Under Further Review

by Xyla Turner

  To: dreeves@wusa.com

  From: cliff.nevins@state.ca.gov

  Date: September 13, 2014

  Subject: Hear me out, please

  Dee,

  I hope this email reaches you and that you are well. I will get to the point, I’m sorry D. I’m sorry for everything. This was all of my fault and I do not want you to take the blame for any of the shit I laid down at your feet to simply take. I won’t go into my issues, therapist or rationales. I simply wanted you to know that our marriage was not based on what it should have been. Love, respect and adoration from me. You gave that to me and I’m not sure if the absence of it now has me reflecting or my being diagnosed with cancer, stage two, has caused me to reevaluate some things. I’m not telling you this to feel sorry for me or even to come back to me. It is not even a plausible request after how I treated you. This, Dee, our failed marriage, was my fault and I’m sincerely sorry. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

  It appears that you are extremely happy now and that makes me happy. It’s good to know that you weren’t broken and that you’re the fighter and survivor I never noticed when we were together. I miss you terribly.

  Love,

  Cliff

  Tears were pouring down Diamond’s face as she re-read the email for the seventh time. She was so excited, she texted Shane to tell him she was coming over tonight. Using her cell to send for an Uber she headed over to his place, hoping he was still awake. As she pulled up, she saw his mother carrying groceries into the building.

  “Mrs. Sinclair,” she called and ran to her. “I can help you with that.”

  “Diamond?” She squinted, then said, “Oh thanks, honey.”

  She handed over a few bags.

  “No problem.” Diamond looked around and asked, “Are you here by yourself?”

  “I think Shane is home. I’m staying with him for a little bit, like a mini-vacation. But I told him, I’d have to bring my own food.”

  “That should be nice,” Diamond smiled as they arrived at his front door.

  His mom pulled out a key and opened the door where the tune of an old ethnic/folk rock song was being played on a piano. The hairs on Diamond’s neck stood up as she felt something was wrong with the atmosphere and it must have affected his mom too, because she stopped abruptly in her tracks.

  Something was definitely wrong.

  18

  Help, My Ass

  Shane arrived back in town on Saturday afternoon and although he missed Diamond, he would not pester her when she was with her family. His mom had finally conceded to come move in, for a mini-vacation is what he and Mindy called it, in order for her to agree. There was a garden, maids, and treadmill so she could continue her daily walks and spend some quality time with Shane. He wasn’t sure if she was coming that evening or on Sunday, and she wasn’t answering her phone. He decided to go to Ben’s Chili Bowl for dinner and bought an extra burger for his mom, in case she did decide to come.

  When he arrived back to his place, Vivian was there waiting for him as the bellman had been instructed not to let her up any longer.

  “Hey, what are you doing here?”

  She looked much better than the last time he saw her.

  “I just wanted to apologize to you and I feel so bad about everything.”

  “It’s okay, I’m just happy you are okay.”

  “No.” She took a step towards him, her hand clutching her bag and said, “It’s really not okay. I want to let you know what happened, can we talk in private?”

  Assessing her, she did not look like she was manic or suicidal, and he did not want her to get to that state. He wondered if he should call her family, but did not want to set her off.

  “Sure,” he walked towards the elevator with her in tow. “Come on.”

  Once they entered the sunken-in living room, Vivian asked for some water. As Shane pulled the water from the refrigerator, he heard her play the tune of one of their first songs. Both of them were at a charity event in Texas and American Pie by Don McLean was playing. He was there because of one of his donors for LULA’s wanted some reciprocity. While he was at the bar, drinking, Vivian comes up to him and starts singing the old folk song. She knew all of the words, causing Shane to laugh at her. Then he chimed in and they both started to sing and eventually joined everyone by dancing to the song. This was their song.

  When Shane returned, he saw Vivian behind the piano singing the song like she was in her own world. An eerie feeling came over him as he watched her sing, ‘this will be the day that I die.’ Something wasn’t right, so he texted her mom to get to his place ASAP.

  “Come join me,” she asked him with a smile. “I know we didn’t work out, but don’t forget the good we did have.”

  “Sure. You sing, while I play,” he said.

  “Okay.” She moved her bag from the bench to the top of the piano.

  Shane started playing the song on the piano from the beginning while Vivian leaned on the piano and sang to her heart's content. He played all eight minutes and thirty seconds of the song and planned to repeat it until her mother showed up to admit her. The room temperature changed and when he turned his head towards the door, he saw his mom staring at him with a bag in her hand, eyebrows pushed together and lip turned up in disgust. To the right of his mother, stood Diamond with all emotions in hiding. Shane made a decision to keep playing, because Diamond walked into the room. He was relieved, because he could explain what was happening.

  His mom walked towards him with the same look, but she was shaking her head at him. She was non-verbally scolding him. When he looked back at Diamond, she was pacing around the living room looking for something. The tune to the song faltered as he lost his concentration, but Vivian snapped at him to keep it up. She was oblivious to anything going on around her, because her eyes were still closed.

  Shane stopped the song, when he saw that Diamond wasn’t staying, but gathering her laptop that he'd gotten fixed.

  “Diamond, what are you doing?” He stood.

  “Oh just getting my laptop.” She turned to stuff it in her bag. “Continue, I just needed to get some stuff off of it.”

  “Diam…”

  “Come on Shane, continue to play.” Vivian chimed in, even after she saw Diamond.

  “Wait, Vivian!” he snapped.

  “I told you boy. She had a plan,” his mom added.

  “Mom.” He turned towards her. “Please, not now. I’ll fix this.”

  “Well, you better get to fixing, because,” she pointed towards the door, “there goes your future.”

  Shane swiveled back around and Diamond was gone.

  “Shit, I’m going to fix this Mom.” He turned and pointed to Vivian, “Watch her.”

  “Hmm,” she shook her head.

  Shane took off out of the door.

  Diamond made it to the crowded DC street, which was pretty far before she turned and saw Shane gaining on her. She tried to run, but there was traffic everywhere and there was no easy escape to cross the big H Street. When she finally figured out how to cross, something nabbed her elbow.

  “Diamond, wait. Hear me out.” Shane pulled her to him.

  She was beyond talking, so she tried to maneuver out of his grasp. He would not budge, so she used one of her basketball post moves on him. Putting her right foot between his legs, she pivoted on the same leg, moving her butt into his middle region and effectively boxing him out and thus knocking him to the ground. Using this opportunity to get away, she ran towards the metro station and told the attendant a guy was chasing her and not to let him through. She jumped over the short turnstile as the man processed what she said. He nodded and opened his booth door, “I got you, young lady.”

  Diamond sprinted towards the rails, but did not know which line to take to get away. There was the orange, blue, red and yellow line. She wanted to get away from him for now, but not go home, because he would show up there. Her mom and cousin were there sleeping, so she did not
want to have that battle. Therefore, she hopped on the blue line and headed for Eddie’s place. There was no one in the train car, but she still laid down so she would not be seen in case Shane got past the attendant. After the car had started moving, Diamond burst out crying. Shoulders jerking, body shaking, trembling lips and sobbing on the train. Everything came crashing back to her, the betrayal, the divorce papers, the nasty words that Cliff spewed, and how she felt when she saw them on the cover of a magazine, pregnant and on billboards. She moved across the country so she would never be reminded of the failure, only to find out it wasn’t on her, so what did she just walk in on - a failure on her part.

  When she reached Eddie’s apartment, he had company. Diamond was about to leave, but the woman pulled her inside and neither of them would take no for an answer. She must have looked that bad, because both of them had their faces scrunched up in confusion and sympathy.

  “What happened?” Eddie asked as they almost carried her to his spare bedroom.

  “I-I j-just c-can’t compete,” she kept mumbling.

  “Honey, let’s just lie you down first, then you can explain.” They sat her down, then pulled her sneakers off and lifted her legs so they were on the bed. The blond turned and asked Eddie, “Do you have chamomile tea?”

  “Yeah,” Eddie replied. “I’ll go and make some.”

  He scrambled out of the room.

  “Are you hurt, physically?” the woman asked Diamond.

  She shook her head.

  “Good.” She nodded, “Just relax, take deep breaths and try to focus.”

  Diamond nodded her head, as she tried to block out all the images, words and things that were assaulting her mind. She did not want to think about them anyway, but that feeling of her heart being broken in two intensified beyond comprehension. The woman sat next to her on the bed and rubbed Diamond’s arm in a soothing way.

  “It’s going to be okay,” she said. “No matter what, it’s going to be okay.”

  Ten minutes later, Eddie showed up with a teacup on a saucer. “Here you go, Diamond.”

  She sat up fully, so she could drink the tea. Eddie sat on the bed near her legs and said, “Now tell us what happened.”

  Diamond shook her head and took a sip of the hot tea that soothed her throat as she swallowed. “You know Shane’s ex-fiancee? So, she has been doing crazy things like coming to his place and passing out and he had to rush her to the ho-hospital.” She took another sip. “He’s the only one that can calm her down and so he’s needed because she is having a breakdown and all this other bull. I told him at the hospital, I would not compete with her. I won’t do it. I can’t. I won’t repeat the same thing again. I’ll live alone. I’ll move again. I can’t do it again. There is just no way. I told him, but today I walk in and they are in there singing a damn folk song, and reminiscing. I can’t compete with that. He’s got history with her, they were about to get married. I can’t compete! I won’t do it again. I can’t. I…”

  Eddie cut off her rambling and asked, “Wait, what do you mean, you won’t do it again?”

  “With Cliff!” Diamond yelled. “My ex-husband left me for his campaign manager, who was business-minded and he was supposed to be helping her. What a fool I was. Help - my ass.”

  “I never knew you were married.” Eddie’s face went blank.

  “I did not tell anyone. How could I tell someone how I failed marriage in fourteen months? Not even two years and it might as well have been under a year. You don’t come back from that. Gave me the divorce papers in the mail and was married months later for the wedding of the century. The damn century!” she emphasized.

  “Honey, I’m sorry,” the blond chimed in. “This is very hard. Drink some more tea. Okay.”

  Diamond looked at her, then asked Eddie, “Who is this?”

  “Oh, she’s a therapist,” Eddie nodded as if that was enough information. Diamond and the blond continued to stare at him until he said, “Oh, this is Candace, my friend.”

  “Hi Candace,” Diamond smiled and took a sip of tea.

  “Hi Diamond, nice to meet you. Not under these circumstances, of course.”

  She nodded and took another sip.

  “So, there’s a big game tomorrow and your mom is in town. What are you going to do?” Eddie asked, always straight to the point.

  “Eddie,” she pleaded. “There is no way I can go to that game. A scene will be made and I cannot have my mom and cousin in the middle of that. Can you please, pretty please, take them? I will give you my press pass and the guest pass if you want to go to. I will explain to them that I have work and another deadline and call in sick to LeAnne. My mom booked this trip a long time ago, so she can’t miss it. I’ll call to let them know, but can you please?”

  Eddie looked at Candace and raised his eyebrows. She nodded, but said, “That’s fine, but how are you going to fix this? You can’t keep running forever or not deal with him. You guys will need to talk.”

  “No, I will. It just cannot be with my mom and cousin here and during a big game. I don’t want to interrupt that, and I just cannot do it tomorrow.”

  “Okay,” Candace acquiesced.

  “Alright, how about you get some rest now and we’ll make the arrangements for tomorrow.”

  Diamond nodded her head and finished the tea.

  “Thanks guys.”

  “Sure.”

  They both stood and turned out the light before they left, leaving Diamond to her thoughts. She worked hard not to think about Cliff, Shane, Vivian or her life. She just needed the get the stupid song out of her head.

  Well, I know that you’re in love with him…I started singin’

  Bye, bye Miss American Pie

  19

  Do Something

  She was gone.

  Shane made it all the way to the metro station and he knew as soon as the attendant was glaring at him, that there would be no getting through. She was gone and there would be no finding her tonight. The pain that shot through his ribs had him stop in his tracks. Then he realized it was not his chest that was hurting, but his heart.

  When he opened his front door, he saw his mom in the kitchen with Vivian’s bag. Her mom sitting on the couch with Vivian’s head in her lap as she stroked her hair with tears rolling down her face. Beatrice Sinclair motioned for Shane to come to her.

  She whispered, “The poor girl, had all of this in her bag and the ambulance is on the way.”

  There were razors, ropes, a syringe and handheld recorder. Shane’s heart stopped as it identified what he was feeling as she was singing that song. She was planning to commit suicide.

  He exhaled and put his head down.

  “What is the mother saying?” he whispered.

  “I think she gets it now.”

  Shane took a deep breath and said, “I can’t deal with this Mom. I cannot be a part of it.”

  “Nor should you,” his mom chimed in. “This is not your fight, son. This is theirs. I know that may sound cruel, but I’m telling you from experience it is necessary. Dealing with someone who may be mentally ill or even pretending to be so, will consume you. I don’t know if that girl is serious or not, but I’m telling you to go to these lengths, something is wrong and that is not healthy. What you were doing is enabling the behavior. See how she acts when you stop?”

  He nodded and realized it was what was needed.

  “You didn’t get Diamond?” she asked.

  He shook his head, then said, “Don’t worry. I’ll bring her back.”

  Beatrice patted his hand and said, “For your sake, I hope you do.”

  The doorbell rang, breaking Shane from his thoughts. He opened the door and two crisis units walked in with a blue plastic stretcher with straps. Vivian’s mom shook her daughter a few times and whispered something in her ear. She opened her eyes, then stood and started walking towards them. Her mom followed her, but when Shane didn’t move, Vivian turned around and asked, “You’ll meet us there, right? I just have
to get my meds right?”

  Shane cleared his throat and walked to the middle of the living room and said, “Sorry Vivian. I can’t. We’re done and I’m done. I can’t hold your hand through this. It’s time for your family to be there.”

  “What!” she exclaimed. “Shane, wait. What are you saying?”

  Her voice was no longer flighty or whimsical. It was pointed and she annunciated every word.

  “I’m saying, this is done. We are done. The help that you need will not come from me,” Shane said with finite clarity.

  She started to walk towards him, but the crisis unit workers, grabbed each arm to stop her.

  “Get your damn hands off of me!” she exclaimed.

  “Ma’am,” the lady said. “Please calm down.”

  “Shane, can you just go with us to the hospital?” Vivian’s mom looked at him with pleading, tearful eyes.

  “Sorry, Ms. Roundtree. I can’t and I won’t. This is not helpful and you should know this. What therapist would suggest that she speak with the object of her obsession? It should be the complete opposite.”

  “Mom!” Vivian screamed. “Do something!”

  “Just go down with us, so she can settle,” his mom kept moving her eyes towards her daughter as a signal to him that it was needed.

  “I can’t,” Shane replied.

  “Okay, wait. Wait,” Vivian said. “Please, I’m calm now. Let me go. I just want to talk to Shane in private.”

  “Ma’am, that’s not going to happen,” the male worker said.

  “Shane, just hear me out, okay. I just want to talk to you for a minute. Can you tell them to let me go?”

  “Vivian, you had razors, ropes, and a syringe in your bag. You need help,” he reasoned.

  “No, no. I wasn’t going to do anything with that, Come on. You know me.” He shook his head, so Vivian turned towards her mom and said, “Mom, tell them to let me go. Come on.”