And since nothing was going as I remembered it anyway, I wasn’t so sure that I wouldn’t.
“But I’m here tonight.”
He smiled, the expression reaching those emerald green eyes. “That you are.”
I found myself grinning back at him. Wordlessly, he took the box from my outstretched hand. He lifted the lid and removed the engagement ring from its cushion, rolling the diamond band in his fingers thoughtfully.
“We really need to talk,” I began, steeling myself against the overpowering urge to give in and choose the path of least resistance. “Can’t we go inside?”
He shook his head. “The cleaning lady’s in there. Running the vacuum. Mopping the floors. Dusting. The realtor’s coming over in the morning to write up the listing. Time to put the best face forward. I’m sure he’ll want to take pictures.”
His place was immaculate. I couldn’t imagine that the housekeeper would have to do more than a quick touch up to make the condo open house ready. Eric wasn’t the type to personalize much, he had the minimalistic vibe down pat. Unlike most that were putting their home on the market, he wouldn’t have to remove photos or box up collections.
“About that,” I shifted uncomfortably, “are you sure it’s really what you want to do?”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” he responded.
“Really, I think we should go inside. If you’re worried about her overhearing things, we can go in your bedroom and lock the door. We can even go in the bathroom and turn on the shower if privacy is the issue. It feels odd to stand in the middle of the hallway and do this.”
“Why?” He stared at me as if I were the one with the strange idea. “I have no problem confessing my love to you in public. Everyone’s going to know about it eventually anyway. So what if people come off of the elevator and watch me propose to you? Some people get off on that kind of stuff. Think about all the people who propose at restaurants; people love a happy ending.”
“You’ve already proposed, Eric,” I reminded him gently. “No need to do it again.”
“Ah, but the first time you didn’t say yes. So in reality, it doesn’t count.”
It had counted enough for me. It had turned my world upside down and forced me to confront the turmoil that I had pushed down for the last few months. Unbeknownst to him, his actions had caused me to make a decision. It wasn’t the one he’d be expecting.
He reached up to brush my hair away from my face, tucking the longest length of it behind my ear. His fingers lingered on my skin, tracing the line of my jaw. I involuntarily moaned, encouraging him. Though his touch felt pleasant enough, it didn’t burn me to the core. Now that I had something to compare it with, it was empty.
“Lauren Marie Jefferies,” he whispered as he sunk to one knee before me, “we will be wonderful together.”
His hand reached for mine, and I gave it to him. It was like I was having some sort of out of body experience, hovering just slightly above myself. Or maybe trapped inside, unable to control what happened next.
“Be my wife.”
It wasn’t a question. He slid the ring on my finger. My breath caught in my lungs as I watched in horror. I was suffocating as I stared at the diamond sparkling on my left hand. It looked enormous on my petite finger, as though it was swallowing me.
Overcome with emotion, he pulled me into him for a passionate kiss. My lips responded to his automatically. Force of habit, nothing more. Or so I told myself. Here in this moment, it felt good to have someone want me. Even if it wasn’t my first choice. I pushed down the guilt that washed over me as he held me at arm’s length to admire his latest acquisition. Clearly, he had taken my nonverbal cues as acceptance of his offer.
I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but no words would come. My legs threatened to buckle underneath me. My whole body shook, wanting to scream out that this wasn’t right. The walls began to blur and the building began to spin. I felt Eric grab my wrists to support me. I looked up in hopes of meeting his eyes to try to ground myself, but was instantly aware that he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking past me.
In slow motion, I turned.
Instead of seeing the wall behind me as I fully expected, I stared straight into the most beautiful pair of ocean blue eyes I had ever seen. Reflected in their depths was pain and torment like I had never witnessed. Matthew had been watching our whole exchange.
My heart seized as I attempted to pull away from Eric. His grip on me tightened, making me fight harder. I freed one arm, reaching out to Matthew in a wordless attempt to make him stay. I needed him to understand; needed him to believe me that this whole thing wasn’t my idea. Eric had again stolen the upper hand, somehow knowing that Matthew had followed me here even though I had had no clue. This hallway exchange had been orchestrated entirely for his benefit. I doubted if I walked inside the condo that his cleaning lady was even there.
The anger that flowed through my veins was strong enough to assist me in breaking away from my now fiancé’s grasp. Though if I took his words as gospel, since I didn’t answer him this time either, technically it still didn’t count. I could rip the offending ring off of my finger and toss it back at him, and we could all pretend that none of this had ever happened.
Except the expression on Matthew’s face told me he would never forget what he had seen.
He practically hovered behind me, suspended in his own disbelief, frozen in place. His lower lip trembled and he appeared to be having trouble breathing. I called out to him but he couldn’t hear me. His eyes were transfixed upon that gigantic diamond that graced my hand.
Even in his anguish, he was still the most beautiful person I had ever seen. My subconscious had dressed this version of him completely in white; the symbolism of that wasn’t lost on me. He was my angel in every sense of the word – he encompassed everything that was good and right with my life. Up until mere hours ago, he had been my protector, the one person I could count on to make me feel better.
Now he shook his head at me and turned to go.
I screamed his name, propelling myself forward to grab onto his arm, his shoulder, anything to keep him there. I should have been able to reach him easily, but the distance between us grew exponentially until it felt like we were miles apart. When I finally caught up to him, my hand passed straight through him and his image disappeared.
I fell, hard, to my knees where Matthew had just been. My body shook with sobs as I curled up into a ball on the floor. From his position above me, Eric laughed.
“Smoke and mirrors, Lauren,” he pronounced, “that’s all he ever was. That’s all those types of guys are.”
I glared up at him.
“He’s a jock; what did you expect? That guy has probably bedded so many girls with his lines and his fake sensitivity. Think about it. The criminal history only adds to the allure. Everyone wants to fix him, you included. You fell for his game hook, line and sinker.”
I wiped my eyes with my arm. “No, it’s not like that,” I said in weak protest, fearing he had hit the nail squarely on the head.
Eric laughed again. “Not so sure now, are we?”
I bit my lip as his hand extended downward to help me off of the carpet. Reluctantly, I offered my hand. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to a standing position. Once I was upright his hand slid to the small of my back, clutching me possessively to him.
“You’re a bastard,” I stated under my breath. Of course he heard me.
“I’ve never pretended not to be.”
Well, he had me there.
Chapter Six
The pounding woke me up. Where it was coming from I didn’t know, but I was awake. As soon as my eyes opened, I wished they hadn’t. Gracie’s apartment blurred in front of me causing my stomach to turn. I still held my cell in my hand, the muscles feeling like they had atrophied around it. With my free hand I clutched the couch cushion for support as I squeezed my eyes shut. It didn’t help. My head still throbbed and my hear
t raced frantically in my chest. And the pounding wouldn’t stop.
The door. I was pretty sure it was the door. I debated whether or not I should get up and answer it, then decided against it. Even if my legs hadn’t felt like lead, wasn’t it rude to answer someone else’s door?
It didn’t matter anyway. Gracie had emerged from her bedroom in far better shape than I was. She was upright, dressed in her sweats and t-shirt from last night, her long hair swept up into a very messy ponytail. By my accounts, she had matched my drinking glass for glass and probably then some. It was so not fair.
“Fucking give me a minute!” she screamed at the unnamed visitor as she crossed the tiny space.
I swallowed down a giggle and quite possibly made my stomach issues worse. I rolled on the couch in an attempt to find a more comfortable position. The only thing that accomplished was me falling to the floor, hitting my head against the coffee table on the way down.
“Really?” Gracie glared in my direction.
“Sorry,” I apologized, rubbing my forehead. I made no motion to get up. Obviously, I needed some assistance. I would just have to wait for her here.
With a loud sigh, she twisted the deadbolt and threw open the door.
“Good morning, Eric,” she said, placing enough emphasis on his name that I would notice.
Shit. What was he doing here? Remembering my dream, I lifted my left hand and breathed a sigh of relief at my naked ring finger.
“Where is she?” he demanded, never one for pleasantries.
“Who?” Gracie asked.
“Don’t play dumb. Her car’s parked here.”
“Oh, you mean Lauren? She’s not here.”
“Bullshit.”
“So now I’m lying?”
“Where else would she be?”
“If you must know, she was here. Her dad came this morning and picked her up. I think they went to go visit her mom.”
“Oh.” His voice softened considerably at the mention of my mother. Nothing like speaking of the dead to stifle someone’s rage.
“So before you go jumping to conclusions, she told you the truth. Nothing happened between her and Matthew, and she isn’t with him right now. In fact, she’s pretty sure that he wants absolutely nothing to do with her. She moved out of Blake’s house and has no idea what she’s going to do next. The one thing that she is sure of is that she did the right thing by not accepting your proposal.”
I bit my tongue to keep from commenting. Was that really it: my whole dilemma in thirty seconds or less? It all seemed so cut and dried; it couldn’t possibly be that simple. And despite what she alluded to, I wasn’t positive about any of it except the indecision.
Eric laughed, but it was a hollow sound. “Your words or hers?”
“Does it matter? She’ll come to that conclusion eventually.”
“Glad you’re convinced. Listen, will you give her something for me when she comes to get her car?”
The way he said it, I almost felt sorry for him. His typical arrogance was replaced by something unusual for him – humility. He was asking for help from the one person who could never be mistaken as his ally.
“Are you forgetting something, Eric? Namely that I don’t like you?”
“Gracie, please, do it for her. She left it at my place last night. It was a gift, and I want her to have it.”
“Fine. But only because it amuses me to have you grovel. If you want something else, you’ll have to kiss my feet.”
“Don’t push it.”
“Don’t make me. By the way, is your place still on the market?”
“Why? Know someone who’s looking?”
“No reason. Just wanted to remind you that your closing ratio is no longer impeccable. Maybe next time you’ll think before you leap. Good luck!”
Without giving him the opportunity to reply, she shut the door on him. I could only imagine the look of satisfaction that washed over her features as she walked over to me. As I heard her approach, I willed myself to sit up.
That was a mistake. Nausea came in waves, my skin clammy. I wiped my brow, more than a little shocked when my hand came back bloody. Apparently I had really done a number on myself when I had fallen down.
“Shit, Lauren,” Gracie confirmed as she knelt down beside me, “you’re bleeding.”
Now it was my turn to give her an incredulous look.
“Come on,” she said, pulling me up to a standing position. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”
I leaned on her for support more than I wanted to admit during the short trek to the bathroom. I reminded myself that I shouldn’t be embarrassed; after all, I had seen her in various states of bad shape. This was nothing more than payback. I vowed it would be the only instance. The whole drinking thing was highly overrated.
The combination of hangover, hitting my head and Eric’s impromptu visit proved too much for my stomach. I emptied its contents unceremoniously into her toilet as Gracie bent down next to me, rubbing my back. Tears filled my eyes as I retched.
“I don’t want to do this anymore,” I said pitifully.
“I know, sweetie. I should have stopped you last night.”
I shook my head and the room spun. I held on to the sides of the stool to ground myself. “Not just that. I don’t want to be sad anymore. I wish that none of this would have ever happened.”
“Oh, honey,” she soothed, pushing my hair back behind my ears. “It’s your first break up. They supposedly hurt the worst. Not that I’d ever know.”
“I wish I’d never met him,” I continued.
Gracie peeled me off of the floor and helped me to sit on the now closed toilet. She examined my head wound before speaking again. “I’m sure you had some good times with Eric. Certainly you wouldn’t have kept him around for ten years if he was like this the whole time.”
She grabbed a washcloth from the towel rack and ran it under the faucet, then dabbed at my cut. I winced, and she apologized.
“Not Eric. Matthew.”
Even saying his name hurt. Hot tears coursed down my cheeks. Gracie put the damp washcloth in the basin of the sink and embraced me, the gesture awkward due to the angle. I cried into her shoulder as she shushed me.
“Don’t say that. You don’t mean it.”
“It just hurts so much. I feel so dead inside. It’s not what I expected. I thought it would be easier to walk away than this, especially since I didn’t mean anything to him.”
“Lauren, stop,” she said softly, “you know that’s not true.”
“Do I?” I sniffled. “Maybe I just imagined things because I wanted them to be there. Because I was already having second thoughts about being with Eric. He was the most convenient person to crush over because he was constantly there. And somewhere along the line, I developed real feelings for him.”
I remembered back to my dream, rehashing the things my fictional Eric had said. They all made sense.
“Sure he was flirting with me. Blake told me how much of a player he used to be. My God, Gracie, I so totally fell for it. I know that he’s grown up since then, but old habits die hard. He was just looking for a conquest. But why push me away when he was about to get what he wanted? If all he was out for was another notch in his bedpost, why wouldn’t he sleep with me?”
“Because he loves you,” Gracie said simply.
I shook my head. “No. If he loved me, he would have come after me. He would have explained himself. He would never have let me leave. You know who came after me? Eric did.”
“Eric was about as hung over as you are. He just wears it better. And he hates to lose.”
I suddenly remembered overhearing a portion of their earlier conversation. “What did he give you?”
“It’s not important.”
I tried again. “What did he give you?”
Sighing, she jammed her hand into the pocket of her sweatpants and pulled out something. As she unclenched her fist and dropped it into my outstretched palm, I recognized it immediately.
It was the first piece of jewelry Eric had ever given me, a sterling silver locket suspended on a delicate chain. At the time I had thought it to be an extravagant present considering we both had part time minimum wage jobs. I had almost made him return it, but he insisted that I keep it.
He had been correct. I had left it at his place last night, though I didn’t anticipate him finding it so quickly. Knowing full well that I was going to end our relationship, I had carefully packed every piece of jewelry he had presented me with, placed the boxes into a plastic bag and stashed that into my purse. When he had marched me into the bedroom to retrieve the few items I kept at his place, I had smuggled it into the dresser drawer that I cleared out. I knew he would happen upon it at some point, just not this soon.
I stared at the trinket in my hand, turning it over and over in my palm. Taking a deep breath, I pried open the locket with my thumbnail. Inside was a tiny picture of my mom and dad, taken on their wedding day. The other side was empty. I remembered plain as day what he had told me when he had given it to me. In all seriousness, his sixteen year old self had told me that one day the other side would hold a picture of the two of us on our wedding day. I had laughed when he had told me – what a silly thing for a high school junior to say.
Now I clutched the locket to my chest and cried like my world was caving in on me.
Chapter Seven
As usual, George’s car was parked in the lot at work when I pulled in bright and early on Monday morning. Without fail, ours were the first vehicles there and the last to leave. While it was a running joke that the bank couldn’t function without me, when it came to my boss that was likely true. The amount of respect I had for him was great – to be compared to him was a huge compliment.
But today I needed to ask him for something, and the thought had my stomach turning in knots.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself. I settled back in my seat, flipping down the visor and opening the vanity mirror. The reflection that greeted me didn’t look too bad, considering everything that had happened during the last four days. My eyes flitted automatically to the tiny cut on my forehead. I tried to decide if it was noticeable, or if I was the only one who could see it simply because I knew what to look for. Gracie had done her best to convince me that if I parted my hair just right and brushed my bangs over it that no one would be able to tell. I wasn’t so sure. I was pretty certain that my stupidity would leave a scar.
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