Find You in the Dark

by A. Meredith Walters

  Clay and I broke apart as I gathered my messenger bag and tray. Last thing I needed was for Mr. Kane to call my parents because I couldn't keep my hands off of my boyfriend at school. That would make them love him even more. “No, sir. We're sorry.” I stuttered, unable to look at the administrator. I could hear Daniel and Rachel trying to keep from laughing as Mr. Kane walked away, off to find other teens to terrorize.

  “Well, that was just freaking great.” I got up and went to dump my tray, my face stinging with mortification. Clay came up behind me. “Don't get so worked up, Mags. What's the big deal?” Clay was laughing and it irritated the hell out of me. “Well, I don't like getting called out by our the vice principal for making out with my boyfriend alright? It's embarrassing. I don't need to give my parents any more ammunition right now.” Clay tried to grab me by the waist to pull me close again. I shoved him back. “Stop it, Clay. Give it a rest. I don't want to get into trouble.”

  Clay's face turned dark. “Fine. I'll see you after school.” And with that he turned and left the cafeteria. I sighed and didn't bother to call after him, feeling zapped of all my energy.

  Clay was at my locker after school, wearing an expression of contrition that I was becoming all too familiar with. “I'm sorry.” He said, as I got in my locker to drop off my books. I wanted to bang my head into the wall. I was so sick of hearing I'M SORRY!

  I took a deep breath. “Do you ever get tired of apologizing?” I asked Clay coldly. Clay frowned. “What's that supposed to mean? I just wanted you to know that I understand I was a dick and that I'm sorry, because I love you. Why do you have to be so dramatic about it?” He asked me with obvious irritation.

  I barked out a laugh and slammed my locker door shut. “Me, dramatic? From you, that's rich.” I huffed, starting off down the hallway. Clay caught up with me and grabbed my arm, pulling me to a stop. “Are you seriously that pissed? I mean, I get that I was kind of an asshole, but I don't think it warrants this sort of reaction.” Wow, he really didn't get how our relationship, even as much I wanted to deny it, was falling into this crazy pattern of him being a jerk and then apologizing for it. Of me getting upset but then relieved when he came around.

  “Don't you see that fifty percent of our interactions have become you spouting your apologies for something you've said or done? That we spend most of our time upset at each other? This is getting ridiculous!” I said in exasperation.

  Clay tugged on my hand and wrapped his arms around my stiff body. “I know, baby. But I'm trying. I really am. Please be patient with me.” He urged, leaning down to place his lips on mine. I wanted to tell him that “trying” was quickly becoming not good enough. That I was emotionally spent and I wanted to get back to being that boy and girl who swam together in the river all those months ago.

  But I could feel the desperation in his embrace, the sadness tinged in his kiss. I knew he loved me. And I wanted so badly for that to be all that I needed to be happy. “Can we go to my house? I think we need some time alone. Just the two of us. With everything going on, We're both stressed out.” Clay reasoned. I felt myself weaken and cave to him. “Yeah. Let's go.” Clay gave me the most dazzling smile and lifted me off my feet and swung me around.

  “I have the most beautiful and amazing girlfriend EVER!” He yelled as he covered my face with kisses after putting me back on the ground. I hid my face in embarrassment at his display of affection. I could feel Clay's laughter under my cheek as he led us to his car.

  As I got in, I had a moment of guilt that here I was again, lying to my parents. Though, as Clay leaned over and kissed me lovingly on the mouth, warmth settled into my belly, ensuring those feelings were fleeting.

  Clay pealed out of the parking lot, screeching his tires in his hurry to get away from the school. “Slow down Clay, or we'll never make it to your house.” Clay grinned his crazy, happy smile and reached over to take my hand. He kissed my fingers, one at a time as he came to a stop light. “I love you, Maggie.” I smiled. I couldn't help but forget everything else when he said those words to me.

  I ducked down in the seat as we passed by the library where my father worked. Clay just laughed at me again, telling me how silly I was being. “Yeah, well if I want to see the light of day, I can't let them catch me with you, okay?” I grumbled.

  That sobered Clay. “They hate me that much?” He sounded gutted and I instantly felt horrible for not choosing my words more carefully. “It's not that they hate you, they just worry we're too serious. That I'm spending too much time with you.” I said. Clay gave me a smirk. “That we're having sex?” He asked.

  I smacked his arm. “Well, obviously their concerns are founded in that department, huh?” I joked. Clay pulled into his driveway and cut off the engine. And just like that he was over the center console and kissing me like mad.

  “Clay. Don't you think we should go inside?” I laughed as his hands started up my shirt. Clay moaned something unintelligible. “Clay. Come on, you have neighbors.” I gasped as his fingers found my breasts and began gently rubbing them.

  He kissed me again and pulled away with a sexy smile. “Well, come on then.” He jumped out of the car. I smiled back, shaking my head, as I got out. Clay wrapped himself around me again as we started walking toward his front door.

  It was then that I noticed the black Mercedes parked on the street in front of the house. I stopped walking. Clay looked at me in confusion. “What?” I pointed to the car. “It looks like you have a visitor.”

  The blood left his face and he looked like he was going to throw up. His teeth clenched. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” He growled. His sudden and extreme anger scared me. I grabbed his arm. “What is it, Clay? Whose car is that?”

  Clay didn't respond and just started walking toward the front door, fury evident in his every step. I had to hurry to catch up with him. I wrenched on his hand before he could go inside. “You're freaking me out here, Clay. Who's here?” I could hear the trembling in my voice as I tried to reach the boy who had suddenly disappeared inside himself.

  He wouldn't look at me, his body rigid. “I guess you're going to get to meet my parents.” He said coldly. I felt like I had been plunged into ice water. His parents? Oh shit. Clay swung open the front door and let it slam against the wall.

  I stood on the front stoop, not knowing what to do. He was seething with anger and I wasn't sure I wanted to witness whatever was about to go down. But I couldn't leave him. He needed me now more than ever. So I tentatively walked into the house.

  I was relieved when Lisa came from the living room and gave Clay a stern look. “Don't you come into this house like an elephant. Close the door like you have some sense.” She looked at me. I knew I was pale and she must have sensed the tension radiating from Clay. “Hey, Maggie. Nice to see you.” Her smile was kind and I tried to give one back. I'm sure it was shaky.

  Clay slammed the door shut and dropped his book bag. “So where are they?” He barked. Lisa frowned. “Get it together, Clay. They just got here thirty minutes ago. Ruby ran out to get some stuff for dinner.” Clay turned his angry gaze on Lisa, who didn't flinch but stood steady. I would have withered under that glare.

  “Did you know they were coming?” He accused. Lisa put her finger in his chest. “Now, look here Clayton Reed. Don't give me your damn attitude. Their visit was as much a surprise to Ruby and I as it is to you. But don't go in there like a bull in a china shop. Like it or not, they're still your parents and they have a say in what happens to you. Remember that.”

  Her warning was rational, but Clay was a bit beyond rational at this point. Lisa looked at me to help her. I tried taking Clay's hand again. He let me interlace my fingers with his, but he didn't hold me back. “Clay. Come on. Acting like this will only make things worse. Please.” I moved so I stood in front of him and pulled his face down to look at me.

  His eyes darted around so he wouldn't make contact with mine. “Damn it Clay!” I implored. Finally, he looked at me and he
softened as he saw my worry. “Christ! I'm doing it again. I'm sorry.” He whispered and I was glad to see that some of the tension left his shoulders. But he still looked mad.

  “Well, let's go see Mommy and Daddy Dearest.” He said sarcastically. Lisa nodded and stepped aside as we started down the hallway. She didn't follow, apparently wanting to give Clay some privacy. I stood beside him, trying to show him my support.

  It was eerily quiet. Walking into the kitchen, I got my first look at Mr. and Mrs. Reed. Mr. Reed sat at the small kitchen table, typing away at his laptop. He was dressed casually in black slacks and a blue button down shirt. Though his clothes probably cost more than my entire wardrobe.

  Clay was the spitting image of his father. Looking at Mr. Reed was like getting a glimpse of Clay thirty years into the future. Mr. Reed was a good looking man with dark hair, dusted with gray. The skin around his eyes was just now starting to show signs of crow's feet. He appeared very stiff, his face a complete blank as he read the screen in front of him.

  Clay's mother was trying to work the ancient coffee maker on the counter. She was decked out in a gray pencil skirt, ruffled blouse and heels. Her red hair, the exact same shade as her sister Ruby, was swept back from her face in a severe bun.

  Clay cleared his throat. His dad didn't acknowledge him, but his mother turned to look with what seemed to be a fake smile on her perfect lips. Her eyes were a bright blue and icy cold. “Well, there's my baby boy.” She cooed, but made no move to hug or kiss him. Clay's eyes were fixed on his father, who still hadn't taken his eyes from his computer.

  God, Clay was right when he described them as cold and loveless. I couldn't imagine growing up with this couple as my parents. And I felt the guilt again as I thought of my own warm and loving parents who, in all of their over protectiveness, just wanted what was best for me.

  “Coffee?” Mrs. Reed asked, after finding the filters and grounds. Clay and I shook our heads. “Why are you here?” Clay demanded, getting straight to the point. I cringed, not feeling comfortable being privy to this familial exchange. His fingers clenched mine so tightly it was cutting off the circulation.

  “We wanted to see you, Clay. To make sure everything was the way it should be.” His mother said frostily. Her eyes moved to our joined hands and she looked me over appraisingly. “And this is...?” Mrs. Reed looked at me pointedly.

  Clay stood up straight. “This is my girlfriend, Maggie Young.” He told her, his voice hard. I stuck my free hand out in an attempt at civility, though Mrs. Reed had made no such motion toward me. “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Reed.” She looked down at my outstretched hand and then back at my face. She looked at me with suspicion for a moment, but the expression vanished and was replaced with her practiced fake politeness. She took my hand in hers and gave it a firm shake. “And you, Maggie. This is Clayton's father, Nickolas. Nick, say hello.” She commanded, as though her husband were a child.

  Nick Reed finally lifted his eyes from his laptop. His gaze slid over me, head to toe as if assessing a horse, never making eye contact, then he returning to his work. “Hello.” He said with disinterest. Clay stiffened beside me at his father's rudeness.

  This was becoming increasingly more awkward as the silence stretched on. “Girlfriend? Well, isn't that...nice.” Mrs. Reed commented, though her tone registered distaste. “So, you're just stopping by, right? I mean, you can see everything's fine here.” Clay said. He was becoming increasingly more agitated, if that was possible. I squeezed his hand to try and help him calm down.

  His mother looked at him, making it clear she didn't believe his assertion that everything was okay. “Is everything fine Clayton? I think that has yet to be determined.” What a bitch! It was as though wanted something to be wrong with Clay. Mrs. Reed poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table, crossing her legs.

  Watching Clay and I levelly with icy eyes, she sipped her drink. I felt like a bug under a magnifying glass being analyzed. I tried not to squirm beneath her steely gaze. “I'm not sure how long we'll be staying. We're staying at the Hyatt in Rockbridge. Your father is assisting on a case in Charlottesville. A high profile case that's getting a lot of national attention. I decided to come along to visit and to make sure you are fine.” She said condescendingly.

  Clay's lip curled upward in a sneer. “I assure you, mother, that I've managed all right without you. Wouldn't want you to put yourself out or anything.” The bitterness in his voice made me sad for him. I could see how much he really wanted these people to love him. And I could see just as clearly how completely unable his parents were to truly love him the way he needed. Or at all.

  No wonder he clung to me the way he did. The poor, lost boy beside me had never known unconditional love and support. He had been reared by the coldest individuals I had ever met. His mother didn't respond to his blatant jab. “Well, I think it would be best if we stayed for awhile. Moreover, your father's case could take weeks. Months perhaps.” Her words seemed almost threatening as she looked at her son with no emotion in her voice or face.

  Months? From the way Clay had begun to tremble, I knew that would be very bad for him. These people triggered something dark in him and their presence could spell disaster for his precarious mental health. Clay made a strangled noise in the back of his throat. I looked at him in surprise as he snatched his hand from mine and fled from the kitchen. He left me all alone in the lion's den. I could almost hear Mrs. Reed sharpening her claws as I stood there, uncomfortable and dumbfounded.

  Finally, I made my feet move as I turned to follow my boyfriend. “Maggie.” Mrs. Reed called out, stopping me. I turned back around to face her, trying not to be intimidated by Clay's beautiful yet cold mother.

  “Why don't you have a seat. I'd like a moment with you.” She wasn't asking me, she was telling me. She indicated the seat beside her. I looked to Mr. Reed again, but he was oblivious to what was going on outside of his computer screen.

  Mrs. Reed watched me as I slowly approached the chair and sat down. I folded my hands in my lap and looked at her politely. “How long have you and my son been dating?” She asked me, sipping her coffee. I cleared my throat, feeling strange sharing anything with her.

  “Almost three months, ma'am.” I fidgeted in my seat under her unyielding stare. “And is it serious between the two of you?” She asked nonchalantly. Why was she asking this? What business was it of hers? This just felt creepy. “I guess so.” I answered reluctantly.

  Mrs. Reed leaned forward, attempting to appear as if we were two girls sharing confidences. It made my skin crawl. “And are you aware of Clayton's...issues?” She said it as though he had a contagious disease. Her lips curled and I could see how repulsive her son's mental health was to her.

  “I'm very aware of all his qualities, good and bad, Mrs. Reed. Clay has been very honest about his struggles with his mental health.” I said, sticking my chin out defiantly. I saw a flicker of disappointment, almost as though she wanted to be the one to tell me this. Maybe she wanted the information to drive a wedge between Clay and I. But why?

  “My son is a very sick boy. He has been on a self- destructive path for a long time now. He hurts those around him, lacking regard for anything but his own feelings. His doctors in Florida are very concerned that he will relapse. They've encouraged us to have him readmitted for prolonged inpatient treatment. He is a danger to himself and others.” Her eyes flashed at me as she watched me absorb her words.

  They wanted to put him back in the hospital? They can't do that to him! What Clay needed was love and support, not to be shoved inside an institution with no way out. I knew then that I hated this woman, and her complete disregard for Clay and what was truly best for him.

  “I haven't seen him being a danger to himself or others Mrs. Reed.” I lied, effortlessly. I couldn't tell her how worried I'd been for Clay, and how I often wondered if he needed more intense help than I was capable of giving him. But she didn’t need to know any of that. She didn't deserv
e to know. This woman, who had thrown her son away because his issues had become an inconvenience in her life.

  Mrs. Reed watched me closely and I swore she saw straight through my lie. “Well that's good.” she said in that fake, syrup-sweet voice of hers. “But to be on the safe side, Clay's father and I will be staying for awhile. We have serious concerns about him. So if you notice anything troublesome about Clay, please let me know so we can can get him the help he so desperately needs.”

  I wanted to gag. No, she just wanted to shut Clay away, like an ugly family secret. I saw right through her and she knew that. “No offense, Mrs. Reed, but I don't feel comfortable discussing Clay like this behind his back. He and I are very open and honest with each other.” I started to stand up. I couldn't take sitting here with this woman any longer.

  Mrs. Reed's eyes went cold. “Honesty is wonderful. But are you sure he's been entirely truthful with you?” She asked, making it clear she didn’t expect me to answer her. She wanted her words to creep into my brain like a parasite, feeding on any doubt I had about him – about us. She was an evil and manipulative person.

  Talk about trying to sabotage Clay's happiness. This woman could give a shit about what was good for her son, that much was painfully clear. Without saying another word, I turned my back on Clay's horrible parents and left.

  I looked for Clay in the living room and found Lisa at her computer. She glanced up at me when I walked in. “I think he went up to his room.” She said. I nodded and turned to leave. “Maggie.” She called out. “Please keep an eye on him. I'm worried, with them here. This won't be good for him. If you had seen him when he came to us...” Her words trailed off and I could see how much she truly cared for her girlfriend's nephew. Clay was lucky to have she and Ruby in his court.