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by Xavier Neal

“I didn't know she had a date,” Haven continues. “In fact she hasn't had a date since you two started...whatever this thing is you started. I thought it was kind of cute.”

  “So this dude just came out of nowhere?” My hand tosses itself in the air.

  “Yeah,” Haven weakly answers. “Doesn't make a lot of sense though. She seemed so happy when things finally got...sexual between you.”

  “Please don't say the word sexual,” Grim chimes in looking up at her, heat in his stare.

  “I won't cock block all night,” I clarify. “Just because I have to stop getting my dick touched doesn't mean you do.”

  Haven smirks and Grim shakes his head. “Don't encourage him to say shit like that.”

  “Oh don't be such a prude,” she replies and kisses the side of his face. He tries not to smile but does anyway. Her cell phone rings and she answers it. “Hello.” I feel a breath sucked out of me. “No Mandy. Why would Glove be here? Did something happen?” The pause is followed by Haven pressing her lips together. “No. I'll give you call if I hear anything.” And just like that she hangs up. She covered for me. Protected me. Had my side instead of her best friend's. Maybe it's because she knows in the end I'd do anything to protect her too. Even if she's not my girl. She's still part of the only family I've ever really had. “I'm gonna make you boys some dinner. You hungry?”

  My eyes look up to meet Grim's, sure he's gonna give me the signal to get the fuck out, yet I see the opposite. An invitation to return the favor of being a good friend when I need it.

  “For anything but Chicken Alfredo,” I laugh off my disbelief and raise my glass for another small sip. If I can't get drunk, the least I can do is try to paralyze the pain of rejection for the long run.

  19 Days Til the Wedding

  I tuck Khloe into bed and adjust the teddy bear in her grip. Seven days until I leave for boot camp. Seven days until I have to walk away from the only person I think has ever actually wanted me to stick around.

  My phone beeps indicating a text message received.

  Pulling it out, I glance down at it.

  Amber: You coming?

  With a smirk I prepare to walk out to head for her when Khloe whimpers in her sleep. Continuing to look at her, I watch as she struggles, against something in her dreams. My heart aches. I place a hand softly on her back and instantly she starts batting at it.

  “No! Don't! Don't touch me!”

  “Hey. Hey,” I whisper out. “It's just me Khlo'.”

  She wipes away her tears and tries to smile. “You're still here to save me.” I nod and she rests her head back down, eyes falling closed, like simply seeing me is enough to sleep easier. As my hand readjusts the blanket, I use the other to decline the invitation for a sure round of sex. She needs me. I can't leave someone who needs me like this. Not without knowing she's safe first.

  Groaning I scrub my face with my hand trying to shake off the memory of that nine year old little girl I left. The same little girl whose life is now in my hands once again in need of my protection. My rescuing. Maybe saving her will be my salvation.

  “Why are you on my couch?” Whiskey, Grim's father says sitting down with a cup coffee in hands. It's almost eerie how easy it is to see Grim in his features. “Don't you have your own couch?”

  “I do,” I grumble sitting up. “Sorry sir.”

  “No need for that.” He leans back in the seat, still in his Sheriff uniform. “Just wondering why you're on my couch instead of your own.”

  Mandy's beautiful face and short red dress pop back in my brain. I rub away that image. “Bad night.”

  “Is that why some of my whiskey is missing?”

  I smirk. “Yes sir.”

  “Work?”

  “Personal.”

  “Ah. Mandy,” he declares taking another drink of his coffee. “That one is trouble. I understand why that was your choice of aid.”

  “You don't know the half of it.”

  “I can imagine,” he comments. “All rough and tough on the outside, afraid to love on the inside. It doesn't take a detective to see the real fear isn't with letting other people in, it's with letting them stay. Because you believe you have to end something before it can end you.”

  Why am I so fucking stupid? Her sister warned me. Now Whiskey.

  “Giving out advice?” Grim says strolling across the room towards me where he drops down on the other end of the couch.

  “It's free with coffee.”

  He smirks at his father before he turns to me. “Whatever he says...listen. Trust me. I learned the hard way.”

  “You're done learning?” Whiskey says a little bit of skepticism in his voice.

  “Not until you're done teaching sir.”

  The comment makes him grin again and Grim states, “We need to go.”

  “Fuck, already? What is it like 7?”

  “Yeah,” he answers.

  “Why are you up already?”

  “Man of routine. Always am. Always have been. Now, let's go.” He stands.

  “Time for a shower?”

  “If you wanted a shower you should've taken your ass home last night. Now move.”

  On another long groan, I grab my shirt, mumbling to whiskey, “Has he always been this cheerful?”

  Whiskey doesn't hide his smirk. “You should see him when he wakes up on the wrong side.”

  I chuckle and Grim shoots me a look of disapproval. Quickly I toss my shoes on, only seconds before I'm out the door behind Grim.

  From the moment we arrive until 21 hundred, it is nonstop rigorous training. While the years of prior training and missions make it easier to endure the long stretch of grueling activities, exhaustion still occurs. Most likely from lack of sleep last night. I'm tempted to crash at HORN in one of the rooms for such times, but sleeping in my own bed is more enticing.

  After a drive in which I catch every red light, I'm stumbling into our apartment with Lordy slumping behind me.

  “I can't feel my feet.” He groans. “Do I still have two?”

  “Yeah.” I yank the keys out of the door. “And both are still left.”

  The joke gets a small chuckle out of both of us that's short lived at the vision of Mandy in our kitchen, the smell of something amazing in the air. My stomach clenches in starvation. There wasn't time to stop to eat today. Until this moment I probably would've been okay with that fact.

  “You guys are home later than I was expecting,” she softly exclaims, her eyes doing their best not to stare at me.

  “Training ran later than expected,” Lordy speaks up before elbowing me in the side. He doesn't know. If he did he would have a different attitude towards her. I didn't have time to tell him what happened nor did I feel like rehashing the nightmare. “That smells like heaven though. What is it?”

  “Chicken Parmesan.” Her face forms a clearly forced smile.

  Lordy drops his bag by the door and flops down at the kitchen table. Scooting forward in his chair he looks at me confused. “Aren't you gonna sit and eat?”

  “Not hungry,” I answer and walk past the kitchen for my bedroom.

  “Michael,” Mandy's voice calls out after me.

  Ignoring her I enter my bedroom and kick off my shoes.

  “Michael, can we talk?” She shyly says from the doorway.

  “Talk.” I shrug, pulling of my socks.

  “About last night--”

  “I don't need an explanation.” I rip my shirt over my head with my back to her exposing my Semper Fidelis tattoo that has the Marine symbol underneath.

  “But--”

  “No,” I cut her off again. “That's your business. What you did or didn't do with Jack isn't my concern.”

  “Michael--”

  “It's cool.” I unbuckle my belt and drop it on the bed beside my body still aimed away from her. “I should've called first. I just didn't realize I needed to.”

  “I--”

  “Look.” My body finally turns around to stare into the eyes th
at could wash away all the pain at the same time create a new level I didn't know was possible. “I need to grab a shower and crash. It's been a long couple of days. Lock the door when you leave.” Her mouth screws tightly and I head towards my bathroom, but stop. I turn around and add, “And from now on, don't worry about keeping up your end of the deal with meals and shit.”

  “But that's the agreement. Are you telling me you're backing out on me now?”

  “No.” I shake my head slowly. “Because I keep my word. Because I know you need me. Because I know you need me to save you from whatever humiliation you believe it is you would face from your family. I'll be there work permitting.”

  “Thank God,” she whispers.

  “But leave your key on the table. You won't be needing it.”

  “What about--”

  “Have a good night Mandy,” I coldly say and close my bathroom door behind me.

  The back of my head hits it. I bring my clenched fist to my lips afraid a sound of remorse is gonna croak out of me. Grim was right. I should've never fucking done this to our friendship. I should've never thought for a second I could really be a part of her life like that. This is my fault too. Another epic failure to add to the fucking list that doesn't seem to stop fucking growing.

  1 Day Til The Wedding

  For the past couple weeks all my attention has been poured into preparing for this rescue mission. For bringing Khloe home. I want to bring all of them home. Safe. Sound. Secure. I want to rescue all of them. I want the world to see I'm not just another meat head with a weapon. That I earned my way to where I am. That I can protect and serve. That I deserve to be standing next to the men I fight beside.

  “You're like a fucking machine at this shit,” Lordy whines sliding down the pillar in exhaustion. “I've never been more thankful to be behind a desk.”

  “Oh I'm good behind a desk, but better on top of it,” my playful remark receives me a half ass shoulder slug from Grim. “Damn it Grim! You know that could leave a bruise.”

  “If only.” He pulls off his gloves. ”I think I'm gonna go for another round in the pool. You two in?”

  “And you're like a fucking fish,” Lordy complains. “We were just there this morning.”

  “Skills need to be primed and perfect. The Face is gonna move those girls any day now and I want us coming out with all three. Understood?”

  Lordy nods and his eyes shoot to me. I nod too right before Jazz leans her frame over the balcony edge.

  “You Jackets are dismissed for the day,” she calls down to us.

  “Praise the lord,” Lordy mutters.

  “I suggest you get some rest gentleman,” her hand adjusts the folder in her hands.

  “Don't have to tell us twice!” He calls up to her. Jazz briefly smiles before strolling back the way she came, his eyes still planted on her backside.

  “Her ass is like a 7 dude. Not worth staring at like that.” He glares like I've pressed a nerve a little and I smile widely. “Would you care to take this debate to ass court?”

  “If I had any energy left in me I would threaten an ass whooping for being disrespectful.” He points at me.

  “That's why he does it,” Grim adds. “Because he can get away with it.”

  “What can I say? I like my shots like I like my women. Easy.”

  “Almost,” Lordy mutters and I swallow down the tension that grows from the comment. “Speaking of, isn't Mandy's sister getting married in a couple of days.”

  “Tomorrow.” I correct him. “I have to shower and head to the rehearsal dinner.”

  “How are things?” Grim carefully questions. “I need you to have a clear and focused mind. I need--”

  “I'll be fine.” My voice bites. “Nothing. I mean nothing, will stop me from doing my best with this mission.” Neither say another word. Frustrated in their lack of faith in my skills even after the weeks of me doing circles around them at training, I stalk off and head towards the parking garage to get the hell out of there while there's still time.

  **

  Freshly showered, shaved, and changed, I adjust my tie on the walk to the front door of the restaurant. Inside there's no reason to be taken to any particular section because Mandy's father has rented out the entire place. A man with a little too much money if you ask me.

  “Michael,” he states first to greet me.

  Respectively I shake his hand. “Sir.”

  “I was beginning to think you wouldn't make it.”

  “My training keeps me longer than expected at times sir. My apologies,” I offer.

  “No need for that.” He lifts his glass for a sip. “Respectable job. Respectable responsibilities.”

  “I appreciate the understanding sir,” I acknowledge just as Mandy walks over to me.

  “Michael,” the excited sound in her voice stirs something deep inside I'm trying to keep slumbering. “You're here.”

  “Of course baby.” The false smile on my face expands. “I'm sorry I'm late.”

  “I'll give you two a minute to say hello. Please don't take too long Mandy. You know your sister is already on her fourth glass of wine. Such a lush,” he mumbles taking another drink. “Would it kill her to act more like the wife she believes she's ready to become?”

  Mandy hides her snicker at her father's displeasure with her sister. He grumbles again walking away, leaving us alone.

  Once he's out of ear shot, her voice drops and snaps, “I've been calling you.”

  “My phones not allowed on at work.”

  “I don't mean just tonight.”

  She has been calling. Every day. At least twice a day. Daily text messages. All solid reminders of the friendship we once shared. The friendship I failed by crossing that line when the suffering in my subconscious swam its way into my conscious, becoming too unbearable. A million numbers I could've called. A million fucking places I could've turned. This is my fault this is ruined. I could've made a different choice.

  “Training is extensive at the moment.”

  “Admit it. You're avoiding my calls.”

  “I'm not hitting the ignore button.”

  She quickly scoffs, “That means you've seen me calling and not answered!”

  “I was busy.”

  “Doing what?”

  “Does it fucking matter?” I grumble in a low voice. “I am here for you now.”

  “That's not how a good friend acts.”

  “And I won't say I'm sorry for it,” I declare. Leaning forward to help keep the volume low I say, “Because the truth is when this is over, I don't wanna be friends any more Mandy.” Her jaw drops and I continue. “I can't be friends with someone I'm in love with. I can't promise you friendship again and fail when I wanna cross the line. So it'll just be easier that when this is over, so are we.”

  In a shaky voice she asks, “You're...you're in love with me?”

  “Since the first time you called me Michael.”

  “Let's go love birds. Time for dinner!” her mother calls us over.

  “On our way.” I wave with a huge smile. Using the same hand I offer it to her, “Shall we?”

  Mandy puts on the best fake smile she can and drops her hand in mine. The two us walk over and take our place at the round table that includes the rest of the wedding party. Upon sitting we're offered drinks and appetizers. Doctor Boring starts on stories that clearly bore his own blushing bride by the way her attention drifts every direction except on him. Somewhere in the middle of the entree the conversation trickles our direction.

  “Is it safe to believe that I'll have another wedding to attend within the coming years?” Donald questions cutting his steak.

  Mandy nearly chokes on her own, so I answer. “I wouldn't say that sir.”

  “You can call him Donald,” Melissa's future husband inserts.

  “I could, but I prefer to maintain a certain level of respect towards a man who deserves it,” my words make Donald smile with what looks like pride.

  “Why wo
uld you not say that?” Her father asks. “You don't wanna marry my daughter? Don't see yourself together long term?”

  “Father,” Mandy snaps.

  “What?” He tosses a hand in the air. “I have the right to know if you're just something he is doing to pass the time, though with your track record I will say I'm not surprised if the shoe is finally on the other foot.”

  “With all due respect sir, I would never consider your daughter something to do to pass the time with,” I declare sharply. “I love your daughter more than I love myself. Spending a life time by her side would be the biggest blessing I could have, but it's not my place to rush such a thing as a wedding. When the time is right, if the time is right,” I correct myself. “Then it'll happen. In the mean time I'll continue to count every moment with her in my life as the happiest I've had yet.” On that note I stand. “If you'll excuse me. I have to use the restroom.”

  Walking away from the table, I allow a waitress to direct me to the bathroom where I shut myself in. Quickly I splash my face with cold water. That was a stupid thing to do. To confess. But honestly? I feel better knowing it's been said. That I don't have to die with the regret of never fully confessing to her how I feel. Drying my face and hands I take a few calming breaths to get my head on straight before I exit. On the other side of the door Mandy is leaned against the wall, arms folded tight across her chest.

  In a displeased whisper she bites, “What the fuck was that?”

  “What now?” I grunt back. “What could I have possibly done to piss you off? Pee? You don't want me to fucking piss without calling you first?”

  “Michael--”

  “Stop saying my goddamn name,” I command.

  “Why?”

  “Just because.”

  “Because what?”

  “Look, you asked me to be here. I'm here. You asked me to pretend to be your boyfriend. I am. I've done everything you've asked of me. I'm asking you to do one fucking thing. Can you just do it?”

  “Why did you say that shit at the dinner table? Trying to guilt me into feeling worse?”

  My heart thumps hard against my chest at her admission. I push past it.