You Are My Sunshine

by Angie Merriam

  YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE

  By Angie Merriam

  © August 2014

  Published by Entertwine Publishing

  August 2015

  Thank you for downloading this ebook. This book remains the copyrighted property of the author, and may not be redistributed to others for commercial or non-commercial purposes. If you enjoyed this book, please encourage your friends to download their own copy from their favorite authorized retailer. Thank you for your support.

  All character, places, and descriptions come from the imagination of the author. All are fictional and any resemblance to real life persons or places is purely coincidental.

  “You are my sunshine

  My only sunshine

  You make me happy

  When skies are gray

  You’ll never know dear

  How much I love you

  Please don’t take

  My sunshine away”

  Chapter One

  Who would have thought that by twenty four years old I'd be a divorced mother of two? I guess no one ever plans those things do they?

  “Hey, Sunshine,” I hear a voice say in greeting from behind and don't have to look to see who it belongs to, Matt Everly. He's my ex-husband and current best friend. He sits in the empty spot beside me on the park bench and hands me a coffee cup. “Skinny Vanilla Latte?” I ask. “What else would it be?” He responds a smart ass as usual. I smile at him in thanks, and he nods in acknowledgment before bending over and lifting our little girl from her stroller. Little Danica Everly is almost one and has been squirming and trying to escape her restraints the moment she laid eyes on her daddy.

  “Where's Elijah?” He asks, and I point out my five year old climbing the steps towards the slide. The boy loved sliding.

  “Ahh, and how are you, little Miss Danica?” Matt says in his best baby voice. I sit back, relaxing with my coffee, relishing the tiny break Matt afforded me. We were high school sweethearts who got pregnant senior year and of course did the right thing and got married right before Elijah was born. I loved Matt. I really did and I know he loved me but life had different plans for us I guess.

  Life was great for a little while. I waited tables while Matt went to the police academy and when he graduated Elijah and I were there cheering him on, but as time went on Matt and I grew apart. He worked nights, so I was home with Elijah during the day while he slept, and he watched him while I worked the swing shift at the restaurant. It seemed the perfect arrangement until I saw Matt slipping away and felt myself doing the same.

  Sex had become non-existent for us as did any sort of affectionate contact. I was lucky to see Matt for a few minutes between our babysitting shifts so, one night, when my parents volunteered to keep Elijah, I jumped at the chance. A night out with my husband, the one I rarely saw anymore, the one who I'd had a terrible fight with the night before sounded fantastic. Plus, I was horny. Matt and I hadn't had sex in forever, and I missed him. It began as a good night. We both dressed up, and for the first time in a long time Matt seemed happy to be with me.

  We ate dinner at a fancy restaurant in town and had a few drinks before hitting the liquor store on the way home where we continued our date. We were both more than a little tipsy and making out like we hadn't done since high school when he stopped mid-kiss. “What's wrong?” I asked breathless and felt a sense of dread wash over me when I saw his face. See, I'd known Matt since we were little kids. I'd known him intimately since we lost our virginity to each other at fifteen. I knew him inside and out, still do, so I knew that look on his face meant bad news for me.

  “I'm so sorry, Sunny,” he said, his voice shaky.

  “For what, Matt?” I responded and surprised myself with how steady my own voice sounded. I watched him. His head hung down, and his face hidden behind his hands. I waited for him to speak, but he just sat there, his shoulders trembling, and I knew it was from him crying.

  “What the fuck, Matt? Did you? Oh my God, did you fucking….?” I muttered, still steady but feeling my resolve crumbling, and I had to force the words from my mouth. “Are you cheating on me?”

  The look on his face when he finally lifted his head answered for him. Well, needless to say my resolve crumbled. I was hurt, shocked, and thoroughly pissed off. I went on a tirade. I destroyed the house while spewing cuss words at him and throwing anything I could get my hands on at his head. Maybe not the most mature way to handle it, but I was only twenty two, and I was drunk. Honestly, he deserved everything I threw at him, words and objects.

  He allowed me to come undone while dodging everything I threw at him before he finally fought his way through the onslaught of knick knacks that were whizzing past his head. “Sunny, stop. Listen to me, please,” he tried, but I just continued with my verbal assault. “Fuck you, you dirty motherfucking piece of shit,” I was screaming when he grabbed my arms and pinned them to my sides. He was close, too close to me. It hurt for him to be so close.

  “Sunshine, stop and listen to me, please,” he begged, and I relented. My tantrum combined with the alcohol and news of my cheating husband left me drained. I suddenly felt like my legs were going to betray me and leave me sprawled out on the floor, as a big heaping pile of patheticness who can't even satisfy her husband, and that's when it happened. The anger diminished and was replaced by pain and tears. I sat before I fell down.

  I took a deep breath and readied myself for what he was about to say. “Go ahead, Matt.”

  “I don't know what happened, Sunny. I love you and our little family. I really do but we have grown apart. I know it's no excuse for me not keeping my dick in my pants. I want you to know it only happened once and will never happen again. I felt sick after it happened. All I could think about was how much I fucked up, how horrible it would be to tell you and how hard it would be to see that look on your face. It did remind me though, Sunny. It reminded me why I married you in the first place.”

  “Obligation,” I interrupted

  “No, not a fucking obligation. I love you, Sunshine! I am so fucking sorry. I've never fucked up so bad in my entire life and I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you can just forgive me.”

  “When did this little affair happen?” I asked. I don't know why it mattered. I had to know if he'd been lying to me all along or if this was truly a one-time thing. It wouldn't change how I felt. It wouldn't change our future, but I needed to know he'd loved me at some point.

  “Last night,” he responded and I searched his deep brown eyes for a sign that he was lying, but I couldn't find one. He was telling the truth. I knew Matt almost better than I knew myself. He was one of the most honest people I knew. He was apparently a cheater, but an honest cheater. I hated his honesty in that moment. His honesty sliced through me like a dull sword leaving my insides exposed and raw.

  “With who?” Again, I don't know why I needed to know, but I did. My brain was chaotic with wonder. Was she prettier than me? Did her body bear the marks of carrying a child like mine? Was she blonde? Was she younger? Older? Did she screw better?

  “Keely,” he replied and I could hear the shame in his voice. His obvious shame did weird things to me. Made me feel angry and happy at the same time. Of all the people for Matt to end his marriage over, Keely was our town's whore. It was her specialty to lure married men into her bed. She thrived on breaking up marriages. She was a first class bitch. I was at a loss for words. Matt screwed the town whore. Fucking fantastic!

  “I'm sorry. I was lonely and I needed some human contact other than Elijah. I needed to feel a woman's touch. It's been so long for us.” He sounded truly remorseful. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

  I understood what he was saying though. I'd felt that a lot recently
which was why my mother had my son for the night. I felt lonely and horny. I arranged for my mother to babysit so I could fuck my husband. My husband felt lonely and horny, so he fucked the town whore instead. I was stunned and didn't know whether I should laugh or cry or kick his ass or make love to him one last time.

  “Did you use protection because you know that woman is a fucking whore and probably carries a shit ton of diseases?” I asked, and he shook his head ‘yes’. At least he wasn't a complete moron. The next words out of my mouth surprised Matt and me. “Okay, now take me to bed before this buzz wears off and I realize screwing my cheating husband is a bad idea,” I ordered him as I walked towards our bedroom, leaving my heart and dignity on the floor where they'd fallen.

  “What? Are you sure?” He asked, shocked. “I don't think that's a good idea.”

  “Why not? Am I not sexy enough for you?” I asked with my back to him. I couldn't turn to face him. I didn't want him to see my tears. He didn't deserve to see them.

  “Sunny, you have always been sexy to me. That's not why. I just fucked shit up for us real bad. I know that. I just don't know if having sex is the way to fix it.” I heard his footsteps coming towards me.

  “You said you wanted human contact didn't you?” I asked.

  “Well, yeah,” he began and I felt his body behind me.

  “Do you crave my touch anymore?”

  “I always have, Sunny. You know that. Are you sure this is what you want?” He asked, and I felt his hands on my shoulders now. I heard the sob in his words. I knew he was sorry, but I didn't care. I needed to feel him. I needed to know he wanted to feel me.

  “Yes, Matt, because like you I've been lonely too. I've craved a man's touch. The only difference is it was only your touch I craved and I still do. I'm just drunk enough to do it without thinking too much about what you've done. You say you love me and that you’re attracted to me so please show me you still love me. Make this feeling of rejection and hurt go away. Please, Matt.” I walked away from him, into the darkness of our bedroom where we made love for the last time.

  The next morning I asked for a divorce, and he begrudgingly gave in. Three months later, on the day our divorce was finalized, I found out I was pregnant again. What are the odds? We went through with the divorce anyway, at my insistence. I forgave him and I loved him, but I didn't trust him, so I knew it would never work. The cycle would repeat so now he's my best friend, and we are a happy family, just one where Mommy and Daddy don't live together, and it works for us. Usually.

  “So, Sunshine, you dating anyone yet?” He asked nonchalantly while making funny faces at our baby girl. And that's one of the times it doesn't work, when he starts asking about my love life, or lack thereof. I've been on a few dates since Danica was born and briefly had a relationship with a mutual friend, but nothing clicked. I honestly don't have the desire or the energy for that kind of relationship. I'm content with my life, at least that's what I always tell myself, and I'm pretty sure it's true. I hate when he asks about it though. Matt has continued courting me since we divorced. His courting is probably why we are able to remain friends but times like this make our friendship awkward. The fact is, I'm still very much in love with my ex-husband-baby-daddy, and the few guys I dated just didn't measure up to Matt, but I can't tell him that. I can't go there again. As much as I love him, I can't trust him.

  “No, not dating anyone at the moment, you?” I settle on and cringe when I see his face light up at the word 'no'. He's holding Danica, smiling. “You hear that, baby girl, Mommy doesn't have a boyfriend. There's hope for us,” he says, and she giggles and smiles her best toothy smile. Watching them I'm reminded how much she resembles her daddy. They both have giant blue eyes that melt your heart and honey colored hair, except Danica's is curly like mine.

  “No, Matt, there is not a chance for us but you know that because I've said it a thousand times. I love you. You're my best friend but that's all we can be.”

  “Yeah, yeah. You keep saying that but I'll change your mind. Trust me.” He flashes me his own toothy smile. I love that smile. I have to look away because I feel myself flush, and I don't want him to see the effect he still has on me. I hear him chuckle and know he's already seen it.

  “Hey, you got a new tatt,” I say and point at his arm. Matt loves tattoos, and they looked great on his toned arms. You'd never know the man's body was almost completely covered from the neck down, but he makes sure all of his art is covered by his police uniform. He is very particular about the art he puts on his body though. All of his tattoos have meaning and are stunning. However, I was surprised to see the new one. There wasn't a lot of blank skin left on his arms.

  “Oh yeah, it's one of my favorites.” He lifts his arm to give me a better look. It is beautiful but made me nauseous. “Really, Matt? That's permanent you know?”

  “It's not your name, well it is, but on the off chance you don't forgive me and I fall madly in love with another woman, well they would never have to know its meaning. This is the thing. You are my Sunshine, even if you're not technically mine. We will always be connected. I will always love you. This tatt is permanent just like you. I put a lot of thought into it. Both the kids have theirs. I have one for my mom and dad. It's only fitting I have one for you. At least it's not a bleeding heart.” He flashed the cockiest smile at me just before I smacked his arm. “You hit like a girl, Sunny.” He laughed at me while I shook the pain that was radiating through my hand.

  “It's beautiful, Matt,” I say, and I mean it. I offer him a smile. It's a beautiful sun but the face in the middle kind of looks like mine. Around the sun are the words You are my Sunshine. Matt used to sing that song to me saying I was his sunshine. Cheesy? Maybe, but I loved it when he sang to me, and I love his tattoo. He's right. We are stuck together forever, but only as friends, and I'm okay with that.

  “Did you hear they found another body?” He asked, and I could hear the strain in his voice. He tried to keep it light while he held Danica. “Looks like we have another murder on our hands,” he said, smiling at Danica but not looking at me. He was trying to keep me from freaking out by showing me he was calm. In control. I knew him though, and this was weighing heavily on his mind. The murder stuff happens in the city not in our little town of Lincoln. Our town is a small, quiet, and quaint town just outside the city of Portland, Oregon. We were nestled at the base of Mt. Hood with a population of maybe 15,000 people. At least that's what it used to be. The past few years had brought the occasional city dweller to our town, looking to escape the fast life city living offered. About six months ago a big city developer bought some of the land at the edge of town and was preparing to bulldoze the trees to build one of those cookie cutter subdivisions. The people in Lincoln were pissed and let everyone who's everyone who’s anyone know about it. In the end, it didn't matter, money wins.

  The first murder was about four months ago and was, so far, considered an isolated incident. They had no suspect or lead to go on so the case had been put to the side. Maybe now with another supposed murder they wouldn’t consider it isolated any longer.

  “Really? Who is it? Someone from Lincoln?” I asked, and almost didn't want to hear his answer. I knew he was being awfully nice with the whole coffee thing today. Matt was generally nice to me, but he seemed to be trying extra hard. Now I knew why.

  “Yeah, it's someone from Lincoln.” He sucked in a deep breath and kissed Danica on her forehead and gently placed her back in her stroller. She'd fallen asleep in his arms. No one put that girl to sleep better than her daddy.

  “Who?”

  “Keely,” he finally answers, his eyes never leaving mine. His dark stare was intense and spoke words that his mouth could never say. He hadn't had contact with Keely since their affair. I wasn't keeping tabs on him, but other people were and felt it was their duty to report to me. It was unnecessary, and I told them repeatedly that I didn't need to be informed of his every move, but they didn't listen. Dade and Trish, who are brother an
d sister and our best friends, tried to convince me to go back to Matt, unsuccessfully. Regardless of the affair and the reason behind it, I knew Matt's heart. It's a huge heart. Keely being murdered tore him up inside, his eyes told me so, and I understood.

  “Holy fuck, Matt.” I turned away from his stare and took some deep breaths of my own. Granted, I hated Keely, since she was our town whore and the woman who fucked my husband but murdered? Even I wasn't bitch enough to wish that on her, or anyone for that matter.

  “How? When? Do you have a suspect?” My words were flying from my mouth. I wanted to hold him. Comfort him, but I didn't. I just sat, shocked.

  “Well, it was done in a very disturbing way. I don't want to go into details. According to the coroner she's been dead no more than forty eight hours. A hunter found her body just outside of town in the woods. No, we don't have a suspect yet, but the way she died, Jesus, Sunshine, it's just like Amanda.”

  Amanda and Keely were best friends, had been since high school. She was Keely's only friend. I worked with Amanda at the bar. She was little and cute and the complete opposite of Keely. Once, not long after Matt and I split up, he and Amanda were drinking at the same bar. Apparently, she had a little too much to drink so Matt took her home. Rumors swirled, and it didn't take long for word to get to me that Matt was sleeping with Amanda. It wasn't my place to care or be angry, but I did care, and I was angry. However, they both denied it and something inside told me they were telling the truth, not to mention my two informers who seemed to know Matt's every move. I actually really liked Amanda. We could never be great friends, but I liked her, and I think she liked me. I was truly upset when they'd found her body. This was getting too coincidental and scary.