by Anne Fraser
Luke did as he was told. As soon as he’d felt the lump Fabio knew instantly it would require further investigation.
‘It could be a cyst,’ he told Luke, ‘but we won’t know until we do an ultrasound at the hospital. I have to be honest with you, though, it feels a little too solid to be a cyst.’
‘I’m supposed to be getting married in three months,’ Luke said as he pulled his trousers up. ‘What if it is cancer? What then? Will we be able to go through with the wedding? What about children? God, this is such a shock. Could I die?’
‘If you have testicular cancer,’ Fabio said, ‘and at this stage it’s only an if, and we’ve caught it early, then there’s a good chance that you will be okay. You may need chemotherapy and you will have to have an orchidectomy—that’s a procedure to remove the affected testicle—but it will be straightforward. One thing you will have to consider is whether to have your sperm stored before treatment. Unfortunately the chemo does tend to make you infertile, but if you freeze sperm it gives you an excellent chance of having children later on once the treatment is over.’
He waited until Luke was sitting down again. ‘I know there’s a lot to take in and you’ll want to talk it over with your fiancée, but I need to get you seen at the hospital as soon as possible. Luckily my colleague, Dr Cavendish, works there. I’ll give him a ring and see if he can squeeze you in this afternoon.’
Luke was pale now. ‘Won’t it look horrible—disgusting, even—if they remove one of my testicles? What if it puts my fiancée off? What if she decides she doesn’t want to marry someone who is half a man? Could I even blame her?’
Fabio went round to Luke’s side of the desk and squeezed his shoulder. ‘She’ll hardly notice, I promise. They reconstruct the testicle after surgery so it looks almost as it did before. And if she loves you, and seeing that she’s agreed to marry you, it seems she does, she’ll just be glad to have you fit and well again.’
‘She agreed to marry me before she knew I was sick. It’s not fair to keep her to her promise now, especially if I get sicker.’ He stood up. ‘Thank you for seeing me, Doctor,’ he said heavily.
Luke seemed so dazed and frightened that Fabio’s heart went out to him.
‘Look, take a seat in the waiting room,’ he said, ‘while I make some calls. If they can see you this afternoon, and if I can clear my diary, I’ll come with you to the hospital. That way we can discuss your options as soon as we know what exactly it is we’re dealing with.’
For the first time since Luke had entered Fabio’s consulting room, he looked relieved. ‘Would you, Doc? I can’t tell you how much it would mean to me. That way I don’t need to call Clarissa until I’m sure what I want to tell her.’
‘Take a seat outside. I’ll be out shortly.’
Five minutes later Fabio replaced the receiver and leaned back in his chair. He had managed to arrange an appointment for Luke that afternoon. They would do an ultrasound first to rule out a cyst and then they would take it from there. All that remained was for Fabio to clear his diary so he could be with Luke when he got the diagnosis—good or bad.
His mind went back to the day he’d found out he couldn’t have children. His mother had been away filming, so he had phoned Kendrick. It was always Kendrick he turned to when he was in trouble. They’d been at boarding school together and had got into mischief together and were closer than most brothers. Kendrick had been due to leave for America that afternoon but had changed his flight immediately.
‘Can’t let you go through this on your own,’ he’d said.
Kendrick was the only person who knew what it had been like for Fabio, growing up without his parents being around. His mother and Fabio’s father had been brother and sister, but where Fabio’s father had little interest in anyone except those directly involved in the music world, Kendrick’s father was overbearing and controlling. It was hardly surprising Kendrick had managed to get drummed out of the army. As far as Fabio knew, his uncle rarely spoke to his son.
When Fabio had been told that his sperm count was so low as to make the chances of having children almost impossible, Kendrick had called for him and then they had gone out and for the first and only time in his life Fabio had got plastered, along with his cousin.
So Fabio knew what Luke was going through. How much worse for Luke that he was engaged to someone who expected that they would have children. But as he’d told his frightened patient, even if he turned out to have testicular cancer, and Fabio was pretty sure that would be the case, at least there were other options. Children could still be part of his future.
And maybe they could be part of his. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking of Katie’s face since he’d spoken to her. Maybe he was being a coward, refusing to face life, whatever it brought? In that way, Katie was far braver than he was.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
AS HE’D promised, Fabio accompanied Luke to the hospital. It was just as well he did, because he was sure that Luke would have crashed had he driven himself.
‘Isn’t this going beyond the call of duty?’ Luke said. ‘I mean, you can’t go with your patients to hospital every time, can you?’
‘It’s all part of the service, although …’ Fabio hesitated. ‘I like to pop in every now and again anyway to keep in touch with the staff, so don’t worry. If it makes you feel any better, it’s not just for you.’ But that wasn’t the whole truth. As he’d been talking to Luke an idea had formed in his head. If Luke was going to see the fertility specialist about storing sperm, perhaps Fabio should have a word too. Sometimes, not often admittedly, sperm counts improved over time and there was always that small possibility that his had. He thought back to what Katie had said about getting on with life. She was right. At the very least he would have his infertility confirmed. Knowing kids were out of the question might make his decision to keep away from Katie easier. It was bloody hard. Every time he saw her, he wanted to pull her into his arms and when he wasn’t with her, she was always in his mind. He could barely sleep these days for thinking of her. Hell, even big wave surfing had lost its charm.
At the hospital, he left Luke in the capable hands of the surgeon Jonathan had arranged for him to see. He had an hour or so before Luke would have his diagnosis.
Feeling a little like a thief, he found his way to the fertility clinic. He referred patients there fairly regularly and so knew the doctor who ran the clinic.
‘Fabio! Good to see you. Have you come to check up on us?’ Dr Aubrey was in her fifties with penetrating blue eyes and a ready smile.
‘Not exactly. Look, is there somewhere we can go to talk?’ he asked.
Dr Aubrey frowned. ‘Sure. Come this way.’
When they were settled and had finished discussing the possibility of Luke storing sperm, which as Fabio suspected would be straightforward, Fabio cleared his throat.
‘I wanted to ask you whether you’d do a sperm analysis on me,’ he said.
‘Not a problem. You know the procedure?’
When Fabio nodded, Dr Aubrey went on. ‘I could do with a little medical history, Fabio. It will help the embryologists.’
‘Mumps when I was a child. Had a sperm analysis when I was eighteen Very low motility. So low as to make the chances of conceiving almost negligible.’
Dr Aubrey placed the fingertips of her hands together and tapped them together gently.
‘That was, what? Ten years ago?’
‘About then.’
‘We’ve come a long way since then. It’s certainly worth getting it checked out. Even if there are one or two motile sperm, we could use them to achieve a pregnancy using ICSI.’
‘I’ve been reading about it. I didn’t think too much about it … until now.’
‘You’ve met someone and now children seem less like a crazy idea. Am I right?’
Fabio managed a smile. ‘That’s about it.’
‘Okay. You can do it now if you have time. Or would you prefer to do it at home and bring it in first thi
ng? You know it has to be with us within an hour of production, but we can give you everything you need.’
Riding ten-metre waves had never felt quite this terrifying.
‘Home, I think.’
‘Okay let’s get you the pack. It has all the information you need on it. Hand it in tomorrow morning and we should have the results by the afternoon.’ Dr Aubrey held out her hand. ‘Good luck.’
After leaving his pack for the morning in his car, Fabio returned to the outpatient clinic to track down Luke.
He was just in time to see him emerging from the surgeon’s office looking distraught and shocked. ‘It’s definitely cancer. But luckily it’s early stage and there’s time for me to deposit some sperm before I have to start treatment. They’re going to do some procedure—an orchid—something early next week.’
‘An orchidectomy,’ Fabio filled in. ‘They remove the testicle.’
‘Then they’re going to start with chemotherapy. They say that there’s a good chance I will be sterile after that so, as you said, they advise storing as much sperm as I can before treatment starts.’
Luke sank down on a chair. ‘I still can’t believe this is happening to me.’
Fabio sat down next to him. ‘Life can be awful sometimes. But you can store your sperm for years—until you’re ready to have children. You might not even have to have IVF either. They could use it to do IUI.’ Seeing that Luke was looking bewildered he added, ‘Intra-uterine insemination. It’s where they kind of squirt the sperm straight into the uterus at the appropriate time in your partner’s cycle.’
‘I don’t know what to say to her. I don’t know what I should do. Maybe I should walk away and let her get on with her life. Why should she be saddled with someone sick? She’s young. It isn’t fair. I love her too much to put her through all that.’
‘And she loves you enough to want to go through it with you. If you leave her now, if you exclude her from everything—your life, your illness—she’ll be hurt. You have to at least talk to her. Tell her what’s going on in your head. You might be surprised to hear what she has to say.’ As he said the words, Fabio knew he wasn’t just speaking about Luke, he was talking about himself. One way or another, he and Katie had a whole lot of talking to do.
Fabio delivered his specimen the next morning on his way to work. Then he set off in the opposite direction to see Lucy. Amelia had phoned him to say that the little girl was wheezier than usual and she was worried, so would he mind calling in? He’d suggested that she call Katie and ask her to come out too. The thought of Katie made him feel warm. Being with her felt good. Everything about her felt good. More than good. When he was with her it was as if he’d come home. If, and he knew this was a long shot, the sperm sample he had delivered showed that there was a chance he could father children, then there was no reason why he and Katie couldn’t be together. Up until he had fallen in love with her, he’d thought that he would never trust enough to commit to marriage but he knew deep down that Katie would never let him down. Not even if her life depended on it. On the other hand, if, as was likely, the results of his specimen test came back negative, he would walk away from her. He loved her that much.
Amelia met him at the door, her eyes shadowed with anxiety. ‘Lucy doesn’t sound good,’ she said. ‘Katie’s here and is giving her some physio to help clear the secretions from her lungs.’
Fabio hugged Amelia. ‘I’ll go up and see her straight away.’ He knew better than to offer Amelia false reassurances. She knew almost as much about her daughter’s illness as most experts.
Upstairs, Katie was just tucking Lucy into bed. Although, along with her nebuliser, she had her computer games in her lap, she was making no attempt to play with her game. Even from the doorway Fabio could hear her rasping breaths. He was immediately alarmed.
‘Hey, Luce,’ he said, careful to keep his voice level and his face expressionless. ‘Mum says you’re not feeling too good.’
He could see his concern reflected in Katie’s eyes. He’d seen Lucy a couple of days ago and her chest had been fine then. But that was the nature of this illness.
‘My chest feels tight. It’s a little better since Katie gave me a long session of physio.’ She looked at him with tears in her eyes. He couldn’t recall seeing Lucy cry before and it alarmed him even more than her breathing. ‘I won’t have to go into hospital, will I? I don’t want to. I want to stay here.’
‘I’ll have to examine you, Luce, before I can make a decision about what we’re going to do, you know that, but if we can keep you at home, we will.’ He took his stethoscope out of his medical bag. ‘Could you lift your PJs while I have a listen to your chest?’
He wasn’t surprised to hear crackles. There was no doubt Lucy had a chest infection. He checked her pulse and respirations. Not as high as he’d feared. ‘Tell you what. I’m going to give you mucolytic through your nebuliser and some antibiotics. I’ll come back to see you this evening and assess how you’re doing. If there’s an improvement, then fine, you can stay at home; if not, I may have to admit you to hospital.’ He lifted her chin, cutting off her protests and forcing her to look into his eyes. ‘You trust me, don’t you?’
Lucy nodded, her mouth trembling.
‘Okay, then. We’ll get you sorted for the time being. We’ll decide what to do later. If that’s okay with Mum?’
Amelia nodded too.
‘You can get me on my mobile if you’re at all worried,’ he said. ‘And I’ll come running. That’s a promise.’
Mother and daughter seemed reassured. In many ways Fabio would have liked to have taken the easy way out and admitted Lucy to hospital, but the easy way out for the doctor wasn’t always what was best for the child.
Leaving Amelia with Lucy, he took Katie aside.
‘Are you comfortable with what I’m proposing?’ he asked. ‘You have as much say in this as the rest of us.’
Katie looked at him with her clear grey eyes. ‘Hospitals aren’t always the best places for children. She’s scared to death of going there. I think I’ll hang about here for the rest of the afternoon and give her some more physio.’
Despite the reassurances Fabio had given mother and daughter, he was relieved that Katie would be on hand. She would see any change and get in touch with him immediately.
‘Don’t you have somewhere else to be?’ he asked.
‘I did,’ she said softly, ‘but right now it’s Lucy who needs me most.’
There was something in her expression that made him pause. But she pushed him gently towards the door. ‘I know you’re on call for the practice today, so get going. I’ll call you if I need you.’
He looked at her one final time. He wished that was true.
With a heavy heart Katie watched Fabio’s car pull away. She did have somewhere she should go. Somewhere important, but if she’d told him, he might have changed his mind about watching Lucy at home for a bit. Today was the day that Suzy had been invited to Buckingham Palace to collect the medal for Richard on his behalf. Suzy’s mum and dad were going too, and Suzy also wanted Katie to be there.
Still, it couldn’t be helped. As she’d told Fabio, it was the living that mattered. Loving Fabio had made her believe that and, besides, Suzy would have her parents. But today would have been a final goodbye to Richard, not that she would ever stop grieving for him.
She made her way back upstairs. If only things could have been different between her and Fabio, she could have found comfort in his arms today when she needed it most. Her heart ached as she recalled the words she’d said to him. I’ll call you if I need you. And so she would. For a patient, but never, it seemed, for herself.
Fabio felt distinctly unsettled all day as he saw the patients who swore they couldn’t go another day without seeing him. It was mainly sore throats, colds and the odd request for sleeping and slimming pills. The last two he always turned down so you’d think word might have got around by now. He had a letter from Luke’s surgeon on his desk and his
surgery was scheduled for the end of the week in order to give him time to produce three samples to be frozen. Luke had phoned him to say that he had talked to his fiancée and she was adamant that nothing, not even the possibility of never having children, would come between them and that he was relieved and feeling more optimistic about the future.
There was a tap on the door and Rose stuck her head around. ‘Finished for the day?’
‘Apart from one or two home visits.’ He explained about Lucy and that he had left Katie keeping an eye on things until he was able to pop back.
‘Katie?’ Rose frowned. ‘Katie is with Lucy? But she’s off duty.’
‘I know, but apparently Amelia phoned her after phoning me. They’ve come to rely on her a lot.’
Rose was still frowning. ‘But she’ll miss the medal ceremony.’
‘Medal ceremony? What medal ceremony?’ It was the first he’d heard about it.
‘The one for her brother. He’s been awarded a Conspicuous Gallantry Cross. The presentation is at the palace this afternoon.’
Fabio was stunned. Katie had given up her afternoon, and not just any afternoon, so that she could help Lucy and her family. Her unselfish behaviour made him feel small. How often had he put the needs of others before his own? And wasn’t that what he was doing, seeking her out when he knew he had nothing to offer her?
‘She can’t miss the ceremony,’ he said, getting to his feet. He looked at his watch. Two o’clock. ‘What time did you say it was due to start?’
‘About four. I think there’s tea in the garden or something beforehand.’
‘Look, Rose. I know you have enough on your plate at the moment, being pregnant and due to deliver almost any day, but could you do me a favour?’
‘Whatever you want.’
‘Could you ring the lab and get me Lucy’s results?’
‘No problem. Anything else?’
Fabio hesitated. ‘I’m going to collect Katie from Lucy’s house—she’ll need a dress or something for the palace. Could you help me pick one out? And then could you stay with Lucy and Amelia until I get back there? I’ll drop you off, see how she’s doing, take Katie to the medal ceremony and then drop back in on them on the way back.’
