Good Lies (A Wild Minds Novel)

by Charlotte West

  “I know.” Daisy smiled. “It’s been so great. Billy rubs my feet every night. Have you seen my feet lately? They’re as big as paddle boards.” She wiggled her toes under the covers.

  I came right out and asked it. “Daisy, are you faking being sick?”

  The denial I expected didn’t come. She nodded. “Yep,” she said, popping the p. She looked mournfully at her empty ice cream dish. “I wish I had more ice cream. You wouldn’t believe how much this kid loves dairy.”

  “Daisy!”

  Her gaze snapped back to me.

  Utter disbelief and shock ran through me. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done, what you’re doing? I hopped on a flight from New York. I didn’t even have time to pack clean underwear. Billy’s a wreck. He’s threatening to call in a private doctor. He’s probably terrorizing this whole hospital all day.”

  Daisy’s jaw worked. She fisted the white blanket in her hands. “I’m so sick of his shit.” Her eyes shimmered with tears. “You know I’ve got shit, too. Everyone always wants Daisy to fix everything.” Her nose screwed up, and her voice dropped low, mimicking: “‘Daisy, Billy refuses to play unless he has a bowl full of green Skittles, the lime kind, the retired kind.’ ‘Daisy, the band wants to Slip ’N’ Slide in the hallways of their hotel.’ ‘Daisy, nobody can find Addy, find her, make her come home, make her apologize to me.’” The last sentence was spoken with Billy’s accent. Her voice went back to normal. “But you know what? I’m tired, I’m pregnant and I’m hormonal. I’m taking a break. So sue me.”

  “Okay.” I spoke in a placating tone, as one would do with an errant child.

  “You know what else?” Daisy asked.

  “I couldn’t hazard a guess.”

  “I’m sick of your shit, too.”

  “My shit?” Color me surprised.

  “Yeah. You took off and don’t call. Just to hear you were okay, we had to get information from Pete and Mel. And you know how much Billy hates them. Then I had to deal with Billy’s bad mood every time…”

  I grabbed her hand to shut her up. “I’m sorry,” I said. “That was a shitty thing to do.”

  Daisy exhaled a breath, blowing the wisps of hair from her face. “It’s okay. All water under the bridge now.” I blinked, taken back by Daisy’s mood change. Pregnancy hormones sure took you on one hell of a ride. She scooted over in the bed and patted the empty spot next to her. “Sit,” she commanded.

  I settled in and lay back, half my body on the bed, half off. “So you’ve been faking being sick.”

  She shrugged. “I did feel dizzy on Monday. I wasn’t lying about that. But then when I thought about going back on tour, I couldn’t do it. I’m so tired.”

  “Well, I’m glad you’re all right. You should’ve told Billy you needed a break,” I gently chided. “He would’ve delayed the tour.”

  “I know. But then you wouldn’t have come,” she said quietly.

  I squeezed my eyes shut. “So the faking wasn’t just because you were tired but also a ploy to get me to come back?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Her plan was diabolical. “My God, Daisy, I’d expect this from Billy but not from you.”

  “He must be rubbing off on me.” Suddenly, Daisy jumped.

  I bolted upright, off the bed. Had I hurt her? How fragile were pregnant women in their second trimester? “What’s wrong?” I asked, ready to hit the little red emergency button I spied on the bed railing.

  Daisy moved and winced. “He’s kicking my ribs.”

  Tentatively, I reached out. “Can I feel?”

  Daisy grabbed my hand and dragged me forward, placing my palm on her belly. For a moment, nothing happened and then… the baby kicked. I withdrew my hand in shock. I knelt back beside her. “He?” I asked, keeping my eyes on her middle.

  “Yep, we’re having a boy.” Daisy patted her stomach.

  A single tear ran down my cheek. “I never got to know the sex of my baby. I don’t even know if there was a sex yet.”

  “Oh, honey.” Daisy wrapped her arms around me, my head on her chest, right above her heart. I realized then I’d been wrong about not having a mother. Daisy was my mother. She’d always been there, in the background, giving me a thumbs up or muttering gentle encouragement, soothing the rough edges of the relationship with my father. So she wasn’t my biological mom. She was more—a nanny, a big sister, and a fill-in parent all in one. I was lucky. Blessed.

  “Everything seems so fucked up now,” I said.

  She rested her chin on top of my head. “It doesn’t have to be. Talk to your father. Make things right. I know he wants to.”

  “How do you know?”

  “You know Billy. He explodes and then always regrets it. He’s flawed and so are you. We all are. Plus, I might’ve told him it was my dying wish to see you two reconciled.”

  Wiping my eyes, I sat up. “That was cruel.”

  Daisy giggled. “I know. You should’ve seen his face. Even when the doctor assured him I wasn’t dying, that I was being overdramatic, Billy insisted they run a full battery of tests.”

  I stood and stretched. “You shouldn’t mess with his emotions so much.”

  Daisy seemed unbothered. “He messed with mine for two years before committing. I’d say we’re even now.”

  “Between the two of you, I don’t know who’s worse.”

  In the hall, I heard voices. Jett and Billy had returned. I straightened and said, “I’m going to go talk to him.”

  “I think that’s an excellent idea.” Daisy smiled encouragingly.

  Near the door, I stopped and turned. “Does Jett know you’ve been faking it?”

  “He figured it out, wouldn’t make the phone call until I fessed up to him. Nothing gets by that man. He may not say much but he sees all. Oh, ask him for another ice cream sundae when you get out there.”

  “Sure,” I said.

  When I emerged, Jett and Billy were seated in the plastic chairs lining the hall. “Hey,” I said. “Get something to eat?”

  “Shitty hospital food,” Billy said.

  “Shitty,” Jett repeated, agreeing.

  “We brought you a cup of coffee.” Billy held up a small white cup with a plastic lid.

  “Thanks,” I said. I took the cup from him and sat down. “Daisy wants another ice cream sundae.” I spoke around Billy to Jett.

  “Another?” he asked. “That’s the third one.”

  “I’d get it sooner rather than later. She was pretty adamant.”

  Jett stood, brushed his hands down his jeans. “I have to sneak them up here. The hospital staff monitors her meals. Something about policy. I’m going to freeze my nipples off hiding it. Billy, the things I do for your girls,” Jett muttered as he wandered off.

  Billy and I were alone in the hallway. I sipped my coffee, letting the warm liquid burn a path down my throat.

  “Thanks for coming,” Billy said. “Daisy kept asking for you. I think she wanted to see you more than me.”

  I bobbed my head up and down. “What about you?”

  “What about me what?”

  “Did you want to see me too? Or are you still pissed at me?” I came right out and said it.

  “I’m not pissed, little bird.”

  “But you were,” I pointed out.

  “Yeah, of course I was. All these years I thought we had a fantastic relationship. Whenever anyone asked about you, I’d point out that I was your best friend. They always laughed. I thought they were agreeing with me. But it turns out they were humoring me. I don’t know shit about your life, do I? Do you know how much that burns?”

  “Billy—”

  “And then there’s that. You won’t even call me Dad or Pop. I know I haven’t been perfect, but you know I’ve done the best I could, right?”

  Oh, man, here came the tears again. Billy’s learning curve had been sharp. He’d had a five-year-old dumped in his lap at the age of twenty-two. Maybe it was time to forgive, forget and move on. I couldn�
�t keep holding things against him. “I know.”

  Billy sipped his coffee. “Daisy told me about your baby.”

  “She did?”

  “I was pissed about that, too.”

  I winced. Ouch.

  His eyes turned sharp and hurt. “Not about the baby, bird. Never about that. About the fact you didn’t tell me. Daisy pointed out I was being selfish. ‘Maybe you need to reflect,’ she said, ‘think about what you’ve done to make Addy feel like she couldn’t confide in you.’”

  I picked at the label on my coffee cup. I didn’t say anything.

  Billy shifted his body so he faced me. “She was right. I made it so you didn’t feel safe when you were in trouble. My one job as a parent, and I’ve failed.”

  I closed my eyes, opened them. “You’re not a failure. You’ve been awesome. Even when I was mad at you and didn’t want to be around you I never wished for another dad.”

  He settled back in his seat. “Well that’s something, I guess. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry you didn’t feel safe telling me. When I think of you alone in that hospital…” He trailed off.

  “I wasn’t alone. Lily and Gabe were there.”

  “But I should’ve been there, too. I’m your pop. There’s nothing you could ever do that would make me stop loving you.”

  “Except marry Warren Price.” The words slipped from my mouth unbidden. I clamped my lips shut.

  Slowly, he shook his head. “Ah, little bird. You’ll never know how much I regret that, turning my back on you in the restaurant. It’s not one of my proudest moments.”

  “You were so disappointed in me.”

  “That’s true. I always imagined if you got married, I’d be there, walking you down the aisle. We may not be a traditional family, but I would’ve liked that. I would’ve been on my best behavior too.”

  “Well, next time you may get to.” I meant it as a joke, but it came out so bleak-sounding.

  “You and War ain’t on good terms?” he asked.

  I didn’t want to talk about Warren, so I changed the subject. “Daisy said you’re having a boy.”

  Billy must have read my reluctance, because he let the subject drop. A small smile appeared. “Yeah. God help us if he’s anything like me.”

  I nudged his shoulder. “Two Billy Wankses? The world could be so lucky.”

  “I’m fucking terrified.”

  “You’re going to be a great dad.” That was the truth. Billy had been unconventional, but he’d been a good father. Even with all his mistakes, I wouldn’t have chosen anyone else.

  “You would’ve been a great mother.”

  Gah. Tears again. “You think?”

  “Absolutely. Just wasn’t your time yet.” A pause. “We going to be all right?”

  He’d asked me that before, when I’d first found out about Daisy’s pregnancy and gone on an epic bender. I’d said yes, but I hadn’t meant it. I nodded. “I think so. And if we’re not we’ll work through it.”

  He straightened, and took a sip of his coffee. “Look at us, all mature and shit.”

  “Daisy would be so proud.” We laughed together and it felt good. Everything felt lighter, better.

  Billy looked at his lap, sobering. “I mean it, little bird. I’m fucking terrified about this new baby. You turned out terrific despite me.”

  “Just think of whatever you would’ve done when I was a kid and do the opposite,” I quipped.

  Billy smiled at my joke. “I’m going to need help.”

  “Daisy’s a natural, she’s great with kids.”

  “I’m going to need more than Daisy. I want you to come home. Help your old man out.”

  I said nothing, stared into the lid of my coffee cup.

  “Is it school? You know we have colleges in L.A.,” he said.

  I frowned. “It’s not school. Truth is I’m not doing so great in that arena either. I keep changing my major. I can’t decide what I want to do.” While we were on this honesty kick, I decided to let it all hang out.

  “You’ll figure it out,” he reassured. “You’ve always liked to tell people what to do. You’re a born leader. I always knew someday you’d be the head of a large company or a prison gang.”

  I chuckled. Still, I stalled on answering Billy’s question.

  “Fuck it,” Billy ground out. “He can live with us, okay? If that’s what it takes, the little bugger you married can live with us, too.”

  My mouth twitched with a smile. “While I appreciate that warm and welcoming offer, Warren’s not the problem.” I wasn’t even sure if we were still together. I wondered what Warren had been up to during our time apart. If he’d been trying to call, or if he was still “processing.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I don’t want to get in the way.”

  “You wouldn’t be in the way. I need you. Daisy needs you.” His voice dropped to a persuasive rumble.

  I felt the heaviness of his stare on my profile. He was waiting for an answer. But I wasn’t ready to give one, so I evaded. Again. “Daisy’s faking.” I outted my former nanny. She deserved it.

  Billy’s jaw unhinged. “That devious redhead…” he muttered.

  “Don’t be too mad at her. She’s tired. She needs a break. All the traveling has gotten to her. Also, she used it as an excuse to get us back together.”

  “I’m not mad at her. I’m furious I didn’t think of it first.”

  As if sensing we were speaking about her, Daisy called for us. Billy rose, exhaled gustily and said, “I’m going to tell her the doctors think she needs a colonoscopy. Play along if you don’t mind.”

  “I don’t think I’ll be able to keep a straight face. I’m going to get a refill.” I held up the coffee cup. “Tell her I’ll be there in a minute.”

  Billy nodded. “Sure.”

  At the double doors, I paused and turned. Billy was just stepping into Daisy’s room. “Pop,” I called out. He stopped and cocked his head, listening. “I’ll come home.”

  His shoulders dropped—a sign of happiness or relief? Probably both. “Sounds good, bird.”

  Yeah, we’d be all right.

  I stayed one night in Boise. Billy and Daisy wanted me to hang out longer, to hop back on the tour bus. They had one more venue and then a seven-day break before heading off for the East Coast leg of their tour. I declined for two reasons—one, because I wasn’t ready to see Warren yet, to discover if our relationship was really over, and two, because I needed to pack.

  “For such a small apartment, you sure managed to fit a lot of crap in here,” Lily said, holding up a string of fairy lights. As soon as I decided to move back to L.A., I’d called Lily and enlisted her help. She’d showed up the next day, bright and early on my doorstep, holding cups of hot chocolate spiced with rum. Lily rolled up the lights and shoved them in a box.

  “Yeah, most of this stuff I’ll probably end up donating, but I don’t feel like going through it right now.”

  Lily stepped around boxes, stopping in front of my end table with the leg lamp from A Christmas Story. I left it out year round. “This should definitely go.”

  “Gabe hates it, too.” I considered the lamp, how the hideous thing made me feel strangely connected to my birth mom. I’d treasured it once, basking in the glow of its yellow light, remembering the precious few happy moments in my childhood before Billy. It had been a keepsake. But now, when I looked at, it was just a tacky piece of movie memorabilia. I didn’t need it. “Maybe you’re right, let’s take it out to the dumpster later on.” I opened a dresser drawer and sucked in a deep breath. Crammed in the top drawer were all the returned divorce papers from Warren. I’d forgotten I’d shoved them there.

  “What’s the matter?” Lily was beside me. “Oh.”

  Pain started to radiate out from my chest. My heart. Every time I thought of Warren, another fissure opened.

  “Do you need a hug?” Lily asked right bef
ore I felt her arms go around me. I melted into her. I’d unblocked Warren’s number in Boise. I was considering calling him but couldn’t find the courage. He hadn’t called me. This seemed worse. Every second of phone silence felt like another nail in our relationship coffin. And now I’d found the divorce papers. “Those Price brothers, both cut from the same asshole cloth.”

  Once upon a time, I would’ve agreed with Lily. I would’ve laughed, agreeing Warren Price was the king of assholes. But not anymore. Warren wasn’t an asshole. Well, he could be sometimes. But most of the time, he was sweet and loyal. God, so loyal. And even when he was a giant prick, I loved him, with all his rough edges. I’d loved him since our first kiss.

  Shouting from the sidewalk below had me withdrawing from Lily’s arms. “What the hell?” I muttered. Going to the windows, I pulled back the curtains. I’d kept them drawn since Restaurantgate—the darkness matched my mood. Late afternoon sunlight streamed in and for a moment I was blinded by it.

  Lily saw it first. She whistled low. “Holy shit.”

  My eyes adjusted. Below a crowd had gathered. People filled the streets and they were chanting. And what were they chanting? I rubbed my ears, thinking I couldn’t have heard them right. “Wild Minds!” Where? And how? My eyes drew up to the roof of the building across the street. But it wasn’t just a roof anymore. Huge speakers had been set up along with microphones. I recognized Derren’s drum kit and Ash’s guitar. Holy shit was an understatement. It seemed Wild Minds was about to play a free concert in Brooklyn right across the street from my shitty apartment building. What were the odds? More importantly, how did they know I lived here?

  I turned accusing eyes to Lily. She held her hands up. “Don’t look at me. I didn’t tell them where you are.”

  “Gabe,” we both said at the same time. He was the only one who knew my address. That little sneak.

  The wail of the crowd reached a crescendo. Wild Minds was taking the stage, or rather, the roof. Derren sat at his drum kit and started playing a beat. Ash picked up his guitar and began to strum. So did Lix. Last up was Warren. My breath hitched seeing my estranged husband. He wore his typical outfit: faded grey T-shirt, ripped blue jeans and wallet chain. Warren scanned the crowd. I stepped back from the window, letting the curtain fall. I shook my head. What was I thinking? He couldn’t see me through the window.