Shattered

by Alicia Renee Kline

  “I was beyond embarrassed, but George came to my rescue.”

  “Did he fire Jeff’s ass?”

  “No, Jeff’s ass and the rest of him are still gainfully employed. Or interned. I’m not sure if it’s a paid gig or not. I sort of saw to it.”

  “Lauren,” she whined, “why do you give losers the benefit of the doubt? If someone had said that shit to me, I’d have personally escorted them out the door.”

  “He’s just a kid.”

  “A kid with a huge, judgmental mouth. Who now knows where Blake lives, probably where Matthew lives and it’s just a matter of time before he gets your new address.”

  Well, damn. She had a point.

  “But firing him wouldn’t change the fact that he already knew those things.”

  “A restraining order would.”

  “Not really. And commenting on someone’s sexual activities isn’t exactly threatening someone. It’s in bad taste, but not illegal. I hardly think that jealousy is punishable in a court of law.”

  “But it bothers you all the same.”

  “Yes,” I sighed, “namely because I can’t tell Matthew about it.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because that’s the whole crux of his self-loathing. That people will judge him on a few nights of stupidity. That everyone’s so close-minded like his parents are that they’ll just write him off. Jeff’s reaction is exactly what he expects. I just got him to believe that not everyone thinks like that; if he knew that I was behind the scenes defending his honor it would crush him.”

  “Couldn’t you just skirt around that part? You don’t have to tell him exactly what was said, just that Jeff’s going batshit crazy because he met you in the parking lot after work on Friday. You told me yourself that Matthew noticed Jeff watching you guys.”

  “I think I’ve got it under control,” I said warily. My gut told me that it was anything but. “I mean, he’s writing an apology letter that’s going in his personnel file. I’m being freaking escorted out to my car at night like I’ve got something to be afraid of. He’s not going to be allowed to distribute mail in my department. We won’t take lunch together anymore.”

  “But?”

  “But he saw Chris waiting for me after work tonight. Like he said, he’s not stupid. He’s well aware that Chris’s car didn’t belong to an employee. No one parks next to me on a regular basis, anyway. I walked over to the Civic and I talked to Chris; I know he watched that. It shouldn’t matter, but now I’m just feeding into his stereotype of being easy. I mean, two different guys in as many days?”

  “You should tell Matthew, hon.”

  I bit my lip, knowing she was probably right. “I’ll think about it.”

  “Lauren,”

  “Yes, mother,” I said in a sing-song voice, trying my best to joke around about it.

  “I’m serious.”

  “I told you I’d think about it. And I will. But why ruin the happy right now? Lord knows the two of us both deserve a little.”

  “Don’t worry. If you go missing, I’ll point the cops in Jeff’s direction.”

  “That’s not funny.”

  “I didn’t mean it to be.”

  “I really think you watch too many crime dramas.”

  “I really think you should tell your boyfriend.”

  Sensing that we were at an impasse, I finished the call and hung up. In the back of my head I knew that she was right. It wasn’t a good omen to begin a new relationship with as many secrets as I was keeping from him. But I needed time to map out my plan of just how to clue him in. I wasn’t about to betray Chris after he had put this whole reconciliation in motion. I needed to figure out a way to get to the bottom of things without letting it slip where I’d gotten my information. And the situation with Jeff – if in fact there really was one – I would have to take baby steps around that.

  I needed to sleep on things tonight at the very least. Morning would provide clarity, would remove me a bit from the events of today and let me see things with a level head. Talking to Gracie had helped tremendously, even though we didn’t agree on the finer points. She allowed me to vent without fear of being judged. Or at least she tried to.

  Like my dad had suggested earlier, I decided to text Matthew. Just hearing from him would put my mind at ease. When I’d left his house yesterday we hadn’t discussed seeing each other again. We were new to this whole relationship thing and I wasn’t yet sure of what moves I should make. I was afraid of looking too needy, but considering how much time we spent together when we were only friends it would take a while before I was even close to reaching the clingy level.

  What are you up to?

  I held my breath as I waited for his response. A mixture of nervousness and excitement coiled in my stomach as the seconds ticked past. When my phone buzzed with his message, I jumped.

  Wishing I hadn’t gone to Blake’s for dinner. You hungry?

  I stopped and got something on my way home.

  Lucky. Wish I had, too.

  You home now?

  Only if you’re coming over. Otherwise I’m on my way to your place. Assuming you want to see me? Punctuated with a winking smiley face, so I wouldn’t get the wrong idea.

  Stay there. I’ll come over. I’ll bring you something to eat; it’s kind of on the way.

  See you soon.

  Adrenaline flowed through my veins as I rushed about my house getting ready. As much as I should have anticipated us seeing each other tonight, I hadn’t. After my intense conversation with Chris, I’d come home and changed out of my work clothes into the first thing that I’d found in my dresser – an old t-shirt and a pair of knee length basketball shorts. I had a feeling that I could show up to his door in a trash bag and he would find me irresistible but I still changed. Feeling slightly more girlish in a flowery print top and a pair of capris, I debated if this would be an overnighter. I decided it wouldn’t hurt to plan ahead and grabbed my bag and a dress for tomorrow’s workday. I would leave it in the car to avoid giving the wrong impression.

  I swung through the drive-through at the same restaurant Chris and I had frequented earlier and picked up a combo meal for Matthew. I also ordered some french fries and a chocolate shake for myself, suddenly feeling regret that half of my sandwich had been thrown away earlier. Now that I thought about it, I was getting hungry again.

  Again, the third garage door was raised to allow me entrance when I arrived. He must not have noticed me pull in, for he didn’t come out from the house to greet me. I got out of the car, grabbed our food and walked up to the door that led inside. It was unlocked and propped open slightly. After lowering the garage door, I took a breath and hesitantly entered. I felt kind of odd just waltzing into his house like I owned the place, but it wasn’t like I was surprising him.

  As I walked down the hallway into the kitchen, I heard his voice coming from the living room. He was on the phone with someone. That explained him not meeting me in the garage. I set down the food on the concrete countertop, making sure that I made enough noise that he would notice I was there.

  As if on cue, he emerged from the other room, cell phone still in hand.

  “Lauren just got here,” he told the caller, “I’ll talk to you later.”

  He shoved the phone into his pocket upon disconnecting and gave me a quick kiss. I couldn’t help raising my eyebrow, a silent question forming as to whom he had been speaking with. Whoever it was obviously knew me, which gave me two options: Blake or Chris. Since he had just been with Blake, I had a sinking feeling it had been Chris.

  “That was Chris,” he confirmed.

  My face contorted involuntarily.

  “My biggest fan,” I muttered under my breath.

  “He’s actually coming around,” Matthew said with a trace of surprise.

  Blood rushed to my cheeks. I knew the reason for Chris’s change of heart, though if things went according to plan Matthew never would. Whatever answers Chris had been looking for had been unco
vered tonight. I should feel relief that I had passed the test, but I only felt guilt.

  “Maybe we should invite him over some night,” he continued as he reached into the bag for his sandwich, “you know, to clear the air between the two of you.”

  I choked on the mouthful of shake that I had just drunk. I grabbed the countertop for support as I swallowed it down. Matthew watched me from the opposite side, amused.

  “He’s really not all that bad. I promise he won’t bite.”

  Somehow I hadn’t yet reached the reality that if Matthew and I were together long enough – which I fervently hoped we were – that eventually he would want me to make nice with his best friend. Then Chris and I would be in the same room, pretending that we barely knew each other, that we had never had The Talk. I wasn’t sure I was that good of an actress.

  Gracie’s voice echoed in the back of my mind, encouraging me to come clean. Though her words had been directed more towards the Jeff situation, I knew they also applied here. If I told Matthew the truth he would never have to share it with Chris. It wasn’t as though we had talked about anything monumental; I wasn’t entirely certain why it was so important to Chris that we kept it under wraps. Then I would be able to address the questions that Chris had raised and have Matthew respond to ease my fears.

  “I thought you weren’t hungry,” Matthew said, unaware of my inner conflict as he pulled out the second container of french fries.

  “The more I thought about it, I guess I was. There’s always room for french fries.”

  He shrugged and handed them over. “Come on, let’s go in the living room.”

  He led the way and I followed him out to the couch. We plopped down with our food, me practically on top of him.

  “So what was for dinner tonight?” I asked, grateful for the opportunity to change the subject.

  “I think it was pot roast. Whatever it was had fossilized in the crock pot while she was at work. I may or may not have cursed you for leaving your appliances at her house.”

  He smiled the most beautiful crooked smile at me to let me know he was just kidding.

  “I should go over and confiscate them,” I mused.

  “Yes, you should.”

  “Besides, I have almost nothing at my house. Not that I cook much for myself, but still. One day I might.”

  “We should start having dinners with each other again. You, me and Blake. I miss those.”

  “Only because I can cook,” I joked. I missed them, too. “Do you ever think we’ll get that back? You know, that easy friendship that Blake and I had before I was sleeping with her brother?”

  “I think she still has to get used to that last factor, but yes. I told you that she was never mad at you and she wasn’t. But we did spring the intimacy part on her. She’s trying to stay out of our way for a little while. To let us figure things out on our own.”

  I nodded, considering. That made sense. I preferred her hands off approach to Chris’s confrontational one. Blake had fired off the “don’t hurt him” speech to me previous to us being involved, but now that we had gotten together she was allowing us our space.

  “We should plan something at my place this week,” I said, leaning against him. “After I get all my crap back, anyway. I want to show her my house. I know she’ll find all kinds of things wrong with the decorating, but she was kind of out of the picture for awhile.”

  Matthew laughed, an action that rumbled in his core. He held me tightly against him, our bodies moving forward in one fluid motion as he reached for the paper bag to dispose of his trash. We settled back against the cushion, silently content.

  I realized that nothing mattered when I was in his arms. I didn’t care about the questions that Chris had raised, not really. Matthew’s past was firmly behind him. Like Chris had so bluntly pointed out I was quick to forgive the arrests, the jail time, the general cockiness that had consumed him previously. If those huge trespasses didn’t change my feelings toward him, the fact that he had been way more sexually active than I had been surely shouldn’t, either. I told him I hadn’t wanted a number. He’d assured me there was no need to continue counting. I believed him, and the reality probably wasn’t as bad as I feared anyway.

  “Where did you go, Lauren?” he asked softly.

  His question jolted me from my reverie.

  “Hmmm?” I needed a moment to regroup, to contemplate what he was asking.

  “When you moved out of Blake’s. I know you didn’t have a house purchase already in progress.”

  I took his hand in mine, brushing my thumb over his smooth skin.

  “I stayed with Gracie that weekend. Then I rented a hotel room for a couple of months.”

  “So you were homeless?”

  “I wasn’t exactly living out of my car, but yes, I guess I was. I swallowed down my pride that Monday morning and begged George to help me get a mortgage. I knew I didn’t want to rent anymore, and I had to put down roots here because it became my home. I mistakenly thought that finding a house would be easier than it was. Gracie actually found my house for me and drove up here the day of the Red Wings game to show me. I put an offer on it the same day, and the rest is history.”

  Matthew released a deep breath. “That was a difficult day.”

  I squeezed his hand. “Tell me about it.”

  “You really sat outside Blake’s house that night in Gracie’s car?”

  I nodded, aware that he could feel my gesture even if he couldn’t see it from his position. “If I had been brave enough to ring the doorbell back then, would you have talked to me?”

  “Of course,” he said simply.

  “I was just frozen in place, so afraid,” I admitted. “I thought for so many months that you really didn’t care what happened to me.”

  “I always cared about what happened to you.”

  “As much as I tried to forget about you, to leave you in my past, it was like I couldn’t get away from you. Like even in your absence, you were still everywhere. My world continued to revolve around you. For example, I closed on my house the day we were supposed to go to the Parabelle concert. Unintentionally, of course.”

  He snorted. “That’s ironic.”

  “Yep. Gracie told me once that you orbited around me like I was the sun, but I think it was the other way around.”

  “I really don’t have an appropriate analogy for that one. Or would that be a metaphor?”

  “I’m pretty sure it’s a simile but I was an accounting major, so don’t quote me on that.”

  “Whatever it is, I hope your solar system is now fully intact.”

  I giggled. “It is. How about yours?”

  I turned around to face him, to stare deep into those impossibly blue eyes.

  “It’s never been better.”

  Our lips met, the kiss pure and sweet. Electricity flowed through my veins at his touch like it always did, even when it was whisper soft. Desire coursed inside me. I positioned myself so that I straddled him, then kissed him again, exploring his mouth with my tongue. I loved his taste, the feel of his ragged breath against my skin.

  As I deepened the kiss, I placed my hand against his chest to support myself. His heart pounded underneath my fingertips, washing away whatever doubt I may have held concerning his attraction to me. A low moan erupted from the back of my throat as his erection pressed against me. I felt my own pulse throbbing between my legs.

  Just when I expected him to make his next move, to slide his hand under some portion of my clothing to feel the heat of my bare skin, he pulled away entirely. Confused and more than a little disappointed, I narrowed my eyes and asked him what was wrong.

  “I have an idea,” he said, almost shyly. “I’ve never tried it before.”

  “Go on,” I urged, intrigued.

  “Let’s go swimming.”

  I remembered Blake telling me about his pool and how she preferred to come over here to swim instead of using the community pool in her subdivision. I couldn’t blame her
there. It was a warm night, just a week away from the official start of summer per the calendar and it would make sense that his pool would now be open.

  “I don’t have a bathing suit.”

  Those eyes sparkled mischievously. “You don’t need one.”

  I grinned back at him, my answer written all over my face. “Lead the way.”

  He grabbed my hand and we practically ran through the house to the patio door, stopping briefly along the way to collect a couple of towels. Within moments we were outside, staring up at the stars. It was a beautiful night, the sky clear. His backyard was nearly as secluded as the front, the in ground pool the perfect centerpiece.

  He set the towels down on a chaise lounge and proceeded to strip down in front of me. By now, I’d learned that he wasn’t exactly modest. With a body like his, he didn’t need to be. I stood watching the show, frozen in place. My heart accelerated. I felt my nipples harden as he turned his attention to me, his perfect form completely on display.

  “You’re wearing entirely too many clothes,” he murmured into my ear. His breath against my neck was intoxicating and I leaned into him, eager for more.

  Unlike the action of stripping off his own clothes, he took his time undressing me. His fingers caressed every button on my shirt as if he were providing foreplay to them as well. The torment of waiting was so deliciously sweet that I found myself both hating and loving it all at once. When the buttons were finally undone, he slid the fabric of my shirt away, leaving kisses on my shoulders and down my arms.

  The bra came next, just as slowly and deliberately as the blouse. My breasts ached for him to touch them. He made me wait, one strap at a time, then the familiar rush of air as the clasp was undone and they were exposed. His hands cupped them and he moaned as he bent down to take one into his mouth. His fingers brushed against the other, circling my erect nipple.

  By now I was having trouble breathing, let alone standing upright. He supported me with his hand, moving it around my bare back. He knelt before me, accommodating our height difference as he did so. From this position, he held me as he brought his lips to my chest, planting a kiss directly over my heart. It fluttered uncontrollably in response to the attention; I knew he felt it.