Heartbeat

by Danielle Steel

“I was going to ask you a question, but I wasn't sure if I should.”

  “What about? Am I a virgin? Yes, actually I am.”

  “Thank God.” He heaved a sigh of relief. “I hate women who aren't virgins.”

  “So do I.”

  He grinned. “In that case …would you like to spend the night? You can sleep in the guest room if you really want to.”

  It was silly, she had her own place just across the complex. But she was tempted to stay with him anyway. It was so lonely at her place, with only one lamp to light the room. There was no point, she kept telling herself, in buying furniture if she was going to sell the condo. And Bill's guest room was like a warm, cozy haven, just like him, a place where she could hide from the pressures of the world, and enjoy the warmth of his presence. “It seems a little silly, doesn't it?” she asked sheepishly. “I should probably go home.”

  “I just thought …” He looked sad for a moment. “It's going to be lonely without the boys tonight.” She knew it would, and she wanted to be there for him. “We could make popcorn and watch old movies on TV.”

  “Sold. I accept.” She smiled shyly at him. She loved being with him, but he pretended to look serious as he asked another question.

  “From a marketing standpoint, would you mind telling me what swung your decision? Was it the popcorn or the old movies? Maybe I ought to know, just in case I want to convince you again someday.”

  She laughed easily at him. “It was the popcorn. And a free breakfast tomorrow morning.”

  “Who said anything about breakfast?” he teased with a blank stare.

  “Be nice, or I'll make you lasagna …with vanilla!”

  “I was afraid of that. The Vanilla Virgin, now there's a great title for a new show … or maybe just one episode …what do you think?” He turned and stood very close to her as they walked into the living room and her voice was very soft as she answered.

  “I think you're wonderful.”

  He put his arms around her again and kissed her gently on the neck. “I'm glad to hear it … I think I love you. …” But she knew she loved him. She had known it for weeks, ever since she had woken up in the hospital in Truckee, and he told her he loved her and her baby. And it was odd talking about it with him now. He seemed to know so much more about pregnancy and babies than she did. It was comforting in a way, and she was coming to depend on him, and love the idea of having him near her. “What do you say we watch TV in my room tonight?” he inquired. He had a huge set in his room, and he and the boys used to pile into his bed at night and watch it. She had joined them several times, on nights when she was staying in the guest room, but it was different now that they were gone, and it was a little strange at first, getting on his bed with him, and being there alone with him, but she had to admit that she loved it.

  She settled back against the cushions on the bed, and he flicked the television on with the remote, and then left the room to make the popcorn, and she didn't follow. She sat there, thinking about him, about how much he meant to her, and how drawn to him she was. It was odd feeling sexual about a man who wasn't your husband when you were almost five months pregnant. But she did. She was extremely attracted to him, and not entirely sure how to show it.

  “Popcorn!” he announced, arriving moments later with a huge metal bowl from the kitchen. The popcorn was still hot and it was buttered and salted to perfection.

  “This is terrific,” she grinned, cuddling next to him as he flipped the dial via the remote to a channel that showed only old movies. There was an old Cary Grant movie on, and Adrian insisted that he leave it. “I love this,” she smiled happily, nibbling at the popcorn, and he moved closer to her and gently kissed her.

  “So do I,” he said, and he really meant it. She was his best friend, and there was more to it as well. He found that he couldn't stop kissing her, as she nibbled at the popcorn and pretended to watch the movie. She was lying back against the pillows on his bed, her vision of the television obscured, and she found that she didn't care, as she kissed him back, and a passion rose in her that she had never known, as he whispered to her, “Are you on the pill?” and then she started to laugh and kissed him again.

  “Yes, I am,” she whispered back. There was humor and love and laughter between them, but they both grew more serious again as their passion rose, and the romance of Cary Grant was forgotten. He set the bowl of popcorn down, and turned off the light and turned to her again. She was so beautiful, and so sexy and so gentle. She was still wearing the free-flowing peach dress she had worn to take the boys to the airport, and he unbuttoned it slowly, as she slipped searching hands under his sweater. Their lips touched and parted and touched again, and he seemed to be devouring her with kisses, and finally, they lay naked in each other's arms and he forgot himself and all caution as they joined and made love as her body hummed beneath his hands, and the two of them became one, and they seemed to lie together for hours, bringing each other ecstasy and pleasure.

  Neither of them had any idea what time it was when they finally lay side by side, kissing still, and whispering in the darkness.

  “You're so beautiful,” he said, and then touched her face with his hands again, and let his fingers trace slowly downward. She had a lovely body, and even now it was easy to see how slim and lithe she must be when she wasn't pregnant. “Are you all right?” He was suddenly afraid he might have hurt her or the baby. For a moment, he had forgotten all about it, but she only smiled and kissed his neck and his lips, touching his powerful chest with her hands. He made her feel happy and safe and protected.

  “You're wonderful.” Her eyes shone with her love for him, and as he looked at her, mesmerized by her, his hands felt the soft roundness of her belly, and then she frowned suddenly and looked at him oddly. “Did you do that?”

  “What?”

  “I don't know …something …I'm not sure what it was …”It had felt like a flutter and at first she thought it was his hands, but they hadn't moved, and then suddenly they both knew what it was at the same moment. She had felt the baby move for the first time. It was as though the baby had finally come alive from their loving. It was his baby now, and theirs, because he wanted it, and he loved her.

  “Let me feel it.” He put his hands on her again, but he couldn't feel anything, and then for an instant he thought he did, but it was still very small, and the movements were so slight, they were hard to feel. He pulled her close to him instead, feeling the swell of her against him, and then holding her full breasts in his hands. He loved everything about her. It was odd getting to know her this way, in a state of transition. This was the only way he knew her, and he felt bound to the baby somehow, as though it were his too. It seemed so much a part of her, and he wanted to share it with her.

  He covered her carefully with his sheets and the blanket and they lay there together, snuggling, whispering, talking, dreaming, and talking about the baby.

  “It's so funny,” he confessed, vaguely hearing the voice of Cary Grant somewhere in the distance. They had forgotten all about the popcorn and the movie. “I feel as though the baby is part of me now. I don't know … it brings back all kinds of familiar feelings and memories, all that excitement I felt before Adam and Tommy were born … I find myself thinking about buying a crib, helping you set up the room, being there when it's born, and then I have to remind myself to go slow …that it isn't mine …” he said regretfully. But he wanted it to be. Even though he had just made love to her for the first time, he wanted that very badly.

  “I was so lost before you came along. I was so lonely.” She looked at him with serious eyes, worried about what he felt. “You really don't mind about the baby? I feel so fat and ugly sometimes.”

  He chuckled softly in the bed they had made theirs. “That, my love, is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. You are going to blow up like a balloon, and I'm going to love it. You're going to be so big and cute, and we're going to have such a good time with the baby.”

  �
�Silly.” She winced at the thought of becoming enormous. It was something she hadn't really thought about and almost dreaded. Her thighs already felt twice the size they had been two months before, and her breasts seemed huge compared to what they normally were. She was usually very small, and suddenly she was very full-busted. All the changes seemed so strange and foreign to her, and yet at the same time, she was excited about the baby. And she could hardly believe that he was too. It was a miracle beyond belief that she had found him.

  “It seems poetic justice somehow,” he said, grinning as he sat up in bed and looked down at her, “that I should get involved with a woman who is four and a half months pregnant. I have been involved with more anorexic models and bulemic actresses than anyone deserves in one lifetime, and suddenly here I am with a woman I love, in full bloom, and any minute you're not going to be able to see your sneakers.”

  “You're terrifying me. Is there anyway to avoid turning into a blimp?” she asked with worried eyes, and he leaned down and kissed her again.

  “Absolutely none. It's a beautiful gift. Just enjoy it.”

  “But will you still love me when I'm huge?” It was a familiar wail to any man whose wife had been pregnant.

  “Of course. Wouldn't you love me if I were the one with a baby inside me?”

  She laughed at the idea, but he made it sound so natural that it didn't seem so frightening suddenly. He did that with everything. With Bill, everything became normal and easy and simple. “Yes, I would.” She smiled up at him, cozy in his bed.

  “Then that answers the question, doesn't it? You're beautiful pregnant. Maybe you should be worrying about whether or not you'll turn me on when you're skinny. We know what you do to me when you're like this.” He grinned evilly, and she laughed. She felt totally at ease with him, and loved as she never had been in her life. And the beauty of it was that she loved him, too, more than she had ever loved anyone …even Steven. Steven had never been this good to her, or this kind, or this wise, or this sensitive to her needs, and fears, and moods. There was no doubt in her mind. She was a lucky woman and William Thigpen was a rare person. “You drive me wild with desire, Adrian,” he teased, growling at her, as he pretended to attack her again, but gently.

  “Never mind that,” she laughed. “Where's my popcorn?”

  “You have no heart.” He leaned over and handed it to her. “Only stomach.” He kissed her loudly on her bottom then, and went to get them both a bottle of club soda, knowing before she said it that she was thirsty.

  “You read my mind, do you know that?”

  “It comes with the package.” He was dying to make love to her again, but he was afraid to overdo it and hurt the baby. He was willing to be patient and love her carefully for the next four and a half months. It seemed a small price to pay for the miracle of a baby, and the gift of sharing that with her. He helped himself to some of the popcorn, turned up the TV, and looked over at her. He felt as though they belonged to each other now, as though they were one, and had always been married. It was impossible to believe that she was married to someone else, and carrying another man's baby. A man who wanted neither Adrian nor the baby.

  The phone rang as Adrian was drifting off to sleep, nestled next to him, while he watched the television and glanced at her occasionally with a warm smile, and a hand on her shoulder. It was Tommy and Adam safely arrived in New York, and calling to tell him.

  “How was the trip?”

  “Great!” Tommy said. The stewardess let him have three hot dogs. Bill had ordered special meals for them in L.A. He always did, it was just one of the many things he thought of. “How's Adrian? Is she there?” he asked hopefully, and Bill looked down at her and nodded.

  “Yeah. We're watching TV and eating popcorn and we really miss you guys. It was really sad here after you left.” He was always honest with them, too, about how he felt. “We can hardly wait for Thanksgiving.” He was already using we to describe himself and Adrian. There was no doubt in his mind that they would still be together by then. Only then, they would have to say something to the boys about the baby. He would leave it to Adrian to decide what she wanted to tell them. And as he thought of it, he put a hand on her stomach again to see if he could feel the baby. He felt possessive about it now that he had been closer to it, and felt her body joined to his. He had never felt closer to any woman.

  Adam got on the phone then and told him about the movie they'd seen on the plane. Something about the war in Vietnam, and it sounded upsetting to him, but Adam seemed to have loved it. He asked to speak to Adrian then, and Bill gently nudged her and put his hand over the receiver.

  “It's Adam, sweetheart. He wants to talk to you.”

  “Okay.” She reached for the phone with a sleepy smile, but when she spoke to him she made an effort to sound normal. “Hi, Adam. How was the trip? Any cute girls?”

  He guffawed at the question. She had been the first to realize that he was becoming interested in girls, and spent a lot of time in the bathroom combing his hair with assorted products. “Not really. Just one, in the seat behind us.”

  “Did you get her number?” Adrian teased, but he was serious when he answered.

  “Yeah. She lives in Connecticut. Her dad is a pilot.”

  “Too bad you weren't interested in her …much …”They both laughed, and a minute later she talked to Tommy, and told them both how much they missed them. “Your dad and I were sitting here all sad and lonely tonight. Even the popcorn isn't the same without you.”

  “Thanks a lot.” Bill pretended to pout, and listened to the animated conversation between the three of them with pleasure. She was wonderful to his kids, and he would never forget her saving Tommy's life, and nearly losing her own and her baby's. He had never been so frightened as when he'd seen that little lifeless body, and then hers … he shuddered when he thought of it.

  She handed the phone back to him then, and he chatted with the boys for a few minutes and then let them go so they could spend time with their mother. She hadn't seen them in a month and Bill knew she'd be anxious to see them.

  “They sound so close, but they're so far away,” Adrian said sadly. Three months seemed an interminable wait to see them again, and she wondered how he stood it, particularly with no other family in California. It wasn't as though he was remarried and had other children. And even that might not have made a difference. Adam and Tommy were special and unique, and she knew now just how much he missed them. “It seems like an awfully long time till Thanksgiving.”

  “Now you know what it's like, or a little bit anyway,” he said seriously, as he climbed back into bed with her and turned off the TV. “That's why I never wanted other children. I never wanted anyone to do that to me again. To take them away, to deprive me of them.No matter how decent Leslie is9 they still live with her and only spend six weeks a year with me, if I'm lucky, maybe seven. It's lousy.”

  “I understand,” she said gently. And she did. And she knew him well enough now to know how much it hurt him. And then, unprompted, she spoke up in the darkness. “I would never do that to you, Bill.”

  “How do you know that? No one can ever be sure. And look at you …you still feel an obligation to Steven. If he comes back after the baby is born, what happens to us? You don't know the answer to that either.” He sounded angry and unhappy for just a moment, but it was only because he loved her, and was missing his children.

  “No, I don't know the answer to that. But I would never hurt you.” She knew that now. She didn't know what she'd do if Steven came back, and Bill was right, she did feel an obligation to her husband. But she felt something more now, too, a bond to Bill, a tie that had formed, that night perhaps when they were making love, or maybe it had happened more slowly, in the past few months when they became friends. But something had happened to bind them together, and she knew she'd never just walk out on him … or take away something or someone he loved. She was sure of it … or at least she hoped not. “I love you, Bill,” she said softl
y, thinking of him, and the boys, and the baby.

  “I love you too,” he whispered back, thinking only of her, and as he did, his desire for her got the best of him again and he ran smooth hands slowly over her flesh, until she was panting with desire, and he made love to her again. It was a long, happy night, and they were still entangled in each other's bodies when they awoke in the morning.

  She opened one eye, and was happily startled when she saw him. For a moment, she had thought it was a dream. But it wasn't, he was still asleep, and softly snoring. But he woke a few minutes later as she stretched, and shifted the weight of his leg on her a little.

  “Is that you?” he growled sleepily, “or have I died and gone to heaven?” He smiled blissfully with his eyes closed in the morning sunlight.

  “It's me. But is it you?” she whispered happily. It had been the most beautiful night of her life, the perfect honeymoon, in spite of being pregnant.

  “It's me …are you still a virgin?” he teased, and she grinned.

  “I don't think so.”

  “Good. Let's just hope you don't get pregnant.”

  “Don't worry. I'm on the pill.” They were giggling and cuddling, and lying as close as they could in the rumpled bed they had slept in.

  “I'm relieved to hear it …are you going to make me lasagna for breakfast?” He stretched and grinned as she nodded.

  “With vanilla.”

  “Perfect. That's just the way I like it.” And then he turned over on his stomach, and lifted his head to kiss her on the lips. “I have a better idea. You relax, and I'll make you breakfast. What would you like? Waffles or pancakes?”

  “Shouldn't I be on some kind of diet?” She was feeling guilty. They did nothing but eat all the time, but she wasn't really getting fat, except for her stomach. The baby somehow seemed to absorb it.

  “You can worry about that later. What's your pleasure?”

  “You.” And she demonstrated that amply to him before breakfast, much to his delight. It was two hours later before they discussed breakfast again, and this time he made scrambled eggs and bacon and steaming, strong coffee. And they sat eating breakfast in the kitchen, in matching silk dressing gowns that were both his, reading the Sunday paper.