Lucky Me

by B. B. Donnelly

  Tim slowly pushes away from me with a wink. I really want to throw up. I glance at Ash, but he is staring hard at Tim. He finally looks at me and I stare back, feeling dead inside. I can see it. Ash knows that something isn’t right with Tim.

  Ash was always good at reading people and situations. He doesn’t say a word, but I can feel it. It shames me. This is the second time; I have been in trouble. Why do guys feel like they can take advantage of me?

  “So, all the girls throw themselves at you?” Tim asks the boys. I grab a water bottle out of the fridge.

  “Yeah, it was annoying.” Michael says with a face.

  “Man, you guys are so lucky. All those pretty little things wanting a piece of you.” Tim says, jealousy pouring out.

  I pause before shutting the fridge and try not to vomit. I knew Tim had a thing for young girls. Mom would never believe me.

  “Aren’t you a little old to be talking about high school girls.” Ash says coldly.

  “Oh, come on, I’m still a guy. I can appreciate beauty. Besides, girls these days and how they dress…” I turn and look at Tim in shock. Tim grabs me by the arm, pulling me to his side.

  “I mean, look at Charleigh, she is gorgeous. Just by looking at her, you would think she was at least twenty. And I know for a fact she is no innocent teenager. I have heard her and her boyfriend screwing like rabbits in her room. Girls these days are a lot more mature if you know what I mean…”

  I am mortified. Michael is standing there in shock and Ash is cool as a cucumber, but I can see his jaw is clenched. Tim sees their faces and starts to back pedal. He releases me.

  “Sorry that came out wrong. I mean to say that girls are dressing more maturely, and you can’t always tell how old they are and…”

  “I think you’ve said enough.” Ash states, calmly and coldly. The tension can be cut with a knife.

  “Yeah, you’re right. Hey, I gotta go. See you guys later.” Tim makes a hasty exit. I release a sigh of relief without meaning too. Ash catches on to it.

  “Has he touched you?” Ash asks.

  I meet his eyes and I don’t say a word. I just look at him. I don’t know what he sees, but I see a flash of pity. I don’t want his pity. Tim has touched me. He has hit me because my mother told him too. He touches me inappropriately every time he is around. So, yes, he has, but I can’t tell him that and I can’t lie to him.

  “Charleigh?” Michael says my name with concern.

  I grab my stuff off the table and run up to my room, locking the door behind me.

  I start on my homework and I hear my mom come home. I pull on my earbuds and lose myself in the music. I spot my pink songbook under my pillow and pull it out. I open it.

  This book contains my life. It is my diary of my life made through my lyrics, my words, my music. In this pink book is the song I wrote that changed my life forever. Here is the proof that I wrote it, not The Orphans, but I will never do that. I will never be that Charleigh again. I haven’t been able to write for a long time. Nothing has inspired me. I pick up a pencil and begin. I pull through the emotions of the day, the anger, the jealousy, the hurt….

  The next thing I know I’m at my keyboard, playing a song. I’m so lost in my words that I don’t even realize I’m singing out loud. I’m singing and crying.

  I start sobbing. Partly, in relief that I can still write and sing. It was such a huge part of my life. I can’t let it go anymore. It is me. I can’t let everyone win. This is my life. I need to get it back. I push away from my desk. Something catches my eye.

  I look over to my open window. Ash is leaning out of his window looking directly at me. Shock fills me. Oh no! He heard me. His gaze is intense. I harden myself to him and not let him embarrass me. I walk to the window, without taking my eyes off him. I shut the window and pull the curtains. I swear I can hear him chuckle. I’m glad he finds my life so amusing.

  I hear my mom, Michael, and Tim downstairs. From the sounds drifting upstairs, dinner has been served. I shut off the lights in my room, except for my night light and change into my booty shorts and tank. I try to forget this horrible day. I lay down on my bed, close my eyes, and pray for a better day tomorrow. Good luck with that….

  I wake up suddenly. Something is off. I hear my doorknob rattling. Shit. I forgot to put the chair against it. I fly off my bed and run to the window. Shit! This is why I keep it open. Shit, shit, shit. I can hear the lock being picked. Fuck!

  I unlock the window, I push it up, making more sound then I meant too. I throw one leg over the ledge and then the other. I scoot over until I can reach the lattice on the side of the house. I climb down as fast as I can. I hear something being knocked over in my room and a muffled curse. I duck down next to the bushes.

  “Looking for something?” My eyes fly up to Ash’s window. He is leaning out and looking directly into my window.

  “Uh, yeah, have you seen Charleigh? Her mom was worried about her.”

  “Nope, can’t say that I have.” Ash responds coldly.

  “Okay, well thanks, let us know if you see her.”

  “Will do. Hey, word of advice, next time you go looking for a teenage girl, you might want to put some pants on. It doesn’t look good, if you get my drift.” Ash says calmly.

  “yeah…um…. yeah, thanks…” Tim’s voice fades off and I hear my bedroom door close. I squeeze my eyes shut, praying he doesn’t notice me.

  “You can come out now. He won’t bother you tonight.”

  For the first time in years, I hear the old Ash. My friend. The one that looked out for me. I look up and the light from his room is highlighting his silhouette. I can’t see his eyes, but I know he is looking at me.

  “Thanks, but I’ll just take a walk. I can’t sleep when he is in the house.” There is no denying what happened. I get up and brush off the grass. I start to walk away.

  “Charleigh.” I glance up at him. “Go to bed. I’ll keep watch. You can sleep tonight.”

  I don’t know what to say, but I can feel how sincere he is. I just nod. I turn slowly to the lattice and start to climb back up. I feel his eyes on me. When I reach my window, I swing myself up, grabbing on to the side. Once I’m back inside my room, I turn and face him.

  “Thank you.” I whisper.

  Now, I can see his face and he is beautiful. He has messy hair and the most gorgeous eyes. But more surprising is that I can see a kindness there that I thought was gone forever.

  “Get some sleep.” He demands.

  I give him a small smile and I head to my door. I lock it and put a chair underneath the handle. I climb into bed and I can feel him watching me.

  “Goodnight Ash.” I whisper into the darkness….

  Chapter Four

  "Charleigh! Get down here!”

  God, that woman drives me crazy. I pull myself away from my song book and lay down the pencil. I shut my door on my way down to crazy town.

  “Charleigh!”

  “I’m here, what?” I say as I enter the kitchen.

  Tim and Mom are standing there, and she has a huge grin on her face. I know that grin and my heart sinks. Not again and please not with him.

  “Charleigh, we have some news.”

  “You’re getting married.” I say dryly. My mom’s face drops instantly, and I know I should have pretended to be happy.

  “Yes.” She says through clenched teeth.

  “Make sure to sign the prenup.” I say and start to leave the room. My mom grabs my arm hard, squeezing it.

  “You will not ruin this for me!” She hisses. She jerks me around and my stomach slams into the kitchen counter. I gasp from the pain.

  “Cindy, let me talk to Charleigh in private.” Tim says, and I feel Mom relax her hold.

  “Fine, see if you can get her to behave.” Fear slams into me.

  Next thing I know she pushes me into Tim. He grabs me and starts to drag me into the office. I know I can’t go into that room. I start pushing, pulling, dragging, but he is just too stron
g. I look for my mother and glimpse her with her face in her hands.

  She is supposed to protect me. He whirls me into the office, and I fall to the floor. I’m scrambling, trying to get up, and to the door, but I’m too late. He locks it and turns to face me. I crawl backwards from him.

  He advances on me and I search for any kind of weapon. I see him bring his foot back and next thing I know unbearable pain hits me in the side. The son of a bitch kicked me. He keeps kicking me.

  I try to hold back the cries, I try to turn away from him, but he just keeps kicking me. I hear every grunt of pain I make and bite my lip to stop making the sounds. This isn’t the first time he has beaten on me. I know to hide my pain, but this is unbearable.

  “Please, stop, please.” I beg, I plead.

  But when I finally look up at him, I see the lust in his eyes. He is turned on and that scares me even more. He stops and wipes the sweat from his forehead. I curl up in a ball, praying it’s over.

  He roughly pulls me up and my back slams against the wall. He pins me in, and I hurt so bad. I try to fight him, but he has me trapped. I feel something cold against my neck. A switch blade! What the hell!!! He has never gone this far.

  “Shhhhh, quiet, we wouldn’t want your mom to worry, now would we? You are going to be a good little girl and stay really quiet.”

  He keeps the blade on my throat, and I feel his other hand loosen his hold. If I move, he will cut me. His hand snakes its way under my shirt, slowly moving up my stomach. I want to vomit.

  “Shhh, that’s right. I’ll take care of you. Daddy’s here to make you behave.”

  His hand cups my breast. I try to scream but nothing comes out. He pulls my bra out of the way and his fingers squeeze my nipple. He pushes his body against me, and I feel his erection grinding on my stomach.

  “That’s a good little girl. You’re not going to be locking your door at night, now are you?” He starts moaning and grinding harder against me. His hand leaves my breast and he starts trying to unzip my shorts.

  I whimper… “please, don’t.” Tears are streaming down my face.

  “Tim, Michael is home.” My mom says through the door. I whip my head to the door, ready to scream, I feel the sting of the knife. I gasp and try to…

  “MIKE…!” I get out before Tim slaps me. He shoves me away from the wall and shoves me to the ground. I touch my neck and it’s wet with blood.

  “Stupid bitch. Clean yourself up and I swear if you say a goddamn word, I will kill you.” He leaves me on the floor and quickly shuts the door behind him. I’m left gasping.

  I drag myself off the ground and limp over to the window. The pain from my stomach is excruciating. I unlock the window and push it up slowly. Sweat is pouring off my face. I can see black dots clouding my vision. I pull myself over the windowsill and fall to the ground. I know I’m getting ready to pass out, but I have to get somewhere safe. I hear voices. It’s Ash.

  I have to make it to Asher. I stumble around the house and see the gate to his backyard. I pull on the gate lock and push myself through. I fall to the ground and watch as the gate shuts behind me….so much darkness and then complete blackness.

  “Charleigh! Answer me! Come on, look at me, Charleigh, wake up! Look at me, baby, please.”

  I open my eyes and see Asher. I’m cradled in his arms. But it hurts too much……. darkness….

  “NO, no, baby, look at me.” I try to open my eyes again, but I just can’t……….

  I wake up to the sound of beeping. I’m in the hospital. I glance around and spot Ash sitting in the corner watching tv. I start to move and see him jerk around to see me. He starts to get up, but the door opens, and a doctor comes in. Ash sits back down.

  “Excellent, our patient is awake!” The doctor is young looking with a cheerful face.

  He comes right over with a nurse behind him. He comes to me and the nurse starts checking the machine I’m hooked up too. He sits on the side of the bed.

  “How are you feeling?” He asks. He smiles at me and I swallow. I still feel pain and I can feel a bandage rubbing against my throat.

  “I don’t know.” I answer.

  I’m a little overwhelmed. I glance over and see Ash stand up. I watch as he leaves the room. I’m so confused. Where is he going? The doctor follows my stare.

  “The young man will be back, I’m sure. He has been here since you were admitted.” The doctor’s face is kind.

  “By the way, I’m Doctor Manning. Now, on a scale from one to ten what is your pain level?”

  “I’m just sore. Maybe a 6?” I say, testing out my limbs. My stomach area hurts.

  “Okay, well we will see what we can do for the pain.” He checks out my vitals and pushes around on my stomach and I grimace.

  “You have some major bruising. Your neck has a shallow cut but will heal just fine with proper care. That was a pretty nasty fall you had.” Fall?

  “I’m sorry?” I ask.

  “You fell down the stairs, hit a vase, and cut yourself on a shard of it.” He is looking at me closely.

  “Umm, yeah, clumsy me.” I say, still confused.

  “That is what happened, right? Your mother and stepfather saw you fall.” He is looking at me and I can tell he is questioning it.

  “Oh, yep, sorry I’m just overwhelmed.” I say.

  “You know, we can get someone here to talk to you, if you would like.”

  I know where he is going with this. I don’t know why I don’t throw them under the bus. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t have anyone else. She is my mother, but I know she will take Tim’s side.

  “Thanks, but I’m good.” I can tell the doctor knows, but without my consent, there is nothing he can do.

  “Well, my advice is to stay away from those stairs as much as possible.” I see the pity in his eyes.

  “Thanks, I’ll try.” With that, he pats my leg and stands, leaving the room. The nurse follows soon after and I’m alone. So that’s what their saying happened.

  “Charleigh! How are you doing?” Michael says, bursting through the door with a balloon. Asher follows silently behind.

  “What’s this I hear about you falling down the stairs?” My eyes meet Asher’s. I look down at my hands.

  “Well, you know…. I missed a step.” I hate lying to Michael.

  “Michael, do you mind running down and getting me a coffee. I seriously need some.” I ask.

  “Sure, no problem, I’ll be right back. Ash stay with her.” Asher nods to Michael with a grim look and we both wait until he shuts the door behind him.

  “Who did it?” Ash demands. I shut my eyes.

  “I repeat, who did this to you? I know you didn’t fall down the stairs, I’m the one that found you in my backyard.” I take a deep breath.

  “Tim.” I whisper.

  “Son of a bitch! Why are you not reporting him?” He yells at me.

  “My mother.”

  “What do you mean, your mother. Does she know?”

  “Yes, she knows. She told him to “Talk” to me.”

  “That bitch. She’s your mom. If you tell her what happened….”

  “She knows what happened, at least that he beat me, not the other stuff….”

  “What other stuff?” Ash is livid.

  “Look it doesn’t matter. My mom will take Tim’s side and I will be blamed for the fall out. I have less than a month until I’m 18. I just want to finish high school and then I’m out. Ash, she is all I have. She is horrible, I agree, but she still is all I have left.”

  “You have Michael.”

  “No, Michael left me and has his own life to live, just like you. I have to finish school. I can’t start relying on Michael to stay the rest of the time or be around me all the time. He can’t protect me twenty-four seven. You guys will be leaving and recording soon. I know you will be back, but I’m on my own. If I report this, then I’m stuck with my mother making my life miserable and Tim, don’t even get me started on what he would do to
me.”

  “Michael will protect you.” He insists. I shake my head with tears in my eyes.

  “Leave me alone.” I state. He shakes his head at me in disbelief.

  “What happened to you, Charleigh? The old you would have fought and made them pay.”

  “Things change, Ash. I’m not who I used to be. I’m used to people treating me like this.” I look away from him in shame.

  “That’s pathetic. Grow a fucking backbone.” He says, leaving me to cry alone. He slams the door behind him. I choke back the sobs. Asshole!

  A few minutes later, Michael comes in with my coffee.

  “What the hell happened, Charleigh? Asher just told me to never let you be alone in the house with Tim. Tell me the truth!” He says, angry.

  “It’s fine. Asher is overreacting.”

  “I don’t think he is…”

  “Drop it, Michael.”

  “Well, when you’re ready, I’m here.”

  “I know.” I say quietly. He changes the subject and we watch television until the doctor comes in with my release papers.

  “Can I speak to my patient in private before she leaves?” Doctor Manning asks Michael. Michael nods and leaves us.

  “Charleigh, please take care of yourself and know that you can tell us what happened to you. Help will be available.” He says.

  “I understand. Trust me, I’ll call if I need it.” I say.

  He looks at me sadly but knows there is nothing more he can do. He has me sign my release forms because my mother is not here. She didn’t even bother staying. He reminds me how to clean my wound and take care of my bruised stomach area.

  Michael helps me to his car. Asher is nowhere to be found. Why am I not surprised? Everyone I love leaves me….

  “Cindy and Tim went on a vacation to Florida. They left this afternoon. They will be gone for two weeks.” Michael says quietly.

  The tears fall from my eyes. She left… she really left me when I needed her.

  “Hey, it’s going to be okay. I’m here.” He grabs my hand across the console. I squeeze it back and we drive to the house in silence.

  When we enter the house, silence greets us. I can’t say I’m not happy that I won’t see Tim for a while, but my mom…. how could she? I see the shattered vase in the entryway and start laughing in disbelief. I can’t believe they took the time to set this up.