by Dianne Drake
Matt wanted to argue, but Ellie was right. He was moved by how she observed him and how she wanted to take care of him. And saddened at the same time as he knew this connection was only temporary. They had separate ways to go, and soon.
* * *
Ellie really hadn’t intended to spend the night in his arms, but it had been nice. She’d woken a couple of times and heard him breathe. Steady, strong, like she remembered from Reno. She recalled that after their first night together she’d wondered what it would be like waking up with someone like Matt every morning. In her mind, they’d be lazy about it. Linger together in bed as long as they could. Then make love. Shower together. Hate parting to go to their separate jobs.
In reality, that wasn’t going to happen, of course. But Matt in his condition and she in hers—it was still nice. And now, as she went over his appointment list, making the various calls to cancel his appointments, she still couldn’t shake the mellow feeling that simply sleeping with him had caused. It almost nullified the anxiousness over the lab report.
“Everything under control?” Matt asked, as he entered his home office.
“Called everybody on your list. Talked directly to three of them, left messages for two. And that ranch appointment—I did cancel that and told him you’d get back to him when you were up to the ride. I also gave him the contact information for Whipple Creek in case he wanted to make that trip.”
“Which makes me a man of leisure today,” he said, dropping down into the chair across from his desk. The one Lucas usually sat in. “But I do have to go get Lucas.”
“Taken care of. I called Betty and she agreed to keep him this morning. I’ll pick him up after lunch.” She’d gotten herself busy to keep from confronting the obvious, but now was the time. She had to tell him. “Um, when I was at your clinic yesterday...” She handed him the sheet of paper with the lab results.
He studied it for a moment, then looked up at her. “Why didn’t you show me this last night?”
“I was trying to come to terms with it. And you were so tired I didn’t want you taking on any more than you already had to deal with. My level is over two, Matt.” She sniffled. “That puts me at—”
“I know what it puts you at,” he said, standing then walking around the desk and wrapping his arms around her shoulders. “It puts you at a higher than normal risk for miscarriage or premature birth because relaxin, in the later stages of pregnancy, prepares the body for childbirth. But if the body is tricked into believing the rising levels of the hormone means it’s time, it’s done its job and got the process started, whether the pregnancy has gone full term or not... That’s the clinical aspect of it. But the personal aspect is we’re going to deal with it, together.”
“How,” she asked him, glad for the way he held her, and stepped in to give her support like no one had ever given her before. Normally Ellie was alone in dealing with problems, but now, having someone there to help her through...
“First by getting in touch with a friend of mine who specializes in high-risk pregnancies. Unfortunately she’s in California, so I think the odds of you going to see her are zero because you’re not going to be able to travel that far until you’ve been checked. And I’m not qualified to do that. But Susie—Dr. Susan Caldwell—can get us started in the right direction.”
“And in the meantime?”
“You rest. Normally, I’d prescribe a healthy diet, but you already have that. You’ll probably need an ultrasound and several other tests. But no travel for now. And no work. Until we know more, I’d also like to keep you isolated as much as possible. You know, colds, flu, those sorts of things. And we’ll have to find you a doctor and a hospital that’s set up to do a special care delivery, if that’s what it comes to.”
Ellie leaned her head against his arm. “It sounds like you expect me to stay here for the duration of my pregnancy, but I can’t do that, Matt.”
“Why not?”
“Because it was never my intention to disrupt your life. I intended to come and go.”
“Making sure you and our baby are healthy isn’t a disruption, Ellie. And what happens if you go back to Reno? Is there someone there who could help you through this?
“No, but I could hire—”
“A nurse? Is that what you want? Someone paid to take care of you, or someone who truly cares taking care of you?
“But I don’t want to be your burden. Especially now that there could be complications,” she said, swiping at her tears with the back of her hand.
“You’re having my baby, Ellie. Taking care of you is no burden. It’s what I want to do—need to do.”
“What about going back to the army? You can’t stay on leave indefinitely.”
“I have two months of leave saved, which I’m about to use up. There are other things I can do instead that won’t affect my standing. One would be vacating my contract and serving the rest of my time as a reserve officer. Then, when that duty is over, re-enlist. As long as it’s for a justified family cause, there’s no reason they won’t let me back in when the time comes.”
“You’d do that for me?” Knowing someone would make that kind of sacrifice for her caused her tears to flow even harder. “Put aside everything you want to take care of me?”
“Of course I would. Unless you push me away, I want to stay with you through your pregnancy.”
But not after. While Ellie hadn’t expected Matt to make that kind of commitment, part of her had hoped for it. The pregnant part probably. So once the baby was born and the hormones were doing what they should, would she still have these feelings and longings for Matt in a way she should never have? Or would they disappear, the way he would?
Ellie hadn’t meant to break down the way she had. What she’d hoped was that she’d be emotionless when telling him, and he’d be emotionless when they had a clear-headed talk about what to do. Well, the best-laid plans on that one. She’d been emotional and he’d been supportive, which made her feel even more emotional. And now she was a wreck. A total wreck.
“What did she say?” Ellie asked anxiously, as Matt returned to the casita a few minutes later—the longest minutes of her life.
“Well, first, you’re in good health, and that goes a long way in your favor. But because you’re already at risk for pre-gestational diabetes, this could help it along, so with that we’ve got to be very careful. And you do need to be under the care of a high-risk specialist. There’s no way around that. She’s suggested two different ones, but the problem is one is about four hours north of here, and the other is about four hours to the south. It would be a long, rough drive either way, but she doesn’t suggest road travel until you’ve been checked. Which means...”
Ellie shook her head. “Which means I’m in trouble.”
“Which means a helicopter. The one that hand-delivered your sample to the lab. Cruz Montoya, the owner, will charter the chopper to take you to whichever place you choose.”
“You’ve talked to him?”
He nodded. “He’s a former army medic. Good man. He said he can make the flight tomorrow, and Susie called to check availability for me. The problem is, the doctor down south in Arizona can’t see you at all this week. He’s not in his office. But the one up north will squeeze you in immediately because she’s a friend of Susie’s. They went to med school together. Cruz said it’s a forty-five-minute trip by air, and Susie thinks that will be safe, especially since I’ll be there with you.”
“You’ve been busy,” she said.
“Because I’m highly motivated.”
“But you’re in no condition to fly,” Ellie stated flatly.
“And you’re in no condition for me not to fly. You can’t go alone. Besides, this will be a good chance for me to get my ribs X-rayed, just in case.”
Matt’s voice was so emphatic it was almost cold. But Ellie knew he was worried. It showed
on his face. “In case of what? Me knowing you need those X-rays so I won’t back out of this exam? And what about Lucas?”
He chuckled. “You do have a devious mind, don’t you, with your ulterior motive?”
“My mother always had ulterior motives. It comes naturally.”
“But you’re not your mother, for starters, and you’re not the kind of person who would automatically be suspicious.”
“You’re sure of that?”
“As sure as any man can be who sends a drink to the woman on the other side of the bar in Reno and ends up with her here in Forgeburn.”
“OK, so maybe I’m stretching a little bit. But having more tests scares me, even though I know I need them.”
“And I’ll be right there with you, Ellie. Please, don’t doubt that. Whatever happens, I’m with you these next few months, and that’s a promise. And as for Lucas—I’m going to spend the rest of the day with him, and Betty will watch him tomorrow. In the meantime, Susie said it’s OK for you to go about limited activities. If you feel tired, you rest. You can ride in the truck but no ranch roads. And easy walking is fine, as long as you don’t do too much of it.”
“Aren’t we a pair?” she said, the discouragement so thick in her voice she couldn’t disguise it. “Look, Matt, I appreciate this. And I’m sorry I brought it to your doorstep. If I’d known...”
“Would you have not told me about the baby?” he asked, sitting down on the bed next to her.
“It never crossed my mind not to. I’m a lot of things, and I know my ambition can get in the way of what most people would consider normal, but to not tell you, to simply come up with my own solution and carry it out...” She shook her head. “That’s not me. My mother maybe. My grandmother definitely. But not me.”
He slipped his hand into hers. “They’re tough women, but not as tough as you.”
“They are tough, but I don’t want to be like that because neither of them particularly like men. I do...obviously. And both my grandmother and mother taught me that a strong woman doesn’t need a man to complete them. Whatever a woman wants, she can do on her own.”
“It’s true. She can. If that’s what she wants.”
“I know it’s true, but...” She shut her eyes. “But having a man in your life doesn’t have to make you weak or needy. If he’s the right man.”
“Which was why you came to me. You were hoping I would be the right man to raise the baby the way a baby should be raised.”
“I’m the genetic by-product of my mother and grandmother. Both cold-hearted women who didn’t want children. Of course, that’s what I was hoping for when I came here, hoping you’d raise our baby, and also to prove to myself that I’m not cold-hearted like they are.” She ran her hand over her belly then smiled. “She’s kicking.”
“Or he,” Matt said, as Ellie placed his hand on her belly. “Another nice strong one.”
“I don’t want to lose this baby, Matt. It wasn’t my intention to have one, but I don’t want to miscarry. This baby should have the best of everything, and while I’m not the one to give it to her, I do want her to have it.”
“Which is what we’re going to do.”
Ellie hoped so, because the tougher this pregnancy got, the more she didn’t want to go through it alone. And the only person she wanted with her was Matt. Even though his words were simple, they were encouraging. Made her feel better. Gave her the hope that everything would be fine, and she really needed that support because right now Ellie wasn’t that strong woman she was pretending to be. She was merely a very scared woman, desperately trying to hang on.
“Look, since I’m allowed to ride along, why don’t we go get Lucas and take him down to that little roadside café for breakfast—if Betty hasn’t already fed him?”
“She hasn’t. I called her after I called Susie, and Lucas was still sleeping.”
“Then I’d suggest you put on some shoes...”
“Will you help me?” he asked, grinning.
“Men are so helpless,” she said, grabbing a clean pair of socks, then picking up his boots.
“Is that your mother speaking?” he asked, returning her grin.
“Nope, that’s me trying hard not to sound like my mother.” She got the socks and boots on him in a matter of seconds, then headed for the casita door. “She’s not my role model, Matt. Maybe for a while, when I was young, she was. But she’s a pathetically unhappy woman, and I don’t want to end up that way. I’ve worked very hard for many years, trying not to be my mother’s daughter. And don’t get me wrong. I love her like a daughter should. But she’s not my friend, the way a mother should be. I talk to her occasionally, keep her updated on my life, but we live only twenty-five miles apart and we only see each other maybe twice a year. Her choice.”
“And you’re good with that?”
“I have to be. It’s all I’ve ever known. So, how about we get going, although I’m not sure which one of us is more fit to drive.”
“I’m fit,” Matt said, following her through the house at a very slow pace.
“Yeah, right,” Ellie said, holding the door open for him. “If you’re even able to get yourself up into your truck.”
He upped his speed, caught up to her, and slid his arm around her waist. “I’m able to do this, too,” he said, as he pulled her close, then lowered his lips to hers. Ellie felt again the rush of excitement, not even thinking that she should pull away. More of this was what she wanted; what she’d wanted since Reno. That surging tide of warmth that rushed over her. The tingle that spread from her head down to her toes. And Matt’s face. His beautiful face. Even though her eyes were closed, she could see it, every nuance. And wanted more. So she reached up and stroked his cheek, pulling him out of that moment, but just briefly, as he looked down at her and smiled.
“This is probably the worst thing we could be doing,” he said, his voice so hushed she could barely hear him.
He was right, of course. But she didn’t care. And as she twined her hand around his neck, pulling him back to her, he tilted her head up and kissed her, softly again but progressing to a shade of passion that made her cling to him like he was the only solid thing in her life. His unrelenting lips parted hers, causing her to press herself even harder to him—her, their baby, him all pressed together. And his demanding lips parted, drawing from her wild sensations she’d known only once before—with him.
It couldn’t last, though. Not another second lest she be pulled even deeper into her confusion. So she backed away, the feel of him still on her lips. “What are we doing?” she asked, her voice nearly too breathless to carry her words.
“Damned if I know,” he replied. His face was flushed and he was clearly aroused. “Probably something we shouldn’t.”
But how could something they shouldn’t be doing feel so perfectly right? “I think we’d better get Lucas before we...” What? Made another mistake? Because nothing about this felt like a mistake. “...before Betty feeds him.”
“Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?” he asked, not making a move to leave the house.
Ellie shook her head.
“Since the last time we did it in Reno.”
“But we can’t go back to Reno,” she said, almost sadly. “That was another life. Two other people.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, as he took her hand and led her to the truck.
No, she wasn’t. And that was the problem, because the more she was around him, the less sure she was becoming about everything.
CHAPTER EIGHT
LUCAS WAS RAMBUNCTIOUS in the truck, kicking and trying to get out of his infant seat. It was like he’d been given an extra portion of energy in that single pancake he’d eaten for breakfast, and nothing Matt said or did on the drive back to the house would stop him.
It got to the point that Matt was forced to pull over and
get out, then go back to the crew cab to see if anything was wrong. But there wasn’t. This was simply Lucas in a good mood, laughing, playing and having fun.
“You don’t suppose he understands what a pony ride is, do you?” he asked Ellie, while he pulled Lucas from the seat, rearranged him, then secured him back in. “I mean, he was right there when Betty mentioned taking him to her brother’s ranch for a pony ride.”
“I have no idea what someone his age understands. I have no experience with children. In fact, Lucas is the closest I’ve ever come to having any kind of relationship with a child, so I’m the wrong person to ask. But I will say he seems awfully bright. Maybe Betty explained what riding a pony was all about and now he’s just excited to do it.”
“Is that it?” Matt asked the child. Of course, Lucas didn’t answer, but Matt did notice that his eyes were shining brighter than they had before. “Are you anxious for your pony ride?”
Lucas’s response was to try wiggling out of his car seat again. “Well, as soon as we take Ellie back to the house, we’ll see what we can do to get you on that pony.” He shut the crew cab door, climbed back in the driver’s seat and exhaled a deep breath. “I’m exhausted,” he said, leaning his head back against the head rest. “I didn’t know so little movement could produce so much fatigue.”
“But you’re going to go off and be daddy. That’s a good thing, Matt. Lucas needs that in his life. Someone who puts him first.”
“Well, today’s not going to be a very good daddy day.”
Ellie reached over and rubbed his shoulder. “If you’re with him, that’s a good daddy day. That’s what he depends on now.”
“Says the woman who knows nothing about children.”
“Says the woman who didn’t have a daddy or, in essence, a mommy.”
Matt looked over at her sympathetically, saw the pain flash across her eyes. Understood it. Felt it just as deeply as she did. In so many ways they were alike, and while it was always said that a person did better with an opposite, it was nice to sit here with someone who could empathize totally with Lucas and him. In ways it was like they were a family—all three of them abandoned as children, no one who had ever truly cared.
