Dancing With The Dead

by Nancy McGovern

  “Yeah, I did,” Jacob said. “But, like I said, it’s nothing like you think. Ramona called me over because she’d…discovered something. Something about my family. She wanted to talk to me one on one.”

  “That’s rubbish. She wanted to seduce you!”

  “No, Grace. Honestly. She really doesn’t see me as anything but a friend,” Jacob pleaded. “More than that, you know me. I’d never be dishonest like that.”

  “Ha.” Grace gave a short, bitter laugh. “You already have been. You just admitted you lied, Jacob.”

  Jacob looked as though she’d slapped him. His eyes were suddenly cold. “You don’t believe me?”

  “Would anyone? Do you believe yourself?”

  “Look. Ramona called me. She told me I should come over to her place because she’d found something that related to our family history, and I was the only person she could think of to talk to.”

  “Family history?” Grace paused.

  “Exactly,” Jacob said. “Obviously, I had to go. My curiosity was piqued.”

  “What was it, then?”

  “This.” Jacob reached into his coat and pulled out an old diary, leather-bound and quite worn.

  Grace stared at him. “She called you over in the middle of the night to give you an old diary?”

  Jacob nodded. “But not just any diary,” he said. “This is my great-great-grandma Maria’s diary.”

  “How did Ramona get her hands on your great-great grandma’s diary?” Grace was baffled. “And why did she wait so long to give it to you?”

  “I don’t think that matters, really,” Jacob said. “What matters is what’s inside the diary.”

  “What—”

  “You should read it yourself.” Jacob handed it over to Grace. “I don’t know what to do with it. I really don’t.”

  “Jacob—”

  “Please, Grace?”

  “So, you didn’t cheat on me with Ramona?” Grace asked. “I mean, I thought...”

  “I know what you thought, and I can see why you thought it,” Jacob said. “I feel like I’m in The Twilight Zone the last few days. I have no idea what’s going to happen next. Things are just so…random. But after talking to Chief Andrews today I realized I’ve been an idiot. I really thought I could somehow handle things all by myself. But I should have told everyone the truth right from the start.”

  “Yes.” Grace softened a little. “You should have. Oh, Jacob. You’ve needlessly complicated things.”

  “When you read the diary, you’ll understand why my brain was so foggy that I couldn’t even recognize Bobby Black,” Jacob said. “I was in shock. What she wrote…” He shook his head. “I couldn’t ever have imagined it.”

  *****

  Chapter 18

  Maria’s Confession

  With shaking hands, Grace opened the diary, expecting to see faded, but beautiful, cursive writing. Instead, she saw the scrawling, untidy handwriting of a woman who hadn’t had much of an education. But the lack of an education didn’t mean the lack of a brain, as her diary proved. Even though she’d lived nearly a hundred years ago, Maria’s voice was clear, and her sharp intelligence shone throughout.

  *****

  October 3, 1916

  We moved into the new house today and the children are excited. I have long pined for a home of my own, but never did I imagine this would be how I got it. Lorenzo’s partner Abel Smith and Abel’s wife Dina are to stay with us. We have split the area well and as Lorenzo and Abel work long into the night, this is a convenient solution. I cannot say that Dina is happy, and neither am I, for like every woman, I would far prefer my own tiny cottage to half a castle.

  November 2, 1916

  Lorenzo says I must write more often so as to improve my personality. My husband seems to believe that everything I do pales in comparison to the charms of Dina Smith. Surely, she is more patient than me, a better mother and, of course, far more beautiful. I have a good mind to tell him that for all her charms, Dina is a weak willed child with no knowledge of the world.

  November 8, 1916

  The business is hitting hard times. Yet I believe Lorenzo’s ideas and Abel’s business acumen are a powerful force. They will overcome it all. I do believe that Lorenzo takes far more of the credit than he has any right to. But, of course, people are drawn to him. He is jovial while Abel is quiet, and he is tall and sturdy as an oak while Abel is skinny as a Cypress. I am blessed to have a good husband like Lorenzo. Though I cannot help but wish that he would sometimes humble himself the way Abel does. There is a charm to a man who desires no fame or fortune, but goes about doing his duty to the best of his ability. Lorenzo is like a child if he is thwarted. He grumbles and blames the world when he does not get what he wants.

  November 9, 1916

  I am a bad wife. I must strike out everything I have said above. A few days ago, Lorenzo had taken my ancestral ring from me. Today, he has returned it. Lorenzo has polished my ancestral ring and presented it to me again as a gift. I am touched. It shines even more beautifully now! The ring is the last remnant of my life in Italy. I never sold it, even in the most desperate of times, and Lorenzo always understood. Even when we were close to starvation, he let me cling to the symbol of a life I once lived, knowing what it meant to me.

  November 16, 1916

  This last week has been the worst of my life. I do not know what to do, diary. I do not know where to go. Lorenzo has betrayed me. Every ounce of love I had for him is gone. Why have I bound myself in marriage to a creature such as him? Who should I turn to now? I must keep going. I must keep a brave face for the children. I find myself walking about in a fog.

  November 16, 1916 - evening

  I write this by candlelight as Lorenzo sleeps beside me. I hate him. I wish - but no, I will not say what I wish. My ring is a fake, dear diary. He sold my true ring without asking me even once. I would never have found out, had Dina’s friend not been the daughter of a jeweler. I could not hold my head up when she told me. I did not want to believe it. Yet I know it is true. My own husband stole from me. Just so he could make the business grow. I will not write again. I cannot bear it. But I must say it out loud once. I hate my husband. To the world he is jovial and loving. But behind closed doors he has not a single word of kindness for me. He treats the children as though they are puppets that must move to his wishes. He treats me the same way. He compares me incessantly to Dina and I suspect that he compares himself to Abel all the time. He is jealous of his own partner and I think he would like nothing better than to take everything away from Abel.

  December 11, 1916

  Betrayed. I have been betrayed. Lorenzo has taken a lover. I knew when I smelled lavender on his clothes that he is no longer true to me. I knew, too, from the little things - the way he hums to himself these days, the funny look in his eyes at times. But truly, I don’t care. In a way, I am happy. For now, even though my body is bound to Lorenzo, my heart can roam free. I will never cross the boundaries of our marriage, for I am still bound by the oath I took, but I will never let my imagination stop roaming either. If reality has no happiness for me, I will find it in my mind. I will find it in secret glances and imagined conversations and the slightest kindnesses. Funny! I wish I could thank Lorenzo for setting my heart free with his betrayals.

  December 15, 1916

  Oh Diary, there is new joy in my life. I know that I must curb my imagination. And, yet, each time I see him, my heart lifts a little. He is a gentleman always, but I know that Abel cares for me also. I believe in marriage and I will not betray my husband even as he betrays me. But is it so wrong for me to keep Abel’s glances in my heart, to nurse them the way I would a secret flower? I know I am being a bad wife again. I must go to church.

  December 25, 1916

  This has been the worst Christmas of my life. So it is Dina that Lorenzo has been cavorting with as I suspected! I cannot face my husband anymore. He is far more cruel than I could ever imagine. How could he be so evil? How could he
treat Abel Smith this way? Abel, the kindest man I know. Abel, who has been nothing but kind and loyal. I must tell him. I must.

  December 27, 1916

  I tried speaking to Abel alone, to no avail. I cornered him when he was out on his walk but, before I could say a word, Abel confessed his own heart to me. I cannot tell you - you must already have guessed- that I was floating with joy when he declared what a secret part of me already knew. That his glances had meaning. That his kindnesses had a reason behind them. Abel told me that he loves me, that he would lay down his life for me if I asked it. He then said, “But I am a coward of a man, Maria. I know my thoughts are sinful. I have tried so hard not to think them, I have tried so hard to ignore you. But it feels like my heart has no control. It keeps on wandering down a path that can never be realized. As long as Lorenzo and Dina are alive, we can never be together. What I am doing is treachery of the worst sort. I beg you to forgive me and never again come near me, for I do not know if I can contain myself if you do.” Then, without giving me a chance to explain, he walked away, never looking back.

  January 5, 1917

  I have struggled with what to do, I keep playing Abel’s words over in my mind. How cruel this world is. For those with no morals such as Dina and Lorenzo, everything they wish for is theirs. For those who believe in something greater than just themselves, like Abel, life is a misery. For Abel’s sake, I could not bear to live a lie anymore. Even if he never chooses me, I cannot bear to think of him being cheated by his own wife. I confronted Lorenzo today. I told him that either he tells Abel or I do. Lorenzo hit me. But I was not scared. I mean what I say.

  January 9, 1917

  Lorenzo is dead! Officers had come by to see the body, seemingly unconvinced the death was natural. But there is no way to prove it was poison that killed Lorenzo. I cannot bear to look at Abel anymore. I know what must have happened. Abel killed Lorenzo. This is the only explanation. I know that Lorenzo was to speak to him today about what he and Dina had done. How could Abel have done this? My heart is in shreds. I hated Lorenzo, and yet he was my husband. I grieve for what he was. What we had been. A curse upon Abel.

  February 9, 1917

  Abel has thrown me out of the house. He is trying his hardest to get the children. I will fight till my last breath. But I will not let that monster win.

  March 9, 1917

  A month goes by so quickly when you are struggling to make ends meet. The town is alight with rumors. The police believe that I killed Lorenzo. So do many others. My own children do not meet my eyes anymore. I am heartbroken. Abel is still trying to convince the world that the children are better off without me but I will not give them up.

  April 6, 1917

  War has been declared! President Wilson has now said that we shall join our allies overseas to fight against Germany. The town is in uproar. Men are getting ready to be sent abroad. Abel was told that he could stay home, given his age and his importance, but he has chosen to go, too.

  October 1, 1917

  Just a year ago, my life was so different. Lorenzo was alive, and I was trapped in an unhappy marriage, convinced my life would be miserable until its end. Today, although I have no man, I have found a new passion. Running this business has poured new life into me. Dina sold me her shares at a lower price than she should have and now, seeing how I am turning the business around, she regrets it. I do not.

  December 1, 1917

  We received news today that Abel has died abroad. I cannot - no. I cannot speak. Despite everything, I loved him. Despite everything, I had hoped that someday…but now it is all over.

  February 4, 1918

  I mean to lock this diary up forever. To throw it away. I received a package and a letter from the army. It was Abel’s handwriting. The letter said: “Dear Maria, I am in the hospital and the nurses say there is little hope. I only have enough time to write this. Despite everything, despite knowing that you murdered Lorenzo, I still love you. If I should die, I want you to know that. If I should die, I also want you to have what Lorenzo stole from you. When Lorenzo took away the ring from you, saying he would polish it, in truth he secured a fake and sold the genuine article. I went behind his back and sold some of my own shares in order to purchase the original ring back from the jeweler. I could not believe he would deceive you so cruelly. But now you may live your life knowing that the ring on your finger is, indeed, your own. I know how much it means to you, and I hope that you will let it guide you to a better life, one where you may atone for your sins. Whatever his crimes, Lorenzo did not deserve to be murdered. Goodbye, Maria. Perhaps death will release me from the hold you have over my heart.”

  I am in shock, Diary. Abel believed I had murdered Lorenzo and, all along, I believed that it was HE who had done so. But if it was neither of us… then who? One name comes to mind, but I refuse to believe it. Yet it must be her. Dina killed Lorenzo, it is so plain now. She knew that her life would be finished in this town once her affair was revealed. So she poisoned my husband. What should I do, diary? I am in a bind.

  And as for Abel, I cannot but weep at the futility of it all. He was a good man, ripped away from the world in his prime, all for a war that may never end. All for a future that may never come. My ring is upon my finger now - my ring - and although it may mean nothing to anyone else, my love for Abel will be bound in this ring forever. He gave it back to me, even though he believed I was a murderer. Even believing what he did, Abel forgave me and tried to urge me to a better life. I owe it to him now, to forgive his wife, as best as I can.

  March 9, 1918

  I spoke frankly to Dina today. I told her what I knew. She cried as she admitted it. She said the affair had been a mistake, and that she truly loved Abel. She could not allow Lorenzo to tell him about her deception. She knew Abel might shoot himself or do something else equally drastic. Far fetched as it is, I do believe her. Dina isn’t a bad woman to her core, but she has committed an unspeakable crime nevertheless.

  She begged me to tell no one, for her children’s lives will be ruined if I do. I will never speak to her again as long as I live, but for Abel’s sake and that of the children, I will tell nobody of her crime. I have given her enough money to live a peaceful life and will have no more to do with her. As for me, in building my business, I have neglected my own children. I must go to them now and be the best mother I can be. If I could only make sense of all that has occurred in my life. But I cannot. All I can do is hold on to my ring and let it guide me toward being a person half as noble as Abel Smith.

  *****

  Closing the book, Grace stared up at Jacob, her face slack-jawed. She blinked, becoming aware of her surroundings again. It felt as though she had been briefly sucked up into Maria’s world.

  “What…how…” She tried to form words, but couldn’t.

  “Exactly,” Jacob said. “You see now why I was in such a state of shock that I couldn’t recognize Bobby. You see now why I lied to the police. I know I was a fool but—”

  “But you’d just received the most shocking news of your life,” Grace said. “Your entire family’s history...”

  “Exactly,” Jacob repeated. “Don’t forget, I’m a Smith as well as a Giordano. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how my mother and Aunt Eugenie will react when they find out their ancestor was a murderer. Heck, I think I’m still in shock myself.”

  “But Jacob...” Grace hesitated. “Don’t you see? We have to give this to the police.”

  “And ruin my family’s reputation? No way!”

  “Jacob, you’re not getting it,” Grace said. “Bobby Black said he had to talk to you about family history. Right? This is what he wanted to talk about, clearly. Whoever murdered him did it so that he wouldn’t spill the beans. The police need to know this.”

  “But why would someone be willing to murder him over ancient history? Unless...” Jacob’s face drained of all color. “You think…”

  “I think that Dina’s not the only murderer in your family t
ree,” Grace said. “Jacob, someone in your family is responsible for Bobby Black’s death.”

  *****

  Chapter 19

  Return Of The Ring

  Although Grace tried to convince him, Jacob refused to believe that Bobby Black’s death could be anything but an accident. He was like an ostrich who had a nice little spot in the sand in which to stick his head when it came to his family members. After trying to convince him for half an hour, Grace eased off, realizing that maybe he needed some time to admit what in his heart he already knew: that there was a murderer in his family. Instead of talking, they walked back to his house side by side, each lost in their own thoughts.

  Jacob and Grace opened the door and stepped into an eerily quiet house. Everyone seemed to have vanished, except for Uncle Dave, who was back in front of the TV. There were heavy footsteps downstairs, and Nora suddenly appeared with a duffel bag in one hand.

  “Mom?” Grace was confused. “What’s going on?”

  “I’m leaving.” Nora’s face was flushed.

  “What? You were supposed to stay the weekend! What happened?” Grace exclaimed.

  Nora scratched the back of one foot with the other. “Well, you see, Viola and I exchanged a few words, and…in short…Viola thinks it’s best for everyone involved if I go back home.”