The Big Kahuna

by Janet Evanovich

  “Good question,” Nick said. “Somebody had to tell them.”

  Kate opened her eyes, sat up in her seat, and looked at Nick. “Larry.”

  “Yeah, that’s my guess, too.”

  “Do you think he’s gotten himself kidnapped . . . again?” Kate asked.

  “It’s a possibility. We’ll find out soon enough.”

  17

  Nick and Kate stood in front of the Koa Kea reception desk.

  “What do you mean our rooms are being worked on?” Kate asked the hotel concierge. “It’s five P.M. I want to get into my room.”

  “The plumbing is all stopped up. Somebody dumped a boatload of glitter down the shower drain. It’s been backing up into bathrooms all over the hotel.”

  Kate held out her arms to the concierge. The wet red dirt that covered ninety-nine percent of her body had dried and hardened into a solid, impenetrable mass.

  “I really need a shower,” Kate said. “It’s kind of an emergency.”

  “There’s an oceanfront suite that isn’t booked tonight.” The hotel concierge checked her computer. “It’s already been cleaned by housekeeping. I can let you use it until your rooms are ready. Would that work?”

  “Does it come with those little L’Occitane soaps and shampoos?”

  The concierge smiled. “I’ll have someone drop off an extra batch. You look like you could use them.”

  “I’m okay waiting until my room is ready,” the Kahuna said. “I’ll just jump in the ocean and hang out by the beach.”

  Nick and Kate watched the Kahuna walk down toward the ocean.

  “By the way, we’re looking for a friend of ours who is staying in the hotel,” Kate said to the concierge.

  “What’s his name?”

  “Larry,” Nick said. “I’m not sure he has a last name. Looks like a weasel wearing tight, shiny pants. Probably annoying just about everybody in the hotel by this point.”

  “Oh yeah, Larry,” the concierge said, handing Kate the key card. “I saw him this morning. He had breakfast in the hotel restaurant then took off. I don’t know where he went.”

  “At least Larry isn’t missing,” Kate said as they walked toward their suite.

  Nick swiped his key card at the door. “Let’s try to find him after we shower. I’m really interested to hear what he’s been up to for the past couple days and if he knows how Jasper tracked us down.”

  Kate stepped into the room and peeked into the bathroom. “Marble everywhere. Enormous soaking tub and separate steam shower. Little bottles of free shampoo. Why is hotel shampoo better than regular shampoo? Anyway, I’ve never looked forward to a shower more in my entire life.”

  Nick looked through the glass shower door. “It has two showerheads.”

  “Great. I can wash all this mud off twice as fast.”

  “Or, we could each wash all the mud off at standard speed . . . at the same time.”

  Kate raised her eyebrow. “You want to take a shower with me?”

  Nick stripped off his shirt. “For the sake of efficiency.”

  Kate felt the rush burn in her chest and swirl through her stomach. “I suppose it’s okay as long as it’s for the sake of efficiency.”

  Nick turned on the hot water to both showerheads, dropped his pants, and looked at her. “Are you going to take a shower with your clothes on?”

  “No,” Kate said. “Just pacing myself.”

  “Could you pace a little faster?”

  Kate stripped off all her clothes. “Don’t get any ideas.”

  “Too late. Pick a showerhead.”

  They both stepped under the hot water, and Kate watched as the mud fell away from Nick’s body and swirled away down the shower drain. Her gaze lingered mid-body and she realized she was caught staring.

  “Jinkies,” she said, “that’s impressive.”

  Nick took a handful of L’Occitane scented soap and passed the bottle to Kate. “Hot water has this effect on me.”

  “Are you sure it’s just the hot water?”

  “There might be other factors,” Nick said.

  “Like what?”

  Nick pulled her close and kissed her. “Like the way you look when you’re wet,” he said. “Maybe I should help you clean some of those hard-to-reach places.” He leaned in to her and ran his hands in circles over her body as he soaped her from her shoulders down. His hands stopped once they came to her stomach. “So, are you sure you’re a hundred percent glitter free . . . everywhere?”

  Kate drew in a breath as his hand began to move south. “Not a hundred percent.”

  “Let’s make sure. You know, for efficiency’s sake.”

  “Okay,” Kate said, “but just so you know, even at maximum, mind-blowing efficiency . . . it’s not going to get you off the hook for losing the bet.”

  * * *

  —

  After a half hour of searching, Nick and Kate finally found Larry sitting at the hotel bar, sipping a cosmopolitan.

  “Larry, my main man,” Nick said, sitting down next to him. “A cosmo? Seriously? You do know that’s a lady drink.”

  Larry flinched and jerked his head toward Nick, knocking over the cocktail glass in the process. He jumped down off his barstool and did his best to brush a lime wedge off his wet pants. “I’m okay.” He looked from Nick to Kate. “You’re back. Where are Vicky, Jake, and Cosmo?”

  “It’s a long story. They should be here a little later.” Kate paused. “Jasper and Horace showed up at Kalalau Beach yesterday. Did you see them passing through Hanalei?”

  Larry shook his head. “No. I hung out there all day, just like you told me, but I didn’t see anything.”

  “You didn’t see anything? They brought a small army. How could you miss them?”

  Larry held up his hands and made a halfhearted effort to look apologetic. “Sorry. Maybe it was when I went to get something to eat.” He sat back down on the barstool and looked at Nick. “What’s the plan now? Are you taking the Kahuna back to Los Angeles?”

  Nick paused and glanced at Kate. “We’re checking out tomorrow morning and catching the first available flight to New Zealand,” he said to Larry. “Maybe you could talk to the concierge about our options for getting to Queenstown as quickly as possible?”

  Larry nodded. “Sure. I’ll do it now.”

  Kate watched Larry leave the bar. “Is it just me or is Larry acting a little weirder than usual? He spent the last two days in Hanalei. It’s a little rural town with one road in and one road out. It’s kind of unbelievable that he didn’t see Jasper and his army roll through.”

  “And he obviously already knew we’d found the Kahuna.”

  Kate checked the entrance to the bar to make sure Larry wasn’t returning. “How would he know that?”

  “Someone told him. It wasn’t me, and it wasn’t you. My best guess is Olga Zellenkova.”

  “Do you think he ratted us out to Zellenkova?” Kate asked.

  “I’m sure of it. The little weasel is probably on the phone with her right now. In fact, I’m counting on it.”

  Kate craned her neck, trying to get a peek out into the lobby. “I see him coming back.”

  Nick and Kate watched as Larry walked into the bar and up to them. “There’s a direct flight out of Honolulu to Auckland at ten-fifteen A.M. That’s probably our best bet.”

  “Thanks,” Nick said. “We’re going back to our rooms to pack. Keep an eye out for Jake and the others.” He gave Larry a bro hug and left with Kate.

  “If you think he’s spying for Olga, why did you tell him we’re going to New Zealand? And since when did you become a hugger? And why start with Larry?”

  “You’ve heard the expression ‘Keep your friends close and your enemies closer’?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, we’re sticking l
ike glue to Larry for the next forty-eight hours. He’s going to lead us straight to Olga.”

  “Why would he do that?”

  Nick grinned and held up a cellphone.

  “You stole Larry’s phone when you went in for the hug?”

  Nick shrugged. “Buddhists reject the whole idea of ownership. I mean, when you think about it, can anyone really own a cellphone? I figure it’s as much mine as it is his, in the grand scheme of the universe.”

  Kate shook her head. “What are you talking about? You’re not a Buddhist. You’re a thief.”

  “Maybe I could be both,” Nick said. “I’m like a cake with many layers.”

  Kate groaned. “I’m pretty sure one of them is baloney.”

  Nick tapped the screen, the phone came to life and asked for a password. Nick typed in per se. “Bingo,” Nick said. “We’re in.” Nick accessed the recent calls on Larry’s phone. “Bingo. Again. He made a call to New Zealand three minutes ago when he was alone in the lobby. And I guarantee he wasn’t calling the airline.”

  Kate took the phone from Nick and scanned through Larry’s texts from the past couple of days. “Hold on. This one looks like it’s from Olga. She apparently left Kauai in a hurry and told Larry to leave messages for her at the New Zealand number he just called. If this is Olga’s cell number, we can have local law enforcement in New Zealand ping her phone once we get to Queenstown. We’ll be able to track all her movements.”

  “Only if she’s still using that phone. When I was running a con, I used to replace my phone every couple days. If she’s as good as I think she is, she won’t be that easy to track down.”

  “At least it’s a start.” Kate handed the phone back to Nick. “So, besides being a con man, you’re also a master pickpocket. Good to know.”

  Nick gave Larry’s phone to the concierge. “I found this in the bar. Can you put it in lost and found?” He turned back to Kate. “I prefer to think of myself as a fingersmith. One of my many talents.”

  “Good grief.”

  “I didn’t hear you complaining about my fingersmithing, or my other talents, in the shower.”

  “I have to give it to you. Your shower talents are impressive. Still, that was a one-time thing.” She paused. “Okay. It might be a two-time thing under the right circumstances, but that’s it.”

  “Or we could go back to my room right now and take up where we left off. We were so busy in the shower, we never made it to the Big Show. Everybody knows it doesn’t count toward being a one-time thing if you don’t make it to the Big Show.”

  “As much as I would like to participate in the Big Show, it’s not going to happen. The fingersmithing shouldn’t have happened. We work together. I’m supposed to be managing you and keeping you out of trouble, which, by the way, is an impossible job. The Big Show is shut down until further notice.”

  “I can live with that. Is further notice later tonight?”

  * * *

  —

  Olga Zellenkova settled into her leather seat and looked out the window of her private Gulfstream G550 as it made its final approach into Queenstown Airport in Otago, New Zealand. Jasper was seated on the other side of the aisle, his face completely bandaged to protect the second- and third-degree burns he’d suffered escaping from the inferno at Kalalau.

  Jasper struggled to turn his head toward Olga. “What are we going to tell Mr. Neklan?”

  “The truth.”

  “Well, now. That’s real honorable-like. But I’m not sure, in this case, it’s the best idea, seeing as Mr. Neklan isn’t exactly the second-chances type. I’ve already had a pretty bad week, what with getting shot, falling off waterfalls, and almost getting blown up.”

  “I guess you should have thought of that before you let a lone-wolf FBI agent, her ‘consultant,’ an Instagram model, and an old man outplay you.”

  “That old man must have thrown a hundred sticks of dynamite at me. And Horace got dead.”

  Olga stared at Jasper. “Horace is going to be the lucky one if we don’t figure out a way to deliver the Kahuna to Neklan.”

  The airplane’s wheels touched the ground and taxied to a stop in front of a private terminal on the far side of the airport. “He’s waiting for you inside,” the pilot said.

  Olga and Jasper got off the plane and walked into the building. A heavyset sixty-something man wearing a ten-thousand-dollar bespoke Savile Row suit was waiting in a little office on the other side of the hangar, with two thuggish-looking bodyguards.

  “He doesn’t look happy,” Jasper whispered.

  “He basically ran the Czech secret police, the StB, before it was disbanded in 1990. Those guys were never happy, except maybe when they were putting the screws to some poor stiff who was unlucky enough to be declared an enemy of the state.”

  “And now?”

  Olga looked at Jasper. “Now? Now, ex-communist thugs turned oligarchs, like him, are the state.”

  Neklan motioned them inside the office, pulled out a gun from his jacket pocket, and shot Jasper in the chest. He put the gun down on the table, leaned over the dead man, and carefully unwrapped the bandages from Jasper’s face. “Now that reminds me of the old days.” He examined the blisters and burn marks. “Restraint and discipline. That’s what’s required when you use fire to get someone’s attention. Some of my colleagues, back in the day, didn’t have the right temperament to work with fire. They would go too far, destroying nerve endings and, without pain, the whole exercise would become . . . counterproductive.”

  Olga poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down. “Tremendously interesting, but I wish you hadn’t shot Jasper. After what happened at Kalalau, we’re running low on hired guns.”

  Neklan shrugged. “At my age, you can’t afford the luxury of wasting time on useless projects . . . or people.” He paused. “Listen to me. I sound like some old man reminiscing about the good old days.” He clapped his hands together. “Back to business. What are we going to do about the Kahuna?”

  “I have a plan.”

  Neklan put his hand on Olga’s shoulder. “Good. I knew you would. You’ve always had a knack for making lemons into lemonade. Tell me.”

  “He’s being protected by the FBI agent and her friends. Sending in a team to kill them is going to be messy and wasteful. Let me negotiate.”

  “With what? They have the Kahuna. They don’t want anything from you.”

  “It’s not about wants. Those sorts of things don’t motivate people. It’s about what people need, and everybody needs something. You just need to find out what those things are and squeeze. I have somebody close to the FBI agent who will work with us. In forty-eight hours, you’ll have your Kahuna.”

  Neklan smiled. “You’ve always been resourceful, Olga. That’s why we work so well together. I’ve never been much of a student of human nature. That’s your specialty.” Neklan’s grip on Olga’s shoulder tightened. “But, squeezing. That I know.”

  “Trust me,” Olga said. “I can be very persuasive. Let me do what I do best.”

  Neklan released his grip and walked toward the exit. “Jasper didn’t have too much luck trying it his way. So now we’ll try it yours.” He turned around in the doorway to face Olga. “I trust there won’t be any more disappointments I’ll have to deal with. Get this done, and I’ll increase your commission by ten percent.”

  Olga got a tube out of her clutch. “An additional ten percent. Perfect.” She applied the red lipstick to her lips and smiled. “And, here you were, saying just a couple minutes ago that you weren’t a student of human need.”

  18

  A state parks service van pulled up to the front entrance of the hotel. Jake, Cosmo, Vicky, and Hamilton got out and walked into the lobby.

  “The park rangers told us you made it out with the Kahuna,” Cosmo said to Kate. “We got to ride in a helicopter, and they took Hamilto
n to the hospital to get checked out and he’s okay, and I talked to Jessup. He sounds pretty upset, maybe a seven or eight out of ten.” Cosmo wiped some sweat from his forehead and caught his breath. “Also, Jake blew up Jasper, we think. He blew up a bunch of people, but there wasn’t enough left of any of them to be certain.”

  “It was pretty awesome, dude,” Hamilton said. “And awful, but mostly awesome. I guess it was awfulsome.” He looked around the lobby. “I don’t see my dad. Is he okay?”

  “He’s fine. He’s down by the beach, waiting for you and Vicky.”

  “I should probably go collect the big dummy and at least get him to pay off the credit cards before he decides to take off again.” Vicky earmuffed Hamilton. “Plus, I might need a little personal attention from the Little Kahuna, if you know what I mean.”

  Kate watched Vicky and Hamilton walk away.

  “We think Olga and her boss are in New Zealand,” Kate said to Jake and Cosmo.

  “Where’d you get the intel?” Jake asked.

  “Nick temporarily came into possession of Larry’s cellphone,” Kate said. “There were some suspicious-looking calls to New Zealand on it.”

  “It looks like Larry might be involved with the bad guys,” Nick said. “We think he told Olga we were in Kalalau looking for the Kahuna.”

  “That alone would make Larry not my favorite person,” Jake said. “Do we know the extent of the bad guys’ badness?”

  Kate nodded. “Besides wanting to kill us, they might be responsible for a couple high-profile murders, not to mention stealing military secrets from Sentience.”

  “So I’m thinking we’re going to New Zealand,” Jake said, cutting his eyes to Cosmo, daring him to say a word.

  “We’re going there tomorrow to keep an eye on Larry,” Nick said. “We’re hoping he’ll lead us to Olga, if we play along and give him enough rope.”