Sweet Alibi

by Adriane Leigh

  When Silas came home from North Carolina, he’d stopped at the beach house and gathered the rest of my things. I didn’t have the heart to go back; I couldn’t face the memories of the summer that waited for me there.

  Silas had also come home with a boyfriend. Justin and he were officially an item―“exclusive” as Silas called it―and cuter than ever. He was the happiest I’d ever seen him.

  I thought about Tristan often, though I tried not to. He'd tried to call me the first few weeks after I'd been home, but I hadn’t answered. I knew if I picked up the phone, my life would never get back to normal. My only hope was to pretend he hadn't happened, but with every passing day it was becoming nearly impossible. I thought about him more as I pulled away from Kyle. Silas and I camped out a lot of nights on the couch in front of action movies―Silas hated them, and truth be told, so did I―but I couldn’t stand to sit through the romances we usually indulged in.

  I spoke to Drew often. I think she knew something was wrong because she called more than she had previously, but I refused to tell her of Kyle’s latest indiscretion, and each time she brought up Tristan’s name I stopped her. I could hardly keep it together when the beautiful word came out of her mouth; hearing anything about his life now would break me. She begged me to let her talk about him, told me that I couldn't run away from my feelings, that I was being unfair to all of us―Kyle, Tristan, and even myself. But I was stubborn, and I wasn't willing to gamble the future I'd dreamed of on a beautiful, golden-haired guy I'd had a fling with over the summer who had a history of sleeping around.

  And every night when I closed my eyes, my heart ached as my mind replayed the memories of every stroke, every touch, every kiss, every whisper. And every night I wept, buried deep into the down of my pillow, fighting for my life and my future to return.

  * * *

  FINALLY I BROKE. On a Sunday morning in November, my world fell apart. It had been nearly three months since I'd left the beach house, nearly three months since I'd been trying to get my life back, the life I'd thought I wanted since the time I was fifteen. Suddenly it all shattered at my feet on the kitchen floor.

  I woke up with a splitting headache and shuffled to the medicine cabinet to find the Advil bottle completely empty. I rolled my eyes―only a man would leave an empty bottle in the cupboard. I searched my brain for any other hidden stashes of pain relievers before remembering that I had some in the purse I'd used all summer. The oversized bag sat on the floor in my closet, items still spilling out of it. I sat on my knees and opened it. The first thing that caught my eye was the book.

  Tristan and Isolde.

  The story Tristan and I had read on the beach together. We hadn’t finished it. I found the spare Tylenol in my purse and slugged water from the bathroom and sat on the floor against the wall. I opened Tristan and Isolde to where we'd left off and I read.

  I read about love and pain and virtue. Tristan and Isolde had spent their lives trying to live without each other, trying to do what they thought was right by denying their love and walking the path expected of them. They’d each chosen to be with the wrong person and lived their lives filled with pain and agony, all self-inflicted in the name of honor, and they’d both died with a broken heart.

  My breathing came in quick pants and my heart roared in my ears. It suddenly felt like Tristan and Isolde was my story. The last lines repeated in my mind as fresh tears rolled down my cheeks. Tristan had stopped calling. He'd undoubtedly moved on, but I couldn’t. Maybe I wasn't it for him, I didn't even know if he was it for me, but I knew that Kyle wasn’t. I knew that without a doubt. I sat on the floor as my mind raced. A life with Kyle wasn’t for me, wasn’t the life I wanted. Even if I lived the rest of my life alone, I had to take the chance. I wished all the happiness in the world for Kyle, and I hoped one day he would find the person he was looking for, and I hoped he would treat them right, maybe he would love them enough to be faithful, because despite what Kyle said, he didn’t love me like he thought he did.

  Tristan and Isolde had loved completely, tried to deny themselves that love and it had destroyed them. I couldn’t choose the same path. All summer I had been waiting. At some point I’d made the choice not to choose, hoping everything would fall into place―that everything would be resolved as it was meant to be, because that’s what I’d always done―I’d always let Kyle steer the course, choose the path for us. But at some point I’d lost myself among it all.

  I stood on shaky legs and began tossing everything I owned into suitcases. I knew I was making what seemed like a rash decision, but it wasn’t, not really. It'd been a long time coming, and I knew that now.

  I'd held pain and denial locked inside my heart for so long it had eaten away at me. Destroyed me from the inside.

  I finished packing my essentials and stepped into the living area. Kyle sat at the dining room table, law books and his laptop spread before him.

  “Hey, babe,” he mumbled without looking up. I walked over to him, my suitcases trailing behind me. “What's going on?” He finally noticed the luggage and his eyes drifted up to mine.

  “I can't do this anymore. I love you with my entire heart, but we’re just not good for each other, Kyle.” A few tears trickled down my cheeks.

  “Georgia―” Kyle reached an arm out to me.

  “No, I’m sorry. I tried, but I can’t. This isn't me anymore.” I finished as I watched his brown eyes flash with pain.

  “I thought we were trying?”

  “We were. I did. I'm sorry, Kyle, but we want different things.” The levees broke and tears surged down my cheeks, covering my face, running down my neck. The pain I was feeling for leaving the only person who had always been there from the beginning was killing me, but not nearly as much as staying had.

  “Is this about the intern? Because I swear to you it was just one night. It hasn’t happened since. You know she meant nothing and you mean everything to me.” He stood and held my shoulders in a firm grasp.

  “That’s not it, Kyle. We’ve both made mistakes, but I’m just not that person anymore.”

  “What person? The person that forgives? That recognizes that I’ve always been there for you? That I would do anything for you?” He seethed as his grip tightened painfully.

  “Kyle, let me go,” I whispered through gritted teeth.

  “Georgia, you can’t leave. It’s been us every fucking day since we were twelve. I won’t let you walk away from us.” Anger flared in his dark eyes.

  “Let me go.” I glared as I twisted out of his grip and grabbed for my suitcase.

  “Where are you going, Georgia? Back to him? You think he’ll put up with everything I have? Days on end where you stay in bed? The nightmares? The crying? It wasn’t fucking easy to stick around, Georgia, but I did, so don’t stand here and tell me that you can’t do this anymore.”

  I gritted my teeth together painfully as I listened to him. “I’m sorry you feel that way, Kyle.” I turned and lugged my suitcase out the door.

  “This isn’t it for us, Georgia,” he hollered after me.

  I drove in a daze. I had two stops to make, one was Silas' apartment, the other was a place that'd been calling to me every night for months.

  My parents were buried in a historic cemetery in a quiet suburb outside of the city. Gentle rolling hills and tall shade trees cast long shadows over granite stone. I walked the small path, a sense of calm permeating every cell in my body. I walked with resolute grace, determined to spend time at a gravesite I hadn't visited in nearly two years. One I'd avoided. One that two people shared along with the date of death.

  When I reached the charcoal stone erected on a grassy knoll, I sank to my knees and sobbed.

  I sobbed for lives cut tragically short. I sobbed for the little girl left quivering under a bed, a silent witness to the horror of that night.

  I sobbed for innocence lost and prayed for strength to move beyond mourning.

  When my tear ducts burned with waterless tears I stood
, placed a soft kiss on the head of the stone, and walked sedately back to my car, face upturned, soaking up the sun's beautiful golden rays.

  I drove to Silas' apartment on the other side of the city. The traffic was light and I was thankful. In the state I was in I probably shouldn't have been driving. I pulled up outside a brownstone and launched up the steps, unlocking the doors with the key Silas had given me.

  “Silas?” I croaked. Silence greeted me. I turned a corner into the kitchen and a tangle of bronzed skin and toned muscle greeted me. Silas held Justin's face in both hands as he kissed him passionately. Silas rocked his hips into Justin's as small moans echoed around the kitchen.

  “Fuck, oh my God.” I covered my eyes, turned, and headed for the living room.

  “Georgia.” Silas jogged out after me, a towel wrapped around his hips.

  “Hey, Georgia.” Justin nodded as he zipped up his jeans.

  “Hi.” I kept my eyes averted.

  “What are you doing here, love?” Silas sat beside me on the couch, throwing an arm around my shoulders.

  “I left him,” I squeaked.

  “The douche?” Justin said from the kitchen entryway. I narrowed my eyes at him and then to Silas. Silas only shrugged with a small smile.

  “That's been long overdue,” Silas grumbled. “So what’d he do this time?”

  “An intern.”

  “What? Georgia, Christ. When?” He wrapped me in his arms, hugging me so tightly I could hardly breathe. Silas always gave the best hugs.

  “This summer, I guess. I don’t know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I just… I hated the thought of telling you he’d done it again,” I choked out. “And I went to my parents' grave.”

  “Oh, Georgia. I wish you would have told me, love. And I would have come with you to see them.” He stroked the long hair that fell down my back.

  “I know, but I wanted to do it alone. And Kyle…I just didn’t want to have to say the words again.” Tears streamed down my cheeks. “What am I going to do? I fucking left Kyle. He's my person, Silas. I can't imagine my life without him, but then I couldn't imagine my life with him anymore either,” I sobbed.

  “I thought I was your person.” He grinned, trying to make light of the situation.

  “You are,” I cried.

  “Well, first things first, you’re moving in here.” Silas rubbed my back.

  “No, I can’t. You need your privacy. I just need to find something. Go house hunting, I guess.”

  “Justin doesn't live here,” Silas informed.

  “But when he comes up you won't be able to walk around naked.”

  A hearty chuckle sounded from across the room. I ignored it as Silas shushed my sobs. “So we'll keep it in the bedroom.” He offered.

  “You only have one bedroom,” I said.

  “So you can sleep on the couch, or I will, you can have my bed until you find something.”

  “No, no.” And then it occurred to me. I knew exactly where I wanted to be. I knew what had been wrong the last few months. “I want to go back to the beach house,” I said firmly, the tears finally slowing.

  “What? Can you do that? Doesn’t it need to be winterized or something?” Silas frowned.

  “No, it's only North Carolina.” I rolled my eyes at him.

  “But it's so far away, Georgia.” He wrapped his arms around me in a tight hug.

  “But it's my home.” A small smile lifted my cheeks. “That's where I belong.”

  “Georgia, wait…” Silas held me tightly to stop me from standing. “At least let me go with you, help out for a while.”

  “No, you stay here with that gorgeous man candy you’ve got. I'll be fine, Silas,” I instructed before standing.

  “Georgia,” Silas admonished but walked me to the door.

  “It's okay, Silas. I know now this is exactly what I want.” I gave him another hug. “Commence naked cooking or whatever it was you were doing.” I smiled and flicked my wrist toward the kitchen. Silas shook his head and Justin grinned from across the room. I’m glad it had worked out for them. It seemed that Silas had found himself over the summer too.

  “Love you.” I pecked him on the cheek.

  “Love you too, Georgia,” he whispered as he pulled me in for a firm hug. “You need anything,” he held me at arm’s length for a moment, “you call me. You know I’ll be there in a second.”

  “I know.” I wiped tears from my eyes and grinned, before turning and heading back to my car.

  I spent the rest of the afternoon driving to the beach house. The crisp November weather was chilly but I still cracked the windows for fresh air. I felt freedom for the first time. I felt I was making the right decision for my future. It felt for once like I was in control instead of being a follower; I now realized I’d followed Kyle's lead at every juncture in my life. I don't think he realized it either. He hadn't intended it, I was sure, but we'd fallen into those roles. So now I was headed to North Carolina to live on the beach, the only place that felt like home. The house I'd put love into redecorating. The house that had memories of Silas and Drew, smiling and laughing. The memories we’d made there together.

  I pulled into the hidden driveway and parked. I’d called a handyman after returning to D.C. to repair the little damage the house had taken from the hurricane―replacing shingles and rehanging a few shutters was all that needed to be done. Stepping out of the car, I closed my eyes and inhaled the salty ocean air. It was exactly as I'd left it, only the air was a little cooler and the sky a littler grayer. The roar of the waves called to me. I poked my way along the side of the house and walked straight to the beach, not bothering to go inside first. I kicked off my shoes and stuck my toes in the cold water, jumping back for a moment before dipping my toes in again. The water was cold, cold enough to make them tingle before the numbness set in, but it reminded me that I was alive, and I was right where I wanted to be.

  I stood looking out at the expanse of grey for a long time, watching the whitecaps move in. The tide came in, the tide went out, the waves rolled on shore while gulls swooping and floating above the whitecaps. I found peace in the rhythm of it all.

  There was something about the landscape of the beach in November that was haunting. It was no longer lit golden by the sun’s rays, but everything was washed in shades of grey. The sand seemed to have faded from the light blonde it had been at the height of the summer. The trees were dark and ominous, the dune grass blowing and rustling as sea birds squawked and dived. While the scene was eerie, it was also calm and peaceful, something about it tugged at my heart. The beach had become a part of me, something I appreciated in all seasons.

  I finally walked up the porch steps and around the deck to the front door. I stepped inside. The last time I'd been here had been with Tristan. I ran my hand along the countertop, the memories crashing back to me―the morning coffee, time spent making dinner and drinks, the laughs, the pain, the awkward moments―I relished them all. I'd never felt more alive than I had this past summer, and Tristan had been a part of that. Now that I was here in this house, I felt closer to him. I was no longer fighting with his memory but embracing it as part of the fabric of my life.

  I’d made mistakes this summer, to be sure. I'd hurt Kyle and Tristan; what’d I’d done was unforgivable. But I’d also learned so much about myself and for that reason I could never regret that decision I’d made in the spring to buy a house on the North Carolina beach.

  I walked to the French doors and threw open the curtains to take in my favorite view. I walked through each room and found them all empty of any personal items. I wondered when Tristan had come back to get his boat if he'd stopped here to see if I’d come back. I doubted it. He’d stopped calling, so I had to assume he’d put us behind him. I smiled as his beautiful smile flashed before my eyes―he’d probably moved on shortly after we'd parted ways, flirting and charming his way into some other girl’s heart. I'd had his beautiful smile for a summer, and the memory of it warmed my entir
e body.

  * * *

  I WORKED THE next few days at getting the beach house ready for winter. The beach got some snow, but the temperatures didn't often dip below freezing, so not much needed to be done. I took out the screens, dusted, cleaned windows, and moved the porch chairs back to the deck from storage. I also scheduled the construction company to finally get to work on the second floor. My plan was to take down one wall between two rooms and make a beautiful master bedroom with an en suite bathroom, complete with Jacuzzi. My plans were ambitious, but if I could pull it off, it would be stunning -- the perfect escape, far away from the other rooms in the house, with a view that inspired.

  I still made a point of spending each and every morning on the porch, wrapped in a chunky cardigan, sipping coffee. I relished the time alone. I'd always thought I wouldn't be able to stand it, that I'd always need someone―Kyle, Drew, Silas, anyone -- but here, on the beach, I’d found a sense of peace.

  One breezy morning after I’d been back a few weeks, I sat with my legs curled up watching the waves crash down the beach. Someone walked a dog slowly up the beach, tossing a stick in the water for the dog to fetch. They were too far away to make out clearly, but the stranger always gave him a pat before tossing the stick again. I smiled at the thought of getting a dog. I'd left Diva with Kyle until I could get settled, and I missed her dearly. I didn’t relish the thought of seeing Kyle again to collect my sweet Diva, but I had hope that he’d be mature about the transfer of custody. I laughed out loud at the notion of discussing custody over our cat, but we’d been together for a long time, so it wasn’t so absurd.

  I continued watching the stranger and the dog play until they finally turned and walked up the dock to the small cottage down the beach―where Tristan and I had first been together. A small smile flitted across my lips at the memory. Someone must have bought the place. I made a mental note to bake some cookies and go down and introduce myself. I sipped the rest of my coffee before heading inside and getting on with the rest of my day.