Shattered

by Alicia Renee Kline

  Again I stared at him in disbelief.

  “Because of you saying no, our lives turned out like we wanted them to. I was pissed at you at first. I really couldn’t believe that you would turn me down. I practically handed you everything on a silver platter and you turned up your nose at it.”

  “And you treated the proposal like it was a game. Like we were on some horrid reality television show. If you would have been sincere, you would have waited until we were alone. Or until it wasn’t Matthew’s birthday, at least. But you swooped in and said what you did out of spite.”

  “I would have married you, Lauren. I would have given you everything I promised. I really did love you. A part of me always will. I just had some outside sources pushing my hand on the subject.”

  “Namely my dad and my current boyfriend?”

  “Those would be the sources, yes.”

  “My dad told me about your conversation.”

  “I never doubted he would. And therefore, you also know that he warned me this could happen.”

  “Right.”

  “But I went into it as cocky as ever. And you didn’t back down and give in. Once I licked my wounds and regrouped, I decided it was for the best anyway. I don’t think that I’m the marrying type. I’m just not. Career is always going to come first. Sure, I’ll be in Atlanta for a while, then who knows what? There will always be something bigger and better and I’ll want to go out and chase it. It’s not fair to you, or to anyone else really, to expect someone to trail behind me like that.”

  “I trailed behind you for years, Eric.”

  He shook his head. “Not the same. I was the one who left and you stayed behind. I went away to college, but I came back. I traveled all of the time for my job, but home base was Indy. I had ties here the whole time. I was never really gone; I never left home, so to speak. When you marry someone, you can’t expect them to not move with you. I couldn’t live in Atlanta with you staying here. That’s why putting in for a promotion wasn’t an option for me until we broke up.”

  “And there were no promotions anywhere else?”

  He shrugged. “There was one in Chicago when we were still together, but it wasn’t viable, either. At least I wouldn’t want to commute that far.”

  “You wouldn’t have commuted from Fort Wayne to here,” I said softly.

  “No, I wouldn’t have. And I didn’t expect you to do the same, either.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me all this before?”

  “Because you were happy. Face it, you love your job. I wouldn’t ask you to give that up. Not seriously at least. The option was always there for you to do that, but I didn’t flat out beg for you to take it.

  “And the longer you were up there, the more I saw that we wanted different things. You enjoyed Fort Wayne. You enjoyed being without me. And I sat down here, bitter and resentful that I couldn’t have what I wanted, too.”

  “I became accustomed to being without you,” I clarified, “there’s a difference.”

  “But the end result is the same. We both moved on and forgot to tell each other.”

  “Or maybe we just didn’t realize how to tell each other. Maybe we refused to listen because we’re both too stubborn to give up.”

  He laughed, a laugh that reached his eyes. For a split second he reminded me so much of the sixteen year old that had promised me the world, the person that I had fallen in love with so long ago. The person who had saved up the wages from his part time job to buy me the locket that he vowed would one day hold our wedding picture.

  “We were good together, Lauren,” he mused, “until the day that we weren’t.”

  “Yes, Eric,” I concurred, “we were good together.”

  “But Matthew makes you happy in a way I never could. I can see it written all over your face, even though you’re trying to hide it in order to not hurt my feelings. I saw it a long time ago, before you were ready to admit it.”

  I blushed and shifted my eyes downward. Perhaps it was true that the further away you were from a situation, the more clarity you saw it with. Maybe that’s why I hadn’t admitted to myself what I’d truly felt for Matthew until I’d thought it was too late. Maybe that’s why I had pushed all of that hatred and resentment I’d felt towards myself for even being attracted to Matthew off on Eric. Eric had never been the cause of all of my problems.

  “Don’t ever be embarrassed for being in love, Lauren. It looks good on you.”

  I blushed even harder.

  “But if he ever hurts you, I’ll be on the first flight back here.”

  I laughed despite myself. “We both know he’d kick your ass. But I appreciate the support.”

  Eric grinned back at me. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

  He gestured to our now empty cups of coffee that sat beside our vacant plates. “Ready to go? I’m going to try to drive straight through. I’d like to sleep in my own bed tonight.”

  Surprisingly enough, my gut instinct was to tell him no. I wanted to spend more time with him before he left. I was actually starting to like him as a person again, once he had told me the motives behind everything. Instead I rose from my seat and grabbed my purse. He collected our trash and we walked out to the parking lot hand in hand.

  “I’m going to miss you, Eric,” I said impulsively.

  He squeezed my hand. “I’ll miss you too, Lauren.”

  We were standing between the Mustang and the BMW now, both of us refusing to let go. Before I could stop myself, the tears I had been fighting began to roll down my cheeks. He brushed them away with his thumb, lifting my chin so that I looked him straight in the eye.

  “You know I’m awful with goodbyes,” I sniffled.

  “Then we won’t say goodbye. We’ll just tell each other to drive safely. And to have good luck.”

  “Okay.”

  He pulled me into him for the longest time, resting his cheek against the top of my head. I settled comfortably against his chest, breathing him in one last time. I could hear his heartbeat under my ear, slow and steady. He was warm and familiar and the gesture soothed me, but nothing more. I didn’t want him anymore, not in that way.

  I closed my eyes and saw images of us swirling before me like I was watching home movies. Him asking me out for the first time. Him meeting my dad and the fear in his eyes when he did so. Our first kiss. Us becoming inseparable at school. Going to prom together – twice. We had shared so many firsts together, it was no wonder I was sorry to see him go.

  “You’d better go,” I said softly.

  He held me tighter for just a second, then kissed the top of my head. “I know,” he said.

  When he pulled away from me I saw the shimmer of tears in his eyes.

  “Guess I’m bad at goodbyes, too,” he said.

  I smiled up at him. “So we won’t say it. We’ll just say take care. I hope you make it home safely. I hope your new job works out for you. I hope you find everything you want and more.”

  “I love you, Lauren,” he said in response.

  “I love you, Eric,” I said and meant it. A part of me always would. “Now, go.”

  “You first.”

  I laughed. “On the count of three?”

  “I’ll see you around, okay?”

  I nodded. “You know where to find me.”

  I turned to unlock the Mustang before I was swept away in another round of tears. He held the door open for me, then closed it gently behind me, giving me a wave as he walked over to get into the BMW.

  I waited for him to pull away before even starting the Mustang. I watched as his car turned out of the parking lot and disappeared from view, taking my past away with it. Then I took a deep breath and drove home to my future.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “I can’t believe you told Matthew everything that happened with Eric, including that you both said you loved each other, but you won’t mention Stalker Jeff or Chris.”

  “Gracie, it’s different.”

  “How so?”r />
  I shifted my cell to my shoulder as I pulled my frozen dinner out of the microwave. I slammed the door shut a little harder than necessary out of frustration with my friend and sighed.

  “Eric is hours and several states away. We buried the hatchet. He told me he’s happy for me. End of story. Chris is Matthew’s best friend, who also swore me to secrecy about our little get together. And Jeff, well that’s no longer a problem.”

  “Yeah, and out of the three, Eric’s the only one you’ve slept with.”

  “Gracie!”

  “It’s true! And here you are, crying over him and telling him you love him. I knew I should have gone with you.”

  I laughed. “Gracie, if you would have come with me, the police would have needed to have been called.”

  “That’s better than what happened. You let him manipulate you. You fell for his lies, his false sincerity. I bet he tried to grab your ass when he hugged you.”

  “He did not. It was innocent. I admit it; I’m as shocked as you are.”

  I sat down at my kitchen table and took a bite of mashed potatoes. Definitely not as good as the real thing. But tonight, I was cooking for one. So back to my bachelorette lifestyle for the moment.

  “And you’re sure that Matthew’s cool with it? I mean, really?”

  “Yes,” I confirmed, “I wouldn’t have even gone if he would have been weirded out by it. As he told me, I deserved closure. Something more than the variety that I got when Eric and I broke up. So I checked that off the list and now we can move on.”

  And move on we had, beginning with my arrival back in Fort Wayne Saturday afternoon. The homecoming had lasted the remainder of the weekend and continued until this morning, when we’d reluctantly parted ways to go to work.

  “Matthew’s a saint and you’re an idiot. Speaking of which, where is he tonight?”

  I speared a piece of meatloaf on my fork and ate it before answering. No matter how badly it tasted, it was probably a better dinner than Matthew was enjoying. And I used the word “enjoying” very loosely.

  “He’s with Blake. I’m sure we’ll catch up later on tonight.”

  “So the two of you haven’t sorted things out yet?”

  I shrugged automatically, even though no one was there to witness it. “She’s a hard one to read. Always has been. Matthew says that she’s just letting us have our space, but I think there’s more to it. I keep telling him that we need to start doing our dinners together again and he agrees, but so far we haven’t set anything up. I just need to be patient and give her time. If she wants me to know, she’ll tell me.

  “Besides, I’ve totally ignored Regina during all of this. I owe her details, so she’s coming over once Brian gets home from work and they eat dinner. I miss Quinn, too.”

  “Ugh, babies.” I could literally hear Gracie shudder at the thought.

  “Just wait a couple of years and you’ll change your mind,” I said with a laugh.

  She cleared her throat loudly. “I think I’m missing another important factor in the equation as well.”

  “Well, now that my love life is resolved, we’ll work on yours.”

  “I can hardly wait.”

  My train of thought was interrupted by the doorbell ringing. I rose from my chair, phone still in hand, to answer it. “Hold on, Gracie, someone’s at the door.”

  “I can go if you want me to. It’s probably Regina and your tiny boyfriend anyway.”

  I laughed, though I doubted her interpretation of things. When I’d gone in the kitchen, Brian hadn’t been home yet. Unless they’d had the quickest dinner in history or Regina’s thirst for gossip was stronger than her desire to feed her husband, it wouldn’t be her.

  “No, it’s probably just someone trying to sell me something. Hang tight.”

  I placed my cell on the coffee table and unlocked the door, pulling it open. There was no one there on the other side to greet me. No salesman retreating down my driveway in defeat. I hadn’t even taken that long to answer. Just as I was about to write it off to neighborhood kids playing pranks, something caught my eye. I opened the screen door to get a better look.

  Placed on the porch was a legal sized manila envelope. It wasn’t laying flat like it only contained papers; it bulged in the center and wasn’t fastened shut. I stooped down to pick it up, then shook my head and went back inside.

  I picked the phone back up.

  “So, who was it?” Gracie asked in response.

  “No one was there,” I admitted, “but whoever it was left something.”

  “Define something.”

  “I’m not sure what it is. It’s an envelope.”

  “So open it.”

  For some inexplicable reason, I was afraid to. But Gracie would keep pushing and pushing until I did. If I refused to, she would attempt to teleport herself to Fort Wayne to do it for me.

  With a sigh, I stuck my hand in the open envelope to pull out the contents.

  Something dug into my finger as I did so and I let out a little squeak of surprise. I jerked my hand back out and saw that I was bleeding.

  “God damn it,” I said as I sucked on my injured index finger.

  “Only you, Lauren, can hurt yourself while opening an envelope.”

  “There’s something sharp inside,” I said in my defense.

  I popped up from the couch to grab my scissors from the junk drawer in the kitchen. Returning to the scene of the crime, I poked at the package hesitantly. Deciding that it probably didn’t contain explosives, I cut down the the seam on the left hand side and pulled it open.

  Immediately I saw what had cut me. A single rose provided the bulk of the package, thorns and all. It wasn’t your typical florist shop variety, though. I was pretty sure you couldn’t just walk in somewhere and purchase one that had been dyed black. At least not without raising suspicions.

  I carefully pushed it aside, ignoring Gracie’s pleas on the other end to tell me what was going on. The rose wasn’t the most disturbing item of the lot. Dramatic, yes, but not the heart of the message. No, what made my blood run cold were the photographs.

  I flipped through them, though I didn’t need to glance at them for long to know exactly what they showed. They were grainy, taken with a low quality cell phone camera and developed at the nearest one-hour photo place. Even so they got their point across.

  Some showed me sitting with Chris at the restaurant after he’d met me at work. The photographer had captured Chris’s hand on my wrist, him leading me out to the parking lot, him giving me a awkward hug to comfort me before he’d left. Out of context, they looked like we got along way better than we actually did.

  More attention had been given to my outing with Matthew beside the pool. Pictures of him undressing me, kissing me, of us after our swim. A couple of us curled up in each other’s arms, asleep. Thankfully, whoever it was hadn’t captured anything graphic, but the shock value was still there. Someone had been there, though Matthew had dismissed it as nocturnal wildlife.

  It didn’t stop there. There were pictures of Eric and me down in Indy over the weekend. Us smiling at each other over our coffee, him wiping the tears from my eyes as we said goodbye. Us embracing, him kissing me on top of the head.

  As if I needed any more hint as to the message the sender was trying to convey, it was written in big block letters across the last photo in the stack, a picture taken of me as I pulled away from the coffee shop in the Mustang.

  Whore.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Gracie insisted on calling Matthew, though I told her that I was fully capable of doing it myself. I begged her not to make things worse by telling him anything before I’d had a chance to talk with him first. She didn’t respond to my request, insisting only that she’d call me back in a few minutes.

  In the meantime Regina and Quinn did come over, though they probably would have stayed at home had she known what she was getting herself into. She denied seeing anyone over at my house, though I already knew who
was responsible.

  So things with Jeff hadn’t been resolved. He’d heeded my wishes in the workplace, writing me a form letter of apology. Then he’d gone out and followed me around town. And down to Indianapolis. The two hour drive was the thing that impressed upon me most. He had followed me that far to prove his supposed point. How had he known about that? What if I’d just been headed down to visit my dad or Gracie? He’d have been sorely disappointed, that’s what.

  Matthew showed up in record time with Blake in tow. It wasn’t exactly how I’d planned on welcoming her to my house for the first time, but we’d just have to make due. Whatever Gracie had told him had him in a panic; when I opened the door to them, he’d taken me in his arms and just held me.

  “Thank God you’re okay,” he said, his face buried in my hair.

  “I’m fine,” I assured him, “it’s really no worse than a paper cut.”

  I pulled away from him and showed him my bandaged finger. I’d managed to run to the bathroom between Gracie freaking out and Regina showing up to do a little first aid on myself. He wasn’t amused at me making light of the situation.

  “You know that’s not what I meant,” he said.

  “Gracie’s blowing this out of proportion,” I declared, “it’s really no big deal.”

  I turned to Blake to garner her support but she just stared at me. I supposed that had a lot to do with my words not even being convincing to myself.

  “So, this is my house,” I continued, fully aware that I was babbling nervously, “and my neighbors, Regina and Quinn. This is Matthew and Blake. They’re brother and sister.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Regina said cheerfully. She eyed Matthew appraisingly. Though she had seen him in my driveway multiple times by now, they hadn’t formally met. She appeared to like what she saw.

  Blake jumped to attention as if she’d just realized that there were other people here. She smiled warmly, her focus on the baby in Regina’s arms. “Hi there.” To be fair, Quinn seemed taken with her as well.

  “Blake’s popular with the boys,” Matthew cracked, “apparently at all ages.”