Wrangling the Cowboy's Heart

by Carolyne Aarsen

Though he was frustrated with his mother’s delay in telling him about her struggles, he was glad she finally had been honest with him. It explained so much.

  Slowly the applause died down, and Mandie once again thanked everyone for coming, reminding them of the refreshments waiting in the hall.

  Finn turned to his mother. “Are you coming with me? I want to say hi to Jodie.”

  But he saw from the way Christie fiddled with her fingers that it wasn’t happening.

  Though she had explained why, he still couldn’t understand what she dealt with.

  “I should go,” she said. “I’ll call you.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “Back to Bozeman.”

  “Will you be returning soon? I don’t want you to drop out of my life again. I just bought Doc Wilkinson’s place, and I want you to come visit me.”

  “I’ll see,” she said simply.

  He held her hands and looked into her eyes. “I’m not making you promise me, but I really want you to come.”

  She met his gaze and he saw hope there. “I’ll try. I’ll call you.”

  Then she walked away from him, again, not looking back.

  Finn watched her go, then turned to where Jodie stood at the front of the church, accepting people’s congratulations. He hung back, not wanting to take this moment from her.

  Finally he couldn’t wait any longer and hurried through the people to her side, anxious to be with her. To hold her.

  “That was awesome,” he said, taking her hands in his. They were warm, soft, and she clung to his in turn, her eyes locked on his. “You were inspiring. Gave me shivers to listen to you play.”

  “Thanks so much,” she said. Her eyes shone a silvery blue in the subdued lighting on the stage and she gave him a tremulous smile. “I missed you.”

  He tucked his knuckle under her chin, lifting her face to his. “You’ve been an inspiration to me,” he said. “Especially the way you played tonight. Tonight I saw the Jodie that I know and care for more than I thought possible.”

  Her smile dived into his heart and settled there.

  She caught his arm and, in spite of the people still milling about, kissed him, and Finn felt as if everything in his life had come together, perfectly tied up in this moment.

  He held her close, tucking her head into his shoulder, not caring who saw.

  “Did you miss me?” he asked, stroking her hair.

  “A lot,” she said. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “This woman is amazing,” Mandie said, coming to join them. “I’m not going to lie, I had my reservations at first, but she came through.”

  Finn felt awash in pride. “I’m glad.”

  The singer turned to Jodie. “I’ll be in town a couple of days yet. We need to talk about your music.”

  Jodie nodded, her smile so wide Finn thought her face would crack in half. “That would be wonderful.”

  Mandie gave her a pat on the shoulder and sent Finn a broad smile. “Thanks for asking her to play. She’s got an unbelievable gift.”

  Finn wanted nothing more than to take Jodie away, pull her from this crowd and give her his good news.

  But people kept coming forward, congratulating her, and he knew he couldn’t interrupt this public affirmation of what she had just done. Maybe the support she felt would pull her further into the community he hoped she would allow herself to be a part of.

  Fifteen minutes later the crowd thinned and Jodie and Finn had another moment to themselves.

  “There’s coffee, tea and punch in the hall. I’m sure you’re parched,” he said as they slowly walked through the quickly emptying auditorium. Chatter from the foyer and the hall beyond drifted toward them.

  “A bit,” she admitted. But her steps slowed as they walked down the carpeted aisle. She didn’t seem in any rush to join the postconcert celebration. Then she turned to him. “How was your trip? I’m sorry, I didn’t even have a chance to ask.”

  “It was good. Carrie, my customer, was thrilled with the horse. Gave me some more business. I might have to tap into your dad’s herd,” he said.

  “I might have to charge you for that,” she returned, a twinkle in her eyes. “Those are good horses. Some very well-trained horses,” she added, tucking her arm in his.

  He held her gaze, sensing they hovered on the verge of something. A new step. He knew where he stood. He wanted to make sure, before he made any kind of declaration, that Jodie occupied the same space.

  “I have some good news to tell you later that will make you proud of me,” he said. “About my place.”

  “Sounds mysterious,” she answered, giving him a coy look.

  The sanctuary was nearly empty now, but Finn wasn’t ready to leave. He waited until the last stragglers left, then turned to Jodie to satisfy a curiosity that one of the songs had created.

  “I found that second-to-last song you and Mandie played interesting. I never heard it before.”

  He hadn’t heard it any of the times he’d stopped by the rehearsals. There was something haunting about it. A bit disturbing, even. He wanted to know more about it.

  Jodie smiled. “That’s because I wrote it.”

  “Really?” He tilted his head to one side, as if seeing her from a new angle. “That’s amazing.”

  “It was a last-minute addition. Mandie really wanted to sing it. She heard me playing it one afternoon and wanted to add it to the set list.”

  Finn looked at Jodie and sensed a vulnerability.

  “The chorus was interesting,” he said. “‘Old wounds and old scars, stories pushed aside. Disbelief and unbelief, keeping secrets inside.’ That sounded kind of vague, and yet I have a feeling you were trying to say something.”

  Jodie waved him off. “It was just a song about someone dealing with the past.”

  “Your past?” he pressed.

  “Oh...no...”

  “What was that song about?”

  “It was a just a song. About...loss.” But as she spoke she ran her fingers over the back of her hand, tracing her scar.

  “Your loss? Your wounds?”

  She simply shrugged, but he noticed she didn’t deny that it might be true.

  “What did you mean by disbelief and unbelief? Keeping secrets?” He felt it was some subliminal message that was easier to deliver in the music.

  Then she looked at him, an expression of sorrow and resignation crossing her face.

  “You don’t want to know about my dad. Not yet.”

  Her dad? What did she mean by that? Finn had said nothing about her father.

  He held her gaze as the movements of her fingers grew more agitated, and he felt as if cogs were slowly clicking into place.

  Finn thought of all the evasive comments Jodie had made about her father. He knew they were on the verge of something important. His mind ticked back to his mother and the secret she had thrown at him, and he was suddenly tired of being left out of the loop like some child that needed to be protected.

  “Please tell me, Jodie,” he said, an edge of anger creeping into his voice. “I insist.”

  He didn’t want their relationship to go any further until they could clear things up.

  “You insist?”

  He knew that was the wrong word as soon as he spoke it, but he stood his ground. “I’d like to know.”

  Jodie held his gaze, her eyes growing flat. And for a moment he wondered if he had pushed too hard.

  “I don’t want any more secrets,” he pressed, suddenly weary. “I’ve had enough of them. I need to know the truth.”

  That came out harsher than he wanted it to, but he was still dealing with what his mother had told him and how it changed his perception of her.

  Now it seemed Jodie had
secrets, as well.

  “Tell me,” he said.

  In answer, she held up her hand, the one with the scar on the back. The scar she never talked about. Once again he remembered her walking around with a bandage on her hand. Walking around with Jaden Woytuk.

  “I never told you how I got this.” She paused for an instant, looking down at it. “It happened the night before I was supposed to go for my audition. The night we were supposed to meet each other. I liked you, but I was scared because you were a decent guy, and I couldn’t imagine why you wanted to be with me. We’d already had a couple of dates. But my dad found out. He told me that you were too good for me, and the trouble was, I believed him. So instead of going out on our date, I went to Jaden’s for a party. Jaden always understood me,” she said.

  “But once I was at the party, I realized that my father was wrong. I maybe didn’t deserve you, but I had a right to be happy, too. And I realized how silly I felt attending this stupid party. But just as I was leaving to go and find you, my father came in to bust the party. He saw me, started yelling, as he usually did, and I yelled back like I usually did.” She stopped, her voice breaking as she looked down at the scar on her hand. “That’s when it happened. He shoved me. I fell and cut my hand on a broken bottle. Instead of arresting me, he brought me to the hospital. I didn’t make our date, and I couldn’t go to my audition with an injured hand. It was my father’s fault I missed that audition. It was because of him that I cut my hand.”

  “I don’t understand why... I can’t imagine that he would—”

  “He did it because my dad had a hard time with me.” Jodie interrupted his stunned comments, her voice emotionless. “He never thought I was good enough. What happened that night was more of the same in our relationship. He used to hit me when he got angry with me. Sometimes with an open hand. A couple of times with his belt, when he was punishing me. That was what my life with my father was like. I didn’t miss the audition because I didn’t care. I missed it because my father was angry with me and pushed me. And I cut my hand. I missed our date because he didn’t think I was good enough for you.”

  Finn shook his head as he tried to envision the man who had done so much for him acting as Jodie was describing. His mind was awash with confusion as he said, “I don’t think I can believe this.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jodie just stared at Finn. His words were like weapons, stabbing at her. The doubt in his voice, his incredulous expression reminiscent of the disbelief she’d seen on Lane’s face, her father’s steady accusations of lying—she couldn’t separate it all.

  I don’t think I can believe this.

  “You think I’m not g-good enough to believe?” That was all she could stammer out.

  Finn frowned at her. “What?”

  “I know I’m not like your precious Denise. I never will be.”

  “I don’t expect that, but your dad, he was... I can’t imagine...” Finn stopped there and ice seemed to flow through Jodie’s veins.

  “You’re choosing my father over me.” She shook her head, then took a step back. Why was she surprised?

  “I have to go,” she said. “Don’t bother following me. I don’t need this.”

  “Jodie. Are you really leaving?”

  She couldn’t stay and look at the skepticism in his eyes, hear the doubt in his voice.

  Be the first to leave. That way you don’t get hurt.

  “I’m serious. Just leave me alone. It’s over,” she said. Then she turned and ran down the aisle toward the back exit of the church building.

  She wasn’t sure how she made it to her car across the dark parking lot. The only thing she knew was that when she saw the look of disbelief on Finn’s face, when she heard him put a voice to it, she had to go.

  She twisted the key in the ignition, then slammed the car into gear, her lights bouncing off a few concertgoers who’d opted out of the postperformance coffee.

  She was halfway to the ranch when her phone buzzed from her purse. She slowed down and pulled it out, glanced at her call display. Aunt Laura.

  Jodie chided herself. Did she seriously expect Finn to call her after she’d dropped that on him and then walked away?

  She had to. Once she had seen his expression of disbelief, she simply couldn’t put herself through that again.

  By the time she got to the house she felt as if she had run a marathon. Exhaustion clawed at her and she wanted nothing more than to drop onto her bed, close her eyes and sink away into mindless sleep.

  She pulled open the door, and as she did it was as if all the negative echoes of her father’s condemnation she had spent the past few weeks eradicating thundered back at her, and she had to face them alone.

  No good. Useless. Troublemaker.

  And the worst one.

  Liar.

  She tossed her purse on the kitchen island, then trudged into her room, fighting the tears that threatened. Too many men had made her cry in her lifetime. She couldn’t let one more have that power over her.

  But Finn wasn’t just any man. She knew, deep in her soul, that he was a man she had dared to pin hopes on.

  She didn’t like feeling this way. It hurt even more than after she and Lane had broken up. It cut deep into a part of her that she thought she had closed off.

  Foolish girl.

  She picked up her phone. Looking at it, she thought of all the men who’d had control over her life and her emotions. She fought down her sorrow. Not again. She wasn’t going to be the one left behind again. The one told she wasn’t good enough. This time she was in charge.

  Fighting the urge to call her sister, she pulled up Finn’s number.

  Call him.

  She couldn’t do it.

  So she sent him a text.

  Leaving tomorrow. Need a break.

  Before she could change her mind she hit Send, then set her phone aside.

  She would call Drake Neubauer tomorrow and find out what would happen to her share of the ranch if she didn’t stay the entire two months.

  * * *

  “Wonderful concert,” Heather Argall said to Finn as she took the glass of punch he offered her.

  “Thanks. I thought it went well.” He gave Heather an inane smile, looking beyond her to the people still milling about.

  The hall adjoining the church was packed, noisy and filled with a jubilance that he should have been celebrating.

  Instead, for the past hour all he thought of was Jodie’s unexpected bomb and how she’d run off before he could talk to her about it.

  Running away instead of staying around to deal with it. Just like his mom.

  Drop this secret into his life, expect him to cope and then leave.

  He knew his anger with Jodie was mixed in with the older resentment he felt toward his mother, as well as the confusion that Jodie’s comments had created.

  Doubt niggled at him, followed by a feeling of disloyalty. He had appreciated Keith McCauley in his life. Had always prided himself on being loyal to the man who had helped him so much. But Jodie had thrown that all into turmoil.

  And she had kept it a secret from him. Didn’t she trust him?

  “I can tell you, Jodie was a surprise,” Heather said, snagging his attention. “I knew she played the piano, but I never knew she was so talented. Too bad Keith couldn’t have heard her.”

  Yes. What would Keith have thought?

  “Well, I better get moving, let you serve a few more people. Great turnout, too.” Heather gave him another smile and then Finn was serving the next person, who was as fulsome in his appreciation of the concert.

  In the far corner of the hall Mandie Parker held court, laughing and smiling, looking very pleased.

  This should have made Finn feel better, but all he could think of wa
s the look on Jodie’s face after she’d dropped her bomb. How she’d become angry, then run off, leaving him behind to absorb what she’d said.

  Keith? The man he admired so much had abused his own daughter?

  Finn still couldn’t put the two together, and yet the way Jodie talked, he knew she wasn’t just making this up. He needed some space to think this all through. A picture of Keith hitting Jodie jumped into his mind. He couldn’t process it. He needed to talk to her.

  But first he had to take care of his obligations here. Be the responsible citizen Keith had always encouraged him to be.

  It seemed hours before Finn refilled the last punch cup, made the last bit of small talk, but in truth it was only sixty minutes. People started leaving and he still had to clean up.

  “Finn? Are you okay?”

  Mandie’s voice broke through his thoughts. He sent up a ragged prayer for help and patience, then turned to face the woman who a short time ago had held an entire auditorium in thrall with her voice.

  “You did a fantastic job,” he said with heartfelt enthusiasm. “Thanks so much for a mesmerizing performance.”

  “Couldn’t have done it without Jodie. Have you seen her? I need to talk to her.”

  “I just got a text from her. She won’t be coming back tonight.” Amazing how casual he sounded when his heart beat heavier than the bass drum of Mandie’s backup group.

  “Why not? Everyone wants to congratulate her. She did such an outstanding job. You must be so proud of her.”

  “I am.”

  “Do you have her phone number?” Mandie gave him a grateful smile. “I’m so glad that we persevered with her. Something happened the past few days that made her relax and let us see the real talent she’d been hiding. She played a couple of her compositions for me last night after our rehearsal. Astounding talent. Don’t know if you noticed, but we performed one tonight.”

  Oh, he had noticed, all right.

  Finn recited Jodie’s number as Mandie typed it into her phone. Then she looked up, frowning at him. “You look upset. Is everything okay?”

  Nothing was okay. Everything was wrong.

  “I’ll be fine. Just coming down off a lot of stress with this festival.” He forced a wan smile. “It went well, but I’m looking forward to some quiet time.”