us, but he started developing tics. Couldn’t keep still. Wringing his hands. Nothing serious. Then he started mumbling and ranting, which eventually turned to screaming.
