by Dean, Ali
Crouching low to pick up speed, I head toward the opposite wall, carving up one side of the structure and back down to position myself in the best angle to catch air. I hit the vert perfectly to catch big air, grab my board, and complete a smooth 180. It’s not a particularly challenging trick, but with the height I got and the solid landing, it’s established me as someone who knows what she’s doing. I’ve got the momentum I need from the crowd, the judges, and mostly, inside of me, to shred this bowl like the pro I’m pretending to be.
Winding back around, I catch my breath just in time to hit the wall by the judges with an invert. My hand grips the coping and I balance, trying to hold myself upside down one-handed while gripping my board with the other. It’s a move I only got the hang of this past summer, and I’m relieved I can pull it off right now. As soon as I land, I’m swooping back down for only a moment before riding up next to the platform, the steepest vert in the bowl.
I’ve barely had time to recover, but I’ve done this before, dozens of times, so I go for it. My board hits the coping and as soon as I’m in the air, I grab it, turning tightly in a complete circle before feeling the satisfying connection of wheels on ground. The whoops from the crowd are nearly deafening, but I ignore them as I continue to carve through the bowl, hitting the edge with a few more tricks I’ve practiced hundreds of times on my own, with no one watching. I haven’t even gotten to the last couple I had planned when I hear the buzzer, signaling my session is over.
My chest rises and falls, and as I dismount to roars from the crowd, I’ve never felt so high in my life. It’s the same feeling I get when I’ve had a great run in an empty park, only magnified. I’m confused by the sensation powering through my chest. I’d always thought of myself as a bit of a loner, the kind of girl who didn’t crave praise or attention. And maybe that’s still partly true. But as my score flashes on the screen, putting me in second place behind a name I recognize, my body tingles with impatience.
No, it’s not the cheers that are filling me with this overbearing excitement. They add fuel to the fire, sure, but this all comes from within me. It’s the competition, the drive to perform, to do even better next time, and see my name at the top of the screen. I had no idea this was inside of me, the need to win. But now that it’s been unleashed, it’s roaring through my veins, and there’s no turning back.
* * *
Beck
Jordan’s name is called and she drops in for her second run. She’s not hesitant like she was at the top of that half pipe that first morning we met. No, she’s amped up, feeding off the energy of the judges, the other ladies competing, and the crowds. It might not be a huge contest, but there are rows of people surrounding the bowl. It doesn’t seem to distract or intimidate her in the least as she grinds the coping inches away from cameras and cheering onlookers. She dives back in, all confidence and no nerves.
I had a feeling this woman would love competing, but I expected nerves. It’s only normal. But there’s no shaky legs or doubt in her stance, only that focused look with the tongue stuck out to the side as she goes for a 360, catching more air than any of the other women on the course today. She’s in the zone, having fun. And I’m falling. If I hadn’t known it before, it’s hitting me square in the chest in this moment. I’m so fucked.
All I want to do is hug her, show her how I feel, and let the audience know this is my girl. But I can’t. I’m stuck playing her friend, while I watch the skateboarding world fall in love with her right alongside me. After today, she’s definitely not a mystery girl anymore. She’s not my secret, our secret. Pretty soon, everyone’s going to know about Jordan Slattery.
* * *
Jordan
It’s like I’m a new woman. Instead of holding off, seeing how the ride goes, I attack the second session from the get-go. At the end of the day, I’m standing at the top of the podium, holding a new skateboard and a $200 check for my prize.
The rush doesn’t fade when I step off the podium or shake hands with women I never thought I’d meet, let alone compete against or beat. I don’t know what to do with myself. All I really feel like doing is skating some more, but we’d have to hit a different park for that. The place is jam packed, even more crowded than it was that first day when people were watching Beck and Griff on the half pipe.
I somehow haven’t spoken to the guys or their sisters since we arrived here this morning. With people constantly surrounding them, and me needing to focus on the competition, it was easier to stay in my own little bubble. Beck’s taking the semester off from competing, but that doesn’t mean he can stand on the sidelines unnoticed.
The four of them approach me as I’m talking to the women who got second and third place.
It’s no surprise conversation stops for people to stare at Griffin and Beckett. Even after hanging out with them for over a month now, I still find myself ogling, especially Beck.
Kelly Diez steps in front of me to greet them. “Hey guys! I was hoping you’d make it. You got my text?”
I’m still floating from the competition, but as Kelly hugs Griffin and then Beck, a dark cloud sweeps in, bringing me down a notch or two. They stand there talking to Kelly about her performance today, while Summer and Naomi talk to the third-place finisher, Brie Charles.
I thought the four of them came today to support me, and that they were walking over just now to see me. I’ve let myself think I’m special to them, but the reality is right in front of me as I stand off to the side. It doesn’t feel good to be ignored, and I’m kicking myself for even caring. I should be happy with any attention from the skateboarding royalty, especially since without them I never would have stood on that podium. Never would have discovered I’ve got a competitive spirit inside me in the first place.
Sometimes it seems like it’d be so much easier to go back to being a loner. All these emotions are hard to endure.
I reach for my back pocket, wanting my phone as a distraction. Then I remember it’s still in Beck’s van, which we came in this morning.
I told Lucy, Zora and Ellie not to come watch today. They had to work today anyway, and understood I didn’t want the added pressure. I did promise to go out with them tonight to some beach party off campus.
I haven’t even told Phoebe and Wyatt yet about the contest today, not wanting to make it too big a deal, but I can’t wait to call them now and tell them about it. They were already pumped to hear about the contract with Brazen, I’m sure they’ll be over the moon when they find out I not only competed, but loved every second of it.
Not every second, if this last part counts. It’s a slap in the face to be reminded that this is Griffin and Beck’s world, one where they are celebrities. There have been moments where I’ve let myself forget that, where they’ve let me forget it too.
Beck finally breaks away from Kelly but only to give a friendly hug to Brie.
As the two of them talk quietly, almost privately, Naomi and Summer rush over and wrap their arms around my waist. It’s as if they’ve suddenly remembered I’m here now that they’ve paid respect to the real pros. “You’ve been in the zone! Are you finally ready to talk to us or what?” Summer half-praises, half-accuses in one breath.
“Yeah, we knew how focused you got in the park with us but this was a whole new level. It’s like everyone else was background. We’ve been like, scared to break into your little competition zone,” Naomi explains.
The unease trickling down my spine lessens with this explanation. Maybe I was so pumped up I seemed standoffish.
“I didn’t know I even had a competition zone until today. Sorry.”
“No worries, we knew,” Summer says with total confidence. “We weren’t even all that surprised you won.”
“I was a little surprised,” Naomi concedes. “No offense, but I expected at least a little bit of first-time jitters. You know, that you’d screw up at least a tiny bit. But nope, you killed it.”
Summer waves her phone. “Got some sick footage too. I al
ready uploaded stuff on your stories, hope you don’t mind.” It’s then I realize it’s my phone she’s waving. Summer has slipped into a self-appointed social media manger role, which is cool with me.
I hear my name and look up to find Beck’s eyes on me. They’re shining with some emotion I can’t decipher, and he gives me this tight-lipped smile I’ve never seen before. He doesn’t come over though, not until Griffin reaches for a hug and the circle widens to include all of us.
Finally, Beck takes a step toward me, but his arms are stiff when he wraps them around my back. He murmurs congratulations in my ear but breaks the embrace before my arms even get a chance to go all the way around him.
The weight of eyes on us as we separate is heavier than when I stood on the platform. It’s coming from all directions, but when I let my eyes sweep toward Kelly, she’s looking at me in a new light. There’s curiosity, but not the kind I saw a few minutes ago, an interest in new competition. No, her gaze is assessing, biting even. I just can’t figure out if it’s the way she’s looking at me or Beck’s indifference that knocked me out of the clouds. Either way, I’ve definitely hit the ground with a hard thud.
Chapter Thirty
Beck
I should have anticipated this. As soon as I saw Kelly and Brie on the lineup a couple of days ago, I should have mentioned something, or done a better job at avoiding exactly the situation I’m in right now. It’s not the first time in the past year that I’ve found myself at the same event as Kelly and Brie at the same time, and I know how to handle it. Cordial and polite, but not too friendly with either one. If I show any sign of caring too much about either of them, Kelly gets ideas in her head.
When we first started dating three years ago, I thought her possessiveness was kind of cute. Sometimes it was even hot when she got jealous, bringing that fire to the bedroom. It got old real fast, especially as my fame grew and there were more and more reasons for her to get jealous or manufacture scenarios that made her vulnerable. It took another year, and some brutal accusations of me cheating on her, including with Brie, before I was finally able to end it, really end it. Within a few weeks, she was trying to wiggle her way back into my life, and she hasn’t exactly stopped since.
Griffin’s eyes meet mine above Jordan’s head, and just like that Saturday night when I made my intentions clear to my best friend on Jordan’s birthday, we have a silent conversation. In this one, I tell him to keep Jordan off of Kelly’s radar. He puts a hand around Jordan’s waist and pulls her to his side. Jordan’s eyes snap to mine as Griff murmurs something in her ear, presumably a congratulations because she mumbles a confused, “Thanks.”
We’re friends, sure, but everyone in our circle acts like it’s more than that. Jordan might be oblivious, but it’s clear to her now that Griffin’s been giving her a wide berth, because I can see just how uncomfortable she looks. When I force my eyes away, acting unfazed by my best friend touching her, I hope she relaxes. Well, I don’t, not really, but I can see the way Kelly is narrowing her eyes, assessing the situation.
“So, you guys know Jordan then?” she asks, even though she has her answer.
“Yep. She’s the brand rep for Brazen,” Griffin says with a proud nod.
Summer elbows Griffin. “You make it sound like she’s just business. She’s also a really good friend.”
“Does she go to your high school?” Kelly pushes.
Naomi laughs while I do my best to stay silent, even as I feel Jordan’s discomfort radiating off her in waves.
“No, she goes to Summerside U.”
Brie brushes my shoulder and quietly tells me she’s going to head out. She’s not a big fan of Kelly or drama and I wish I could slip away with her.
Jordan finally speaks up. “I moved here in August from the east coast and kept running into these guys at parks and around campus.”
“Oh, you’re the mystery girl from Taylor’s video!” Kelly says. “I get it now.” Kelly’s scrutiny seems to drop a level as she smiles. “What a great little twist. So was that video planned to plant the seed for your breakout? How clever. Who came up with it?”
Jordan can be oblivious about some things, but I can tell she’s on alert with Kelly, because there’s no humor in her voice when she responds, “No, that was just a coincidence. He didn’t know who I was, I hadn’t met any of them yet. It was actually my first day riding in California when he got that video.”
“Wow,” Kelly deadpans. “How fortunate. Most of us have to spend years building connections and working hard to get that kind of platform.”
Her jealousy was never very subtle, and I fight an eye roll.
Naomi isn’t aware of all the details of my relationship or breakup with Kelly, but she’s hearing the dig against Jordan, and doesn’t like it. “Actually, Jordan didn’t want to have a platform or compete or any of it. We had to talk her into it.”
Kelly looks at Naomi and then ignores her, turning to me. “So, I know you’re doing the reality TV show soon to rep Brazen. Did you manage to pull some strings to get Jordan here on the show too?” Her sharp gaze turns to Jordan. “Wait, are you eighteen yet? There are so many young rising stars I feel like a dinosaur now at twenty-five.”
Jordan leans into Griffin, and her comfort with him, the way I can tell she’s drawing some support, makes me burn with a possessiveness I wish I didn’t feel. It’s the same ugly thing that drove Kelly to be the bitch she is today, and I want nothing to do with it. Yet it’s there, red and blazing. I never felt anything like this for Kelly, but it doesn’t make me sympathize with her, it only makes me wish I wasn’t experiencing it myself.
Jordan answers before I can get a word out. “I’m eighteen. But no, I’m not going on any reality television show. I’m a full-time student, like Beck.”
Jordan doesn’t look at me but clarity cuts through the haze of red. I haven’t mentioned a word about Shred Live to Jordan, and with her lack of interest in the skateboarding social media scene, she hasn’t heard about it on her own. I’ve been wondering when Naomi and Summer will drop the news, but they must have made a pact or something in their scheme to get me together with Jordan because she’s never mentioned it to me.
This is why she’s leaning on Griff for support. It’s not the age comment by Kelly, though maybe that’s part of it. It’s the bomb she dropped about Shred Live.
“Oh well, at least you’ve got Griff pulling strings for you to get into competitions. Great job today, by the way. The judges love seeing new faces out there. Just remember it’s all about consistency in the long run.”
Yeah, not so subtle.
Summer lets out a dramatic sigh. “Can we go now? I’m starving.” The girl is always starving, but I’m thankful for it at this moment.
We manage to get out of the crowds without too many interceptions. Griff probably wanted to use the chance to get Jordan and his company’s name in front of a few of the media people here today, but he seems to get that we’re all ready to split. Besides, Summer’s been all over it today with the social media for Jordan.
When we reach the van, I toss my keys to Griffin and tell Naomi to take shotgun. Jordan hasn’t looked my way once since we left the park, staying tucked under Griffin with his hand at her back as we weaved through the crowds. I can’t stand it a second longer and I slide in next to her after she takes the window in the bench seat. She glances over at me, a flash of surprise on her face. The girl has no mask, at least has never had one with me, and I see all the emotions cross her face. Confusion, hurt, acceptance, and the last one I can’t quite put my finger on, but it looks like resolve.
Jordan scoots a little closer to the window so our legs aren’t touching. Yeah, that was resolve to distance herself, a reminder we’re just friends. I should honor it, because that’s what’s best. But I know now we’re both only pretending anyway. And we’ve got another ten weeks before the semester ends. Can we keep it up for that long? It’s going to be painful no matter which way this goes.
&n
bsp; Seeing Kelly reminded me I’m choosing one path over the other. It reminded me of just how bad things can go with relationships and breakups. Sure, I know Jordan’s nothing like Kelly, but I’m still me, and like Mom warned me, my life’s only going to become more of a circus after Shred Live.
Jordan’s been in the college bubble with me; she’s barely seen a glimpse of what it’s like when I’m on the competition circuit. Today was only a taste of the attention and crowds I’ll endure once the semester is over, filming starts, and the show hits the air. It was brutal on a relationship before, I can’t imagine what it will be like next. Hell, it was exhausting for me to endure solo the past year, last thing I want is to drag someone else into it with me, especially Jordan. But when she peeks over at me again as Griff pulls out of the lot, I just don’t know if I can do the right thing.
Chapter Thirty-One
Jordan
I can’t decide if I’m more annoyed with Beck or myself. He owes me nothing, yet the sharp sting of betrayal is there. A reality show? I didn’t even know he was leaving next semester. I’m assuming he sat back here to offer an explanation, and while his eyes show remorse, all he does is talk to me about the competition. It feels forced, and then I’m even more pissed he’s putting a damper on my moment. Right, and then I only get angry at myself for letting him affect me so much. It’s not a cool cycle, not at all.
Naomi and Summer want to go out to eat and even though I could probably swing it, I tell them I need to get dropped at the dorms to meet my friends.
Griffin pulls up in front of my dorm and Beck shifts his legs to the side for me to pass. Out of the corner of my eye, I see him lift a hand to my hip as I squeeze by, but drop it in a closed fist a second later. It’s gestures like these that give me a false hope, one I need to squash or I’ll keep going around in the same cycle. It’s not like me. I’m easy and steady, straightforward and uncomplicated. But today’s emotional rollercoaster has me questioning that.
