Find You in the Dark

by A. Meredith Walters

  I was more than a little disappointed. I felt like I was just starting to understand him a little bit and then he had to go and throw the wall back up. But before I could pout or get in a huff, Clay pulled me by my ankle back into the water, starting our water fight all over again. And after a few moments of his playfulness, I had forgotten why I was irritated.

  We must have been there for awhile, because I suddenly realized it was getting dark and the air had started to cool. Without thinking about the fact that I was only in my bra and underwear, I got out of the water and went to my cell phone, where I had left it on a tree stump. “Crap, it's 6:30. I've got to get home.”

  Now that I was out of the water, I was freezing. And like idiots, we didn't have towels. I heard Clay get out of the water. I didn't want to look at him, feeling suddenly embarrassed by the fact that I was practically naked in front of him. I gathered my clothes and held them to my chest.

  Suddenly, I felt Clay's hands on my arms, as he rubbed them up and down to try and generate some warmth. I turned around and looked up at him. Something flashed in his eyes and I felt like there was a definite moment going on. We had been slowly building toward this all day and I knew that something was about to happen.

  He moved toward me and his hands stopped, but stayed on my bare skin. Slowly, he pushed my wet bangs out of my face and looked at me with the most intense expression I had ever seen. I felt rooted to the spot, thinking only of how close our bodies were. He wanted to kiss me. I could tell. His eyes fell to my mouth as I nervously licked my lips.

  His expression seemed to heat up and he ran the ball of his thumb along the curve of my bottom lip. The pull between us was tightening and I felt sucked into his orbit.

  Then my phone rang.

  Talk about a mood kill.

  “Sorry.” I murmured, looking down at the display and seeing my mom's number. I hurriedly answered it. “Hey, Mom.” I looked at Clay, but he had moved away and was putting on his jeans. “Where are you, Maggie? We've had dinner waiting for almost forty-five minutes.”

  I couldn't help but stare as Clay pulled his shirt over his head, his stomach muscles taut. My mouth went dry and i had a hard time swallowing. “Maggie!” My mom said tersely on the other end and I realized I hadn't answered her. “Sorry, Mom. I met up with a friend. I have to get my car from the school and then I'll be home.” I told her. I prayed my mom would be cool and save the thousand questions for when I got home.

  No such luck. “Friend? What friend?” She asked. I walked a bit away and dropped my voice. “Clay Reed. I was just showing him around town.” I said quietly into the phone. I heard my mom tapping her fingers on something on the other end. Great, she was pissed. “I don't like the idea of you out with some boy we don't know. I'd like to meet him. Particularly if you're going to be going out with him.”

  I tried to not groan into the phone. “We're just friends, Mom. Not a big deal.” I tried placating. Well, my mom wasn't having it. “Well, regardless. You know how we feel about you getting into cars with boys we don't know. I want to meet him.” She was going to be unyielding about this. Just fan-fucking-tastic.

  “Fine.” I said curtly. I heard my mom sigh. She knew she had made me mad. “We just worry. It's a scary, scary world out there for a girl.” I didn't say anything. “Just get home. But be safe. We'll talk when you get here.” My mom said and then hung up.

  I turned around and saw Clay standing there, looking at me. “Your mom?” He asked. I nodded and realized I was still in my bra and panties. If my mom could see me now, she'd have a heart attack. I tried to discreetly slide into my skirt and I noticed Clay respectfully look away.

  After I was dressed he and I walked back to his car. I rang my hair out but shivered as water made it's way down my back. Clay reached over and pulled my heavy, wet hair over my shoulder, his fingers skimming the back of my neck.

  “Was she mad you weren't home yet?” He asked after we had gotten in and were backing out of the field. “She's just majorly over protective.” I said, watching him change the gears on the gear shift. There was something seriously sexy about his hands.

  “Understandable. I'd be over protective too if you were my daughter.” He smirked at me and I smirked back. Okay, how to broach the subject that they wanted to meet him, without sounding incredibly lame?

  “Well, um, Clay. They sort of want to meet you.” Clay cocked his eyebrow and gave me a quick look. “Okay.” He said slowly. I hurried on. “It's just they're weird about me being in cars with guys. And I told her we're just friends, but she still wants to meet you and I promise you it'll be cool. It's just that they want to make sure you're not a serial killer or anything.” I was rambling to try and cover my complete mortification.

  Clay reached over and squeezed the hand that sat clenched in my lap. “Mags. It's okay. I understand. I want them to be cool with us hanging out. I'll meet them.” He assured me. I let out a breath and sighed with relief. He made me feel like less of a tool, and I appreciated that.

  “Thanks.” I said quietly. Clay smiled. “No, thank you, Maggie. For today. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun.” I felt warm at his compliment. He took a deep breath. “The last few months have been really tough and sometimes I forget that it's okay to let loose and just live life, you know. I have a feeling, you'll be really good for me.” The look he gave me made me tingle to my toes.

  “I hope so.” I said. Clay gave me a coy smile. “Oh, I know so.” He replied.

  Chapter Five

  If I could have cut off my legs, I would have. Every muscle from the waist down ached and I couldn't suppress the groan as I sat down at my usual lunch table. Rachel looked up from her phone and tried to hide the smile on her face.

  “What?” I growled, slowly swinging my legs around as I situated myself oh, so carefully. Rachel spooned some pudding into her mouth and shook her head. “Nothing.” She mumbled around her food. I glared at her. Daniel wasn't so discrete. “Why are you moving like an old lady, Mags? You look ridiculous.” I picked up a potato chip and chucked it at him.

  “Coach Kline made me run this morning because I didn't show up for practice a couple of days this week. He was kind of pissed.” I leaned down and rubbed my calf muscles, trying to alleviate the burning sensation.

  I understood why Coach was mad. I was his star runner and I had disappointed him. We had our first meet coming up on Friday and I had blown off practice three times this week. I felt guilty for shirking on my responsibility. But, I couldn't regret using the time to get to know Clay instead.

  We had gone “exploring” a few more times. We had gone hiking at Crooked Run National Park, played mini golf in Warminster and seen a movie at the IMAX theater in Charlottesville. I loved spending time with Clay. For the first time, my life felt interesting, exhilarating even.

  I found myself doing things and trying things that I never would have done before. Like eating Thai food and watching a foreign movie with subtitles. Okay, that may not seem like a lot...but I would never have thought to do any of that stuff until Clay came along.

  “You blew off practice? Seriously?” Daniel asked incredulously. Rachel looked out the window behind her. “Is it snowing?” She asked in mock surprise. “Hardee, har, har, you two.” I got what they were saying. Me doing something outside of my norm was unheard of. I went along, doing my thing, not deviating. Which is why until three weeks ago, I was hopelessly and utterly bored.

  Now...well, I looked forward to getting out of bed.

  “Where the heck have you been slinking off to then?” Daniel seemed really confused by this. I understood his surprise. Typically if I wasn't at a) school, or b) home, I was with he and Rachel. Me developing a life outside of them was just weird. Like the earth had been thrown off of it's axis.

  “Well, I...” I started, but was cut off by a voice behind me. “Mind if I sit with you guys?” I turned around- (very carefully of course, sore muscles here-) and saw Clay standing there with his lunch tray. He gav
e me a small smile, his eyes flicking to Rachel and Daniel.

  This was the first time I had seen him in the cafeteria since the Paul Delawder incident. I quickly looked at my friends. Rachel had her mouth hanging open and Daniel was frowning. Neither of them spoke. Geesh. Rude much?

  I pulled out the chair beside me. “Have a seat.” Clay sat down and put his tray on the table. He looked at me. Just like every time our eyes met, I felt my face flush. I swallowed and then turned to Rachel and Daniel. “Rachel, Daniel, this is Clay. Clay these are my friends Rachel Bradfield and Daniel Lowe.” Clay gave them a shy smile. “Hey.”

  Neither of my friends said anything. They seemed to be a bit taken aback by Clay's appearance at our table. How humiliating! “Say hi, you two. Or he'll think you never learned to talk.” I rolled my eyes and Clay smiled tightly. I could tell he was uncomfortable.

  Rachel blinked rapidly, the way she did when she was caught doing something embarrassing. “Sorry, Clay. Nice to meet you.” She gave him an overly bright smile. I frowned at her and silently communicated to her to stop trying so hard. Daniel looked at Clay almost as though he were examining him. “Hey.” He replied back.

  Okay, well it looked as though Daniel would be a hard sell. He was so territorial sometimes. Clay cleared his throat and started eating his lunch. The vibe around our table became really tense. “So, how's your day so far?” I asked Clay, trying to cut through the thickening silence. Clay shrugged, not looking at me. “Just another day.” He said before returning to his lunch.

  Wow, this was getting bad and fast. If he didn't want to talk, why the hell did he sit down? Of course it didn't help that Daniel was watching him while he ate. I shot daggers at my best friends, urging them with my eyes, to snap out of it.

  Rachel sat up straighter and opened her eyes dramatically at me. “Sorry” she mouthed. I pointedly looked at Clay, who was shoveling salisbury steak into his mouth. “So, Clay. Did you finish that assignment for Creative Writing? I'm having a hell of time writing my short story. I think I got a whole paragraph before I gave up.” Rachel said, laughing in that really fake way of hers. At least she was trying.

  Clay shrugged again. Was that his only reply? He was being really rude. Not at all like the Clay I had come to know over the last week. I felt a knot in my stomach by his attitude. He was so rigid in his seat as though he wanted to be anywhere but at our table. I just didn't get what he was trying to do? I mean, he was the one who had approached us. But now, he looked as though he couldn't be finished with his food fast enough.

  Was it me? Had I done something wrong? Should I have been more vocal to my friends when they were being so weird towards him? Why was I obsessing over what I did? But did I do something?

  Then after a few minutes of complete silence, Clay stood up. I looked up at him in surprise. What the heck was going on?

  He finally looked down at me and I saw his face soften a bit. “Thanks for letting me sit with you. I'll see you later.” He gave me a half smile and then turned around and left.

  “What the fuck was that?” Daniel asked after Clay had left. I was still watching him make his way through the cafeteria, his shoulders slumped over and his head down. I had no idea how to answer Daniel's question. Because I don't know what that was.

  “Maybe he's just shy.” Rachel volunteered. Daniel snorted. “Or a whack job. He has that whole school shooter thing going on, you know?” Okay, that made me lose it. “You don't even know him, Daniel! So stop being so god damn judgmental! Maybe he was acting strange because you were being an ass! Did you ever think about that?” My voice was loud and I had to struggle to calm myself down.

  Daniel looked at me like I had grown a second head. I never yelled at him. Ever. “What is your problem, Mags?” He asked me. “Ugg!” I gathered up my trash. “My problem is that Clay is my friend. And you are my friend. So you need to start learning to get along with him. And maybe next time engage in a little conversation. Show people you have more than the social skills of a fucking first grader!”

  “Maggie! Chill out!” Rachel urged, trying to smooth over the situation that had started to escalate. I just shook my head and got up to leave. Forgetting that I was really sore, I groaned as I moved too quickly.

  Rachel was on her feet and moved to stop me from leaving. “We're sorry okay? We didn't mean to make him feel uncomfortable. The whole thing just threw us all right?” She was using the placating tone she usually reserved for Daniel.

  What was my problem? Why was I so upset with them? It wasn't like me to fly off the handle like that. I needed to get myself in check.

  Sighing, I gave Rachel a quick hug. “I know. Thanks. But I better go catch up with Clay, make sure he's cool.” I gave my friends a smile and took off out of the cafeteria.

  Looking down the hallway, I saw Clay at the other end. “Clay!” I called out, moving quickly toward him. He didn't turn around. Did he not hear me, or was he ignoring me?

  I caught up with him and grabbed his arm to stop him from walking. I felt his muscles tense under my arm. I moved so that I was standing in front of him. His jaw was clenched and he wouldn't look at me. “Why did you leave so quickly?” I asked him. He shrugged (I was starting to really hate it when he did that-). “Didn't really want to hang out with people who didn't want to hang out with me.” He said coldly as he stepped around me to move down the hallway.

  “Hold on a sec, Clay. You're being ridiculous.” I let out an incredulous laugh. Okay, so maybe my friends were less than welcoming at first. But I thought his reaction to the whole thing was a bit over the top.

  The look Clay leveled at me froze my blood. Clearly, he didn't think he was being ridiculous. Without saying another word, he left me standing alone in the hallway. This time, I didn't go after him. There was only so much rejection a gal can take.

  I stomped back to my locker, throwing the door open so that it bounced off the metal behind it. “Seeing as you're in a seriously shitty mood, I'm assuming lover boy was still an ass when you chased him down like a love sick puppy?” Daniel snarked, leaning on the locker beside me.

  I yanked my books for the afternoon from the top shelf and glared at my friend. “What is your problem with him anyway, Daniel? It's not like you to be such a dick to someone you don't even know.” I couldn't help the hurt that bled through my voice. I tried to stay indignant and self-righteous but I could hear the vulnerability in my words.

  Daniel softened immediately and put a hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly. “Sorry, Mags. I know you want to be friends with this dude. But there's just something about him that rubs me the wrong way. But I'll put on the happy face, just for you.” I smiled at him and leaned in to give him a hug. Daniel patted my back awkwardly, unaccustomed to such a show of affection from me.

  He pulled back and looked at me, a strange look on his face. “What?” I asked him, frowning. Daniel only shook his head. “You really like this guy? I mean really?” He seemed to be in a state of disbelief. Why was that such a strange concept for Daniel to get?

  “Yeah, Danny. I really, really like him.” I couldn't help my dreamy tone and I tried to ignore the eye roll Daniel gave me. “Why? He has the personality of a rock. I don't get it.” Daniel seemed genuinely perplexed. And I guess I didn't blame him. It wasn't as though he had seen the Clay that I did. The Clay that made me forget everyone and everything else.

  “No he doesn't. He's a lot of fun. I can talk to him about stuff that I can't talk about with anyone else. He has this crazy spontaneous side that makes everything we do so fun. He's cute and smart and...” Daniel held up his hand.

  “Okay, enough already. I think I vomited in my mouth a little. Whatever. Just be careful. I worry is all.” It was my turn to roll my eyes. How many times had I told him the exact same thing when it came to Kylie or some other girl he was drooling over. I thought of anyone, he would understand how I was feeling.

  Maybe not.

  “And I'll be nice. For your sake. But that doesn't mean I tru
st him...or like him.” Daniel gave me a hard look and I tried not to yell at him again. I wanted to shake my best friend.

  Not wanting to start another argument, I opted to stay silent. With a smile thrown in his direction, I left Danny and headed to class.

  I hated to admit that I looked for Clay all day but he successfully avoided me. Had I unwittingly ruined our friendship? Was I trying too hard to hold onto something that had barely begun? I was the worst kind of pathetic. I should be focused on kicking ass in my last year of school. Thinking of where I'll go to college. Working my butt off to get the cross country team to state. I had a million and one other things going on in my life but the only thing I could think about was him.

  Clay fucking Reed.

  He had royally screwed up my head in the month I'd known him. And I couldn't even claim to know him that well. I had really thought we had the beginnings of something. But, I'd be damned if I would invest energy into something that wasn't reciprocated.

  I had worked myself up into a ball of determination. I would not allow myself to obsess over some boy. I was better than that. I had more going for me than being some stupid girl who fixated on whether a guy would give her the time a day. That was not the person I was.

  My internal monologue had me fired up. I could practically hear my own personal soundtrack. I hummed a tune with an angry beat the whole way to my locker. I was feeling strong and untouchable.

  And then a piece of paper fluttered to my feet. It had been shoved between the slats of my locker and had fallen out when I opened it. Probably some stupid flyer for the pep rally. I started to ball it up and throw it away when my name caught my eye.

  Maggie.

  The handwriting wasn't familiar to me but somehow I knew it was from him. So, just like that, all my new found strength went straight to hell.