Home for Christmas

by Lizzie Lane

  Crap. Why couldn’t she just be over him already? He was so wrong for her.

  “You headed to Chicago for business?” she inquired, trying to remind herself that he was a workaholic who had chosen his career over her and never looked back.

  “Home for Christmas, actually. Didn’t want to completely miss the Festival.”

  Her heart turned to stone behind her ribs. “Home to White Falls?”

  “It’s the only home I have.”

  Is it? She wanted to chase that rabbit, wanted to ask him why Los Angeles didn’t feel like a home to him, but caution held her back. She’d already let her heart lead her to stupid places where Jase MacGregor was concerned. She’d learned her lesson. Best to keep her distance. Avoid getting her hopes up. He’d be gone after Christmas. And she refused to let herself be the girl left behind missing him again. Mourning the hole he left in her life.

  “I’m going to try to get some sleep. I barely slept at all on the red eye,” she lied.

  International first class had been incredibly comfortable and she’d slept like a rock from take-off to touch down, but it was a convenient excuse and she’d take it.

  Anything to keep from falling back in love with Jase MacGregor.

  Chapter Two – Mission Improbable

  Jason MacGregor was a man on a mission.

  He just hadn’t expected his mission to sit down next to him on the flight from LAX to O’Hare, looking adorably bedraggled and even better than he remembered.

  His brilliant plan hadn’t evolved much beyond flying home to White Falls and begging Sam to forgive him and take him back—relying on a little Christmas magic and her sappy susceptibility to the romance of the holidays to give him an opening. He’d figured he would have the entire flight to work out exactly what he was going to say to her.

  And then fate had dropped her into the seat next to him. Gorgeous and tanned and fresh from a reality television dating show.

  What the hell had she been doing on Marrying Mister Perfect?

  She’d said White Falls was her home and she didn’t want to move three-thousand miles away from her family—especially with her grandfather’s health as chancy as it was—but then she’d jumped on a plane and flown halfway around the world for some TV show? Had it just been him she wasn’t willing to leave White Falls for?

  Jase eyed the love of his life as she pretended to sleep—as if he couldn’t tell she was faking. He’d slept beside her too many times not to remember the adorable little snuffling snores she emitted when she was really asleep.

  This wasn’t going the way he’d hoped. She hadn’t been happy to see him—in fact, she’d looked like she’d like nothing better than to run as fast as possible in the opposite direction. Because she was in love with someone else?

  Or because she still hated him for going to California?

  Though she could hardly blame him for that. She knew better than anyone that he’d never seen himself in White Falls long-term. More was expected of him and he’d wanted it. He’d assumed she wanted it to. They’d talked about leaving, but when he’d broken the news about the job, she looked at him like he was murdering all her hopes and dreams. And kittens.

  Admittedly, he’d screwed up the big reveal last Christmas. In hindsight, he should have talked to her before taking the job, but he’d been so excited—and so damn certain it was the right call. So positive she would come around.

  She’d reacted emotionally, but Sam always reacted emotionally. The job had been too good an opportunity to pass up and he’d been sure that as soon as she calmed down she would realize that and join him on the coast. The timeline had been too tight for him to stick around until he could convince her—the contract began January first, non-negotiable—but he’d never doubted for a second that when she thought things through she would follow him.

  Things had been frosty between them those last four days in White Falls—when she wasn’t shouting at him—and their parting had certainly been dramatic, but that was Sam. He’d figured with space she would see reason.

  She’d known he’d always wanted more than life within the narrow boundaries of White Falls—more for both of them. He hadn’t gotten his MBA just so he could run a small town bank. Coming back to White Falls after graduation had just been a checkpoint on his path to bigger and better things. He’d wanted to give Sam everything—the kind of life neither of them had ever dreamed of.

  He just hadn’t realized that she hadn’t dreamed of it not because it was out of reach, but because she simply didn’t want it.

  To him taking the job in LA had seemed natural. Obvious. Her reaction—as if he was betraying and abandoning her—had been startling. He’d had to fight to stay calm when she’d been increasingly irrational, but he’d genuinely believed she would see his side of it eventually. That she would realize home was wherever they were together and California wasn’t so far away from her family in the scheme of things.

  At least he’d believed that for the first few weeks.

  The new job demanded all his time, but he still managed to keep in touch, leaving messages on her voicemail about seeing reason and emailing her pictures of the kinds of places they could afford to buy in LA on the salary he was making. As the new guy, he was working weekends and insane hours so he hadn’t been able to take the time to trek all the way up to backwoods White Falls, but he’d bought her a ticket to LA—one way, of course—to use whenever she was ready.

  But she’d never come. And their conversations had grown increasingly stilted and rare.

  She would itemize all the reasons she couldn’t leave White Falls. He would tell her how amazing California was. And they would both end up frustrated as the distance seemed to steadily grow between them.

  It wasn’t until his sister visited him and told him in her usual blunt fashion that he was being an idiot that he was finally forced to accept that they weren’t on a break. They were broken.

  Sam wasn’t going to change her mind.

  Only days after Libby had gone home, Sam had emailed him. She didn’t think they should talk anymore. The words—and the fact that she hadn’t even bothered to call—were like an icepick to the chest. He’d called her immediately—and she’d ignored him. He’d even considered going up to White Falls to have it out with her, but when his parents had told him it was for the best and urged him to focus on his career, he’d let work consume him instead.

  He’d spent the next ten months working compulsively and trying to convince himself that he could be happy without her. But it had all come to a head at Thanksgiving. Celebrating alone in California had felt wrong. The holidays weren’t right without Sam.

  Being apart on her birthday made his skin itch, not to mention the Fourth of July and Halloween and Easter and—hell, she even made Columbus Day feel like a celebration. He missed that about her.

  Missed nearly everything about her.

  So on Thanksgiving he’d decided to pull his head out of his ass and get her back.

  It had taken a couple weeks to figure out how to go about making things right again and put his plan in motion. Christmas was their time. If he couldn’t win her back at Christmas, he’d never be able to.

  But this wasn’t how he’d pictured seeing her again.

  He’d thought she would be at the Winter Festival, manning her booth as usual. She’d look up, see him striding toward her and fly out from behind the table to run into his arms. There might have been crowds of friends and family applauding in his vision.

  Okay, yes, the whole running-into-his-arms thing might have been wishful thinking, but he hadn’t expected her first words to be a flat out refusal to sit next to him.

  Not the most auspicious beginning.

  The soft snuffling snores began, telling him that her fake sleep had slipped into actual slumber. Where was she coming from that she’d already flown all night just to get to LA? Someplace tropical, obviously. He couldn’t picture her in the South Pacific. Had never been able to picture her anywhere
but White Falls, if he was honest with himself.

  Samantha was the bubbly heart of their small town, defined by her love of home and family and tradition. She wasn’t the kind of girl who went on reality television shows looking for love.

  At least she hadn’t been.

  Could she really have changed that much in the last year? Become some wild adventurer who flew off to some tiny island nation in a quest to find love?

  He had an awful lot riding on the belief that she was still the same old Sam—who would fall back in love with him because if she was still his Sam she would always be in love with him. And she would value their shared history too much to throw him over for some random television guy.

  But if she wasn’t the same girl who believed first loves lasted forever…he was S.O.L.

  He’d told her he was coming home for Christmas—and he was. He’d just neglected to mention that he’d taken a leave of absence from his firm in LA and had an interview lined up for tomorrow afternoon at his old bank in White Falls. He hadn’t wanted to see her until he knew he had a job offer back in White Falls. It had been the best Big Romantic Gesture he could think of, to prove that he really meant what he said about moving home for good, but now he wasn’t sure how she would take it.

  He wasn’t as sure about anything as he’d been an hour ago.

  What if she really didn’t love him anymore? Hell, she could be engaged. What if he really had missed his window?

  Jason stared out the window as clouds began to thicken around the plane.

  He’d just have to make her fall in love with him again. That was all there was to it. Samantha Whitney was his girl. He would get her back.

  Provided he could get her to say more than three words to him. He needed more time. Time to soften her up so when he told her he was staying for good she did run into his arms.

  Though by the way she’d looked at him like she wanted nothing more than to run screaming in the other direction that might take a Christmas miracle.

  Hopefully he wasn’t too old to start believing in Santa Claus.

  Chapter Three – Turbulence and Other Minor Disasters

  Sam woke up to the unmistakable feeling of drool on her chin.

  Because this day just couldn’t get any better.

  Maybe Jase had gone to the bathroom. Maybe he wasn’t sitting next to her admiring her slack-jawed drooling snores. Maybe her luck had changed where he was concerned and she could cling to one tiny shred of dignity.

  Turbulence jolted the plane and Sam’s stomach dropped as her mouth snapped shut and her right hand shot out, grasping instinctively for the steely forearm beside hers on the arm rest. And finding it, firm and steady beside her.

  Apparently he had not gone to the lavatory.

  So much for shreds of dignity. She surreptitiously scrubbed at the drool on her chin with her free hand. Maybe he was asleep too…

  She opened her eyes. No such luck. Winter blue eyes gazed back at her, calm and familiar.

  “Hey.”

  Just that. It wasn’t fair how he could make her feel melty and vulnerable with just a hey. Like that single stupid word—which wasn’t even really a word—held all their history and all the intimacy that had built up over ten years of loving him.

  “It’s okay,” he murmured.

  Was it? Was it okay to slide back into loving him with a single hey?

  “Just a little turbulence.”

  Not the word she would have used for the last year. The hell of losing him—and what had felt like a large chunk of herself—had felt like a lot more than just turbulence—

  The plane dropped and bounced again, tossed around by the rough air, and Sam’s sleep muddled thoughts cleared. Just a little turbulence. “Right. I know.” She forced herself to release his arm, squeezing her hands together in her lap until she could no longer feel the warmth of his skin as a memory on hers.

  “Feel better?” He angled toward her in his seat.

  “How long was I out?”

  “Almost three hours. You must have really needed the rest. Long flight?”

  “Long three months,” she admitted, then immediately regretted referencing the show when interest kindled in his eyes.

  “Your family must miss you. How’s your Gramps doing?”

  “In remission again, thank God. Didn’t your mom tell you?”

  He hesitated, awkwardness invading his shoulders and changing his posture. “We don’t really talk about…”

  “Me?”

  He grimaced and shrugged to acknowledge the truth of her statement before gamely pressing on. “But your family’s good? What did they think of you going on a reality television show?”

  She straightened out of her sleep slouch, tugging at her wrinkled shirt. “They were in favor of it, actually.”

  “You’re kidding? The Whitneys actually supported little Sam going halfway around the world to date a random stranger on national television?”

  “It was an adventure.” She heard defensiveness creep into her tone. She didn’t want to talk about this. Not with him. Not when the bulk of the reason her family had been so happy to see her go on the show was because they were all hoping it would shake her out of the broken-hearted funk she’d fallen into when he left. She couldn’t tell him that. Not without revealing just how broken she’d been.

  “So that’s why you did it? For the adventure?”

  She turned away from those probing blue eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

  “Do you love him?”

  That brought her gaze snapping back to his. “That’s none of your business.”

  His jaw worked—an all-too-familiar sign of his irritation mounting. “You can tell television cameras and the American viewing public, but you can’t tell me?”

  “I can’t tell anyone yet,” she bit out. “The confidentiality agreements are extensive.”

  “But if you could tell me?”

  “It’s none of your business, Jason,” she repeated icily. “You decided that when you left.”

  “I didn’t leave.” At her incredulous scowl, he amended, “Okay, I left, but I didn’t want that to be the end of us. That was your call.”

  Irritation snapped taut. “You moved to California on four days notice to accept a job you hadn’t even told me you were applying for and I was supposed to just uproot my entire life to trail after you like some kind of girlfriend appendage with no life of my own?”

  The horrible truth was she almost had.

  When he’d left, after she’d stopped sobbing pathetically, she’d seriously considered going after him. Even though the man she’d thought would be her partner in all things had made the decision without even mentioning it to her. Even without a job in LA. Even if she would only have been his plus-one. Jase’s girlfriend and nothing else. But Jase MacGregor was her high school sweetheart, her soul mate, the love of her life. That ticket, when it had arrived in her inbox, had been unbearably tempting.

  Though it would have been more tempting if he’d sent it himself rather than delegating to his assistant. Or if his calls hadn’t been filled with subtle irritation with her resistance. Never apologies. Never anything heartfelt. Just see reason, Samantha. And I don’t understand why you’re doing this, Samantha. All in that infuriatingly calm voice. And always cut off abruptly when he had to rush off to handle some work emergency.

  She’d been looking for a sign—something to tell her whether to stay or to go—when Elise had broken her arm in a fender bender and needed help with her two-month-old baby. And her grandfather’s cancer had flared up again. And her mother, who was flighty on the best of days, had flapped her hands helplessly when a branch had fallen off her oak tree during a blizzard and put a three foot hole in her living room ceiling.

  All the ties that held her close to White Falls had tugged a little tighter, and by the time she was done dealing with roofers and babies and chemo treatments it was almost March and it felt like it was too late to cross the yawning breach
that had opened up between her and Jase.

  It didn’t help that she couldn’t seem to leave her house without overhearing someone gossiping about them. No surprise they broke up, that Jase was always headed for bigger and better things. And I always thought something like this would happen. All those years and he never proposed.

  All the same things she’d started telling herself.

  But she still had that ticket. So she’d made arrangements to go out there without telling him. Just for a weekend. Just to see.

  She’d already half-convinced herself it would be a wasted effort, that their relationship felt like it was already over because it was, when his sister had confirmed it.

  Libby returned from her trip to the coast boasting loudly to the whole town about how happy Jase seemed in LA. And how many women he was dating. Beautiful, successful, Californian women who were independent and free in ways Samantha would never be. And never wanted to.

  She liked being a small town girl bound inextricably to her family. But that hadn’t been enough for Jase. It was over. And everyone seemed to know it but her.

  She’d emailed him the next day—she couldn’t bear to hear his voice or have him hear the tears in hers. And that was that. Ten years gone.

  “You knew I was looking for work out of state.”

  She came back to the present with a glare. “I thought you meant Wisconsin.”

  “You didn’t even give it a chance,” he argued, sounding annoyingly reasonable. “We didn’t have to be over. We’d talked about moving before. When did California suddenly become a line in the sand?”

  When she realized he really meant it. That flying off to LA wasn’t just the kind of dream that everyone talked about for someday and no one did today. That to him it was real. And by the time she’d figured it out, it was too late and he was gone. The decision made without her.

  She’d thought he was going to propose.

  She’d known he was the one from that first kiss when they were sixteen. She would have married him then—but everyone said they were too young. And they were right. Then came college and everyone told them to wait until they graduated. When she’d gotten impatient, his parents had scolded her—you can’t be thinking of distracting Jase with wedding plans while he’s in grad school. Think of his future.