by Dean, Ali
“You know, Jordan,” Dad’s saying now. “If you really did go to a college party and something happened, you can tell us.”
“Honey, if she was going to lie about what she did, do you really think she’d come up with roller skating all on her own?” Mom asks.
“No, I really did go roller skating,” I protest, laughing. “Why is that so hard to believe?”
“Oh, I just looked it up on the computer. There’s a place called Stargaze not far from campus. It’s in Callaway. Wow, I didn’t know that’s what the kids were doing these days.”
“I’m actually on the bus right now on the way to Callaway. They have a skateboard park that’s supposed to be pretty cool.”
“By yourself?” Mom asks. “Didn’t you say you met a couple of high school girls who want to skate with you?”
“I’m by myself, but I have those girls’ numbers. I’ll go with them at some point.” I haven’t let myself think about that yet.
“You’ve always been so independent, Jo Jo,” Dad says with a proud sigh.
We chat for a few more minutes before I spot the park from the window and say goodbye. I miss them, but in a way that feels right. Now that the initial whirlwind week is through and I’m starting to settle, I notice the little ache in my chest when I say goodbye to them, but it’s not suffocating me. There’s something oddly comforting about having people I love miss me, and missing them in return.
Chapter Twenty-One
Beck
“The girls ran into Jordan at Airwalk. Want to come?” Griff doesn’t look up from his phone as he shovels cereal into his mouth.
“You’re going?” I try not to sound annoyed as I finish washing the dishes, but when he looks up at me, I know I’ve failed.
“Yeah. Summer just texted me. I need to talk to Jordan anyway about Brazen so I thought I’d give her a ride back.”
He’s either oblivious, or he’s purposefully pushing my buttons. I’m too pissed to tell right now. I place my palms on the counter and lean forward. Doubt fills my voice when I ask, “You want to talk to her about Brazen?”
We spent an hour working out together in the apartment building’s gym this morning and he didn’t mention this.
“Yeah man, just because you took her to the storage closet last night doesn’t mean I’m not following through with the rep idea. You know she’d be perfect.”
“Is that all, Griffin?” I didn’t know I had it in me to sound menacing, but I think I’ve nailed it. That is, until he starts laughing. I wasn’t even sure he was completely awake but now he’s full on belly laughing, shaking his head, and wiping his eyes like I’ve cracked the funniest joke of all time.
Once he’s gathered himself, I wait for an explanation. But he just gets off the stool and takes his bowl to the sink, patting me on the shoulder on his way. “All right man, let’s go.”
I wait until we’re in the van. I need the storm inside me to settle. It doesn’t. It keeps on swirling, until I can’t bring myself to say shit to Griff. We don’t talk about our emotions, that’s not us. Maybe there are dudes who do that, but I don’t know any. It’s not like we suppress them either. Not much bothers Griff, but when he’s got something to think through, or when he was bumming out after his torn ACL, I get him out of the house. My job’s to get him moving, not to give him a therapy session. He does the same for me. When my dad’s pissed me off again, or I’m stressed about a competition, we skate together or do some other activity that gets us out of our heads. There are no heart to hearts, not with words at least. We get it out with physical energy, together.
It occurs to me as I drive toward the park, stewing, that Griff is giving me our version of a therapy session right now. But something tells me this time, words are necessary. Because it’s not just about me, it’s about him too.
“Griff.” I turn down the radio, making sure he’s listening.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want you going after Jordan, you know that, right?”
“What about for Brazen?”
I know his idea would be good for both the company and Jordan. “Yeah, I get that, but do you know how to talk to women without flirting?”
“I’ll make it clear that’s not what’s happening.”
There’s a beat of silence. I want to move forward like it never happened, but I can’t have it hanging there unaddressed.
“You told us Thursday you made that clear. But then you planned to hook up with her Saturday night.” My chest burns saying the words, but I’ve got to get this out there now or it’ll fester.
“Oh shit, she told you that? Huh.” He’s surprised.
“No, I heard her friend Lucy saying something about it and got Jordan to tell me what they were talking about.”
“Then you know I wasn’t going to hook up with her. I was just going to kiss her, man. A real lowkey kiss. She asked so nicely, how could I say no? Besides, I’d kind of led her on until I realized she’d be perfect for Brazen and then Summer wanted to –”
I cut him off. “All right, I can’t listen to any more of this. I got it. I get it. But that’s it. It’s done. Right?”
“Wow, man, you got it bad.” Griff almost sounds concerned and I glance away from the road to look at him. He’s studying me.
“What, you didn’t get the message last night?”
He chuckles. “I think I got it. Loud and clear. You’ve never bothered to show an interest in a chick once I have already, let alone step right into it like that. I figured, but, damn. Your panties sure are in a twist.”
“You gonna fucking tease me about it now?” I’m annoyed, but it’s more with myself than him.
“Hell yeah I am. What’s your plan, anyway?”
“Plan?” I’ve got no fucking plan.
“Yeah dude, so far it sounds like you’ve needed me every step of the way. Were you going to call her today if I didn’t drag you along with me?”
I turn back to him again, narrowing my eyes. I should have fucking known. “You never planned to meet with her today, did you?”
“No, I did. We were going to meet later this afternoon, just the two of us.” The cheesy grin on his face tells me he’s messing with me.
“You were going to meet with her, but you were going to tell me right as you were leaving, weren’t you?”
“I could see you were all twisted up after you took her into the storage closet last night. I’m just trying to help you out so you don’t self-sabotage here.”
I groan when I realize he caught me, but the pressure in my chest is lessening. “Don’t say shit about that today. Naomi and Summer don’t need to hear it and Jordan, well, just, it’s not something to joke about with her.”
“I know, man, she doesn’t have any experience.” His voice is more serious now, and I appreciate that. I don’t fucking appreciate that he knows this about her. “Like I said, I’m trying to help you out here, not the other way around, all right?”
I’m not about to thank him. Not yet anyway. So I just nod and turn up the music. We’re almost there, and for the first time in my life I’m nervous about seeing a girl.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jordan
I had no idea when I got off the bus that this was Beck’s hometown. When I saw Summer and Naomi riding around, I figured it was one more weird coincidence. Sure, it was that too, but turns out they live a few blocks away in the nearby neighborhood. In the same houses where Griffin and Beck used to live.
“Hey! We were just saying we should have texted you,” Summer says when she spots me.
“Did Griff tell you to meet here?” Naomi asks as they greet me with hugs.
“No, I just heard this was a cool park and wanted to check it out.”
“It is cool,” Summer agrees with a nod. “This would actually be the perfect place to get some shots of you for Brazen!”
Naomi points a finger at me. “Oh yeah! This is Griff’s home park, where he grew up skateboarding with Beck. We should totally get s
ome pics and videos. It’d be the perfect way to announce your partnership!”
Whoa. Should I tell them we haven’t discussed this so-called partnership? I haven’t agreed to anything, and while I’d love to join in their enthusiasm, I’m still not so sure about the idea.
“Can I check out the park first?”
“Oh yeah, go for it,” Summer says, like she’s giving me permission. After all, she probably feels like this is her park too.
I drop the board and take off. It’s a small park, but it’s well designed for all levels. There aren’t any of the steep verts I crave, but there are lots of ramps of different angles and sizes. Probably for the best I stay away from the verts just a little bit longer anyway.
Aside from a few younger kids practicing on one of the smaller ramps and a guy who looks like he might be their dad, the park is empty. The nearby playground is busier with parents and little kids. I might have been dying for a taste of the legendary Riptide, but this scene is more my speed.
As I skate around, my head finally clears for the first time in what feels like days. Every new feature, no matter how similar to ones I’ve done before, is exciting to try out. Each rail is slightly unique in its texture and the way it glides, each set of stairs varies in height and length. My focus is on the terrain, on my body and board, and on putting it all together to get that rush. So when I finally look up and find Griffin and Beck are standing by their sisters talking and watching me, I’m not sure how to feel. My heart races at the same time it sinks. I guess I can’t help but be excited to see Beck, even if I’m disappointed my moment with nothing but me, my skateboard, and the park is over. And excitement is far from the only reason my heart is racing as my eyes connect with Beck’s.
“Can we do the shoot now?” Naomi calls. I start to skate over to them, and watch as Griffin puts a hand on her arm and says something. He takes a few steps forward.
“This one’s getting ahead of us. I know we said we’d meet this afternoon but since we’re here, want to talk now?”
I feel ambushed, but for all I know the guys were headed this way to see their families and it’s one more coincidence to add to the pile.
“Sure,” I say on a long sigh.
“Don’t look so excited,” Griffin says with a smile.
My eyes dart to Beck as I follow Griffin to a picnic table. I don’t know if he takes that as an invitation, or if he was planning to be here for this talk anyway, but he’s right there with us.
Summer and Naomi glance at each other, shrug, and ride into the park on their skateboards. I wish I could follow them.
I’m surprised when we sit down and Griffin gets right down to it. There’s no blatant or inadvertent flirting as he lays out what he’s got in mind. He wants me to be the first female rep for the company, the face of the women’s line. This means starting with building a social media presence, and then entering competitions, agreeing to interviews if the right opportunities present themselves.
“I don’t get it,” I tell him. “You’ve been riding a long time. You must know plenty of women skateboarders who already have a social media presence who are better candidates for this than me.” I guess I thought he wanted me to give him some feedback on merchandise he was designing. When he’d mentioned Instagram the other day, I thought I could offer to wear the merchandise to parks instead. I didn’t think he wanted me to become the face of the women’s line, the primary brand representative. That he’d need me to start competing, and maybe interviewing. What would I even talk about in an interview?
“I do know lots of women skateboarders, although only a handful are as good as you. The ones who are that good? They’re already tied up in sponsorships and my company would be a conflict of interest. It’s hard enough for them to secure those contracts as it is, they won’t want to take a risk on a new brand.”
Beck adds, “Plenty of pro skateboarders have tried to enter the business side of the industry and it doesn’t go anywhere. Griff is still an unknown on that front.”
“But so am I,” I point out. “I mean, I’m an unknown on all fronts. Why not pick someone who’s not tied up in contracts then? There are plenty of aspiring women pros who would love this opportunity.”
“Because they aren’t as good as you,” Griff answers simply.
I roll my eyes. He’s barely seen me skate. Is it because I’m convenient? Or because their sisters like me and I can be a project for them? I don’t really care what the answers are, I just want the truth.
“It’s not only that,” Beck says gently. “If you hit the public eye for the first time at the same time the company drops its line, the buzz will be bigger. Because there’s going to be buzz when people start hearing about you.”
“There already is from that video Taylor posted,” Griff reminds us.
“But I don’t want buzz. I don’t want to compete. I just want to have fun. Skateboarding isn’t a business opportunity to me. I don’t want to make it one.” Maybe it sounds naïve to these guys, two of the world’s best, but I want to keep skateboarding pure. Untouched. Getting involved in what they’re proposing? It’s like contaminating sacred ground. I’m not about to say all that aloud.
“That doesn’t have to change,” Beck says. “Naomi does most of my social media for me. She and Summer can help you. They want to. Just do your thing and invite them along to take shots while you do.”
I know it’s not that simple. I saw how many comments that one video on Taylor’s account got.
“And the competitions? This isn’t about competing or proving anything for me.”
Griff leans forward. “What if you could make money doing what you love? You have no interest in that?”
The back of my neck starts to itch as I look between the two guys on the other side of the table from me. How did I get in this hot seat anyway? I didn’t ask for this. Why do I have to explain any of it to them? I don’t.
“Look, I’m sorry. I think it’s cool you’re focused on the women’s side of skateboarding and developing that market. I really do. I’m happy to weigh in on product choices or whatever. But I’m not interested in being the brand rep.” Maybe down the road, once it’s established, and there are lots of other women representing it. Maybe then I could be a minor player. But the face of the company? No thanks.
“What about Summer and Naomi? A lot of the female market is their age or even younger. Why not ask them to do it?”
Griff answers, “They’ll have a role too. But they aren’t as good as you. You could be a pro right now. One of the best in the world. If you dropped onto the scene out of nowhere in Brazen gear? It’d be huge. Having family represent the brand isn’t nearly as effective.”
I shake my head, not feeling all that guilty for turning him down. I know he’ll find someone else. “I’m not your girl, Griff, I’m sorry.”
He bites the inside of his cheek. “What can I do to convince you?”
My cheeks start to heat as his words register, and then my own. I glance over at Beck, who’s looking at his hands on the table. Had I walked right into this? Wait, hadn’t I said I would do this if Griffin kissed me? Oh my God. That was before I knew what it entailed.
My voice is quiet, the embarrassment unmistakable, when I admit, “I didn’t know this was what you were thinking about when you mentioned it the other day, Griff. Look, can I think about it at least?” That’s the best I can do. What he’s proposing isn’t at all what I want. I’m not wired to be in the spotlight. I don’t want my moves and technique dissected by strangers. Skateboarding is my meditation, my therapy, my first and only true love. I can’t risk messing with that because I’m flattered by this offer.
“I’d pay you, you know that right?”
I actually wasn’t entirely sure about that. I’ve got no credentials, and I figured since it’s a new company, one of the reasons he was interested in me is that he wouldn’t have to pay me. I just assumed he didn’t want to outright say that. But I can’t deny I’m curious.
“No,” Beck says. “The company would pay you actual money.”
“How much?” Maybe that’s not how these conversations work. In fact, I’m probably the world’s worst negotiator ever.
“More than any part-time job you could get while taking a full semester of classes,” he answers. I don’t know why Beck is answering, I’m not even sure he’s involved in Brazen. But when I glance at Griffin, he’s nodding.
“We’d have a contract like a regular job, with bonuses for hitting a certain number of followers, placing in competitions, stuff like that. Don’t forget most competitions pay prize money.”
I shake my head, overwhelmed. “You guys, I don’t know what to do with any of this,” I admit.
Beck reaches a hand out across the table and grabs my fingers. “Hey, relax. Let’s skate. Then we’ll drive you back to campus. You can decide later. Now you know what Griffin’s asking for, you can think it over.”
Griffin stands up first. “You still might have to let our sisters take shots of you today. Just don’t let them set up any accounts yet. We’ve got to rein those two in.”
I’m not really listening though. The feel of Beck’s fingers gripping mine is sending all kinds of feelings through me. Last night with him was thrilling, but it left me unsatisfied. I need more from him, but I don’t know what that is exactly, and if I’m being honest, trying to define it scares the crap out of me. So I slide my hand out of his and hop back on my board. I’ll start with getting the chance to skate with him. That’s at least one dream come true for the day.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jordan
I normally don’t spend a ton of time watching skateboard videos. I know some people spend hours every day doing it, but usually when I see someone else on screen skateboarding, it only makes me want to head out and do it myself. I watch videos when I’m stuck inside at home for some reason like bad weather or it’s dark out, and occasionally if I’m trying to figure out how to do a new trick and I want to watch an instructional video or to see it in slow motion.
