Find You in the Dark

by A. Meredith Walters

  Clare and I glanced at each other. “Rach,” I began just as the door to the gazebo swung open bringing with it a gust of frigid air and three barely clothed teenage boys. “God damn, it's freezing.” Raymond latched the gazebo door behind them, as he, Daniel, and Clay scurried inside.

  “Ahhh.” Daniel sighed as he lowered himself into the jacuzzi. “Move over, Clare.” Daniel elbowed the petite girl out of the way as he situated himself over one of the jets. The water sloshed as Raymond and Clay followed Danny into the water.

  “I'm heading inside. I'll see you guys in a bit.” Rachel said cooly, letting herself out. Daniel frowned. “Was it something I said?” He asked, looking confused. I gave him a look, then shrugged. “She's just tired. Leave her be.” I told him. Daniel looked bothered by Rachel's sudden exit, but didn't say anything more about it.

  “Hey you.” I said, as Clay slid his hand up my naked thigh. Clay leaned over and gave me a lingering kiss on the mouth. “Hey, miss me?” His eyes hazed over as he looked down at me in my bathing suit. His eyes roamed over my barely covered chest.

  “Always.” I answered him. He kissed my shoulder and stretched his legs out in front of him. “Can we move in, Clay? I don't think I ever want to leave.” Clare moaned as she sank deeper into the warm water. “Yeah man, this is unbelievable. Thanks so much for letting us come.” Daniel added sincerely.

  Obviously the guy time had done wonders to change Daniel's attitude toward Clay. They seemed almost civil. It was a relief to see. “I'm glad you guys are here.” Clay said genuinely. I felt a warmth spread through my body that had nothing to do with the water. I could almost see those separated parts of my life slowly coming together. Finally!

  Ray suddenly shoved his girlfriend under the water. Clare came back up to the surface sputtering and wiping her eyes. “You are such an asshole, Ray!” She yelled, splashing him in the face. The two of them, followed by Daniel, started slopping water all over the place as they splashed each other.

  After getting a face full of water, I decided it was time for me to go. “Okay, I'm out.” I said, getting out of the jacuzzi. Clay was right behind me. “We're heading back to the house. Just turn off the pump when you guys are done.” Clay told the others before we left. I shoved my arms through my robe as Clay threw on his jacket. He took my hand. “Ready? On the count of three, lets make a run for it.” He put his hand on the door knob. “One. Two. Three!” He pushed open the gazebo door and we ran as fast as we could to the cabin.

  It had started to snow and it fell in pretty little tufts, landing in my hair and eyelashes as we tried to get back into the warmth. “Hurry, Mags!” Clay laughed, holding the kitchen door open. I sprinted through and Clay slammed the door closed behind us. I was out of breath and I had a stitch in my side but I couldn't get the silly smile off of my face.

  My hair felt like it had frozen solid. “Ugh. I need a shower to warm up. I'm an icicle.” I tightened the sash of my robe, still shivering even in the warmth of the cabin. “I'm heading upstairs to change. I'll be back in a minute.” I said to Clay as he sat down on the coach, flipping on ESPN. “Okay, baby.” He called to me as I left the room.

  Upstairs, I located the shower tucked behind a Japanese screen in the corner of the room. I was a little hesitant to strip naked when I realized that again, I was surrounded by windows. But I supposed no one could see me from this high up, so I finally jumped into the warm spray.

  After dressing in a pair of dark jeans and my new gray cashmere sweater that belted across the front, I dried my long brown hair and clipped it back away from face. Taking the time to put on a little makeup, I was actually pleased with the way I looked. Dare I say, I looked pretty? I wanted tonight to be perfect. I just hoped it would be.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Clay had come in just as I was finishing up. “Aww. You're already dressed.” He pouted, pulling me up against him. “Get away!” I squealed as his damp swimming trunks left wet marks on my jeans. He gave me a loud smack with his lips and rooted through his bag to find a dry pair of clothes. “I'm gonna get a shower too. Daniel, Ray, and Clare just came in.” “Have you seen Rachel?” I asked as he moved toward the shower.

  Clay shook his head. “No, I'm guessing she's back in her room. She all right?” He asked. “I'm not sure.” I answered truthfully. Clay came back over and wrapped me in a warm hug, kissing the top of my head. “I'll be down in a sec.” He said, leaving me for the shower.

  I joined the others downstairs. Clare was still wrapped up in her towel, sitting at the island while Daniel made her some sort of drink. “Whatcha doin'?” I asked as Daniel poured cranberry juice into the glass and garnished it with a lemon slice. “Clay said we could get into the liquor. So I'm making Clare here a cranberry splash. Cranberry juice, vodka, and a splash of club soda. You want one?”

  My stomach clenched up. I did not think it was a good idea for Clay to be around people drinking, given his history. I shook my head. “Just take it easy guys. We're here to have a good time, not get loaded and throw up all night.” I warned. Daniel rolled his eyes at me. “When did you become the party Nazi?” He joked, handing the drink to Clare. She took a drink and made a face. “Jeesh Danny. How much vodka did you put in here?” She sniffed the glass.

  Daniel shrugged. “Enough. Now, just drink up.” He turned to make himself his own drink. I had a bad feeling about this. I wanted to find Rachel. I was worried about her. I headed down the hallway toward the bedroom she would be sharing with Daniel.

  I tentatively knocked on the door. I heard a muffled, “come in.” I opened the door to find Rachel sitting on the bed, painting her toenails. I'll admit, I had expected Rachel to be curled into a ball, moping. So, seeing her doing something as mundane as giving herself a pedicure was a nice surprise.

  “Hey.” I said, plopping down beside her. “Hey.” She said back, not looking up. “Cool color.” I commented, watching her coat her nails a fire engine red. Rachel wiggled her toes. “Yeah, they'll look awesome with my strappy, red dress.”

  Rachel put the cap back on the nail polish and put it on the bedside table before stretching out her legs, waiting for the her toes to dry. I lay down on the bed and pulled a pillow to put under my head. “Why are you hiding in here?” I asked her point blankly.

  Rachel leaned over to blow on her nails. “I'm not hiding.” I looked at her archly. Who was she kidding? “Okay, so maybe I'm hiding. I just can't deal with his bullshit. Everything he says and does right now, just pisses me off. He doesn't even mean to hurt me, which makes it all that much worse. I know I'm being a moody bitch. Just let me have my PMS moment in peace, please. I promise to put on the shiny, happy later. But now, I feel like brooding.” Rachel got up and hobbled over to the bathroom, making sure she didn't mess up her toenails.

  “Fine. But I'm holding you to the whole shiny, happy thing. Because the gloomy, emo show your putting on seriously sucks.” I stuck my tongue out at her as she closed the door. But I was happy to see her small smile before she shut me out.

  I left the room and went back out into the living room. “So is her majesty going to deign us with her presence?” Daniel asked as I sat down beside Clay on the sofa. “Shut up, Daniel! If you weren't such a self- centered prick, you'd figure out your 99% of her problem.” I barked. That shut Danny up. Ray snickered from across the room and Clare's eyes widened at my outburst.

  “Cool your heels, baby.” Clay said, rubbing my arm. I sank into his touch, wanting to ignore the inevitable drama between my two best friends. When did things get so complicated? I hated this weirdness that existed between Rachel and Daniel. Even worse, I was focusing on their shit and not what was happening between my boyfriend and me.

  Rachel came out of the bedroom a short time later. “Check out the snow.” She said, pointing at the window. The snow had picked up considerably since we had come inside and a half an inch of white now lay on the ground. “Oh, I hope we get stuck here!” Clare clapped her hands in excitement.

  �
��Yeah.” I said halfheartedly. That little scenario wouldn't be so great for me, considering my parents had no idea where I really was. I watched the flakes fall from the sky. Clay's arm rested warmly over my shoulders and I rested my head on his shoulder. For that one moment in time, everything was how I wanted it to be.

  I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew Clay was nudging me awake. “Hey, sleepy head. Time to get up. We need to start getting dinner together.” He whispered in my ear, kissing it gently, sending shivers down my spine.

  I stretched and tried to burrow back down into the couch cushions. “No, I want to sleep.” I complained, closing my eyes again. “Get up, Mags!” Daniel shouted, before jumping on top of me. He tickled my sides until I was gasping for breath. “I'm up, I'm up!” I screeched, smacking his hands away. I shoved Daniel off of me and stood up.

  I met Clay's eyes as he watched me. His face was dark and I shivered involuntarily. I didn't like what I saw. There's no way he could be jealous of Daniel. That was just ridiculous. But looking at him and how pissed off he seemed, I knew that's exactly how he was feeling.

  I crossed the room to where Clay was standing at the island. I slid my arms around his waist. “Hey, you.” I said softly, kissing his back through his t-shirt. I tried to let him know through body language alone that there was no one else I wanted.

  “I've gotta get dinner ready. So just back off, alright.” Clay lifted my arms from around his middle and moved away from me. Wow, that hurt. “Clay...”I began but realized he wasn't listening to me. He had moved over to where Rachel was chopping vegetables. I watched as he began to laugh at something she said. He helped her get the salad together, completely ignoring me.

  Rachel met my eyes in confusion over Clay's sudden chattiness. I gave her a small smile and turned away. If he wanted to pretend I wasn't there, then fine. I'd go in the other fucking room. Screw this!

  I grabbed a beer from the fridge and popped the top angrily. Throwing the bottle back, I drank half its contents in one gulp. I went back into the living room to sit with Clare, who was watching Desperate Housewives.

  Dinner was awkward. The food was fantastic but I couldn't eat any of it due to the huge lump that had taken up residence in my stomach. Daniel sat beside me as Clay brought in the platter of steaks. Seeing this, Clay dropped the plate on the table and walked around so that he was sat on the opposite end of the table from me.

  He wouldn't look at me the entire time we ate. He laughed loudly with Ray and even flirted with Clare- (which I thought was totally inappropriate-). But it was as though I didn't exist. “Problems in paradise?” Daniel asked between bites of salad.

  I gave him a withering look and otherwise ignored the goad. Rachel sat across from me and gave me worried looks throughout dinner. This is not how I envisioned this evening would pan out. Rachel and Daniel were barely talking and Clay was refusing to acknowledge me. Could it get much worse?

  After we finished, I decided to take the bull by the horns and deal with the ice that had formed between Clay and I. I grabbed a bunch of plates and followed Clay into the kitchen, where he began to load the dishwasher.

  I dropped the dishes on the counter and pulled Clay by the arm. “Look at me!” I said loudly, trying to get his attention. He tried to shake me off but I wouldn't be swayed. “Damn it, Clay! Just tell me what I've done to deserve the silent treatment!” I hated how wobbly my voice sounded. Clay must have heard it too because he finally looked at me.

  Seeing how hurt I was he sighed and the coldness melted away from his face. “It's nothing, Mags. I don't know. I'm just being irrational again.” Clay filled the sink with water and started scrubbing the pans, apparently trying to avoid the conversation.

  I dipped my hands into the soapy water and took his hands in mine. I felt his fingers curl around to hold me. “I don't understand. I'm not a mind reader, Clay. You have to help me out a little here.” I implored, dropping my forehead to his chest. Clay wrapped his arms around me, his wet hands gripping my back.

  “Please, can we just forget about it. It's nothing.” He sounded tired and I wanted to push him. But I knew instinctively that it would only make things worse. So I went against my better judgment and let the matter drop. I decided moving back into denial land was my best option.

  I went up on my tip toes, placing a kiss on Clay's mouth. “I love you. You know that right?” Clay gave me a weak smile. “Sure.” He said, turning back to the dishes in the sink. He didn't say anything else to me. I stood beside him another moment, then left the kitchen. His arctic blast following me into the living room.

  Ray was yelling at the television as he and Daniel played some sort of shooting game on the X-box. Clare was drinking yet another alcohol laden concoction and Rachel was curled up under a blanket. I plopped down beside Rachel. “So, what do you guys want to do?”

  “Strip poker?” Ray asked, his eyes lighting up. Clare threw a pillow at him. “Shut up, perv!” She yelled at him. The rest of us laughed. Clay came in the room and sat down beside Clare. Could he make it any more obvious he was giving me the brush off?

  “There are a bunch of board games in the cabinet over there. We could play one of them.” He suggested. “That sounds like fun, come help me find something.” Clare said, jumping off the couch and pulling Clay by the hand.

  I tried to subdue the jealousy that ripped through me. This was Clare! My friend! Her boyfriend was only three feet away. There was no reason to feel weird about their interaction. But watching Clay standing so close to another girl made me want to rip the hair out of my “friend's” head.

  But instead of going all territorial, I decided instead to stay where I was, marinating in my ugly emotions. Clay and Clare agreed on Trivial Pursuit. After Ray and Daniel finished with the X-Box, we set up the game on the coffee table. We decided to play boys against girls but with a twist. Ray and Daniel wanted to turn it into a drinking game. So for every wrong answer, that team had to take a drink.

  I was nervous about this. I looked at Clay, to make sure he was okay with it. He looked at me defiantly and took a drink of beer. He seemed to be making a point. Whatever, I wasn't going to nag at him about it. If he wanted to act like an idiot, so be it.

  After a few turns, it became obvious that Clay was dominating the game. My worries about him drinking were unfounded because he missed very few questions. “What is the fastest swimming marine mammal?” Rachel asked. “The Killer Whale.” Clay answered without hesitation. Rachel threw the card at him. “Have you memorized these cards or something? There is no way you know that much useless knowledge!” She gripped. Clay laughed. “Let's just say I used to have a lot of time on my hands and all I did was read.” He admitted, handing the card back to her.

  I answered my fair share of questions and Clay's frostiness had lessened considerably as the game wound down. “How many Rocky movies were made by 1990?” Clay asked when it was our turn. “Oh! I know this one! There were five movies.” I said, grinning because I knew I was right. Clay turned over the card. “Yep, the answer is five. See, I'm not the only one with a head full of useless knowledge. Nicely done, baby.” He smiled at me, handing me the pink wedge for our wheel.

  My body buzzed when his fingers brushed mine to hand me the game piece. Our eyes locked and I felt like maybe he was finally over our earlier misunderstanding. I hated to admit that I was getting very, very drunk. Clare and Rachel were giggling beside me and Ray was all but passed out on the couch.

  After a few more rounds, the boys declared victory and us girls had to down the rest of our drinks. My head felt fuzzy and Rachel was laughing about nothing in particular. After that, we decided to play Scategories. Daniel and Rachel decided to team up for this one. Ray and Clare were on another team, leaving Clay and I together.

  Suddenly, Daniel's phone began to ring. He looked down at the screen and got up quickly to answer it. “Hello?” He said quietly, leaving the room. “Who was that?” I asked. “I bet it was Kylie. She's been calling hi
m all day.” Ray said nonchalantly, waking up a bit so he could get his hands up Clare's shirt.

  “Kylie? I thought they were broken up.” Rachel said quietly. “Yeah, they are, but that didn't stop them from hooking up last week. I think she just wants another go.” Ray could be such a pig. Clare smacked her boyfriend. “Shut up, Ray!” She hissed at him.

  Rachel looked at me and I knew she was hurt. “See, Mags. This is why I won't ever say or do anything. Because she will always be in the picture.” Rachel threw down the cards in her hand and got to her feet a little unsteadily.

  Daniel came back into the room just then and looked at Rachel in confusion. “Where are you going? We've got a game to win.” He had tucked his phone back into his pocket. Rachel was wobbling on her feet, the alcohol making itself known. “You know what, Daniel. I'm fucking done.” I got to my feet, ready to intervene.

  “Come on, Rachel. Maybe it's just time to go to bed.” I said quietly, moving to stand beside her. I took her arm and tried to lead her away but Daniel stopped us. “No, Maggie. Let her say what she wants to say. Obviously I've pissed her off, again.” He spit out nastily. We were all wasted, this was not going to end up well.

  Rachel's face turned red. “Damn straight you pissed me off! I'm so sick of watching you go back and forth with that skank!” She shrieked. Clay had come up on Rachel's other side and the two of us were trying to lead her down the hallway.

  She yanked her arms away from our grasp and turned back to Daniel. Danny looked livid. “What the hell is it to you?” He growled, moving toward Rachel. I put my hand on Daniel's chest. “Back off, Danny. You know how she gets when she drinks. Just let her sleep it off.” I implored.

  I looked over to Ray and Clare, hoping for some more help, but they had passed out.