Alas My Love

by Tracie Peterson

  “I am sorry,” Helena whispered. “I am just a bit spent from the celebration. It has been a most taxing day.”

  Arianne nodded. “I asked you if there was something you wanted to tell me. Has the past somehow caught up with you?”

  Helena looked panicked as her gaze met that of the concerned duchess. “May we speak of it another time?” Her voice was soft and pleading.

  Arianned nodded. “Of course. Would you prefer I take care of Timothy’s bath?”

  “Aye,” Helena replied. “I would like to lie down.”

  “Then do so and know that when you feel better, I will be here for you.” Arianne reached out a hand to touch Helena’s slender arm. “Don’t be afraid, Helena. You have a home here for as long as you want one. No one will put you from Gavenshire.”

  Somehow she knows, Helena thought to herself. Somehow the duchess had understood a portion of her fear. But what will the duchess of Gavenshire have to say when the entire truth is revealed? Helena wondered.

  Closing her chamber door behind her, Helena leaned heavily against the wood. He was here! Her heart quickened, and she crossed to the window, anxious to catch some sight of him in the bailey below. Darkness and shadows refused to offer up anything, however, and Helena felt cheated.

  “Tanny, it is I,” she said softly in the silence of her room. “ ’Tis your Helena, whose heart has ever been and evermore shall be yours and yours alone.”

  Chapter 10

  Roger Talbot paced anxiously while awaiting his appointment with the king. It wouldn’t be easy to explain Helena’s disappearance, but if he handled the matter carefully, he was certain he could be convincing.

  “The king will see you now,” a pious chamberlain announced.

  Roger entered a room where the king sat in conversation with two other men. The chamberlain made the introduction, and Roger waited to be acknowledged. In time the king motioned Roger forward.

  “You have requested an audience with me?” Henry questioned.

  “Yea, Your Majesty.” Roger choked back bile. His nerves were raw, and this matter did not bode well with him.

  “Then be at it, Man. What matter did you wish to discuss?”

  “ ’Tis my sister, Helena. As you will recall, her mother, Eleanor, was cousin to the queen.”

  “Aye, I remember it, Man. I remember it well. What do you seek?”

  “I seek my sister. Helena disappeared from our home and I have not found her, though we have searched the land far and wide.” Roger hoped he sounded convincingly worried.

  “Helena?” The king spoke her name and instantly the memory of Richard DuBonnet entered his mind. “I believe I know where your sister is.”

  “You do?” Roger swallowed hard. Had Helena somehow managed to venture to London without his knowledge?

  “Yes, yes,” Henry nodded enthusiastically. “She is at Gavenshire. Duke DuBonnet mentioned the presence of a young woman named Helena. She has only been with him a short time and claimed no memory of her family or home.”

  “DuBonnet?” Roger questioned. He felt his stomach lurch again.

  “Aye, Richard DuBonnet, duke of Gavenshire. You know of the place, do you not?”

  “Aye,” Roger replied between clenched teeth. “I know it.” The DuBonnets had long been known to him, especially Richard’s brother, Tancred. “I will seek her out immediately.”

  “By my leave,” the king said, dismissing Roger Talbot as though there was nothing more that interested him about the man.

  Roger seethed at the thought of his sister under the care of a DuBonnet. Tancred DuBonnet, once his most trusted friend, had dishonored Maude and refused to marry her. A scandal of outrageous proportions had been narrowly averted only when an aging earl had agreed to make Maude his wife.

  He had thought himself well rid of DuBonnets when Tancred had been convicted of killing his parents. Roger remembered with great satisfaction the day he had learned of Tancred’s sentence. Would that it could have been his death rather than his exile.

  With his mind made up, Roger called a messenger to him and paid the man well to take word to Maude. There was no point in putting off his journey to Gavenshire, and he had little desire to confront Maude before doing battle with Tancred’s brother. Mounting his horse, Roger grimaced and took the reins in hand. “Once again the DuBonnets cause me grief. This time I shall put an end to it.”

  ❧

  The days of Easter celebration passed in a mixture of bliss and pain for Helena. She watched with dedicated interest as Tancred moved about the castle. From behind carefully guarded eyes, Helena kept track of his every move.

  From the first break of dawn and morning services, Helena’s eyes seldom failed to keep Tancred in their view. When they partook of the meals, Helena tried to react in a calm and collected way, but knowing that Tancred sat on the other side of Richard made her nervous and testy. How much longer could she stand being so near him and not confide in him who she was?

  It no longer worried her that she would be sent from Gavenshire. Now what concerned her was that Tancred would not return her love. Her beloved Tanny had left her childhood days as a strapping young man of twenty. Now he was a brooding man of thirty-one years with a mission to find the true murderers of his parents.

  Obviously, Helena realized, he had no time or inclination for romance. She thought of the hours she’d spent dreaming of the day they’d meet again. Now that day had come and gone, and it was nothing of what she’d dreamed about.

  As they sat at supper one evening, the revelry of festivities in the village still going on in celebration, Helena picked at her food and listened to the conversation around her.

  “What a difference this life must be from the one you spent the past eleven years,” Richard said to Tancred.

  “Aye. The food is much better, the housing much drier, and the company preferable to any that I knew abroad.”

  Arianne leaned forward. “Devon tells me of your philosopher Artimas. He sounds like a wonderful man. I would very much like to meet him one day.”

  “He was, indeed, a great man, dear sister. I found the seeds you tenderly planted in my heart grew under his careful watering.”

  Helena felt a twinge of jealousy rear within her heart. “Pray tell, what seeds does he speak of, Your Grace?”

  Arianne smiled. “I but saw the potential in Tancred that he could not see for himself. I told him of his value in the eyes of God. Artimas apparently found a way to cultivate that meager planting.”

  “ ’Twas far from meager,” Tancred said. His eyes were reflective of the deep emotion he felt. “I felt hopelessness such as I beg never to feel again, but even in the darkest moment, Arianne’s word of love gave me cause to hope.”

  “Hope is often all that keeps us going,” Helena said softly, her eyes lowered to her trencher.

  “Faith,” Arianne added. “Faith is hope at work.”

  “Very good, Sister,” Tancred said with a smile.

  ❧

  Later that night, Tancred stood in the quiet of his chamber, undressing for bed. He thought back over the last few days, but his mind could not let go of Helena. He saw her everywhere, even when he slept. It was as though he knew her, and yet there was nothing of recollection in his mind.

  “She watches me with the eyes of a hawk,” he thought aloud. Yet lovelier eyes of crystal blue Tancred was sure he’d never seen. She was a most fetching woman, and he decided on the morrow he would speak to Arianne about her.

  “No need for the woman to haunt my every step. At least not without my reasoning out why.” He drew the bed curtains and closed his eyes in sleep. As was true for every night since having been introduced to Helena, Tancred fell asleep with the soft, tender features of her face on his mind.

  “Is your husband already among his me
n?” Tancred asked Arianne the next morning as she sat in the counting room. A long ledger lay before her on the table.

  “Aye, he’s already gone. You might find him in the stables.”

  “What of Helena and Matilda?”

  “They are upstairs with Timothy. Why do you ask?” Arianne put aside her quill and stared up at her brother-in-law.

  Tancred closed the door behind him and pulled up a chair. “I have some questions to ask of you.”

  “I see. Pray tell, on what matter?”

  “Helena.”

  Arianne smiled. “So she has vexed you as you have her.”

  “I have vexed her? How so?”

  “I am uncertain that I should say. Be it simple enough to conclude she finds you most appealing to her sense. Why, my own brother, Devon, found her fascinating and paid her many compliments, but she saw him naught. She never questioned me about him, either.”

  “And she questioned you about me?” Tancred’s dark eyes pierced Arianne. He leaned forward, intent on her every word.

  “Aye.” Arianne’s voice was soft and her eyes danced with amusement. “She has scarce discussed anything else.”

  Tancred smiled in spite of himself. “And why not?” he teased. “Am I not worthy of discussion?”

  “Oh, prideful man,” Arianne said with mock disdain, “thy pathway leads to destruction.”

  Tancred laughed aloud. “Never mind that. Tell me what she has asked of you.”

  Arianne grew thoughtful. “She asked me about your arrival here last year. She asked if the things we had heard about you were true.”

  “What things?” Tancred’s eyes narrowed.

  Arianne grew uncomfortable and involuntarily her hand went to her face—to the cheek Tancred had so sorely bruised when he’d hit her in anger.

  “Oh, that,” he replied before she could speak. The sorrow in his eyes matched that in his voice.

  “I told her you were beside yourself in hopelessness. I told her you were desperate and that you saw all that you loved taken beyond your grasp.” Arianne paused and reached out to touch Tancred’s arm. “I told her there was a void in you that could not be filled, and she told me that this was something she could understand.”

  “You are most gracious, Arianne. I do not deserve your kindness.”

  She smiled and squeezed his arm. “I have such happiness with Richard and Timothy. God took me from a frightful existence and no earthly love, save that of my brother, and gave me an abundance. My advice to you, Sir Tancred, is that you grasp firmly what is held within your reach. Helena is besot with you, and I believe she considers herself in love with you.”

  “Did she say that?”

  “Nay. She didn’t have to.” Arianne took her quill back in hand. “Sometimes the heart speaks most loudly when the mouth says nothing at all.”

  Tancred took Arianne’s words with him, and they only served to double his determination to seek out the alluring Helena and learn the truth from her. He had spent so much time in conference with Arianne that he was certain Helena would no longer be in the rooms with Timothy. Where she might be was a mystery to him, but experience had shown him that Helena would no doubt find him.

  Coming down the outer castle stairs, Tancred could not believe his good fortune when he spied Helena planting herbs in the castle garden. He watched her for a moment, knowing that she was unaware of his presence.

  There was something strangely familiar about her, and yet Tancred knew he had no recollection to their ever meeting. Perhaps that was what he should ask her first, but then again, mayhaps that would only serve to scare her off.

  She was singing softly and the sound rose up to greet him in a pleasant way. Arianne had said that Helena had the voice of an angel, Tancred remembered. It was one night after dinner when someone had mentioned hearing singing in the castle.

  He couldn’t make out the words, but her voice haunted him and he felt almost mesmerized by the melody. He came down the steps quietly still studying her form as she dug at little spots of dirt and patted seed into the ground.

  He was standing directly behind her, and it wasn’t until Helena noticed his shadow on the ground that she started and turned to face him.

  “I–I. . .” She couldn’t form the words.

  “Lady Helena,” Tancred said, reaching his hand down to draw her up. “I wondered if we might talk.”

  “Talk?” She was shaking and refused to take the offered hand. I can’t let him touch me, she thought. He’ll feel how I tremble and he’ll know what I’m thinking.

  Tancred was unconcerned at her aloofness. He reached out and pulled her to her feet. “Aye, talk. Come along, there is a bench over here.”

  Helena felt him draw her along, and all the while her mind could scarcely take it in. This was Tanny. This was no dream, but a living, breathing man—the man she’d pledged to love for as long as she lived.

  “Here,” he said, allowing Helena to take a seat. For a moment he stood towering over her, arms crossed against his leather tunic. He looked much like a father about to scold his child, and when that image filtered through to his senses, he softened and took the seat beside her.

  “You have been much on my mind of late,” he began. “I wonder why that is?”

  Helena couldn’t answer. Her throat felt constricted and her tongue too big for her mouth. Swallowing hard, she wavered between fainting and gasping for air.

  “You are a comely maid, and I find that your beauty is most appealing. However, I am not used to such attention, and I feel I must ask why you have sought me out?”

  “Sought you out?” Helena questioned, finally finding her voice. “But, Sire, you brought me here. ’Twas your idea to talk.”

  “Yes, yes. But, what else could I do? You watch my every move. You peer down even from your bedchamber to watch me upon the training field. I know, for I have seen you there.”

  Helena paled, then blushed. “Aye, I have watched you.”

  “For what purpose, if I might ask?”

  “I–I do not. . . ,” she stammered, then tried to get to her feet, but his hand shot out to take hold of her.

  “Nay, do not leave. Answer my question.”

  Helena could bear it no longer. The sight and scent of him, the feel of his ironlike grip upon her wrist, even the very breath he breathed called out to be taken into account.

  “Why do you watch me?” he asked softly.

  “Because I love you,” she declared, and the words so shocked Tancred that he dropped his hold. “Because I love you now and always have and forever will.” She hurried from the bailey, running up the stairs and vanishing out of sight while Tancred sat with open mouth.

  “She loves me? But she knows naught of me,” Tancred said, staring at the stone stairs. What did she mean by it? The words came back to haunt him. Because I love you now and always have. Did he know her? He searched his memory for some woman named Helena and gave up without a face to set it in place.

  “Helena,” he murmured, and the word wrapped itself as a band around his heart.

  Chapter 11

  Richard was soaked in sweat from the sword fights he’d endured with his men on the training field. He was aching in several muscles, which told him he’d let himself get soft. He shook his head ruefully and determined that he would begin practicing daily. Plunging his head in the water trough, he didn’t hear the first call from his sentry that a rider approached.

  Richard took an offered towel from his squire and dried his face.

  “Will you see the man?” the squire asked his master, knowing full well Richard had not heard the sentry’s announcement.

  “What man?”

  “A rider has been announced.” The squire motioned to the sentry on the battlement overhead.

  “A si
ngle rider?” Richard questioned. The sentry confirmed this. “Admit him.”

  The lone horseman rode into the castle and was soon surrounded by several of Richard’s knights. One held the man’s horse while the stranger dismounted. Richard strode forward to meet him.

  “I am the duke of Gavenshire. How might I help you?”

  The man was clearly amazed at being greeted by the duke himself; nevertheless it was hostility that sounded in his voice and not surprise. “I am Sir Roger Talbot, and you have my sister.”

  Richard stared at the man for a moment. “I do not believe I understand.”

  Roger’s anger surfaced more boldly, and several of the knights moved to stand beside their duke. “You have Helena!”

  Richard studied the man for a moment. “There abides here a young woman named Helena; that much is true. You claim she is your sister?”

  “Aye, that she is. King Henry told me himself that she was here. I’ve come to take her back.”

  “I see. Why don’t you come inside with me and we will speak to Helena on the matter.”

  “Helena has no voice in this. She will do as I tell her.” Roger was livid. His face was purplish-red, and veins in his neck were engorged.

  Richard narrowed his eyes. “Helena is under my protection, and I say we speak to her on the matter.”

  Roger gritted his teeth and realized the duke would not be bullied by him. “Very well,” he muttered.

  Richard motioned him to follow and called for one of the castle maids to seek out Arianne and Helena. The girl went quickly upstairs to the bedchambers while Richard took Roger to his private receiving room just off the great hall.

  “Perhaps we will be more comfortable here. Will you not have a seat?”

  “No.” Roger’s voice was clipped and cold.

  “Have I offended you in some way?” Richard asked, his eyes narrowing. “You barge into my home and make demands and do so with the utmost rudeness. What is there between us that merits such action?”

  Roger remembered Tancred’s dalliance with his sister Maude and frowned. “Your brother was John Tancred DuBonnet, was he not?”