Addicted to You

by Porscha Sterling

  “He said enough for me to know that… he didn’t do this.”

  I eyed her hard, feeling like I had lasers coming from my skull. What could Kale possibly have told her to make her believe that he wasn’t responsible for it? Especially after video evidence?

  “Alright folks,” Judge Carmichael began, lifting his hands up as he addressed the crowd. “Now, let’s get back into the courtroom so we can officially end this thing. Obviously, the State will need a little more time to collect these new details in their case.”

  Although Ink’s attention was no longer on her, I wasn’t able to let Indie out of my sight. Only a few minutes ago, she was all in his face seemingly torn up by the thought of him being locked up for murder. Now that he was free, you would’ve thought she would be excited, happy and relieved. However, she was even more disturbed than before. Dyano ushered him inside the courtroom but I hung back with Indie, telling him that I wanted to make sure that she was okay before I came inside.

  “This is for your nose.” My tone was flat as I handed her a napkin from my purse.

  “Thank you.”

  She lifted it from my hand and wiped first at her eyes and then her nose.

  “Can you let Ink know that I had to leave? I’m sure his case will be thrown out and… I can’t deal with all of this right now.”

  Unmoved by her emotion, I watched her wipe tears from her eyes as she spoke.

  Weak.

  That was the word that came to mind when I looked at her. She wanted to be Ink’s woman, but she didn’t have the backbone for the job. He was lucky to have found me.

  “I’ll let him know,” I said with a smile.

  Thinking twice, I leaned over and decided to seal the deal with a hug. Even though she didn’t pull away, her body went rigid, like she didn’t want me touching her.

  She sniffed and pulled away, seemingly uncomfortable. “Thank you… again.”

  I didn’t reply right away, deciding only to hold my smile. When she began to leave, I reached out and touched her arm.

  “Can you keep a secret?”

  Her lips parted and a frown bent her brows. “Uhh…. Yes?”

  Giggling, I rolled my eyes and bounced back and forth from foot-to-foot. I was probably overselling my excitement, but… oh well.

  “I haven’t told Ink yet because of the case but… I’m pregnant!” I giggled after delivering the news and then stopped short.

  “Pregnant?” she repeated, swallowing hard. “Um... well, congratulations. Ink has always wanted a child—”

  “He has a child,” I corrected her. “A daughter. Tamiyah.”

  She lifted sad eyes up to me and tried to fake a smile.

  “Yes, I know but... you know what I mean.”

  I didn’t respond to affirm or deny either way.

  “I’ll let him know that you won’t be back in,” I said. She nodded her head and then turned to walk away. I was in my way towards the courtroom when I remembered that I had forgotten my manners.

  “Oh, and Indie?” I called, turning around.

  “Yes?”

  I took a moment to observe her, noticing that she was barely keeping it together. Her eyes were filling with tears that she was trying to sniff away, and the edges of her lips were turned down at the ends.

  “Since Ink isn’t here, I’m speaking for both of us when I say this,” I spoke with sincerity. “Goodbye.”

  With that, I turned back around and didn’t break my stride towards the courtroom.

  34

  Ink

  * * *

  The first morning in our new home and I was waking up to the smell of bacon. Opening my eyes, I took a moment to lie in silence with my eyes to the ceiling and my ears listening to the joyful sounds of giggles and laughter coming from downstairs.

  Life was perfect. As perfect as it could be.

  Kale’s trial and subsequent sentencing moved so fast that it was all a blur. Although he proclaimed his innocence until the very end, the State had an open and shut case that Elshire was helpless to fight. As much as I hated the judicial system and hated the fact that I wasn’t able to avenge Tami’s murder on my own, I sat through the entire trial. The amount of evidence they’d been able to discover in such a small amount of time was incredible. If they hadn’t been so focused on me from the beginning, they would have known that Kale was behind her murder all along.

  Tami’s cellphone was found in the glove compartment of Kale’s car and it pretty much sealed the deal. There were text messages between the two of them where he was trying to urge Tami to be with him and she refused. She told him that she wanted her family together but then he told her about Sage and tried to use my relationship to push Tami to be with him. The night that she showed up to the club and divorce papers were served, I’d thought Brisha was behind it but once the man who served the papers was on the stand, he pointed Kale out as the one who had paid him to deliver them. The bloody fingerprint, proven to be his, tied him to the scene.

  Then there was the night in question, the one I still was unable to remember. The night that she was killed. This was where shit got crazy.

  According to the texts, once I left her, Tami texted Kale accusing him of telling me that she was pregnant, but the baby wasn’t mine. In her text, she accused him of trying to ruin her life. When he ignored her, she sent another text and said she was going to kill herself if he didn’t bring her crack. That got him to respond, but what he said was what fucked up my head.

  This isn’t Tami.

  What bothered me most about it was that it was the same exact thing I had been thinking when they went through her texts. We were from the streets; all of us grew up together. Niggas in the street didn’t call dope ‘crack.’

  Even still, at some point, Tami sent an address and Kale said he was on the way. She’d told him that she was fiending for a hit and if he didn’t bring her what she needed, she’d have to find it. I didn’t need Kale to explain in order for me to know why he’d gone to the motel at that point because I would’ve done the same. Whether he believed it was Tami texting him or not, at that point, he wasn’t going to chance her getting hurt looking for shit.

  Truthfully, I didn’t know how to feel about the entire thing.

  In the back of my mind, I’d always felt like he was responsible for me getting locked up the first time. We were in the streets; I was the head of it all and he was my right-hand man. The problem was, Kale never seemed satisfied being my right hand and, though I could tell, he held it in. When I got locked up, he took my place at the top and hadn’t stopped running shit ever since. I thought that when we moved to Atlanta, both of us were keeping our hands clean, but that wasn’t true. He was still moving weight.

  When I first got with Tami, I knew he had a thing for her, but Tami was never the type of woman to go for the sidekick when she had a chance to be with a boss. She didn’t want him; she wanted me. When I thought back to all of the fights that we had concerning other women that she thought I was sleeping with, one thing I couldn’t help but remember was how much Kale was always pushing me to cheat on her whenever I was kicking it with my crew.

  In fact, the time that actually led to the breakup where she ended up getting with Dolla was because of him. We were at a club and Kale saw a chick he wanted to fuck so he asked me to distract her best friend. I was buying her drinks and talking to her about bullshit when Tami stormed in and caused a big-ass scene. I dropped her after that because I couldn’t take it anymore. Her jealousy was getting to me and I couldn’t deal with it. We called it quits and the next thing I knew, Kale was telling me about how he’d heard that she was Dolla’s new chick.

  Kale had to be in love with her. What other man would go to those lengths to be with a woman? Especially to the point of moving across the country to be near her. When I moved Tami to Atlanta, I thought it was loyal of Kale to move with me and help get my shop up and going. Now I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d come there for Tami or for me. There was one point
in my life when I thought all was good as long as I had Tami and Kale by my side. At one time, they were all I needed and the only family I had in my life. But time changes things and now they were both gone.

  But if Kale was the one who killed her, how the fuck did I get blood on my clothes?

  “It smells good down here,” I said, smiling as I walked down the stairs.

  Boxes filled every room in the house, except the kitchen. Sage had unpacked all of the kitchenware before anything else. We had spent about a month looking for a new house after the charges against me were thrown out, but we couldn’t find anything that we all liked. Then, we took a break and spent a week at Sage’s father’s home in the mountains and the week was so perfect that we didn’t want to leave. That’s when it dawned on us that it was the perfect house to make our home.

  “Daddy, me and Mimi Sage made pancakes, eggs and bacon!” Tamiyah shrieked, running straight at me.

  I leaned down and scooped her up into my arms, then planted a kiss against her hairline. She gave me about two seconds of affection before she heard the theme song to her favorite cartoon. Then she was squirming out of my arms towards the living room. Just that easily, I’d been swapped out for a sponge that lived in the bottom of the ocean.

  “If you’re ready to eat, I’ll make your plate,” Sage said, turning towards me.

  My eyes dropped to the apron that she had stretched across her bulging stomach and I smiled. Every day that passed, I was getting closer and closer to the birth of my baby boy. Part of me felt like Sage and I weren’t ready to make that step; things were moving so fast. But then, after thinking about it, I realized that I would never feel absolutely ready for the life that I was stepping into. In three months, I would be a father again and, as of last night, I was engaged and would soon have a wife. Sage was wearing my ring and had accepted my request that she take my last name. Not bad for a Chi-Town nigga from the streets.

  “How about I make your breakfast and we eat together since you cooked?” I countered, slipping the plate from Sage’s hand.

  I leaned over and kissed her lips, simultaneously rubbing her belly. She smelled like heaven. Like warm lavender and vanilla mixed. When she giggled against my mouth, I pulled back and kissed her smile then reached behind her to grab a handful of ass. It was always fat, just like I liked it, but pregnancy had made her even thicker in all the right places.

  “Do you have to go to work?” Sage whined, rubbing her hand over her stomach.

  I stared at it in wonder, amazed that it was able to contain everything necessary to give my child life as well as the three pancakes, four pieces of bacons, and three handfuls of scrambled eggs she’d stuffed in it.

  “Yeah, you know I gotta go but I’ll be back tonight. I need to interview some new artists and get back in the game. It’s been a while since somebody got inked, know what I mean?”

  Laughing, Sage rolled her eyes. “You’re corny.”

  “Yeah and?”

  “And...” She stood to her feet, making her chair screech across the wood floor as it slid back to give her room. “I have something for you.”

  I leaned back and clasped my hands together over the top of my head, watching her as she made her way over to her purse and pulled out an envelope. Sage was a classic beauty. Pregnancy hormones were working in her favor, her skin glowed and her hair, which had grown more than a few inches, was in smooth and shiny ringlets down her back.

  Sometimes I felt like she was too good for me. What did I do to deserve a woman so sexy, accomplished, devoted and all around perfect? We never argued because she never chastised me and always followed my lead. Being called on my shit was something that I liked about the relationship that I had with Indie, but Sage avoided confrontations.

  “I wrote you this letter,” Sage said, walking back over to me. She handed the envelope out to me and I grabbed it in my hands and looked at the outside.

  To my husband and love for life. From your wife, is what it said.

  I smirked. Being called someone’s husband again was crazy to see.

  “Don’t read it until you leave for work,” she said. “I want you to be alone so you can read it without distractions. I want you to know how much I really love you.”

  With a nod, I folded the envelope, stuffed it in my pocket, and then joined Tamiyah in the living room to say my goodbyes. Although Sage was still a member of the board, after everything that happened and with her pregnancy so far along, she had decided to give them what they wanted. She was a silent member and left them to do the work and make all the major decisions while she reaped the rewards. In other words, shit was smooth as gravy on her end and all she did was collect a check.

  “Drive safely,” Sage said as I gathered my things and prepared to leave. “And come back to me soon, love.”

  I kissed her and then grabbed my backpack and keys. She’d bought me a gift; a custom-made, gold-plated tattoo gun with my name engraved on it. It was sick as hell and I couldn’t wait to put it to use.

  “I’ll call you a little later to see how things are going with you two. Lock up for me.”

  She closed the door behind me and I stepped out onto the front porch, all of a sudden feeling not at ease for some reason. It was almost Christmas, so the Winter weather was in full swing. Flurries of snow had fallen in the days before and every now and then more came until the point that little patches of snow covered the tops of the hedges, trees, and some of the grass. It wasn’t enough to pull Tamiyah into a snowball fight, but it was enough to appreciate the Georgia winter for what it was. In Chicago, snow fell in blizzards to the point that I got sick of seeing it.

  In fact, it was snowing the night that I met Amber and caught my first charge. She walked into the club looking like a ‘snow bunny’ for real, dressed in a white turtleneck, some jeans, and those fuzzy construction boots that while girls loved to wear. I think they call them Uggs. She had a skully on her head and when she pulled it off, red, amber curls flowed out from beneath, catching my eye.

  Tami was my girl and I loved her, but she was helping me build an empire. Every conversation that we had was about the streets, stacking our bread, who was a threat, and what plans we had to take over. It was what had made me loyal to her, even after she betrayed me and we weren’t together anymore; I always looked out for her. The problem was, the more we were about our business, the less we took our time to truly enjoy each other. Our relationship was business all the time.

  So when Amber came over to me, batting her eyes, flirting and playing around, I soaked it in. The time I spent talking to other women gave me a short reprieve from my dangerous lifestyle and allowed me the time to have fun. Amber was someone I’d seen a few times before and I knew I was playing with fire from the moment she sat down. She’d already made it obvious on a few occasions that I could have her pussy whenever I wanted it. She was serving it up for free. I didn’t even know that once I’d taken it, I would have to pay with part of my life.

  As I say in the car, I started the engine and then continued to sit, thinking to myself. So much had changed in the span of only a little less than a year.

  A year ago, I didn’t even know Sage. Tami was alive, I was probably fucking with some random broad, Kale was still my best friend, and Indie was answering my calls. Now, none of that was true. Tami was dead, Kale was in prison for killing her, I was engaged and about to be a father, and Indie was pretending like I never existed. I didn’t know what happened after we spoke at the courthouse to make her want to avoid me, but I couldn’t get in contact with her.

  The night my case was thrown out, Sage had helped me make a huge dinner and we waited for hours for Indie to show but she never did. I was confused. According to Sage, Indie had asked her to let me know that she would be at the house a few hours later and then never came. I sent her a few texts and called multiple times over the next few days until finally, one day, she returned my text with the exact same words she told me that I’d sent her.

  Stop t
exting and calling me. I’m blocking your number.

  After that, I tried once again and was hit with a text saying my number had been blocked. The message was clear: she wanted me out of her life. Maybe it was for the good. Indie and I had a connection and once I found out Sage was pregnant, she became a priority in my life. With the natural attraction that I had for Indie and the tension between her and Sage, there’s no way that would have worked out peacefully. Not having Indie around was for the best.

  I was about to pull away when I glanced down and saw Sage’s letter peeking out of my pocket. With a sigh, I grabbed it and began to tear at the envelope to get it open. I wasn’t at work yet, but I was on my way, like she asked. Plus, I had an hour and a half drive ahead of me. If she wanted me to read it during a time when I had nothing left to do but think, there was no better time than now.

  * * *

  Ink,

  * * *

  I love you more than life itself.

  From the very first moment that I saw you, I knew you were destined to be mine. I tried to play it tough... I’ve never felt like that about someone before. But you saw right through the ‘pretend me’ from the beginning.

  I guess that’s why I love you so much. Or at least one of the reasons. I’ve been so tired of acting for so long. Pretending to be the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, and the perfect stepdaughter with the perfect life. To finally meet someone who could see the true side of me and still love me... that is priceless.

  You once asked me if I thought I could be loyal and I told you that I could. Now that one of the hardest times in our lives is behind us, I hope you can see that I’ll always be here for you. I’m thankful that you’ve decided to love me and I’m excited that I’ll get to spend the rest of my life loving you.

  Thank you for putting your faith in me. Thank you for creating a love that will not fail. Thank you for making me the mother of your child.