The Boys Start the War the Boys Start the War

by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor

  “They’ll never do that.” said Wally, “not even for Caroline.”

  “Okay. ‘Crawl over to our house on your hands and knees and say, We are honestly and truly sorry for the trouble we have caused, and …’” Jake paused again.

  “‘Will be your obedient servants…’” said Josh.

  “No. Obedient slaves,” said Jake. “That’s it.” We are honestly and truly sorry for the trouble we have caused, and will be your obedient slaves forever.

  “Perfect,” said Josh.

  Wally started to write it, then stopped. “I can’t imagine Eddie saying ‘your obedient slave forever.’”

  “Yeah.” said Josh gloomily. “I can’t imagine them crawling on their hands and knees either.”

  “Well, they thought we would say something like this!” Jake reminded him. “Go ahead. Write it, Wally. Make them squirm a little. Maybe they won’t do any of it, but they’ve got to at least say they’re sorry.”

  Wally finished the note.

  “How do we sign it?” Josh wondered.

  “How did they sign theirs?” asked Jake.

  “The Malloy Musketeers,” said Wally.

  Jake thought a minute. “The Hatford Hooligans,” he decided, and they all signed their names.

  “Who’s going to deliver it?” asked Josh. “Peter?”

  “Are you crazy?” said Jake. “They’ll simply kidnap Peter!”

  “We’ll all deliver it” said Josh. “All four of us will go over there together. Caroline can’t escape, don’t worry.”

  The boys looked toward the toolshed again.

  “Hey, Caroline!” Wally called.

  No answer.

  “Hey, Crazie!” called Josh.

  Still no answer.

  “Maybe she dug her way out,” said Peter.

  The boys started across the lawn. Wally was feeling a little uneasy, the sun was shining right on the metal shed; and he knew how hot it got in the summertime, it wasn’t summer any longer, but it was still warm. Maybe she had overheated. Maybe she was dead!

  “Listen, guys, I don’t know if we ought to keep her in there,” he said. “That shed gets awfully hot in the afternoons.”

  “Did we put her there?” Jake said. “It was her idea. She would have stayed all day, I’ll bet, if we hadn’t found her. All we did was put a padlock on the door.”

  “But suppose she got sick or something?” Wally said. “Man, we’d really catch it.”

  They stopped outside the shed.

  “Hey, Caroline,” Josh said again. “Are you dead?”

  “Oh, she’s just playing possum to make you open the door,” said Jake.

  “Remember that hot day in August when our old dog got distemper?” Wally reminded them. They looked at each other uneasily.

  “Hey, Caroline, you want some water?” Wally called.

  No answer. No sound at all.

  Jake dialed the combination on the lock and opened the door, just a little.

  They all stepped backward. Caroline was sitting on the floor of the shed, her eyes closed. White foam was oozing out one corner of her mouth.

  “What’s the matter with her?” asked Peter.

  “I don’t know,” said Jake. “Hey, Caroline, come on out. You can go home now.”

  Caroline opened her eyes once, and they looked wild. Then they closed again.

  “Jake … I,” Wally said worriedly.

  “Go on home, Caroline.” Jake said.

  The girl didn’t move.

  “What are we going to do?” asked Wally, and his heart began to pound.

  “Forget the note,” said Jake, and Wally knew he was worried too. “Go call her sisters, Wally, and tell them to come and get her. That Caroline’s over here sick.”

  Wally made a beeline for the house, and went up the steps two at a time.

  He quickly dialed the Malloys’ number. What if the parents answered? What was he supposed to say? That Caroline was locked in the toolshed foaming at the mouth?

  The phone rang five times before anyone answered.

  “Hello?” It sounded like Eddie.

  “Your sister’s sick,” said Wally.

  There was a pause. “Who is this?” Eddie asked.

  “Wally. Caroline’s in our toolshed. You better come and get her.”

  “Yeah? What kind of a trick is this?” Eddie said. “I saw your folks drive away. You must think we’re really stupid.”

  Wally’s hand felt sweaty on the telephone. “Listen,” he said again. “I mean it. She’s foaming at the mouth.”

  “What?”

  “We just unlocked the shed and I think she’s got distemper. There’s white stuff all over her lips.”

  “Hold on.” It sounded as though Eddie had her hand over the receiver and was talking to somebody else. Then Beth came on the line.

  “What’s the matter with Caroline?” Beth asked.

  “I already said! She’s foaming at the mouth and acting weird, and you better come get her.”

  “How did she get in your shed?” asked Beth.

  “She went there herself. We didn’t put her there. She was spying on us.”

  “Then how did the shed get locked?”

  “After we found her, we locked the door.”

  “Well, if you locked her in there and she’s sick, you better call an ambulance,” Beth said, and hung up.

  Wally stared at the phone in his hand. Then slowly replaced the receiver and went out to the others on the back steps.

  “Are they coming?” asked Jake.

  Wally shook his head. “They said to call an ambulance.”

  “Hoo boy!” Josh whistled through his teeth. “We can’t call an ambulance! Dad would be furious!”

  “Yeah, but if something happened to her and we didn’t, he’d kill us,” Wally said.

  The boys stared at each other. “You think we should try to carry her home ourselves?” Jake said.

  “Let’s try,” said Wally.

  They went back to the shed again. Caroline had crawled behind the lawn mower now, and was making strange noises, half dog, half human.

  “What’s she doing?” asked Peter, eyes wide.

  “Biting her own arm!” breathed Josh, and the boys retreated slowly to the back steps.

  “What if she’s rabid?” asked Wally.

  “Don’t be dumb.”

  “What if she is? What if a strange dog bit her before they left Ohio and nobody even knew it?”

  Jake let out his breath. “Boy, I hope she leaves before Mom and Dad get home.” He hunched his shoulders. “Look,” he said to Wally. “Go call Beth and Eddie again, and tell them we’ll make a deal. They come and get Caroline, and we’ll call off the war for good. No more tricks again ever.”

  Wally went back inside and called the Malloys. Eddie answered again.

  “Listen,” he began. It was all he could think of to say. “Come over and get Caroline, and we’ll call off the war for good. No more tricks again ever.”

  “No deal,” Eddie said, and the receiver clicked again.

  Wally reported it to the others.

  “They have to take her!” bleated Jake. “She’s their sister! What kind of sisters are they if they won’t even come and get someone who’s rabid!”

  “What time is it?” asked Josh.

  Jake looked at his watch. “Almost two. Mom and Dad could be driving back any minute.”

  Wally’s stomach seemed to turn upside down. “It doesn’t matter whether we took the padlock off or not,” he said finally. “The fact is we did have the padlock on for a while, so that she couldn’t get out if she’d wanted to. And she was in there for at least an hour. That might have been long enough to do it. We’re responsible no matter what.”

  “I’m not touching her,” said Josh.

  “Me either,” said Peter.

  “I’ll call the Malloys,” Jake said, and his voice sounded a little shaky. Wally went back inside with him. Jake dialed.

  This time th
e phone must have rung ten times before Eddie answered.

  “Yes?” she said loudly, impatiently. Wally was standing three feet away and he could hear every word she said. “What is it now?”

  “Look,” Jake began.

  “Look … listen.… Is that all you guys can say?”

  “We’ll make any kind of deal you want if you just come and get Caroline,” Jake told her.

  The silence this time must have lasted for ten whole seconds. To Wally it seemed forever.

  “Any kind of deal we want?”

  “Yeah. Just come and get her.”

  “Say, ‘Please.’”

  “Please,” murmured Jake.

  “Say, ‘Pretty please.’”

  Wally heard Jake swallow. “Pretty please,” he said.

  “Say, ‘Pretty please from your faithful and obedient servant.’”

  “Hey, listen.…”

  “Say it!”

  “Pretty please from your …”

  There was the sound of a car pulling in the drive.

  “The folks are home!” Jake said into the receiver. “Come and get her! Hurry!”

  “Say the rest.…”

  “Your faithful, obedient servant,” Jake said, and hung up the phone. “I think I’m going to throw up,” he said to Wally.

  Caroline was beginning to wonder how much longer she had to roll around the floor of the shed with marshmallow on her lips before her sisters came after her.

  It was entirely by accident that she had discovered the marshmallow foam. Once she found that the boys had padlocked the door, she had popped a marshmallow into her mouth for energy, then realized how thirsty she was. Sloshing the marshmallow sauce around in her mouth, she was thinking that if she ever had to play the part of a madwoman, she could use marshmallow foam. And it didn’t take long to decide what to do when the boys came again to check on her. All she had to do to make that happen was be quiet.

  Little snatches of conversation came from the steps across the yard. “They have to take her.…” “I’m not touching her.…” “We’re responsible.…” Caroline decided that if she didn’t need a drink of water so much, she could probably hold out for another couple of hours.

  The next thing she heard was the sound of a car pulling in the drive, but even before it stopped, the back door slammed and she heard Jake say quickly, “They’re coming! Beth and Eddie are on the way.”

  What should she do now, she wondered. This could be her grandest performance yet. Should she go on pretending to be rabid, so that Beth and Eddie had to carry her home? Or should she wait until her sisters opened the door of the shed, and then they could all have a big laugh together? Or maybe she could make a grand entrance now, by herself, and—

  “Three bushels of apples.” she heard Mrs. Hatford saying. “They were the best I’ve seen in a long, long time. And I don’t want to hear any complaining. You didn’t want to help pick them, so you can certainly help peel them. Won’t do you one bit of harm.”

  She had better wait until the parents had gone inside, Caroline thought Mrs. Hatford might figure out right away what was on her lips, and she didn’t want to reveal the joke until Beth and Eddie were there.

  The back door slammed as Mr. and Mrs. Hatford went inside. Three minutes later there came the crunch of footsteps on the gravel drive, and the sound of girls’ low voices. Caroline could hardly keep from laughing out loud, and when Eddie opened the door of the shed at last, Caroline was sitting on the floor grinning, a marshmallow perched on her head.

  The three burst out laughing.

  “I told you it was probably marshmallow,” said Beth. “I knew she couldn’t get that sick in two hours.”

  “Oh, Eddie,” Caroline shrieked happily. “It was my best performance. They thought I was rabid! They thought I was mad! They were even afraid to touch me.”

  “Did you know they called three times trying to get us to come and get you?” Beth giggled.

  “And you know what we made them say?” asked Eddie. “Your faithful, obedient servant.”

  The girls howled.

  They turned and started back across the yard. Josh and Jake were still on the steps with Peter, their faces pink with embarrassment.

  Just then the back door opened and out stepped Mrs. Hatford, carrying a huge pan of apples, Mr. Hatford was behind her, carrying one of the bushels.

  “Hello, girls,” she called cheerfully.

  Caroline, Beth, and Eddie stopped dead in their tracks.

  “Wally just told me you were coming,” Mrs. Hatford went on. “How nice of you to volunteer! I think we could do that right here in the yard, don’t you?”

  The girls stared in astonishment, then gave a low moan as Wally, paring knives in hand, came down the back steps with a smile wide as Christmas.

  The Boys Start the War

  Just when the Hatford brothers are expecting three boys to move into the house across the river where their best friends used to live, the Malloy girls arrive instead. Wally and his brothers decide to make Caroline and her sisters so miserable that they’ll want to go back to Ohio, but they haven’t counted on the ingenuity of the girls. From dead fish to dead bodies, floating cakes to floating heads, the pranks continue—first by the boys, then by the girls—until someone is taken prisoner!

  The Girls Get Even

  Still smarting from the boys’ latest trick, the girls are determined to get even. Caroline is thrilled to play the part of Goblin Queen in the school play, especially since Wally Hatford has to be her footman. The boys, however, have a creepy plan for Halloween night. They’re certain the girls will walk right into their trap. Little do the boys know what the Malloy sisters have in store.

  Boys Against Girls

  Abaguchie mania! Caroline Malloy shivers happily when her on-again, off-again enemy Wally Hatford tells her that the remains of a strange animal known as the abaguchie have been spotted in their area. Wally swears Caroline to secrecy and warns her not to search by herself. But Caroline will do anything to find the secret of the bones.

  The Girls Revenge

  Christmas is coming, but Carolitie Malloy and Wally Hatford aren’t singing carols around the tree. Instead, these sworn enemies must interview each other for the dreaded December class project. Caroline; as usual, has a trick up her sleeve that’s sure to shock Wally. In the meantime, Wally and his brothers find a way to spy on the Malloy girls at home. The girls vow to get revenge on those sneaky Hatfords with a trap the boys won’t soon forget.

  A Traitor Among the Boys

  The Hatford boys make a New Year’s resolution to treat the Malloy girls like sisters. But who says you can’t play tricks on sisters? The girls will need to stay one step ahead of the boys and are willing to pay big-time for advance information. Homemade cookies should be all it takes to make a traitor spill the beans. In the meantime, Caroline is delighted with her role in the town play. Don’t ask how Beth, Josh, and Wally get roped into it—just wait until showtime, when Caroline pulls her wildest stunt yet.

  A Spy Among the Girls

  Valentine’s Day is coming up, and love is in the air for Beth Malloy and Josh Hatford. When they’re spotted holding hands, Josh tells his teasing brothers that he’s simply spying on the girls to see what they’re plotting next. At the same time, Caroline Malloy, the family actress, decides she must know what it’s like to fall in love. Poor Wally Hatford is in for it when, she chooses him as the object of her affection!

  The Boys Return

  It’s spring break, and the only assignment Wally Hatford and Caroline Malloy have is to do something they’ve never done before. Wally’s sure that will be a cinch, because the mighty Benson brothers are coming. It will be nonstop action all the way. For starters, the nine Benson and Hatford boys plan to scare the three Malloy sisters silly by convincing them that their house is haunted. Meanwhile, everyone in town has heard that there’s a hungry cougar on the prowl. When the kids decide to take a break from their tricks and join forces to cat
ch the cougar, guess who gets stuck with the scariest job?

  The Girls Take Over

  The Hatford boys and the Malloy girls are ready to outdo each other again. Eddie is the first girl ever to try out for the school baseball team. Now she and Jake are vying for the same position, while Caroline and Wally compete to become class spelling champ. As if that’s not enough, the kids decide to race bottles down the rising Buckman River to see whose will travel farthest by the end of the month. Of course, neither team trusts the other, and when the girls go down to the river to capture the boys’ bottles, well… it looks as if those Malloy girls may be in over their heads this time!

  Boys in Control

  Wally Hatford always seems to get a raw deal. The rest of the family goes to the ball game, and he has to stay home to watch over a yard sale. Caroline Malloy writes a silly play for a school project, and he gets roped into costarring in it with her! Things are looking down, especially when the Malloy girls stumble across an embarrassing item from the boys’ past. But Wally finally gets his chance to turn the table on the girls’ scheme and prove who’s really in control. Boys rule!

  Girls Rule!

  The rivalry between the Malloy sisters and the Hatford boys is heating up! The kids have two weeks to earn money for a fund-raising contest. All those who collect twenty dollars or more for the new children’s wing at the hospital can be in the annual Strawberry Festival Parade or get lots of strawberry treats. The only place Caroline wants to be is on the Strawberry Queen’s float. How will she earn the money in time? Do the Hatfords have moneymaking secrets they’re not telling the girls?

  Boys Rock!

  Wally Hatford dreams of long lazy days far away from school and Caroline Malloy. But Wally, the best speller among the Hatford brothers, gets roped into helping them with a summer newspaper project that will earn the twins school credit. What does that get Wally? When he hears scratching noises coming from Oldakers’ bookstore cellar, Mr. Oldaker trusts him to keep a secret that could turn into a scoop for their newspaper. Wally worries that the secret may be too scary to keep to himself. What’s worse, the Malloy girls have homed in on the newspaper. If there’s one person Wally won’t spill his secret to, it’s nutty Caroline Malloy. No matter what it is!