Heartbeat

by Danielle Steel

  “I appreciate everything you've done for me.” She looked away from him as they got into the car. She was thinking of how angry he would be when he found out about the baby, and she didn't want to mislead him.

  “Is something wrong, Adrian?” He gently took her hand in his. They were still parked only a few feet from the restaurant and they hadn't moved, but he was worried about her suddenly. There were brief moments when she looked so unhappy and so worried. He knew it was probably the divorce doing it, but it made him sad for her and he wanted to help her through it.

  “My life is a little complicated right now,” she said cryptically, and he smiled.

  “You sound like one of my characters on the show. In fact, I just wrote that line into a script yesterday. And you think you've got troubles. My character is pregnant with an illegitimate baby.” The words almost made her choke and she tried to laugh as he started up the woody, but all she could do was smile weakly. Art imitating life again. Sometimes it happened a little too often.

  They drove back to the complex then, and he invited her to his place for a cup of coffee. He had a fancy espresso machine, and they sat for a long time in his cozy kitchen.

  “I always feel like I ought to look around for a last time before the boys come.” He grinned. “From the moment they arrive till the moment they leave, this whole place is upside down, the television is constantly on, there are clothes in every chair, socks on every table, the bathrooms look like they've been hit by a bomb, and there's candy and gum all over everything I own. They're hopeless.”

  “It sounds happy.” She smiled.

  “That's a dangerous attitude.” He smiled at her. From everything he had seen of her so far, he thought she was the perfect woman. And he had long since decided that Steven Townsend was either a bastard or a fool, but he had been crazy to let her go, much less divorce her. “I can't wait till you meet them.”

  “Neither can I,” she said as she sipped her cappuccino.

  “I really hope you can come on the trip.”

  “So do I.” And she meant it. “If I can't, maybe I can fly to Lake Tahoe for a weekend.”

  “That would be nice. But I'd like a lot more than that.” And he thought that two weeks with her and his sons would be absolutely blissful. It was the kind of life he had longed for for the last seven years, the kind of life he'd lost and thought he would never find again. But Adrian was a very special woman. In some ways, he was afraid of his feelings for her, and in other ways, he loved them.

  He took her back to her place around twelve o'clock, and he felt like a teenager standing in her doorway. He was dying to get his hands on her, but he sensed instinctively that she wasn't ready. And Tahoe wasn't going to be the answer to his prayers either. He wouldn't dare make a pass at her while traveling with his children. They were just going to have to wait, or he was. He didn't even know if she was attracted to him, and he was afraid to find out too soon. There was always the possibility that he would scare her off. And she was grateful that he hadn't pressed her. She kissed him chastely on the cheek, and as he walked back to his place, his desire for her almost drove him crazy.

  He took her for a drive the next day, and they went to the Ritz-Carlton in Laguna Niguel for Sunday lunch, and then they came back because he had to go to work. His work as usual helped him cope with his constant frustration. Sylvia had been gone for quite a while. And ever since Adrian had walked into his life, he hadn't wanted anyone else. But dreams of her were beginning to haunt him.

  She appeared in his studio on Monday just before noon, with a broad grin on her face and a look of victory as he was coping with last-minute changes.

  “I can come! They gave me two weeks off!” she announced with glee in a stage whisper that everyone heard, and then she laughed, and two of the actresses giggled. Bill looked at her with awe and delight and then asked her to stay while he finished what he had to do before they went on the air, and then he invited her to watch the show with him from the control booth.

  It was an action-packed episode, filled with conflict and emotion. Helen had admitted that she was pregnant by then, but she wasn't telling anyone whose baby it was. John was in jail and the trial was coming up soon. And on the show, Helen made a call to an unknown man, threatening to kill herself if he told anyone that she was carrying his baby. The script was emotionally charged, and the woman who played Helen was an excellent actress. She'd been on the show for years, and she was one of A Life's mainstays. But as Bill watched them perform, he turned to Adrian, pleased with the day's show and he was pleased to see the excitement in her eyes. She loved being around his show and everything about it.

  “It's just a great show, Bill.” It meant a lot to him that she liked it. And they were still talking about the show when they left the control booth. He introduced her to the actors she hadn't met yet, and she complimented “Helen” for a job well done, and then she went back to her office.

  She had the trip to look forward to, and she could hardly wait to meet his kids. She just hoped, she thought with trepidation as she went back to work, that she would fit into her jeans until early August.

  THE BOYS ARRIVED TWO DAYS LATER, ON A WEDNES-day afternoon, and Bill went to pick them up at the airport. He had asked Adrian to come along, but she didn't want to crowd them. They didn't have any idea who she was, and they hadn't seen their father since Easter vacation. She had a doctor's appointment that day anyway. And it was the first time that she heard the baby's heartbeat. The doctor put the stethoscope to her ears, and there was a small device like a microphone attached to the other end which he slid across her stomach. The first loud thumping she heard was her own, it was actually the placenta pumping blood to the baby. But beyond that, much more softly, and beating much faster than her own heart, was a smaller one, the tiny pat-pat-pat of the baby. She listened to it with a look of astonishment, and tears came to her eyes when she first heard it.

  “Everything sounds fine to me,” the doctor told her as she sat up. Her blood pressure was fine, her weight was okay, too, though she had already gained quite a bit, and there was no denying now that her body was changing. There was an Scurve to her suddenly, when she turned sideways in the mirror, and she was starting to wear her dresses a little looser, but so far, unless they knew, no one would have noticed that she was three and a half months pregnant. “Any problems, Adrian?” he asked. She hadn't seen him in a month, not since just before Steven had taken everything he owned out of the apartment and served her with papers.

  “Nothing I've noticed,” she said quietly. “I feel fine.” She did most of the time, too, except now and then when she had a really long day at work, or a late night, then she felt absolutely exhausted.

  “How's your husband adjusting to it now?” he inquired as he washed his hands. He fully expected Steven to come around and was sure he had by then. He had no idea what had happened in the last month, and Adrian didn't want to tell him. It was too embarrassing, and admitting that he was gone still gave her an overwhelming feeling of failure. She still hadn't told anyone at work, and the only one she had told, and sworn to secrecy, was Zelda. She insisted that Adrian was foolish not to tell people openly, that she had done nothing wrong, it was Steven who should be embarrassed, not Adrian. But Adrian still pretended to everyone that everything was fine, and claimed that he was doing a lot of traveling. She told her mother that, too, on the rare occasions when they spoke. And other than Zelda, she had told not a living soul about the baby.

  “He's fine,” Adrian said innocently. “He's away right now.” As though the doctor would know he was gone. She stood up and pulled her dress down after the examination. All he did now was weigh her once a month, take her blood pressure; and listen to the baby's heartbeat. He had listened for it the previous month, but it had still been too early for him to hear it.

  “Are you going away this summer at all?” he chatted pleasantly, and she was embarrassed about lying to him about Steven.

  “We're going away in a
few days. Camping at Lake Tahoe.”

  “Sounds like fun. Don't overdo in the altitude, take it easy a little bit. And if you drive there, stop every couple of hours and walk around, stretch your legs. You'll feel better.” But so far she had had an uneventful pregnancy. Uneventful except for the fact that her husband was going to divorce her.

  She went back to the office afterward, and as usual, there was a mountain of work for her to do. And she didn't hear from Bill, but she assumed that the boys had arrived safely. He called her in the newsroom late that night, just before the eleven o'clock news, the boys were in bed, and he sounded happy and exhausted.

  “It's like having a whirlwind hit this place,” he sighed happily, but they both knew he loved it.

  “I'll bet they're happy to be here.”

  “I hope so. I sure am happy to have them. I'm bringing them to work tomorrow for a while, till they destroy the place. Adam is always fascinated by it, he thinks he wants to be a director when he grows up, but Tommy gets a little antsy. I thought maybe we could stop by and say hi, or take you to lunch if you have time. Depending on how your day runs. The boys would like to meet you.”

  “I can hardly wait to meet them.” She smiled, but she was nervous about it too. The boys were so important to him that she was worried about what would happen if they didn't like her. Admittedly, she and Bill weren't deeply involved with each other, but she liked him a great deal, and she sensed that he liked her too. If nothing else, she hoped it was the start of a serious friendship. And there were overtones of something more, but something that, for the moment, due to her circumstances, neither of them had figured out how to handle. Too much had happened to her recently. Too much had gone on. Between the baby and Steven filing for divorce, she wasn't ready for a relationship. And yet, she was growing used to him. And she found that she needed him at unexpected times, and in some ways, she was afraid to need him as much as she might, if she let herself go completely.

  “Do you want to come to the set after we air tomorrow, or should we just stop by at the newsroom?” he asked. He had told them about her, and they hadn't seemed surprised. They had met ladyfriends of his before, and they were used to it. They usually told him what they thought of them, and a couple of them had joined them on trips. But it was hard for him to explain to them that this one was different. This was a woman he respected and liked, someone he suspected he could love, but he didn't tell them any of that. He didn't want to scare them.

  “I'll drop by the show. I want to see what you're doing to those poor people anyway. How's the one with the illegitimate baby?”

  “Drinking too much, understandably. Everyone wants to know who the baby's father is. We've never gotten so much mail. It's amazing how that kind of thing fascinates the viewers. Dubious paternity seems to be an issue of interest to most of us. Or maybe it's just babies.” He was hitting close to home again, and just hearing about it made her nervous. Her own baby's paternity was a cause of great concern to her, and she sighed as she realized that she had to get to the control booth.

  “I'll see you tomorrow. Say hello to them for me.”

  “I will,” he said, with something warm in his voice that was meant just for her, and she knew it. She was smiling to herself when she ran into Zelda on the way to the control booth.

  “How's it going?” Zelda asked pointedly. She worried about Adrian at times, but they were both too busy to talk to each other very often. Zelda asked her if she heard from Steven from time to time, and she was always horrified to hear that she didn't.

  “It's okay.” Adrian smiled. She knew Zelda wouldn't give away any of her secrets.

  “I saw you with Bill Thigpen the other day.” She was curious about that. She knew who he was, and how successful his show had been, and she wondered if anything was going to come of it between him and Adrian, but she suspected that Adrian was still deluding herself about Steven. “Is that anything?” she asked openly, and Adrian looked offended by her bluntness.

  “Yes. A nice friendship.” She hurried off to the control booth then, and at midnight she went home and fell into bed. She was too tired to even think, and she had a lot to do in the next two days before she left on vacation.

  She went to Bill's studio again the next day, just in time to see the show air, and she watched in fascination as the woman who was supposedly pregnant sobbed, talking about her baby. Her husband was still in jail, and she was being blackmailed by a woman who allegedly knew who had fathered her baby. Her husband's trial had just begun, and Helen was still mourning the loss of her sister. It was easy to see why people got caught up in it. It was all so absurd, and so exaggerated, and yet it wasn't. It was exaggerated in just the way real life was, with all its unexpected quirks and turns and sudden disasters. People having accidents and getting killed and cheating on each other and losing jobs and having babies. There was a little more melodrama than in most lives, but not as much as one might have thought, Adrian mused, not if her own life was anything to judge by.

  And as soon as she walked into the studio on silent feet, she saw the two boys, standing near Bill, watching the actors in fascination. Adam looked tall for his age, and he was standing quietly right next to his father, with sandy blond hair and big blue eyesy and long, long legs. He was wearing jeans and a T-shirt and high top sneakers. Tommy was wrapped around a chair in a cowboy shirt and a pair of chaps, with the exact same look on his face that Bill wore when he was concentrating on something. They looked almost like twins, except that one of them was much smaller. And just looking at Tommy made you want to rim up and hug him. He had soft brown curls, and blue eyes that were even bigger than his brother's. He noticed her first, and stared at her with curiosity instead of watching the show. She smiled at him then, and waved, and he grinned, and tugged at his father's sleeve. He whispered something to Bill, and then Bill turned and saw her. He didn't walk over until they broke for a commercial and then he quickly introduced her before they had to be quiet again. Adam shook her hand with a serious air, Tommy grinned and asked if she was the one who was coming to Lake Tahoe. She only had time to whisper yes, and then found herself stroking his soft curls as she watched the rest of the show, but he didn't seem to mind it.

  “That was good, Dad,” Adam complimented him as soon as the show was over. And Bill introduced him to all the actors. He had met most of them before, but there were a few new faces, and it touched Adrian to see how proud of them Bill was. He was clearly a wonderful father.

  Tommy was climbing on one of the cameras, while Adrian watched, and she noticed that he was keeping an eye on her while pretending not to. Eventually, they all went out to lunch, and over sandwiches, Tommy looked at her squarely.

  “How long have you known my dad?” he inquired as Adam frowned at him.

  “Tommy, stop that! It's not polite to ask questions.”

  “That's okay.” She smiled at both of them, and tried to remember. It depended when you started counting. From the first time in the supermarket, or from when they began to make friends. She wasn't sure which to tell them, and decided to go with the former. It made it look as though they had known each other a little longer. “A couple of months, I guess. Something like that.”

  “Do you go out with him a lot?” Tommy went on, as Adrian grinned and Adam shouted at him to stop.

  “Sometimes. We're good friends.” But he had spotted something of interest on her left hand, and he was staring at it as she ate her sandwich.

  “Are you married?”

  There was a long, long pause, and she avoided Bill's eyes. She wanted to be truthful with them, but this wasn't going to be easy.

  “I am.” She still wore her wedding ring. She couldn't bring herself to take it off. Bill had noticed it, too, but had never said anything, and wouldn't have had the courage of his younger son to ask her to explain it. And then, “I was,” she corrected.

  “Are you divorced?” This time Adam chimed in curious about the line of questioning his brother had started.
>
  “No, I'm not,” she answered quietly. “But I will be.”

  “When?” His innocent questions went straight to her heart, but she did her best not to show it.

  “Maybe around Christmas.”

  “Oh.”

  And then Tommy again. “Why do you still wear your wedding ring? My mom wears one like that,” he volunteered, “only bigger, and it has a diamond.” Adrian's was narrow and simple and she had always loved it.

  “It sounds beautiful. I wear mine because …well, I guess I was just used to it.” She had thought about taking it off in the past month, but couldn't bring herself to do it.

  “Did you want to get divorced?” Adam asked then, and Bill decided to step in and get her off the hook. Enough was enough.

  “Hey, guys, give the lady a break. Tommy, pay attention to what you're doing or you're going to spill that soda.” He rescued a can of root beer from him and looked at Adrian apologetically. He hadn't planned to subject her to the inquisition. “I think we owe Adrian an apology. Her private life is none of our business.”

  “I'm sorry.” Adam looked at her remorsefully. At nearly ten, he knew better. But he'd gotten carried away with what his younger brother had started.

  “That's all right. Sometimes it's better to ask about things instead of just wondering. I would have told you if I didn't want to answer.” She didn't answer his question, though, about whether or not she had wanted the divorce. It was still too painful. “What about you?” She looked at the boys seriously. “Have either of you ever been married?” Adam grinned and Tommy guffawed. “Come on, I told you, now you tell me. What's the story?” She looked from one to the other as they both started to laugh and Tommy was the first to volunteer information.

  “No, but Adam has a girlfriend. Her name is Jenny.”

  “It is not” He looked annoyed and gave his brother a shove, as Adrian watched them.