When You Love a Scotsman

by Hannah Howell

  “Please don’t leave me. Please.”

  “Give me a kiss, love.”

  Still weeping, Julia bent near and kissed him. She was just straightening up when the man lost his grip on life. Abbie jumped when Julia screamed but quickly grabbed her when she reached for Robert’s body. Matthew stepped up and took over for Abbie, holding Julia firmly even as the woman started to slump down. When Julia was finally out cold he swung her up into his arms and looked at Abbie.

  The doctor stepped up before she could and did a quick examination before turning to Abbie. “She has had a severe shock. They can often bring on labor in a woman close to her time so she will need to be watched. It could happen soon or take a few days depending on how well she recovers.”

  “I understand. I also fear she is not one who will overcome the shock easily,” Abbie replied and accepted the small bottle the doctor gave her. “What is this for?”

  “If she is too overwrought, it will calm her. Try to give her as little as possible since she is with child. You just want to try and keep her calm.”

  Abbie nodded. “Maybe she will be a quiet griever.”

  The doctor nodded and patted her on the shoulder. “It is very sad. He was very happy about his child, even talked to me about how one can best care for a babe. I think he would have been a good father.”

  Abbie suspected the same. She also had the feeling he would have been a pretty good husband, too. It was all just so sad, even Abbie felt choked up and knew she would have a good cry about it all later. She led Matthew out of the infirmary.

  “It is sad,” Matthew said.

  “So sad. I wish I had another word for it. It seems like it deserves a much better word. She is not going to take this well. Julia is not a strong woman. She is one who is easily hurt. I think she had a lot of dreams wrapped around Robert and their marriage. Funny thing is she asked me earlier this week if I believed in people who can sense something bad or good happening to them.”

  “What did ye say?”

  “I did not say yes or no, just pointed out a few ways it did not make sense to put much weight on a feeling. Now I am wondering if she was having a bad feeling about her future.”

  “Who has not had one in this war?”

  “True.”

  She entered the Beaton house, pleased to see everyone had returned. The women all rushed over when Matthew stepped in holding Julia. “What happened to her?” asked Rose.

  “Robert died,” said Abbie.

  “Oh no,” said Rose, and all the others clapped a hand over their mouths as they gasped in shock.

  “She at least got to speak to him before he passed,” said Abbie, who then looked at Matthew. “Do you think you can get ahold of his information on his family? He was quite desperate for her to get in touch with them.”

  “If it is there, I will find it. Now, where is her bed?”

  Abbie led him up the stairs. When he set Julia down, she took off the woman’s shoes and tucked her in. It was her hope that Julia would sleep for a long time. It was what she needed and it could be enough to take away some of the shock. She doubted it could ease her pain. That would take a very long time.

  Matthew took her by the hand and tugged her out of the room. He had the feeling she would be stuck in there a lot over the next few days. Julia did not strike him as a strong woman, and Abigail’s words had confirmed that. The woman would carry her grief deeply and for a very long time, requiring a lot of sympathy and care. He would make sure he came by and dragged Abigail away from time to time.

  “He will be buried as soon as can be. Do you think she will want to know?”

  “Maybe. Just let me know and I will decide then. I have no idea how soon she will be able to handle anything. It is a decision I can only make at the last moment.”

  “All right.” He brushed a kiss over her mouth. “Don’t forget to get some rest.”

  “I won’t.”

  She watched him go down the stairs, sighed, and then went into the room she shared with Julia. The woman was still sound asleep but she had turned onto her side so there was a chance she had already slipped into a natural sleep. Abbie threw herself down on her bed and then realized she still had her coat on. Forcing herself back up, she took it off, hung it up, and then changed into her nightgown. Once set, she checked again on Julia before climbing under the blankets and closing her eyes.

  For a few moments, she gave in to the sadness she felt for two young people who had lost their chance at a full and possibly happy future. All because the two sides of the country could not agree. They were slaughtering their young with this war, she thought, and used a handkerchief to dab away the tears on her cheeks. Women were losing their beaus and husbands, the ones they had and the ones they might have had. Mothers were weeping over their sons and so many children had no fathers now. She closed her eyes, forcing herself to stop thinking of what was lost today, and trying to go to sleep. Just as she felt it slipping over her, pulling her mind and body down, she heard Julia.

  Turning over, Abbie looked at Julia who was thrashing around in her bed. She got up wondering what could be done to soothe her when Julia sat up and screamed. Even as she hurried to the bed to grab the woman, she heard all the other women racing up the stairs to come to stand in the doorway.

  “No, no, no, no!” Julia cried, and Abbie took her into her arms. “My beautiful Robbie. No, no, no, no. I want him back, Abbie. I want him back.”

  Stroking her hair, Abbie said, “I know you do, Julia. I am so very sorry.”

  “It is not fair,” she whined then sobbed. “We would have been such a good family.”

  Abbie glanced at the women in the doorway and found no help because they were all crying silently and searching for their handkerchiefs. “I know and, yes, you’re right. It is not fair but I fear, quite often, life is not fair. Robert should not be dead. Boyd should not be maimed in one arm. That man in the bed next to him should not have to be facing life with his legs gone at the knee. Children should not have to stand at their father’s grave and wives should not have to bury their husbands. Parents should not have to weep over the grave of a son who never had the chance to give them grandchildren. All I can say is I am sorry. More sorry than I can ever say. It is the horrible cost of war, Julia.”

  “I know that.” She sniffed and then continued crying. “I know it in my head. But my heart, Abbie! My heart keeps crying that it is not fair,” she said, her words ending in a wail. “I would have made him so happy.”

  “Yes, you would have. Even the doctor thought so.”

  Julia pushed Abbie away and lay back down. She then noticed all the women standing in the doorway. “Oh. Hello. Sorry I am such a mess.” She used the sheet to wipe at her eyes and all the ladies crowded around the bed, but it did little good because the tears kept flowing.

  “No, dearie,” said Maude as she patted Julia’s arm. “Don’t apologize. We just want you to know you are not alone.”

  “Thank you.”

  As the women comforted and soothed, a few even offering the truth of their husband’s death, Julia calmed a little but Abbie was not fooled. She knew she was in for a few exhausting days. Julia saw her loss as unfair and Abbie was sure that was going to cause her to cling to her upset for quite a while. She did not expect the girl to get over her loss quickly under any circumstances—she certainly had not—but she did hope Julia did not hang on to this kind of grieving for too long. It could damage the child or worse, cause it to come before its time.

  By the time the women left, Julia’s eyes were closing. Abbie sat beside her until she fell asleep and then crawled into her own bed. She fell asleep quickly but suddenly she was yanked awake by deep wracking sobs. She glanced at the squat clock on the bedside table and saw that she had slept barely three hours. Getting up again, she glanced at the bottle the doctor had given her. Not yet, she thought, as she sat on Julia’s bed and began to rub her friend’s back. It was going to be a very long night though. Just once, she thought,
she would like to have a peaceful night’s sleep.

  * * *

  Abbie woke to Noah leaning over her and groaned. Then she recalled why she was so tired and looked over to find Julia fast asleep. She wished she could do the same but looked at Noah who grinned at her.

  “What do you want?”

  “Just wondering if you are going to sleep all morning.”

  “That would be nice.” She rolled over, turning her back on him, but he tapped her on the shoulder.

  She rolled back to look at him. “What?”

  “You told me I had to tell someone if I was going somewhere, and I am.”

  “Where?”

  “I am going to the store.”

  “Alone? Do you understand the money part of it all and do you have any?”

  “I have a little. I want to see if the store man can get us some books.”

  “Can you wait to do that for just a little while? I will get up soon and we can go together.”

  “Okay.”

  The moment he left she rolled over and closed her eyes. For a few minutes she enjoyed it, but then a nagging thought kept her from falling asleep. Noah was a child. A child would not understand that a little while could be a few hours. He would probably be back in a few minutes. Sighing, she got out of bed and rubbed her hands over her face. She promised herself a nice long nap in the afternoon.

  Getting dressed, she washed her face and tied back her hair. After donning her shoes and gathering up little money she had, she trudged down the stairs. She found Noah in the kitchen eating a lovely cooked breakfast. Mabel served her a big cup of coffee the moment she sat down at the table then proceeded to cook her a breakfast. After some coffee, Abbie woke up enough to wonder where the woman got the food.

  “Have some supplies come in?” she asked.

  “They did. Two full wagons, so your lieutenant brought us over some.”

  “That was good of him. I hope they could spare it.”

  “I didn’t ask, which was a bit rude of me, but I was not about to do anything to make him take it back.”

  “Probably wise.”

  “I did make him a nice breakfast from it though.”

  Abbie smiled and then proceeded to eat the plateful Mabel set in front of her. She was just wondering if Matthew would come back, when he appeared at the back door and rapped on it. Mabel gave him a gesture to come in and he did, then took a seat opposite her. He looked well rested she thought a little sourly and then felt guilty for the thought.

  “Ye are up far earlier than I expected.” He looked at her face. “Earlier than ye wanted to, I suspect.”

  “Was that a polite way of telling me I look exhausted?”

  He smiled. “My poor attempt at it, aye. Julia?”

  “Yes, Julia. She is taking it very hard. It wakes her up in the night.”

  “And then wakes ye.” He glanced at Noah who was concentrating on his food. “But I suspicion it was not Julia’s grief that woke ye up this morning.”

  “I didn’t wake her up. I was just looking at her to see if she would wake up and then she opened her eyes.”

  Abbie could tell that the way Matthew had a hasty drink of the coffee Mabel set in front of him that he was fighting to hide a grin. “Noah wants to go to the store to see if he can get Mr. Darby to get some children’s books in.”

  “Ah. Read all the ones ye have, eh?”

  “Yes,” said Noah.

  “Weel, I can have a look through town and see what I can find if you want.”

  “That would be helpful, but I don’t think we ought to just steal from anyone who left them behind.”

  “Nay, it isn’t stealing, it is borrowing. We will put them back when they are done.”

  She rolled her eyes and pushed her empty plate aside. Seeing that Noah was done she added his empty plate to hers and carried them to the sink. Then she sat back down to finish her coffee. When she finished her coffee she looked at Noah.

  “We can go now.”

  The boy jumped out of his seat and waited with obvious impatience for her to join him, but Abbie looked at Matthew. “Perhaps I will see you later.”

  “I think that is a real possibility.”

  Walking off with Noah to get their coats, Abbie decided that Matthew was a bit fresh in the morning. She caught the boy by the hand and they walked off to the store. It did not surprise her to find no books there, but the man kindly lent her two that he and his wife had kept around for their grandchildren when they came to visit. Then she walked back to the house and, once inside, looked at Noah.

  “I am going back to bed for a while.”

  “Why?”

  “Because Julia is very upset and kept waking me up all night long and I got very little sleep.”

  “Oh, but will you be awake later to read us a story?”

  “I will do that when it is time for you to go to bed.”

  “Okay.”

  She shook her head as she watched him run up the stairs and into the children’s room. Then she slowly made her way back to her own room, found Julia still sleeping and, after hanging up her coat, she got ready to go to bed. She prayed no one had any emergency or upset because she intended to sleep for a few hours, and if someone woke her before then, she suspected she would not be pleasant. She crawled into bed and snuggled down beneath the covers, tensing when Julia whimpered. When no other sound came after a few moments she closed her eyes and went to sleep.

  Chapter Eight

  “It still cannot be moved much.”

  Matthew grimaced. “It has just finished healing, Boyd. The scar is still raw. Ye need to give it time.”

  Boyd slumped in the chair he sat in. “There is no strength in it at all.”

  “It needs to be worked with. That is what the doctor said. The strength will come if ye work it enough and in the right way.”

  “What is the right way?”

  “Ye should be asking the doctor about that. He will ken what it needs.”

  Boyd sighed and rubbed a hand over his forehead. “Do you think Abigail might have an idea?”

  “Lass kens a lot that surprises me so she might do. Ye want me to bring her round? Or we can go to see her in a few hours. She is helping the doctor right now.”

  “Ah, he did say she was good. He even said she could be a doctor as she has the instinct if people let her. Did you know she talks to every Reb brought into the infirmary or captured? She asks after her brother.”

  “She told me. She hasnae gotten the answers she seeks yet.”

  “Do you think she ever will?” Boyd asked.

  “I dinnae ken how she can find out anything. Armies are too big and spread all over the country. There were a lot of men coerced into the army or dragged in. Too many, I think, for anyone to recall one fellow. No one is going to recall one young man out of hundreds.”

  “No, most likely not.”

  “She’ll find him when he wanders back home.”

  “If he wanders back home.”

  “Nay, we will think when. Dinnae want to tempt fate.”

  “Certainly don’t,” Boyd muttered, staring at his limp arm.

  “Laddie, ye still have the limb. Many a field doctor would have lopped it off.”

  “Why?” Boyd reached for his wounded arm, absently rubbing at it.

  “Infection, the way some limbs can wither if unused, and who kens what else. Ye still have the arm. Let that be enough for now. And I think ye havenae given up all hope yet. Ye are rubbing it just like the doc and Abbie said ye should. Really, give it time.” Matthew moved his seat closer. “Now, how about we try some of the lifting that they did suggest.”

  “Don’t understand why one should work a dead arm,” Boyd complained as Matthew wrapped a sandbag around his arm just below his elbow and tied it on.

  “Keeps it from withering, I suspicion. Let’s see if we can lift the arm up.”

  Matthew only got it lifted up once and Boyd moaned, sweat breaking out on his brow. “Not ready for that
then.” He started just gently lifting Boyd’s forearm up until the boy regained his composure. “Keep it simple. The upper arm obviously needs more time to heal.”

  “Do you think that is why I can’t move it?”

  “Could be. Too soon to ken that, but this is good, too.”

  After a half hour Matthew took the weight off. He looked at Boyd. The younger man look exhausted and it puzzled him. If there was no feeling in the arm, why would it being moved tire him out? Then he reminded himself the wound had been a bad one.

  “Are ye staying here at the infirmary or coming back to where we’re bunking?”

  “I think I am staying here a little longer.”

  “Probably best until lifting that arm doesnae make ye nearly go down. Weel, I will wander by tomorrow. For now I am going to see Abigail. She must be back at the Beaton house by now.”

  “How is she doing? Getting along fine at that house?”

  “Aye, but I have the feeling young Abigail is one who can make her way anywhere.” Matthew smiled when Boyd laughed. “Perhaps this time she and I will go walking to get away from all the women and will not get shot at.”

  As he left the infirmary, Matthew hoped the young man’s arm would heal. It would almost be better to have lost the arm than to go on with it hanging uselessly at one’s side. He suspected Boyd might not agree. Despite how despondent he got over the problem, it was obvious that Boyd still clung to the hope that it would get better, which was a possibility. Matthew would do his best to say nothing that might crush that hope.

  He had had enough of the war. It was undoubtedly selfish and unpatriotic but he was worn to the bone. He missed his home and family until it was a continuing ache in his very bones. He decided what he needed was to see Abigail, then groaned. When his body tightened at the mere thought of her, it was past time for him to do some hard thinking about the woman and their future.

  He rapped on the Beaton house door and Mrs. Beaton answered. If he did not already know the woman he would have been cowed by the scowl on her face. Instead he asked for Abigail and was told to wait in the parlor. He hoped it would not take too long to get her and went to sit on the settee.