by Dean, Ali
There’s one exception to this. I’ve watched hours upon hours of Beckett Steele riding a skateboard. Yes, it’s made me want to go out and skate too, but the guy is so mesmerizing, the beauty of him riding gets me glued to the screen. If I’m being totally real here, the shirtless videos might be the ones I watch on repeat, but who can blame me? He’s powerful and smooth, the contours of his movements just as perfect as the lines of his body.
Until this very moment, I’d convinced myself that my obsession with him on screen was purely about the art of seeing him skateboard. No one can deny it’s a beautiful sight. But now, after feeling his lips on mine, the truth is pulsing through my bloodstream. It’s not only my passion for skateboarding and the beautiful sight of an athletic body conquering the board. No, it’s desire, lust, and want. The heat of it pools low in my core, making it difficult to do anything but stare. My legs are like puddles, my tongue heavy in my mouth as I hold my board in one hand and watch Beck grind a rail before gliding effortlessly up a ramp for a blunt to fakie and continuing around the park.
It's only the incessant vibration in my back pocket that snaps me out of it.
When I pull it out, Lucy’s name lights the screen.
“Hey,” I answer.
“Jordan! Where are you? We’ve been texting you for hours.”
I pull the phone a few inches from my ear. She’s practically screaming at me.
“Um. I woke up early. Got breakfast, and then took the bus to a park a little ways from campus.”
There’s a beat of silence. Am I supposed to apologize? Yes she’s my roommate, but she knows I don’t usually sleep in.
Her voice is quieter when she finally answers, “I thought we’d all get brunch again together. I was hoping that would be a regular Sunday thing. Don’t you want to talk about last night?” She doesn’t hide her hurt, and I feel bad, but also a little confused.
“Oh, shoot, sorry. I probably can’t get back to campus for at least an hour though today. Can we do dinner instead?” I don’t really want to rush out of here, and I should tackle homework when I finally do get back to school, but I don’t want to hurt Lucy’s feelings. I’m not used to having friends who want to hang out with me all the time. I think it’s a good thing to have friends like Lucy and I don’t want to screw it up, but I’m used to my independence. With my two best friends being a couple for the past six years, I could get away with doing my own thing most of the time without being missed.
We make plans to meet up later, and when I get off, I see I’ve got missed texts from not only Lucy, but Zora and Ellie too. After taking a few minutes to respond to both of them, tell them about dinner plans, I finally slide my phone back into my pocket. Having friends is hard work.
Beck is already riding over when I look up and he stops right in front of me. “Everything okay?”
“Huh? Oh yeah, it’s fine.”
It’s hard to look him directly in the eye. I’m afraid he’ll see right through me and know I’ve been melting in a puddle of lust over here. If he could see my browser history and how many minutes I’ve spent watching him on screen, I might die.
“You gonna skate? I hope Griff’s proposal didn’t kill your vibe. You were shredding it when we got here.”
I force my eyes to move from where Griffin is giving Naomi and Summer pointers to Beck’s face. It’s still hard to believe he’s really standing in front of me. It’s hard to believe anything that’s happened this week. A wave of exhaustion sweeps through me, and my shoulders sag with the onslaught.
“It’s not that,” I lie. Well, it’s only partly that conversation with Griff. It’s everything, really, all of it. “I just realized it’s already noon and I’ve got a ton of homework.”
“I get it. Sucks when real life takes you away from what you really want to be doing. Let me give you a ride.”
“No, I can catch the bus. There’s one coming in a few minutes.” At least, I think I remember the schedule having one soon. “You just got here.”
He probably meant to see his family too while he was close by. Why is he offering to drive me nearly thirty minutes in the direction he just came from? I mean, the answer is there, kind of, but it doesn’t really make sense to me.
“I’ve ridden here a million times, Jordan. I only came because I wanted to see you.” He’s still talking but when he says this, I can barely process anything else. “I should be doing homework too. Want to study together?”
I only came because I wanted to see you.
My legs are already struggling to hold my weight. Fatigue has seeped into my bones and taken root. I wonder if I’m still awake, or if I’m imagining this conversation. It’s like I’ve been living in someone else’s story all week, or in a dream. This isn’t how things happen. There’s got to be a catch.
“You want to study with me?” I try not to sound skeptical, but I’ve never been good at hiding how I really feel.
“Yeah, I’m a full-time student for the first time in six years, Jordan. I need to study too.”
So he really wants to study with me. Can I even do that? How on earth will I focus?
My cheeks puff out as I take a deep breath and try to keep up with my new reality. “I don’t think I can concentrate with you, Beck. No offense.” It’s the truth.
He’s smiling, his eyes dancing with silent laughter. “Can we at least try? We can go to a coffee shop or somewhere with other people so I won’t be tempted to kiss you again.”
A little moan escapes my lips at this. He’s back to blatant flirting, and I like it way too much, even as it overwhelms me with more than I can handle. My legs press together as my hand goes to his chest and pushes him back. Flirting with Beck is too easy, too natural. Especially because for me, it’s never been like this. Sure talking to Griffin’s easy, but it doesn’t elicit this kind of pulsing in my chest.
“Fine, but only if you promise to actually study.” I mean, I guess I’m willing to try if he is.
An hour later, I’m sitting across from Beck at a table that barely fits both our books in a café near campus. He spent most of the drive trying to talk to me about Griff’s offer. I don’t know why it’s so important to him, but he seems to really want me to do it. There’s a sign at the café that they’re hiring and when I ask for a job application, Beck gives me another mini lecture. He’s got all kinds of convincing words about time management, and using my talents wisely. He doesn’t try the argument about being paid to do what I love anymore, and I hope that means he gets what my biggest hang up is. I don’t want to contaminate the best thing in my life. Skateboarding is pure, it’s an escape, an outlet. If there are expectations, onlookers, and money attached? It will never be the same.
But once we’re seated with our books out, he drops it, and keeps to his word. It’s actually easier to focus with someone else doing the same across from me. It holds me accountable and I get all my work done in two hours when I expected it to take four or five.
I sneak a peek at Beck. He’s tapping a highlighter against his lower lip and leaning over a textbook, long lashes fanning out. Sensing my eyes on him, he glances up and smiles.
“Can we take a break? I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”
I raise my eyebrows. He just had a smoothie and a muffin.
“That was a snack. It’s nearly four and I need a real meal.”
I can’t blame him, I didn’t really eat lunch either and my stomach is growling. But I promised the girls I’d do dinner in a couple hours.
“I’m done with homework anyway,” I find myself admitting. Beck’s already packing up his books.
“Oh good. There’s a Vietnamese place around the corner.”
“Summerside Pho?”
“Yeah, have you been? It’s awesome.”
“I was actually going to meet my friends there for dinner in a couple hours.”
He pauses. “The friends from last night?”
“Yeah. I don’t have that many, I only moved here ten days ago,” I
remind him.
“I like them,” Beck says.
“I like them too.” As we ride our skateboards down the sidewalk a moment later, I find myself telling Beck, “I’ve never had a group of girlfriends before. The three of them went to high school together. I don’t know why they’ve decided to include me, but I feel lucky.”
“They probably feel lucky too, Jordan. That you want to be their friend, I mean.” He doesn’t let me respond to that. It’s another one of his simple and honest statements that cuts me right to the core. In a good way, I think, but it’s still sharp as a blade. Something I can’t ignore but I’m not entirely prepared to accept either.
He holds open the door for me when we reach the restaurant. Talking with Beck is easy. He asks me to tell him more about my friends in college, and then wants to know about my friends from home too. I even find myself opening up about Levi, which is strange. Before last week, I’d never told anyone about the bullying my childhood friend went through.
“You want to check that?” Beck asks, pointing to my phone on the table.
“Oh crap, it’s 5:45.” Were we really sitting here talking for almost two hours? The girls are wondering if we’re meeting here or the dorm. I text them back, letting them know I’m already here and will get a table.
Beck has apparently paid the bill without me realizing. The waiter pushes another table to ours to make room for four, and Beck waits with me until my friends arrive. Once they do, he gets up to say hello to them, bends down to kiss me goodbye on my cheek, and leaves. It’s not until I watch him go that I realize I might have just been on a date with Beckett Steele. Not an accidental run-in, not a storage closet make-out session, but a bona fide date. Instead of the exhaustion that accosted me earlier, it’s a distinct energy vibrating through me now. This is real. Whatever it is, it’s really happening.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Beck
I’m skateboarding back to the apartment when I get the call that reminds me why today was a bad idea.
It’s my agent. I’ve brushed her off all week and I can’t put it off any longer.
“Vienna,” I answer.
“Beckett, how nice of you to answer your phone. Too busy studying?”
“Actually, yeah. I’m taking twenty credits. That’s almost as many as I took in the entire last two years combined.” I’m not asking for sympathy; I’m trying to remind her about my priorities right now. I get one semester without any skateboarding-related obligations. It’s a lot to ask at the height of my career, I know this, but I want this degree. I don’t like leaving things incomplete, being referred to as a dropout. It’s a few months of my life to focus and switch gears in order to have this degree. Not such a huge sacrifice when I look at the long term. But Vienna isn’t sold.
“We need you in L.A. next weekend for a shoot.”
“No. I told you I’m not doing any of that until after finals. I’ll keep up with social media but that’s it.”
“This is for Shred Live. That’s the exception.”
I stop skateboarding when I reach the apartment but as soon as I pick up my board I’m pacing the sidewalk. “No, Vienna. That contract starts January 1,” I correct my agent.
“There are necessary appearances before the filming gets under way. Not many, and L.A. isn’t far.”
I’m shaking my head. “No, I asked you to have that part of the contract modified. I told you I’m not committing to pre-filming shoots, interviews, appearances, meetings, none of it.”
There’s a pause, and I know she did what I asked. Even though I trust my agent, I read the final version before I signed it.
“There aren’t any contractually binding obligations. You can say no. But everyone else in the cast will be there. It will look strange if you don’t show.”
“Can’t they Photoshop me in?” It’s a movie studio after all, they’ve got to be able to do that.
“I’ll talk to them. But Lennon is flying in from New Zealand, Sarah Kase from Japan. You’re a short drive away. It won’t look good.”
“Remind me why I agreed to do this reality show in the first place?” I’m not a big fan of everyone in the cast, and spending several months with them doesn’t seem like much fun.
“That’s easy. There’s money, fame, and greater publicity for the sport. But the real reason is to wear Griffin’s new line and get it off the ground by reaching millions of viewers. Oh, and if you win, the prize is not so bad either.”
“Right.” I should really hook up Vienna with Jordan, maybe she can do a better job of talking her into repping Brazen. If Vienna got me to sign onto a reality skateboarding show, she can convince anyone to do just about anything.
I sign off, telling her I’ll think about it for next weekend. She knows just how to guilt trip me into doing shit I don’t want to do.
Taylor and Griff are eating leftover pizza from last night when I get up to the apartment. If I’m not here cooking something for them, that’s all they eat. Occasionally they’ll order something different, but at least half their meals are pizza.
“How’s Jordan?” Taylor asks in greeting.
“Fine.” Ignoring him, I pull my phone back up, remembering it’s been beeping with messages all afternoon that I haven’t checked yet. “Damn, what do Naomi and Summer want?” There are messages from both of them telling me to call ASAP.
Griff answers through a mouthful of pizza. “I told them Jordan’s your girlfriend now.”
Dropping the phone, I shoot him a glare. “Are you serious?”
He shrugs. “Yeah. They didn’t believe me though.”
“So, you gonna tell me what the deal is? Is this why you punched me?” Taylor pushes.
I run a hand over my face and move my glare to Taylor. “I like her. I don’t want either of you going for her.” That much needs to be said, even if Griff already knows it. Taylor’s the kind of guy you need to say it straight or he won’t catch on. “But she can’t be my girlfriend.”
“Why not?” Taylor asks. “Too young?”
Yeah, well, that was the first reason, but he doesn’t need to know that. “Because I’m leaving as soon as the semester is over. Because I need to finish a year’s worth of course work in a few months. I don’t have time for a girlfriend and if I did, then what?”
“Wow.” Griff sounds stunned and I lean on the kitchen counter, waiting for him to elaborate. “You’ve really thought this out. Why do you have to plan for months in advance? Just hang with her when you can. Didn’t you study together today? You’re gonna study, eat and skateboard all semester, just do it with her.”
“And then when I leave?”
“You’ll know if it’s worth long distance by then.”
Taylor’s the one who needs to spell it out for Griff now, and he gives him a look that says, what kind of idiot are you? “Long distance, Griff? Really?”
“That didn’t work so well for me last time,” I remind him.
“Not to mention, you’re gonna be on a reality TV show, isn’t there some contract you can’t be in a relationship or something?” Taylor points out.
“Not a public relationship, no. I think I’m supposed to flirt and hook up with the girls on the show. I don’t have to though, they can’t require that.”
“There are gonna be some hot chicks on that show, man, you definitely want to be single for it,” Taylor continues.
“So you’re what? Not going to do anything about Jordan?” Griff still sounds like he doesn’t believe me.
“What would you do?”
“You know what I would do.”
“Hook up with her and call it good?”
“Well, maybe not with Jordan, but anyone else. Jordan’s more complicated.”
Taylor cuts in. “All right, what’s the deal here, why’s she so complicated?”
“Griff asked her to rep Brazen.”
“That and she’s just not the kind of girl you hook up with like that,” Griff adds, and my blood pressure instantly spike
s. I cut him off before he can start telling Taylor about Jordan’s lack of experience.
“She’s a college freshman who’s gonna break on the scene any day now. Either because of your video,” I say, nodding at Taylor, “or your company.” I turn to Griffin. “If it’s not from one of you it’ll happen another way.”
“So? Why can’t you hang out with her for the semester then and break up when you go to film?” Taylor asks.
Because I don’t think I could ever break up with her.
“Yeah man,” Griff adds. “Why not? You’re not usually such an overthinker.”
“Not usually such a pussy either,” Taylor mumbles just loud enough he knows I heard him.
It’s true. I’m not an overthinker, I usually go with my gut. But my gut is telling me this isn’t something to jump into lightly. And going against my gut scares me. Then again, I’m not usually one to hold back from shit that scares me either.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jordan
“I know this means we won’t be off at the same time as much, but I’m so happy they hired both of us!” Lucy squeals in between customers. It’s Saturday morning and we’re working our first shift at Happy Beans. We had training on Thursday so that was technically our first shift, but today we’re actually filling orders and running the cash register. The only other person working is one of the store managers, a graduate student. She tells us it won’t pick up until late morning on the weekends and goes to the back room to study.
“You can study on this job?” I ask Lucy. “I’ve only been in here a couple times but it’s always been busy.”
“Yeah, same. It’s dead now though.”
