Addicted to You

by Porscha Sterling

  Her attitude increased with a quick suck of her teeth and dramatic show of rolling her neck.

  “Oh, you mean that night when you fucked me? I guess you weren’t able to catch up with this salty bitch so you decided to run up in me. Does the lil’ green-eyed bitch you were with the other night know about that?”

  Lifting her hand, she put her finger in my face. I bit down on the back of my teeth to stop myself from breaking it in half. She knew I hated when she put her hands in my face and that’s why she did it. I kept my mouth shut to stop from saying some shit that would make her attitude even worse. There was no way that Sage hadn’t heard what was said and that only meant I would have a lot to explain to her later.

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought, you cheating ass nigga!”

  “Aye, Ink… you good, man?”

  I didn’t have to look to know exactly who it was. Jamal was a dude around my age who owned a small barbershop next door. We didn’t kick it much, he was closer to Kale, but we still looked out for each other every now and then. Being that this wasn’t the first time that Tami had showed her ass in front of my place of business, he knew my situation with her pretty well.

  “He’s good. Mind your own motherfuckin’ business!” Tami snapped at him with her hands on her hips.

  “Aye, calm that shit down,” I told her. “I let you come up here and act a fuckin’ fool but now it’s time for you to go. You shouldn’t have brought your ass up here anyway trying to check me on some shit that ain’t your business. You’re not my chick!”

  “No, I’m actually your wife and I’m tired of this!” she shot back.

  She wasn’t the only one tired of the shit—so was I. How convenient was it that she could pull the ‘wife’ word out when it benefited her but didn’t think about it at all when she was in the club rubbing her ass against the next nigga’s dick.

  “You need to take your dumb ass home.” I turned to walk away but then something else occurred to me and I stopped.

  Where the hell was Miyah?

  Before I could even ask, Tami was in my face once again.

  “Don’t fuckin’ walk away from me! I’m not about to have you out here disrespecting me like I ain’t got no ring on my finger. Nobody made you do a damn thing you didn’t want to do. I wasn’t the one who put this shit on my finger or signed the papers at the courthouse. That was you! Now you out here wilding out, fuckin’ bitches in the bathroom in some nasty ass club. You got them sending me this shit to fuck with me. Like I don’t have enough misery in my life to deal with!”

  The second I saw the tears in her eyes, her words hit me hard. At some point in my life, Tami was the woman that I loved but, not only that, she was one of my closest friends. Circumstances of life had pulled us apart, but I wasn’t heartless. I wanted her to be happy and live a good life. I didn’t know how to do that when she thought the only nigga for her was me and she continued to use my relationship with my daughter as bait. But, as was the norm, the second I started to feel sorry for Tami and guilty for the role I played in her unhappiness, she opened up her mouth to say something that made me want to strangle her to death.

  “Soooo,” she began, snaking her neck as she held out the word. “Since we both know that Miyah is the only reason you even fuckin’ with me right now, I’m gonna make this shit easy for you.”

  Turning away, she walked to her car, parked curbside, and opened up the back door. When she pulled my daughter out of the backseat, heat built up around my collar. My rage grew even further when she grabbed her hand and yanked her towards the door so hard that Tamiyah screamed and almost fell forward.

  “Yo, don’t be grabbin’ her like that!” I snarled.

  Stepping forward, I lifted my child up in my arms. When I saw the fear and worry in her eyes, it crushed me in the worst way. Tami and I argued and fought all the time, but I always tried to make sure that Tamiyah never witnessed it. That meant I had to hold my tongue more times than I wanted when she was around, but my daughter was important to me, so I pushed through it.

  “You don’t have to worry about me grabbing her ever again if you don’t want to,” Tami snapped back, folding her arms over her chest. “I left her birth certificate, social security card, medical records and a notarized legal document on the kitchen counter stating that I’m signing full parental rights for Tamiyah over to you. Since you want her so bad and can’t give a shit about me, you can cut me a check to start a new life and I’ll get ghost. Consider this my parting gift to you.”

  My mouth almost dropped open at the audacity of her to say some shit like that right in front of Tamiyah like she was too dumb to understand that her own mother was giving her away. Something told me that Tami was only trying to get a reaction out of me and couldn’t possibly mean what she was saying but it still didn’t matter, especially not when I heard my baby start to cry. She had officially crossed the line.

  Turning to Tamiyah, I kissed her forehead and then placed her down on her feet.

  “Aye, Miyah, go walk inside and play with your coloring books for a second. You know where to find them.”

  Her sad eyes clouded with more tears and the shit broke my heart.

  I can’t keep letting her go through this shit, I thought.

  My only responsibility as her father was to love her, provide for her and protect her. I never expected to have to protect her from her own mother but maybe it was time for me to accept that Tamiyah wouldn’t have the upbringing that I wanted her to have.

  “Okay, Daddy.”

  She nodded her head slowly and then walked through the door to do as I’d asked. I ran my hand over the bottom of my face, brooding internally as I watched her reach into the back of Indie’s desk to get her books and crayons.

  Sage, knowing that her assistance was needed, shot me a curious look before walking over to Tamiyah. She was fully dressed, which told me that she expected and was prepared for our night alone to be interrupted. Bending down, she smiled at Tamiyah as she spoke words that I couldn’t hear. Whatever they were must have been impactful because the next thing Tamiyah did was hold her hand up for Sage, who led her to the back. Once I knew she was good, I closed the door and focused my attention back on Tami, who was staring at me with a smug-ass smirk spread across her face.

  “You must be outta yo’ fuckin’ mind,” I said in a low tone, as if speaking to myself. I chuckled as I ran my hand over the back of my head, thinking about how lucky Tami was that I had a daughter to think about. Tamiyah was the only thing keeping me from choking the life out of her mama’s bum ass.

  “No, you must be outta your mind,” she replied, narrowing her eyes. “How long did you think I would sit around and be your pretend wife while you out here living your best life? I deserve better, Ink!”

  “And what about your daughter?” I raged. My voice was loud and that wasn’t even in me, but I was losing control. “What the fuck does she deserve? Doesn’t she deserve to have her mother in her life?”

  A sorrowful expression passed over Tami’s face and, for a second, I thought that maybe she was reconsidering her decision.

  Then she opened up her mouth, shrugged and said, “She’s better without me.”

  “That’s some selfish shit and you know it.”

  Eyes flashing in rage, Tami ran up so fast that I thought she was going to barrel right into me until she stopped in front of my face.

  “Selfish?” she spat. “Who are you to tell me what’s selfish?

  The headlights of a car illuminated the parking lot beside where we stood, instantly catching my attention. It was Kale.

  “Well, look who it is,” Tami said, singing her words with a taunting tune. “And just on time.”

  I didn’t understand what the hell she was talking about, but I’d long ago stopped trying to figure out what craziness went through her mind. As soon as the engine died, Kale jumped out his whip, frowning as his eyes traveled back and forth between Tami and me. He was trying to figure out what was going on. The
passenger door opened, and someone stepped out, a chick. I recognized her as Sage’s friend from the first time I’d met her.

  “What’s good, Ink? Tami,” he added, cutting his eyes at her briefly. Beside him, his girl was glaring first at Tami and then at me.

  “I can’t call it,” I replied.

  “We came here because I flew in and wanted to surprise Sage.” She put extra emphasis on the name. “She texted me earlier and said she was here. Did she leave?”

  The accusatory stare in her eyes matched her tone. Obviously, she thought that Sage was gone and I was caught dipping out on her friend with my ex.

  “Yo, chill. She’s here.” I nodded my head back towards the shop. “She’s inside.”

  The tension in her face faded and she nodded to me before turning to walk inside. All of the negative energy that she left behind her was absorbed by Tami.

  “Are you telling me that bitch is in there? You got her in there with my daughter?”

  I looked at her like she’d lost her damn mind. “What? You mean the daughter you just said that you didn’t want no more?”

  “Nigga, I don’t give a fuck if—”

  She lunged forward and the only thing that stopped her from jumping on me was Kale, who moved just as fast and grabbed her around her middle.

  “Yo, calm down,” he told her, looking around at the people who were gathering around us. “This ain’t the time or the place for this shit.”

  I heard Jamal in the background telling the crowd to get lost. After taking a few parting photos, the crowd began to disperse and Tami was right back on it.

  “Why not?” She positioned her hands on her hips and rolled her neck. “Because you brought your little bitch up here with you? What happened to everything you said to me the other night—about being with me? That’s not what you want no more?”

  My temperature shot to the sky. What the fuck had she just said?

  16

  Ink

  * * *

  Right before my eyes, it looked as if all the blood drained from Kale’s face.

  “Tami, listen, don’t do that shit.” He put his hands up and took a step back. “Don’t go there.”

  “Oh, now you wanna keep quiet because she’s here, huh?” She pointed towards the shop. “Because you definitely weren’t worried about all that when you were telling me that we needed to come clean to Ink!”

  My frown deepened to the max as I watched the interaction between the two of them, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Those days, Tami said all kinds of shit to get under my skin so I didn’t know if she was playing around or not, but Kale’s reaction would tell me.

  Back before Tami and I got together officially, it was no secret that he had been crushing on her, but she wanted to be with me. I stepped to him about taking her out and he didn’t object to it; he even had a girlfriend at the time. Sometimes I felt like he still had a thing for her, but he’d never stepped out of line with her after we got together. At least not from what I knew.

  “Man, get the fuck outta here with this bullshit, Tami. You on some reckless shit and I ain’t fuckin’ with you right now.” He batted at her with his hand before turning to me. “Yo, I’m about to grab Lola and get the fuck up out of here. If you want, I can grab Sage and Tamiyah, too.”

  “You aren’t taking my daughter nowhere with either one of those bitches!”

  “Yeah, whatever,” Kale replied, not even bothering to look her way. “She doesn’t even need to be with you right now and you and I both know why.”

  Something about how he said it felt like he was referring to a lot more than the ratchet shit that Tami had been on lately. Especially when I saw the shame-filled expression on Tami’s face. For the first time since she showed up, she actually looked like she wished she were anywhere but there.

  “Yo, what’s that mean?” I spoke up finally, unable to stay out of the conversation for a second longer. “What do you mean, Miyah shouldn’t be with her? Am I missing something?”

  Stopping in his tracks, Kale paused for a few seconds before slowly turning around. When he did, he was looking at Tami.

  “Do you want to tell him or should I?” he asked her, his eyes narrowing in. It was a threat and Tami never was one to react well to those. Instead of cowering under him, she stood tall and shot him a malicious glare right back.

  “Oh so you wanna start telling secrets now, huh? Why don’t you tell Ink who Tamiyah’s real father is? It ain’t Dolla and it damn sure ain’t him. But you know who it is. Since we telling secrets, why don’t we start with you?”

  My nostrils flared. “Kale, what the fuck is she talking about?”

  “I don’t have a fuckin’ clue,” he replied, glaring so hard at Tami that she was forced to take a step back to create distance. “Then again, there is a lot a junkie does that I don’t understand.”

  “Junkie?” I searched Tami’s face, ready for her to refute what had been said but she was silent. Her bottom jaw had dropped, and her eyes were slightly bugged in utter panic and shock.

  “Tami’s right about one thing. I did tell her that we needed to come clean to you, but it had nothing to do with her fucking with me. I told her that we needed to come clean about her drug habit. She’s been taking pills.” He paused and blew out a sharp breath. “And God knows what else.”

  “Well, since you wanna talk, tell him who been giving them to me then!” she hissed.

  “Answer my fuckin’ question!” I yelled so loud that I caught the attention of a few people walking out of the bar across the street. “Is that true? Are you taking drugs? You been doing this shit around my daughter?”

  “No I—I just—I didn’t mean to…”

  Her brows knitted across her forehead, but she left the rest of her sentence unsaid.

  “I have to go.”

  She pivoted fast, trying to run away but I wasn’t having that. Reaching out, I stopped her by grabbing her roughly by her wrist and whipped her back around to face me. With her eyes stretched wide in horror, she screamed like I had stabbed her in the chest.

  “Get your hands off me, Ink! Let me go!”

  “Aye, man, we need to handle this inside the shop,” Kale said, looking behind him. He backed away from us and helped Jamal deal with the returning crowd. People from the barbershop, the bar and another small club on the corner started to walk out to watch our train wreck in action. In the back of my head, I knew I had to calm down but I couldn’t.

  “Stop! You’re hurtin’ me!” Tami howled and began to squirm. She was putting on for the crowd because I was barely touching her.

  “Stop acting and tell me the fuckin’ truth! Have you been on that shit around my daughter? And you better not fuckin’ lie!”

  When her lips didn’t part, I was overcome with fury. I shook her so hard that her purse flung out of her hands and landed on the street, causing the contents to spill out on the asphalt near my feet. I didn’t pay it any attention and kept my eyes on Tami until she dropped her head to look. The sight transformed her expression into one of sheer and utter terror.

  “What the fuck?”

  I blinked hard and then looked once again, knowing for sure that my eyes had to be deceiving me.

  Pills and coke. How the hell had I missed this?

  “Ink, I’ve been so miserable…so sad and so hurt.”

  She began to cry, spouting tears from her eyes like water from a faucet. With her thin, willowy arms out, she moved towards me, but I pushed her away. I wasn’t moved by any of it. For the first time, I took a good look at her and noticed that she was noticeably thinner than before. She was still thick in all the places that used to matter to me, but it wasn’t the same.

  “I’ve loved you my entire life and, all this time, I thought I could find a way to make you love me back. I thought that Tamiyah would be enough and, when we got married, I kept hoping that one day things would go back to how they used to be. But nothing changed. I just wanted to be with you.” She sniffed
and batted away a tear that was sliding down her cheek. “If you help me, I will get clean.”

  Snickering, I shook my head. “Nah, not happening. I’ll get a driver to take you wherever you need to go but you ain’t staying with me anymore. That’s a wrap.”

  “I—I made a mistake,” she said as she began to move quickly forward. “I didn’t know what I was sayin’. I still want to be a mother. I need Tamiyah.”

  Frowning, I swatted at her, nudging her away with force. She was in a state of panic—her eyes were rolling around in her head as she began to grasp the reality of what was happening. Then it was as if someone had turned on the crazy switch. She bolted back to me, crying out with tormented wails.

  “Ink, move out of the way! I want to see my daughter! She’s not yours; she’s mine and you can’t keep her from me!”

  She was screaming at the top of her lungs, grabbing the attention of not only a group of drunk white fraternity boys stumbling out of the club, but other random people walking and driving down the street. She started to fight me, pushing, scratching and sobbing as she cried out for the same daughter that she had just said she didn’t even want.

  “Tami, stop!”

  As soon as the words fell from my mouth, she reached up and raked her long fingernails across my cheek, cutting through my skin.

  “You can’t keep her from me! I won’t let you!”

  She was hysterical. With no other way to stop her, I grabbed her by her shoulders and shook the shit out of her until her head jerked back and forth like a ragdoll. With any hope, I had rattled some sense into her brain so she would get herself together and leave.

  “The next time you think about coming anywhere near Miyah, you better go somewhere and snort acid instead of coke. Keep messing with that shit and then try to come around her again. You’d be better off dead.”

  When I released her, Tami was so shaken up that she could barely stand. She collapsed like a puppet; her legs crumbled from beneath her and she dropped to the ground. It wasn’t until that moment that I looked up and noticed even more people standing around us, a couple of them with their cellphones in hand, documenting the entire incident.