“Thayde,” I said, realizing at the same time he couldn’t hear me.
“Hello! Visiting hours are over!” A happy voice chimed. “I’m afraid you have to leave.”
Thayde looked back at me. “I can’t leave her.”
“Well, I’m afraid you have to.” The orderly made his way to the curtains that framed the windows and drew them shut. “No exceptions are made.”
“She’s my fiancée.”
“That’s nice, but rules are rules.” He stood with large, red sausage hands resting on his ample hips.
Thayde’s face was granite as he stood and faced the short orderly.
“If you think I’m leaving her, you’re mistaken.”
The orderly’s chest puffed outward like a cockerel as he began to argue his case. However, he was interrupted when the nurse who had spoken to Thayde earlier entered the room.
“He’s fine, Ernie.” She stood next to Thayde. “I think we can make an exception.”
Ernie eyed Thayde up and down and then shrugged.
“Whatever you say, Nurse Dahl.” He turned on his heels and haughtily left the room. Nurse Dahl smiled and began to check my vitals.
“Ernie’s a wonderful worker, but at times he tends to take his job a bit too seriously. A bit like the janitor who thinks he is the principal of the school.”
Thayde dropped into a chair, exhausted. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” She pulled the used saline bag that hung from my bed and replaced it with a new one. Thayde watched her as she easily made the change. “You look worn out,” she said. “Are you hungry?”
“No.”
“When was the last time you ate?”
“I don’t remember.”
She made her way to the end of the bed, tracing the blanket with her fingertips. “Try. You need to eat.”
Thayde smiled slightly. “Um… two days ago?”
Her jaw dropped and she moved closer to him. “You’ve got to eat!”
He shook his head. “I can’t leave her.”
“She’s not going anywhere. You need your strength.”
“I did this to her,” he continued. “I don’t deserve to live.”
“What do you mean you did this to her?”
“I told her we shouldn’t be together.”
“That wouldn’t do it.”
“I broke her heart. You don’t understand, with us, it’s different.”
Nurse Dahl patted his knee, allowing her hand to linger for a moment before she stood. “I’ll bring you a sandwich and some juice. If you don’t eat it, it’s fine.”
Thayde watched her leave and looked down at his hands. Had she been flirting with him? Granted, I was in a coma, but it wasn’t right. Thayde hadn’t seemed to notice. I knew Thayde often had this effect on women – not unlike Mom’s effect on men. Still, watching the persistent nurse hit on Thayde made my blood boil.
I watched him ease back, resting his head on the back of the chair. His eyes closed briefly then flew open. He was trying not to fall asleep. Slowly, they closed again and this time, they stayed closed.
When Nurse Dahl returned, she sighed when she saw he was asleep. Placing the food on the desk next to his chair, she opened the closet and pulled a large blanket out. A smile crept onto her face and she sighed again in a way that made my stomach turn. When she left, she flipped the light off and closed the door.
“Why didn’t you call us?”
“I didn’t know how bad she was.”
“You should have called us right away.”
“I’m sorry.”
Tammer paced the black and white checkered floor deep in thought. Mom sat in a small Crest Toothpaste-colored chair at the head of my bed, holding my hand. Thayde leaned against a wall with his arms crossed, and stared at his feet. A couple of pastel colored cards stood in a little row on the desk. I assumed they were from my parents.
“How did this happen?” Mom asked Thayde.
In a halting voice, he relayed the story to them. Their faces ranged from shock to anger to sympathy as they listened. When he was finished, Thayde looked so dejected, Tammer actually placed a hand on his shoulder.
“Thayde, I know you’re thinking that once a couple cords they aren’t supposed to experience any heartache, but that’s far from the truth. Morgan has been blessed with infinite power of which she doesn’t have a clue how to control. I’m sure that is what’s been going on. I know she loves you, Thayde. Hang in there.” He squeezed Thayde’s shoulder and started to pace again.
“We’re going to have to teach her all that we know and try to find an Elder to finish her teaching. If she doesn’t get help, I’m afraid that she may not be able to handle all of this. At this point, I’m not so sure she’ll wake up.”
Mom rubbed the back of my hand. “Can you get anything from her?”
Tammer shook his head. “Nothing,”
“Do you think she’s brain dead?”
“I can’t tell, Elan! I get nothing from her.”
Mom stroked my forehead as she did when I was a baby. I looked emaciated lying in that hospital bed. All the life seemed drained from me and I found it hard to recognize the person lying there.
“We’re going to have to call someone in to help her.” Tammer said, rubbing his temples with his fingers. “I just don’t know who can do it. Troen’s gone - nobody’s seen him since the battle. Geiruna passed. There aren’t many who know the old ways well enough to help guide Morgan back.”
Guide me back? I didn’t know I could come back. Back into my body? Was that possible? I’d been hovering around my room for five days, without a clue what was supposed to happen next. I figured I was a ghost and was going to stay that way until my body died and I was guided to the light. If there even was a light.
“What about Aletheia?”
“That’s out of the question.”
“Why? She’s the only one I can think of who would even remotely know how to handle this situation!”
“No one knows where she is, Elan! I don’t know how to get a hold of her and even if I did, she’d never help us - not in a million years.”
“You don’t know that!” Mom stood. “Morgan could die, Tammer! I’m not risking my daughter’s life because you’re afraid of facing your sister!”
Tammer’s face grew red. “Don’t you think I want the best for our daughter?”
Mom was quiet.
“Well?”
“Tammer, it’s the only way we’re going to be able to help her. She’ll die here. They don’t know how to help our kind.”
“Crap!” He cried in defeat, shoving a chair across the floor.
A few moments later, Nurse Dahl appeared in the doorway, a frown across her face. “Is everything all right in here?” She asked.
“Yeah,” Tammer stared out the window. “Everything’s just friggin’ wonderful.”
She looked at each of them. “We have grievance counselors who can help you through this. The hospital offers this service complementary.”
That was the wrong thing to say. Tammer turned, stalking up to her. “She’s not dead,” he said, his voice harsh. Narrowing his eyes, he stepped around her, leaving the room. Raindrops began to spatter against the hospital window, making dirty streams across the glass.
“I’m so sorry,” Mom stammered and flew out the room after him.
Batting her eyes innocently, Nurse Dahl focused her attention on Thayde. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any harm.”
“It’s okay,” he sat heavily on the edge of my bed. “He’s upset.”
“How are you holding up?” She asked, taking a step toward him.
“Not well,” he admitted.
She stepped sideways, purposefully grazing Thayde’s arm and began to check my vitals. The envy in me began to rise and if I had been able to touch her, I would have tackled her.
I knew that women were extremely attracted to Thayde - who could blame them? He was tall, slim, and very muscular. He could have been
a male model, and he had what Mom had – The Love. For me, this meant getting used to the fact that the opposite sex was unable to mask the feelings they experienced around Mom and Thayde.
The nurse finished quickly and turned to him. “My name is Jessica. I’m here for you, with whatever you need.”
“Thank you,” he said, distracted briefly by the heart monitor.
“Whatever you need,”
Thayde frowned, confused. “What do you mean?”
She inched forward, until she was directly in front of him. “I’m not dating anyone,” she whispered.
Thayde leaned back. “Are you coming on to me?” His voice was incredulous.
She looked surprised and hurt.
“No,” she lied, “I’m sorry.” Flustered, she left the room in a hurry.
Thayde watched her close the door and shook his head. Suddenly his breath caught and he rubbed his chest. Something was wrong.
Moments later, Tammer and Mom entered. They made their way to the edge of my bed.
“We’ve been thinking,” Tammer began, “She may be aware of us and we need to let her know that she can come back.” He directed his attention to me.
“Morgan,” Tammer began, “Can you hear me?”
Yes, I could, but I couldn’t make my body move.
“Honey, if you’re aware of us, you have to know that you can come back to us,” Mom said.
That would be wonderful, but how?
“How is she supposed to do that?” Thayde asked, mirroring my thoughts.
“We don’t know,” Tammer admitted, “I just know that she can do anything she wants. Anything.”
Anything? Apparently, I couldn’t change time. I didn’t think that just willing myself to wake up would work. Frustrated, I slapped my hand across the small desk and was astonished when my get well cards fell to the floor.
The three of them turned in amazement and stared at the cards littering the floor.
“She’s here,” Tammer whispered.
“Morgan?” Thayde looked about the room. “If that was you, do something again.”
I had done something, though by accident. Could I do it again? I noticed a paper cup on the end of the desk. Focusing, I tried to flick it, but the cup didn’t move. When I tried again and still it didn’t move, I wanted to scream in frustration. I gave up after the fifth time and resigned myself to watching them from the corner of the room.
When nothing more happened, Tammer took Mom’s hand. “We’re going to go down to the lunchroom. Do you want to come with us?”
Thayde shook his head.
“We’ll be back soon,” Mom said as they left the room.
Thayde sat on the edge of my bed and stroked my arm. “Morgan, I’m so sorry. I know I did this to you. I just,” he broke off mid-sentence and rested his face in his hand, covering his eyes. “I just wanted you to feel what I was feeling. I didn’t mean anything I said.”
Watching from my corner, my heart felt like it would melt. Thayde did love me and he wanted to be with me. How was I going to get back? I didn’t have a clue and what was most frustrating was that all I could do was sit there and watch my family flounder about trying to figure out how to help me.
Thayde seemed desperate to wake me. He leaned forward, pulling me into his arms, supporting my head with his hand.
“Baby, please come back to me, please.” Tenderly, he began to rock my limp body. He closed his eyes and buried his face in my neck.
How I wished I could feel his arms around me! I drifted over to the bed, watching him stroke my hair. I wanted to be able to feel his warmth, smell him, and kiss him back. Carefully, I eased onto the bed and sat where my body lay.
It was odd to be in his arms, yet feel nothing. The feeling of helplessness was overwhelming. If I was this supposedly all-powerful being, why wasn’t I able to fix this? I am supposed to be able to do anything, right? Apparently not.
Thayde stayed, rocking me in his arms until Tammer and Mom returned. After much coercion, they convinced him to go home, eat, and get some much needed sleep. Alone once again, I retreated to my corner and watched the shadows grow long until the sun set.
Chapter Four
Returning
After a few hours of hovering in the corner, I couldn’t stand it anymore. It was like being in a morgue and I had to get away from the claustrophobic room and my troubling thoughts. Hesitating at the edge of the doorway, I cautiously reached into the hallway with my hand. I don’t know what I was expecting – my hand to melt off or something. When nothing happened, I cautiously tiptoed out of the room, and was nearly run over by two nurses who bustled by pushing a cart, engrossed in animated conversation. Completely unaware as to what had just happened, they laughed as they turned the corner and disappeared.
Could I leave the hospital? What would I do if I could? I’d find Thayde and watch over him. Not that there was much I could do once I found him. I was desperate to talk to him, to try and explain myself, but that was impossible at this point. Still, being with him was comforting and at this point, I’d rather have that than anything else.
Making my way to the stairs, I stopped at the doorway. No one was going to open it for me. Taking a deep breath, I jumped through it. It was all too easy and my confidence grew as I began to run down the stairs. The nice thing about being in limbo is that you don’t feel tired or get winded. By the time I reached the bottom, I’d gone down six flights of steps without missing a beat.
The city was far more awake than the hospital. New York is known as the city that never sleeps and that is the truth. I recognized the area, as it was within walking distance of our apartment, and quickly made my way home. It was much easier when no one could see you and I jaywalked my way through traffic and cut people off as I ran home. Really, it wasn’t much different than walking most days in New York.
Walking through entrances was simple. Taking the stairs was quick and easy - it didn’t take me long to reach the top floor. When I entered our apartment, I was surprised at how quiet it was – almost like a tomb. Despite the darkness, I knew Thayde had to be there. His room was the first place I searched and it was empty. It was a strange feeling, expecting to see him - being filled with such excitement and then having that excitement disappear as I realized the room was empty. Worry began to fill me, like water fills a jug. What if he wasn’t here? Where would he go?
The Chinese takeout in the dining room had been cleared away. The kitchen and living room were spotless as usual in their barely decorated way. Looking about, I suddenly remembered the night I had hallucinated and wondered how much damage I’d done.
I gasped as I entered my room. It was under construction. Obviously, I’d completely destroyed it. The windows were replaced with thick plastic sheets and the carpet had already been pulled up. In the corner of the room, a new bed had replaced my old one. My heart nearly skipped a beat when I caught sight of Thayde, asleep on his stomach in the middle of it. Apart from a pair of white Hanes jockey shorts, he was completely naked.
He didn’t move when I reached the edge of the bed and stood over him. Every time I saw him without his shirt off, he took my breath away. His body was like a bronzed statue, smooth and muscled. No wonder women continually made passes at him
My gaze stopped when it reached his back. Scars littered the hills and valleys made by his muscles. My mind wandered back to the time I’d met Troen and he’d rescued me from being lost at sea. He’d taken me back to his girlfriend’s house in Jamaica and Thayde had found me there. His torso was covered in cuts from fighting with Lot. His wrists were scarred from the ropes that had held him when he’d gone through The Judgment.
Thayde had been through a lot for me and I had treated our relationship too carelessly. I felt like a spoiled little girl and right then and there, vowed I would never again give in to my anger and hurt the one I loved.
Thayde’s arm twitched, snapping me back to reality. His beautiful face frowned and relaxed as he dreamed. His eyes moved rapid
ly under his eyelids and his breathing quickened; he was having a nightmare. His hands tightly gripped the new quilt he lay on and I held my breath waiting for it to rip. All the muscles in his back and arms tightened and suddenly his eyes opened. When he realized it had just been a dream, his body relaxed and he pulled himself up and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Damn it,” he breathed, grabbing his chest where a darkened area from Limus’ judgment remained. He rubbed it gingerly and looked about the room. A slight smile teased the corners of his mouth. Standing, he cracked his back and made his way to the bathroom. I followed close behind, feeling a little shy. Was it right to watch him when he was completely unaware I was there?
After brushing his teeth, he turned on the shower and I turned away as he pulled off his shorts. When I heard him close the door, I watched through the distorted glass. Placing his palms on the shower wall, he leaned into it and allowed the warm water to run down his back. He stayed like that for a while before grabbing a razor and beginning to shave. I thought it strange he didn’t used a mirror - rather, he shaved by touch.
I knew he was going to return to the hospital to be with me. As I left the apartment, I glanced at the clock. 4:10 in the morning. What an awful hour to be awake! Getting back to the hospital took much less time than when I left - it only took a few minutes. It was getting easier, being in limbo. I was beginning to get the hang of it.
Entering my hospital room, I was shocked to see a beautiful woman hovering over my body. Dressed in white, she shone like a star. I felt as if I were looking into the face of pure kindness and love.
“You are not supposed to be here,” she said.
The hairs stood on the back of my neck. “Who are you?” I asked.
Ignoring my question, she glided toward me. “Morgan, you must go back.”
“How do you know my name?”
“I know everything. If you don’t go back, you will die.”
“I don’t know how,” I stammered.
“We are sending someone who will help you with the transition. You must do as she says and be willing to face much in order to learn your destiny. We will also send you someone later who will help you learn our ways. For now, you must go back.”
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