Lonely Liam

by Laurie Lochs

  "So, Max," he said. He popped the cap off my beer and handed it to me. I took it and fist-bumped him. "Tell me about the difficulties you’ve been going through."

  I took a deep breath. "It's tough. I never thought I'd end up in a situation like this."

  Oscar nodded. "I definitely understand. Daddy/boy relationships can be a lot of work. They require a lot of open communication.”

  “Exactly." I sipped the beer and stared into the sunset. It was absolutely gorgeous, hovering slightly over the Montana mountains, purple and mauve. "My problem was that I thought I was communicating openly. It turns out, I wasn't."

  "Or he wasn't," Oscar mused knowingly with a wink. He definitely understood.

  I laughed. "Exactly. When my little Kyle moved in, we had a long discussion. We signed the same agreement stating what was off-limits. I even had a box checking the specific kink he ended up hating."

  "What was that?" Oscar arched an eyebrow.

  I sighed. "Water sports. I'd never done it before. But I thought Sebastian wanted to try."

  Oscar nodded. "That can be a difficult one to come back from. Especially if both parties aren’t consenting."

  "That's the problem. I was under the impression he was consenting. I asked him if he was okay before every session. Even then, I only gave him a golden shower once. But it was enough to put a wedge between us and break us apart."

  Oscar nodded. "I definitely understand. While I've never been in a situation like that, I know Brent was also in a relationship where he was under the impression the boy enjoyed what was going on. As it turned out, the boy simply took advantage of him. Communication is key but it doesn't always happen."

  "It's the same in my situation. I was under the impression he enjoyed it. He told me he enjoyed it. Then the next morning, he said he was leaving forever."

  Oscar sighed. "I'm so sorry, Max. Did he tell you anything else?"

  I sipped the beer. "Yes. I was too rough with them. He wanted a daddy who was gentle at all times. He didn't like how I took control in the bedroom."

  Oscar looked puzzled. "I've never heard of a little who doesn't want their daddy to take control. Was he a top?"

  "No. He just wanted me to go slower. Of course he didn't mention any of this at the beginning. Every time we had sex he’d always say he wanted more. It never occurred to me to go slower. He didn't ask."

  "That must be so difficult. I imagine you're having problems knowing how to proceed."

  His words hit me like a brick. "That's exactly it," I said, taking a sip of beer. "I'm afraid I'll be too rough with my next boy. I like rough sex. I take control. But I don't want to push him over the edge.”

  Oscar shook his head. “It was a mistake, Max. That's all it was. You need a boy who likes it rough, someone innately compatible with your nature. You can’t mold anyone into liking rough things when they only like vanilla sex."

  "I agree. I should’ve been more explicit with Sebastian. This whole experience has drained me. I just don’t want to deal with young boys anymore who can’t express their feelings. They’re too much drama. I want an older little.”

  Oscar nodded. “I understand, Max. Liam is the perfect boy for you.”

  A wave of emotion washed over me. Oscar thought Liam and I could be a couple?

  I asked him as much.

  "A slip of the tongue," Oscar said with a laugh. He sipped his beer. “It’s just that Liam looks like he could use a daddy. That’s all.”

  We continued talking. Oscar told me about his baby boy Calloway. How they got together. He told me about the special present he got for Calloway when he learned his baby boy had trouble walking. One leg was shorter than the other. Oscar got him a pair of shoes to help him walk better. I made a mental note to do something sweet like that for my next boyfriend, who was obviously not going to be Liam. At 20 years, there was still so much I had to learn.

  You're doing as best you can.

  I decided to respond to Oscar’s statement about Liam. “Look,” I said after a while. “I’ve never met Liam before today. He’s just here to survey the property. He's not a little."

  Oscar winked at me. "I wouldn't be so sure about that."

  "You can't make judgments like that. You have no idea what his kinks are."

  Oscar only grinned. "I have it on good authority he's in the playroom with a bunch of little boys right now."

  My jaw dropped. Did I hear Oscar correctly? Liam was actually playing with the other littles?

  I asked him as much.

  Oscar took a sip of beer and nodded. "He's been taken hostage by two little boys as we speak. Why don’t you go down to the playroom and see?”

  I gulped air.

  I had no choice but to witness it firsthand.

  7

  Liam

  "Liam," Nathan asked with a grin. "Can you please pass the red Duplos?"

  "Yes, Nathan,” I whispered. I slid the plastic container across the carpet. Nathan accepted it with a huge smile on his face.

  "Thank you, Liam. You're such a good playmate."

  My cheeks burst into flames. "You think so?"

  "Yes. You like to share. I remember when I first came to Neverland Hills. I was scared to share. I hogged the red fire truck all to myself."

  I giggled. "You have to share, Nathan. That's the way the world goes round."

  "I was so nervous. Dennis said I could have it for the day. He helped me stop being such a scaredy pants."

  From across the room, Calloway giggled. "Please don't say scaredy pants. It's very triggering.”

  I arched my eyebrows. But Nathan was quick with an explanation. “When Calloway was younger, he fell out of a tree.”

  My jaw dropped. “Why?”

  “He was trying to prove he wasn't a pansy. His mom found a stash of little pajamas and pacifiers in the top drawer of his dresser when he was 13. He didn't want anyone to think he was a wimp."

  I nodded. "I completely understand, Calloway. When I was a boy, my parents found a pair of panties in my dresser. It was scary."

  Calloway's eyes shot open. "Do you cross-dress?"

  I laughed. "No. I experimented when I was a teen. But it stopped when I got to college."

  "But you didn't stop being a little," Calloway mused with a grin.

  "Absolutely not. I tried the panties. But I’d never tried little things. I didn't discover that until college. I guess my experimentation with little things coincided with the moment I stopped wearing women's underwear."

  Everyone laughed. Nathan continued to stack the Duplos together, building a skyscraper. He told me they mostly built castles in the playroom. He wanted to switch it up and build a bustling metropolis.

  “Our city will have everything,” he explained. “Bistros, cafés, bookstores. It will be like New York City and Paris combined."

  I grinned. "I think that already exists. It's called Las Vegas."

  Nathan laughed. "Why? Because they have replicas of everything there?"

  "Exactly. You can pretend you're anywhere in the world in Las Vegas."

  Jacob crawled next to me. He placed his chin on my lap. "I want to travel," he whispered. "I've never been outside of Montana."

  "Sweet boy," Nathan whispered, mimicking the way the daddies spoke to their boys. “What do you mean you haven’t travelled? You’ve been to Neverland."

  Jacob lifted his head and grinned. "That doesn't count."

  Nathan rolled his eyes. "Neverland is better than any travel destination ever could be. I'm sorry you don't appreciate it as much as the rest of us. You should be more grateful."

  Jacob glared at him. "I think I’m pretty fucking grateful, thank you very much.”

  Nathan's jaw dropped. "Jacob. You can't swear in the playroom."

  "I don't give a fuck. You can't say I'm ungrateful."

  Nathan bit his lip. "I'm sorry. I was only joking."

  Jacob glared at him. Something in my gut told me this was the first time they’d gotten into a fight. Lucki
ly, Jacob’s daddy rushed into the playroom a moment later. He scooped Jacob up in his arms.

  "Is everything all right, baby boy?"

  Jacob sniffled. "Nathan said I wasn't grateful to be in Neverland."

  His daddy, whose name I remembered was Paul, kissed his forehead. "If you want to show your gratitude, you can do small things like give your daddy gifts. Daddies like receiving presents from their boys. It lets them know they care and appreciate the things they’ve done for them."

  Jacob frowned. “Do you think I'm ungrateful, too?”

  Paul grinned. "I'm teasing, baby boy. You're so cute when you're riled up."

  Jacob moaned. "That's it. I'm not giving daddy another gift for the rest of the night."

  I furrowed my brow. “Gift? I thought he said you didn’t give presents.”

  Jacob glanced at his daddy. Then, he grinned devilishly. “Well, I give him presents… Just not the kind he’s talking about.”

  I bit my lip. “What do you mean by gift?"

  Jacob and Paul turned to me. "A little poo-poo," Jacob whispered.

  Nathan burst into laughter. "Jacob likes to use his diapers. He calls it his gifts. It helps him feel small."

  I shook my head in disbelief. Here I was, over 40 years old, and I’d only worn a diaper once in my life. I couldn't believe that this boy, who was significantly younger than me, had already experienced this part of the little lifestyle and I hadn’t. Using a diaper was something I'd always seen other littles do but never tried myself. Was it as fun as they made it out to be?

  Nathan crawled over me and gripped my wrist. Suddenly, a searing pain shot through me. “Ouch!" I yelled, yanking my wrist away.

  Nathan froze. "Oh my God. Did I hurt you?"

  “No," I murmured. I quickly brought my wrist back to the Duplos. Outwardly, I was smiling and pretending everything was okay. But inwardly, I was ready to die. The intense, searing pain was yet a another reminder that I was inferior to the rest of these boys.

  Older. Less desirable.

  No one's ever going to want a little like you. You're too old.

  I smiled weakly and continued to play. Jacob, who had lied to his daddy and left a very big gift in his diaper, was currently getting changed on the changing table. The smell of Johnson's fresh baby powder filled the playroom. I continued playing, no longer feeling like I even wanted to be here.

  "I'm too old," I muttered, trying to move the Duplos without hurting myself.

  If my body was going to disintegrate before my eyes, I didn’t see the point of pretending to be a little again.

  8

  Max

  Later that night

  I grabbed the second beer Oscar handed me as we made our way outside. The conversation had been productive. Before starting a new relationship, I needed to set clear expectations upfront. I thought I’d done this with my last relationship but I hadn’t. I couldn’t believe how much I’d learned.

  And what better way to learn than over beer and ribs?

  "Past the BBQ sauce, Max." Oscar grinned as he lit up the barbecue. I grabbed the spicy barbecue sauce and handed it to him. Oscar proceeded to douse the fresh ribs in Texas flavor and place them on the hot grill. In no time, the aroma of sweet delicious flank ribs was wafting into the air.

  "Smells fucking amazing."

  Oscar laughed. "You can say that again. These are prime ribs from the farm across the street. Sometimes, it's nice not living in a fantasy land where you don’t have contact with the outside world.”

  I laughed.

  Suddenly, someone screamed behind us. I whipped around. But I relaxed the minute I saw who it was. It was Dennis and Jacob. They were sprinting out of the ranch house and barreling towards the grill. Their two daddies weren't far behind.

  Following them at a slightly slower pace was Liam.

  My heart melted the second I saw him. In the setting sun, his tanned skin looked even more beautiful than before. His eyes glistened from across the meadow. I raised my hand to beckon him over. He hobbled to my side.

  "Did you cook these?" he asked.

  "I wish. This is daddy Oscar's handiwork."

  Liam turned to Oscar and smiled. "They smelled delicious. Thank you."

  Oscar grinned. "I'm glad you like them."

  I grabbed Liam and pulled him in for a hug. He tensed at first but immediately softened in my grip. I placed my hand on his lower back. He swooned into me, seeking friction.

  "You're a good hugger, boy,” I said when we parted.

  His eyes lit up. "You mean it?"

  "Yes. You give soft hugs. I like when boys know how to hug."

  Liam looked like he could cry. "Thank you so much. You don't know what that means to me."

  "When was the last time someone complimented you, beautiful boy?"

  "It's been too long."

  I nodded. "I completely understand. Why don't you sit with the other littles? Oscar and I are going to finish up the ribs."

  Liam smiled. “Will I see you soon?"

  "Yes. I'll meet you when it's ready. I'll bring you ribs."

  I turned back to Oscar to help him with the grill. Only when I reached for the tongs did I see the huge grin on his face.

  "That's going to be your boy. I'm calling it right now."

  My heart melted. Suddenly, I felt gooey and warm inside. "No," I protested. "I'm sure he's just feeling warm. He was playing all afternoon. He’s still in little mode."

  Oscar shook his head. "I know attraction when I see it. He wants you to be his daddy."

  I tried to speak but the words got caught in my throat. "You think so?" I finally mustered.

  Oscar nodded and took the delicious ribs off the grill. "I know it. I can see it in his eyes."

  I let out a sharp breath. Was he telling the truth? Did Liam really want to be my boy?

  You know he's attracted to you. You see it just as much as Oscar.

  I grabbed the delicious ribs and brought them to the picnic table. The boys started to clap as they stared at me with dazzled eyes. “Yummy!” Dennis shouted. He banged his fist on the table. "I'm so hungry."

  I grinned. “Let's get some ribs."

  We dug in. It was delicious.

  After dinner, I took Liam aside. The other daddies built a campfire. I pulled Liam next to me and gently held his hand.

  "Liam," I said after we'd been sitting for a while. "You looked adorable eating your ribs."

  Liam blushed. "You think so?"

  "Yes. I felt it in the bottom of my heart. You're a sweet boy."

  Liam looked like he was going to melt into a puddle. "Please, Max. You have to stop. You're making me shy."

  Something sparked inside me. "You're cute when you're shy, boy. I hope to see you shy more often."

  Liam let out a soft laugh. "Thank you, daddy.” Then he glanced at me and quickly looked away. I was confused. But then it hit me.

  He'd said the magic word.

  Daddy.

  "Baby boy. Did you just say what I think you said?"

  Liam bit his lip. "I'm not sure. You might've misheard me over the fire."

  I shook my head. "Say it again. I want to hear you say it again."

  Liam bit his lip. "Are you sure?"

  "Yes. Say my name again."

  Liam took a sharp breath. "Daddy," he whispered. Then, he buried himself in his arm.

  "Come here, beautiful boy." I pulled him close. Liam tensed but immediately relaxed in my grip. I planted a soft kiss on his neck. "It makes me so happy you're comfortable calling me daddy. I'd love to be your daddy."

  Liam moaned with happiness. But a second later, a worried look washed over his face. He untangled himself my grip and stared into my eyes.

  "But…" He cut himself off.

  "What is it, boy?"

  Liam rubbed his palms on his shorts. "You don't think I'm too old?"

  My jaw dropped. "Why would you ever say that, boy?"

  Liam stared at the ground. "I didn't want to tell you this. It's
too personal. But my last relationship ended because I was too old. He didn't want to be with a boy like me. I’d just gotten fired from my job the exact same day. It was age discrimination. I came home needing a warm bottle and cuddle time. I ended up with a broken heart."

  My heart broke into. "I'm so sorry, Liam."

  Liam sighed. "It's to be expected. You age out at a corporation. I didn't know why I thought it would be different in a daddy/boy relationship."

  I gritted my teeth. "It shouldn't have been like that, sweet one. You deserve a daddy who's going to be there for you. It's not about your age. It's about how sweet you are inside."

  Liam wasn't convinced. "I'm too old," he whispered at last. A sob shook his body. He wiped his eyes.

  I scooted closer and ran my thumb across his cheek. Then, I brought my lips to his face. I planned to kiss him. But before I did, Oscar’s word suddenly rush through my mind.

  Take your time. Set the right expectations.

  I took a deep breath. "Liam," I whispered. “Would you let me kiss you?"

  His eyes slowly opened. "You… You want to kiss me?"

  "Yes, boy." I ran my finger across his other cheek. It was moist. “I’d like to kiss away your tears."

  Liam nodded. I brought my lips to his eye. Without a word, I softly pressed them against the flesh. Liam's eyes fluttered beneath me but then grew still. I wrapped my arm around his waist and pulled him close, kissing each eyelid to push away the tears.

  When I parted, Liam was looking at me with the most trusting expression on his face. "I like you, daddy."

  "I like you too, baby boy."

  Liam stared at me. He was searching my face for deceit. He found none. Suddenly, he rushed towards me. He closed his eyes and was 2 seconds away from slamming his lips against mine. But before he kissed me, I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him back.

  "Ask, boy. You must ask for consent."

  Liam blushed. "I'm so sorry, daddy. Can I kiss you on the lips?"

  I grinned. "No, boy. In this relationship, daddy initiates the kisses. Is that okay with you?"

  Liam moaned. He was going to melt. "Yes, yes! My daddy wants to take control. Yes, please.”