You Are My Sunshine

by Angie Merriam

  “Hey, babe. Yeah we arrested Nick a few minutes ago.”

  “You did? I thought you established he wasn't the killer?”

  “Well, apparently he confessed to your uncle Joe but I still have my doubts. I'll hold him though, at least for what he did to you. Maybe he can lead us in the right direction.”

  “Did you say my uncle Joe called you?” I asked, my mind buzzing.

  “Yeah, we picked Nick up at Joe's house. He came with us without a fight. He was actually really quiet. It was fucking weird, Sunny. Something doesn't feel right.”

  “Something is definitely not right, Matt. Don't forget, I need you and Dade tonight. Six o’clock, okay?” I asked suddenly feeling extremely anxious and overwhelmed.

  “Yeah, we'll be there. I just wanted you to know Nick is in custody so you should be a little safer now.”

  “Thanks, Matt.”

  “Yea, babe. See you tonight,” he said and hung up. I had lit up again without even knowing it sometime during my conversation with Matt. I should've felt safer knowing Nick is locked up, but I didn't. I knew that, although he did attack me, he wasn't the killer and was overall somewhat harmless. No, the real killer was still on the loose, and I was pretty sure it was my uncle Joe. Son of a bitch, I thought and smashed my cigarette out before going in to find my dad.

  I knew Trish was on her way to pick me up so I took my turn with my mother. She was still sleeping and had only stirred a few times since she'd spoken to me. I leaned over her bed and kissed her lips. “Bye, Mama, I'll be back tomorrow and we will talk. Sleep for now but I want to see you awake tomorrow okay?”

  “Sunshine, he's your father,” she whispered, her eyes trying to open but refusing her efforts. I pulled back a little and looked at her. “What did you say, Mom?” Tears pooled and flowed from her half open eyes. “Joe's your father. Don't tell your dad but you should know. He's dangerous, Sunshine. Stay away. He will come for you.”

  “You're confused, Mama. Daddy’s in the waiting room,” I said, but she'd lost conscious again. Her face was wet with tears, so I grabbed a tissue and wiped her face while holding my own tears back. I tried not to think about what she'd said. I couldn't fall apart. Not in front of my dad. I couldn't be sure of what she said anyway. Not to mention she's not exactly in her right mind, but as I wiped her tears, I felt something inside of me. A deep nagging feeling telling me I'd known all along. I just chose not to acknowledge it.

  I said a quick goodbye to my father, unable to look him in the eye for too long. I worried I would break, and that was not what he needed at the moment. I was never more relieved to see my best friend than I was that day. Her black ‘66 Mustang pulled up in front of the hospital, Journey pouring out of the speakers, and engine rumbling. She loved muscles cars, rock-n-roll and opera. She's the most interesting woman I know, and I love her.

  “Oh, thank God you're here, Trish,” I said climbing in the front seat and glancing in the back, it was empty.

  “Where are the kids?” I asked, a bit of panic threatening to escape

  “They're with Matt's parents. They offered to keep them for the night and given the circumstances I think that's a good idea.”

  “That's why I love you, Trish. You think for me. Now get me the fuck out of here before I lose my mind.”

  “Your wish is my command,” she replied and stepped on the gas pedal, thrusting me backward just a little. “How's your mom?” She asked as the car leveled out and fell into a comfortable speed.

  “She's still out. Beat up pretty badly but they think she will be fine. She's woken up a few times but only long enough to whisper craziness in my ear before she falls back to sleep.”

  “What kind of craziness?”

  “I'd rather wait and tell the story once if that's okay. For now I just want to clear my head. It's been a mind fuck kind of day,” I said and offered my friend a weak smile. She returned a half ass smile and rested her hand on my leg, squeezing gently. “It's going to be okay, Sunny.”

  “I hope so, Trish,” I said and cranked up AC/DC. We rode the rest of the way to my house in silence. I'd been so lost in thought that I was nearly asleep when Trish stopped in front of my house. I shook my head, trying to find my way through the fog that had settled in around me.

  “Oh shit, Trish. I needed to go to the store. I'm sorry I totally forgot.” I looked at her, pleading her forgiveness.

  “Girl, I got your back. I already went to the grocery store. We're having spaghetti tonight and I'm cooking. I also got some wine and dessert.” I stared at her, so thankful to have her. “Yeah, I know I'm the best friend in the fucking world and you can't live without me, now get off your ass and help me carry this shit in.” I laughed at her, and she returned it with her own infectious laugh.

  “You are the best friend in the fucking world. I love you, Trish,” I said before dragging my ass out of the car. She popped the trunk, and we loaded our arms with the grocery bags.

  “This is more than spaghetti stuff, Trish.”

  “Yeah, well I got stuff for us to do mani's and pedi's and maybe squeeze in a facial before Matt and Dade get here. Again, you're welcome,” she said and headed towards the door.

  Once inside we unloaded the food and goodies, she uncorked a bottle of wine. I took my glass to the porch and lit up a smoke. “What are you doing, Miss Sunshine Everly?” Trish asked, knowing I'd been nicotine free for over two years. I just shrugged my shoulders. I had no excuse. Weakness I guess but I didn't care. Life was too fucked up at that point to worry about smoking. “I'll quit again, later,” I offered when she just stood staring at me.

  “Yeah, whatever. Give me one,” she said and sat beside me. Trish had always been a social smoker and I almost felt bad giving her one, but not bad enough to say no.

  “Shits all fucking crazy right now. We can quit together later. Deal?” She said as she flicked the lighter.

  “Deal,” I replied and took a long drag of my own cigarette.

  We spent the next few hours drinking, smoking, doing our nails and cooking. By 5:30, I was a little tipsy but had pretty toes and fingernails, and I was finally relaxed. I switched to coffee though. I had a story to tell and doing it under the influence was a bad idea. I resolved to finish the bottle later in the night though which made me feel better about the coffee I now held in my hand. I relaxed on the porch, at Trish's encouragement and waited for Matt to get there. The closer the clock ticked to six o’clock the more nervous I became.

  How was I supposed to tell them that my mother said Joe was my father? How could I repeat the words when all I wanted to do was forget them? Even worse, was my biological father a killer? What did that mean for me? The numbing effect of the wine was wearing off, and the few hours of unworried bliss were falling away. Matt's car pulled up the driveway, just as I finished my coffee. He and Dade got out, one carrying another bottle of wine and one carrying flowers.

  “Jesus Christ you two, it's fucking dinner. We've done this a million times. Why the wine and flowers?” I asked and was surprised at the annoyance in my voice. Dade just flashed his winning smile at me before kissing me on the cheek and letting himself into my house. Matt stood in front of me on the porch, the flowers tucked under his arm.

  “I can take them back if you'd like,” he said. “I just thought that with all the bullshit going on we should find something to be happy about. Some glimmer of hope in all the fucking dark but if you'd rather not, I can take them back or give them to Trish.”

  “What is there to be happy about right now, Matt? There is nothing!” I said a little louder and a little bitchier than I intended.

  “There's us, Sunny,” he replied, matching my tone. “I know it's screwed up timing and because of these assholes, Nick and some unknown killer, we can't celebrate like I would like to but it's still a silver lining. This dinner was supposed to be about announcing our reuniting, remember?”

  “I remember. It's just been all kinds of mind fucks today, Matt, and I'm about to come undone,
” I said, forcing the tears back. “I'm sorry. The flowers are beautiful. Sunflowers, my favorite. If you even think about giving them to Trish I'll kick your ass,” I said and wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt an overwhelming sense of safety when his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me close. “Thank you, Matt,” I said and kissed him.

  “I'd do anything to feel your lips on mine,” he said and let his lips linger softly on mine. “You smell like wine and coffee with a tinge of cigarettes.”

  “Sorry, I should go brush my teeth,” I said feeling embarrassed.

  “No, it's not bad. I like it,” he said and kissed me deeply leaving me breathless. He broke away and took my hand in his, gently pulling me toward the house. “Come on, I'm starving and anxious to hear what you've been holding inside all day.”

  We found Dade and Trish in the kitchen chatting. “All better, Sunny?” Dade teased.

  “Sorry. Dade. Thanks for the wine.”

  “Who said I brought it for you, little sister?” He said, and I smacked his arm. His laugh filled my kitchen, and I couldn't help but feel better having the people closest to me, other than my parents, there with me. My hand hurt from hitting him though, and I shook the pain out. “Holy hell, Dade, have you and Matt been working out together or what?”

  “Ahh, did you hurt your hand, baby girl, on my giant muscles?” He teased, and I stuck my tongue out at him. I missed having him around. He worked so much now and apparently worked out a lot, I didn't see him as much as I would like too. I looked around the room and for a second, felt my heart warm. There I was with my three favorite people, like we used to be, like we should be, together.

  “Dinner is almost ready,” Trish said as Matt grabbed a vase for the flowers, and I grabbed the plates to set the table. Dade opened his bottle of wine and poured each of us a glass. I almost declined, but the day's earlier alcohol was wearing off, and I did want to celebrate with Matt, even if for just a moment before I dropped some bombshells in their laps.

  Trish placed the spaghetti in the center of the table with some sliced Italian garlic bread beside it. “This looks amazing, Trish, thank you,” I said and smiled at her. She winked at me and sat across from me.

  “Yeah, great job, Trish,” Matt echoed, followed by Dade's, “Thanks, sis.”

  We loaded up our plates and ate silently for a few minutes. I squeezed Matt's leg under the table and smiled at him. “Go ahead, tell them,” I said quietly. He set his fork down and took a sip of his wine before clearing his throat. “So, originally, Sunshine and I were planning a dinner tonight with our families and the both of you because, well you're our family too. But given the days events, things have changed and well, it's just us. So I want to thank you both for being here and thanks, Trish for the fantastic dinner,” he said, clearly nervous. Not much made Matt nervous, and I found it incredibly cute.

  “My pleasure,” Trish said and smiled. “Don't leave us hanging here, bro! What's up?” Dade said between bites.

  “Sunshine has decided to give me a second chance,” he announced proudly, one hand resting on my lower back. Our friends faces both have smiles plastered on them. “Well, it's about damn time,” Trish said before coming around the table to hug me first, then Matt. Dade follows her lead and kisses my cheek then whispers, “He really does love you, Sunny. You're making the right choice.” I nod my head in agreement and smile at my friend. Dade and Matt have been best friends for as long as Trish and I have but when Matt cheated Dade kicked his ass. It took Dade longer to forgive Matt than it took me. I was thrilled to have us all together again.

  “I'm so happy you two are here to share this with us. We love you guys,” I said and held up my glass for cheers. The glass clinked together before we took our drinks and sat back down to eat.

  “The spaghetti is great, Trish,” Matt said, beginning the casual conversation that went on through dinner. We chatted about the kids, the guy Trish was seeing and the lack of Dade's social life. We laughed and joked and carefully avoided our other reason for the dinner, the Bleach Murderer. “I can't eat another bite,” Dade said, pushing his plate away. “Great meal, sis.”

  “Thanks, bro. Now why don't you and Matt go have a beer on the porch while Sunny and I clean this mess up,” Trish said as more of an order than a request but her voice was gentle when she spoke. The boys didn't argue, neither of them were particularly fond of dishes. They each grabbed a beer, and Matt kissed me on the way out.

  “I can't tell you how happy I am for you, Sunny,” Trish said once they were out of ear shot.

  “Thanks, Trish,” I replied while grabbing dirty dishes from the table.

  “What made you finally forgive him?” She asked and I knew it was out of genuine curiosity, not because she thought I chose wrong. She was too surprised by the night's news since she knew about my night with him.

  “Well, multiple things I guess. I went to pick the kids up after work the other night and we started talking about the murders and that lead to him being worried which led to kissing and it went on from there. As you know, I stayed the night with him that night. I don't know why I chose that night to let go of the hurt he caused me but it just felt right. Even so, I still wasn't fully into getting back together, so to say. I was leery of opening my heart to him.”

  “But not leery of opening your legs?” Trish said, looking pointedly at me. I felt my mouth drop open and felt my face flush.

  “Trish! I can't believe you said that!” I shot back.

  “Oh don't go getting your panties in a bunch, Sunny. He is a fine piece of man and I don't blame you for screwing him without the attachment of love. Hell, I commend you for it. You've grown up, girlfriend, but I know that's not how you work. You need to feel love, that's all I meant.”

  “Yeah, well I felt something that night, that's for sure but it was a conversation with my mom that made me realize I needed to forgive him and try again.”

  “Yeah, what did she say?” I sighed, and told her about my dad's own infidelity. I left out my mom’s as I knew that would come soon enough.

  “Holy shit, I would never have guessed that,” she said as she dried the dishes and handed them to me to put away. We worked well together. We didn't need instructions or words to work together. We could hold a conversation and move fluidly together. Just one more thing I love about her. “Yeah, me either but trust me, Trish, that’s not shit compared to what I found out today. Come on, I don't want to say this twice but I need to get it out. Let's join the boys on the porch,” I said before grabbing a beer of my own and going outside.

  Matt and Dade were in a serious conversation based on the looks on their faces. I was about to blow their minds and I was dreading it. “Hey,” I said.

  “Hey, babe,” Matt replied before grabbing my hand and pulling me onto his lap. His arm wrapped around my hips so his hand rested on my upper thigh. I felt safe with him touching me. A few minutes later, Trish joined us, and I decided to get it over with. I stood from Matt's lap and lit a cigarette and was thankful that none of them gave me shit for doing it. It was a fucked up time, and my smoking was the least of the problems.

  “So, as you all know I went for a ride with my dad this morning,” I began and told them everything my father told me earlier that day while pacing up and down my long porch.

  “Your dad thinks it's his own brother?” Dade said unable to hide the shock.

  “Yeah, he does,” I confirmed.

  “Holy shit, Sunny. Does your dad realize he could do time for obstruction?” Matt asked, concern laced through his words. “Yeah, he knows. He already hired a lawyer and was coming to talk to you both today. It gets worse guys.” I lit another smoke and sat across from Matt on the banister. Dade was beside Matt and Trish was beside me. I know I can trust them. They won’t judge me or my mother, at least I hope not. I took a long drag and blew it out before I said the words, “Joe is my father.” Silence filled the air. The looks of shock were similar on all three faces. “I'm not sure of the details but my
mother told me today when she woke briefly. I don't think my dad knows. I do know she had a terrible time conceiving with my father. Maybe she used Joe to make me. I don't know but that's the only thing that makes sense.” I crushed out the cigarette and began pacing again, unaware that I'd started to cry again.

  Seconds later I felt Matt's arms wrap around me, and I buried my hand in his chest. “How could she, Matt? What the fuck? My father is a fucking monster?” I was trembling now and felt my legs go weak. He held me up long enough to sit back in the porch chair, me on his lap, near hysterics.

  “Shhh, Sunny. It's okay. I'm here and we will figure this shit out okay? Shhhh, baby,” he whispered while he gently brushed the hair away from my face. I felt a head rest on my leg, and a hand rub my head, and knew it was Dade and Trish. Knowing they were there, comforting me, was reassuring. I don't know what I expected, for them to run away screaming, maybe. I know I wanted to run away from myself when my mother told me. It was hard enough to wrap my brain around my uncle being the possible man killing young women, but to think that he’s my biological father is over-fucking-whelming!