“Not much, just you know,” I paused. “About Akin,”
Thayde didn’t move. His breathing quickened. “Akin.” He flatly repeated. He knew I was lying.
“Yeah,”
Pulling himself away, he looked me directly in the eyes. “What did you dream, Morgan?”
I hesitated, not knowing what to say. I hated lying. Whenever I did, I always got caught.
“Morgan,” Thayde said promptly, “you’re not telling me the truth.”
Who did he think he was - my father? Here we were, already living together, acting like a married couple without the benefits. I was already upset with the fact that ‘playing’ never went anywhere and now he was demanding I tell him what I was thinking. Something in me seemed to snap and I became very angry. He always wanted to know what I was dreaming, what I was thinking, where I was going. What right did he have to demand so much of me? He didn’t own me.
“You’re not my dad, Thayde.” I moved to the other side of the bed, slid off and grabbed my hair tie from the bureau. “Why are you being so demanding?”
Before he could answer me, my thoughts tumbled out of my mouth. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so angry toward him, but I couldn’t control myself.
“You’re always asking me what I’m thinking, feeling, dreaming – it’s like you think you own me! Sometimes I wish you’d just leave me alone.”
I could see I’d hurt him. The pain I caused him hit me and I instantly felt awful. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, with his hands in his lap. His hair fell about his beautiful face and I wanted to run to him and beg for forgiveness.
“I’m not trying to be your father, Morgan.” His voice was hushed. “I’m just trying to help you.” His gaze reached deep into my heart, crushing it.
Frustration, hurt, and impatience filled me. I knew I’d been wrong to lie, but really, I didn’t want to tell him anything because I knew he’d think it meant something. These dreams were just my fears. The last thing I wanted was for him to start preparing for something that wasn’t going to happen. Since The Judgment, everyone had begun to act as if it was the end of the world if I had a headache or tripped or if I dreamed about something weird. Enough was enough! I had had it.
“Thayde, if I’m The Link, no one can help me, can they? I’m supposed to figure all this out on my own. You’re not going to be able to do anything and neither is anyone else. All of you have got to let up. Mom jumps sky high if I sneeze and Tammer’s always reading my mind for signs. I can’t take it anymore and the way you’ve been acting lately, it’s as if you think you need to control me or something.”
He shook his head and I held up my hand to stop him. “I can’t take this anymore, and I certainly can’t ask you to do this either.”
“Do what?”
Stop, stop, stop! Part of me was screaming at myself to shut up. The other part wanted to put an end to everything. “Put your life on hold, trying to protect me. You’ve got a really bright future ahead of you and I’d only hold you back. I can’t stand that everyone’s on hiatus and I hate being controlled. Trying to control me or my life is not the answer.”
Thayde stared at me with those big blue eyes.
“You think I want to control you?”
I didn’t answer. Instead, I pulled my hair into a ponytail and stood with my hands on my hips. The anger in me wasn’t backing down.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I don’t know if moving in together was the best thing.” The instant I said it, I regretted it.
“You don’t mean that.” His voice cracked.
“I do. I just think we’re moving too fast. Maybe we need to stop and think about being apart for a while. Maybe we shouldn’t be together.”
As he stood, the sheet fell from around his waist, cascading to the floor and lay crumpled about his feet.
“You want us to be apart?”
No! I wanted to scream and fling myself over the edge of the building. What was going on with me? I had no control! But I answered before I could stop myself.
“I think so. Maybe we were a mistake.”
A breath escaped his mouth, as if he’d been punched in the gut. He nodded and reached for his shirt. The pained look on his face brought tears to my eyes.
“Thayde,” I began.
“No, Morgan,” he held up his hand this time. “Please don’t say any more.” With that, he walked out of my room.
Chapter Two
Problems
Two days passed and Thayde still had not returned. The Chinese food I’d ordered the night of our fight lay uneaten and smelly on the dining room table. After Thayde left, I justified my actions to myself, insisting he’d overreacted. After a day of playing the scene over and over in my head, I realized it was I who had gone too far. The guilt wracked me to the core.
Why was I suddenly thinking these strange thoughts? Why was I being so cruel to the man I loved? This was not what I wanted – it wasn’t me. But it was me; I had said it and I had hurt him. My body was at war with itself. It was as if the old me was slowly being replaced with a new, cruel and angry person. It left me feeling alone and out of control; something I’d never experienced. For once in my life, I was terrified of being on my own.
I didn’t leave the apartment for fear I’d miss Thayde if he returned. Despite the number of times I attempted to reach him on his cell, it went directly to voicemail. By the second day, I’d given up calling. I also realized I hadn’t eaten but when I tried, I immediately threw it up. After, I curled up in the corner of my room with my cell phone, praying he’d call and say he was all right.
With each minute that passed, I grew more and more anxious until I felt I was going to explode with worry and fear. The only person who could comfort me was Thayde and I knew if I didn’t get hold of him, something bad was going to happen.
My shaking fingers were barely able to dial his cell number. When it went to voice mail again, I tried to leave a message, but my voice would not work. It was as if my body wanted to shut down.
The scratchy carpet irritated my skin but I ignored it as I lay there, staring blankly ahead of me, while images and thoughts of what could have happened to him filled my mind. What if he had been hit by a car and was in the hospital? What if he had been mugged? What if he had a friend that was a girl that he was visiting? I couldn’t bear the thought. It was then I heard a voice – a voice I didn’t recognize.
“You should pick yourself up and take a shower.”
I couldn’t find the energy to lift my head and look at the person who had spoken.
“I’m not going anywhere.” I croaked.
“He’s not coming back.”
I didn’t answer. He’d be back sometime and when he did, I’d be here.
“Call your parents and go back home. You can’t do anything.”
“Leave me alone.” I curled tighter into a ball.
I don’t know how long I was asleep, but when I woke, the apartment was dark. I didn’t try to move. I didn’t want to do anything but lay there. My heart was a rock and I could hardly find the will to breathe. He said he’d be with me always and now he was gone. And it was all because of me.
“He lied to you.” The voice was viperous.
“No,”
“Yes, they always do. Women are a convenience for men.”
“No!” I couldn’t believe that.
A faint dripping sound caught my attention and I struggled to look around. A droplet of water fell on my nose and when I looked up, I had to blink several times to make sure what I was looking at was real. Dark green swirls of water began to curl about the ceiling in a beautiful dance. It was as if I were suspended upside down over a stormy ocean. The waves began to undulate violently, reaching toward me. Slowly, the water began to fill the room, falling closer and closer.
Frozen in both horror and awe, hundreds of emotions ripped through me. My mind was saturated with memories of the past and those of the future. Reaching w
ith one hand toward the water, I felt myself smile. Why would I smile? This was unnatural. Maybe it was because I hadn’t been in the ocean for a few months. The water teased me, dancing just beyond my reach.
Suddenly, my brain overloaded like a water balloon stretched to the max and I started to convulse. My eyes rolled back in my head and my arms fiercely beat the floor. Pain. The muscles in my legs seemed to be tearing themselves away from the bone and as fire swept my whole body, I couldn’t find the strength to scream. I found relief when the cool waves above me touched my skin. It wasn’t until I was fully immersed that the pain and fear disappeared.
When I opened my eyes, I found myself suspended halfway above my bed. The entire room was completely filled with sea water and when I looked down, I had phased into my golden tail. Swimming to the giant windows, I looked out at the city lights sparkling against the black backdrop of the night. Normally, it would have been beautiful but instead, I felt confined and claustrophobic.
Making my way to the bedroom door, I grasped the handle and pulled. Nothing happened. When I tried again and the door did not open, I began to panic. I wasn’t going to get out of the room.
“Help!” I screamed in desperation and began to swim around the room, clawing at the walls and pounding on the windows. When nothing worked, I stopped in the middle of the room, absolutely helpless, confined and out of control. Throwing my head back, I screamed. It was unlike any scream I’d ever heard. It was at a pitch that only dolphins or whales make and a second later, the windows shattered.
Blackness, silence - it was comforting now. I used to hate it. I preferred to dream. With all that was going on in my life, blackness and silence were easy to deal with. Silence is golden they say. How right they were.
“How long’s she been like this?”
“Several days.”
“Can you be more exact?”
“Two and a half.”
“Does she have a history of passing out?”
“No.”
“Does epilepsy run in her family?”
“No.”
“Why did you wait so long to bring her in?”
“I thought I could take care of her.”
“You should have immediately called 911.”
“I know.”
I recognized Thayde’s voice but the other was not familiar. The beep of machines told me I was in a hospital. Now that my comfortable blackness and silence was no more, I stayed quiet and listened.
“Is she taking any drugs?”
“No!” Thayde sounded annoyed.
“Are you absolutely sure?”
“Yes.”
“We’ll have to test her anyway.”
Test me? I struggled to open my eyes, but nothing happened.
“Do what you have to do.” Thayde’s voice was dull. When the door closed, I assumed the doctor had left the room.
I had to fix this, now. I did what I’d been taught - to focus my energy. The golden orb instantly appeared and I held it to me, forcing it to grow bigger and bigger until I was able to do a sweep of my body to try and wake myself up.
“Ah!” Thayde cried out and jumped back. For a brief moment, I caught sight of the gold encompassing me when I opened my eyes.
“Thayde?” I called, struggling to sit. My body ached and my hands felt as if I’d crawled through wood.
“Thayde?”
He was leaning against the wall, holding his hand. Why wasn’t he moving toward me?
“Hello Morgan,” he said, flatly.
“Did I hurt you?”
He nodded, remaining rooted to the floor.
“I’m sorry!” I reached for him but he didn’t move. “Thayde, what’s wrong?”
His beautiful eyes dropped to his feet. “I’ll leave you now that you’re awake. I just wanted to get you to someone who could take better care of you.”
I shook my head. “No! I don’t want you to go!”
When he still didn’t move, I felt his coldness grip my heart.
“You said you didn’t want us to be together.” His voice had an edge to it.
“No, Thayde!” Panic was setting in. The love of my life was shutting down, leaving me. I couldn’t live without him. “I can’t live without you.”
There were tears in his eyes when they met mine. “You said we were a mistake.”
I had hurt him, deeply. I hadn’t meant to. Hurting him was the last thing on my mind. I loved him. What was happening to me?
“Please come here.” I reached my hand to him and he hesitated before moving to the edge of my bed. Taking his hand in mine, I searched for burns.
Thayde’s voice seemed resigned. “There aren’t any burns. You electrocuted me.”
“I’m so sorry.” I held his hand to my face.
“Something’s wrong with me, Thayde. Ever since The Blessing, I’ve begun to think the most awful things. I’ve started experiencing powers I can’t control and I’m scared.”
For a brief moment, confusion played about his face.
“I’ve been dreaming of your death. I didn’t want to tell you because I was afraid you’d think it was a sign or something. I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.”
“Hurt me?”
“Yes, like you were hurt when you went through The Judgment, like you were hurt in the battle that happened. If something happened to you Thayde, I don’t think I could endure it.”
He pursed his lips as if holding back pain.
“Thayde, it’s like I have someone else living in my body – someone who makes me say things I don’t want to say - things I don’t believe and I can’t control it. I promise you, nothing I said to you was what I truly believe or want. I love you.”
I was starting to choke up and wiped the tears away with the back of my hand. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.
“Morgan, I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you won’t leave me.” I pressed his hand to my chest, terrified that he was going to let go of me.
“This isn’t supposed to happen,” his voice faltered and he cleared his throat. “Once a couple cords, it isn’t supposed to be like this.”
“Like what?” I asked, afraid of his answer. He pulled his hand away.
“It isn’t supposed to hurt like this. I don’t think I can handle going through this again.”
“Thayde, I’m so sorry I hurt you. If I could apologize a hundred times, I would. Please believe me!”
“You were right. Maybe I put too much pressure on you to be with me because we corded.”
“No!”
“Maybe I’d been waiting for you for so long that I’d built up too much of an expectation.”
“No!”
He nodded and looked at his feet again. “We aren’t right for each other.”
I had lost him. His words were like an axe’s final blow. My body began shutting down. Frantic, my heart began to pound as I started to hyperventilate. A loud ringing began in my ears. I looked to Thayde, his face filled with alarm and quickly he began to fade to blackness. I was gone before I hit the pillow.
Chapter Three
Limbo
How did I know I was gone? Because I floated up above my body and watched everything happen in slow motion. A flood of doctors and nurses swarmed my room moments after the heart monitor sounded its deathly, monotonous beep. Thayde grabbed my shoulders, screaming and shaking me before the doctors pulled him away. He backed against the wall and sank to the floor, holding his head in his hands, his mouth open wide as if he was still screaming, but there was no sound.
They worked on me for what seemed an eternity, with no result. The shocks they gave my heart did nothing. It was only when the doctor began to pronounce me dead that the heart monitor shot to life. The confusion on the faces of everyone gathered around my bed was more than words could say. They began taking my vitals and re-recording everything again. Finally, the tension in the room eased and when they eventually finished everything they could at that
time, they filed out of the room.
A pretty nurse squatted next to Thayde and asked him if he was all right. His face was so grief stricken I could barely bring myself to look at him.
“Is she going to be okay?” His voice was tormented.
“It’s hard to say. We got her heart beating again, but she’s in a coma.”
Thayde’s head dropped into his arms supported on his knees. The nurse put her hand on his shoulder.
“Sometimes being in a coma is a good thing. It allows the body to heal.”
When he didn’t say anything, she stood.
“We’ve contacted her parents and they’re on their way. You should go home now. Visiting hours will be over soon.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he mumbled into his arms.
She opened her mouth as if to argue, but seemed to change her mind. Her hand rested briefly on his shoulder before she left the room.
Thayde watched me from where he sat. I lay wrapped neatly in the sheets, my long hair splayed about my face. The heart monitor beeped dully. Using the wall to help him stand, Thayde warily got to his feet and walked to the side of my bed.
“Baby?” He whispered in a desperate voice. Shaking, he took my limp hand in his. “Morgan? It’s me.” He looked me over and leaned in, carefully kissing me on the lips. “I’m so sorry I did this to you.” His soft fingers touched my cheek and he traced my face.
I looked awful – my skin alabaster, my lips purple. I wondered if they were cold.
“Baby, please wake up. I can’t live without you.”
I thought I’d lost him. It was what had killed me. He knelt and began to pray.
“Please, don’t take her from me. I love her. I can’t live without her. Take me instead. She’s too important. Please bring her back.” He rested his head on the bed. “Please tell me what I’m supposed to do to help her. She’s going to destroy herself.”
I reached across the bed and touched his head, drawing back in surprise when my hand passed through instead of resting on top of his hair. Instantly, his head snapped up and he looked about the room.
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