Sweet Surrender s-1

by Maya Banks

  “Faith, honey…”

  “Please,” she whispered.

  “Pop, let it alone,” Connor said firmly. “She needs to rest and get better.”

  Pop sighed and nodded.

  A knock sounded at the door. When no one immediately came in, Pop frowned and walked to the door. He returned a moment later, a peculiar expression on his face.

  “Who was it?” she asked.

  He cleared his throat. “It’s your mother, Faith. She’s here to see you. She asked if you would mind her coming in for a minute.”

  Her heart seized, and dread filled her chest.

  “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want,” Pop said soothingly.

  Tears filled her eyes again then slid down both cheeks. A sob caught in her throat. How bad was it when the mere mention of her mother reduced her to tears?

  Connor picked up her hand and squeezed. “Don’t let her upset you, Faith. If you want her to go away, I’ll make it happen. You don’t have to see her if you don’t want.”

  “Let her come in,” she said tiredly.

  Connor squeezed her hand again. “I’ll be right here, honey.”

  Pop walked back to the door and opened it. A few seconds later, Celia Martin walked hesitantly in. She paused several feet from the bed before finally approaching.

  For the first time, Faith got a good look at the mother she hadn’t seen in three years. Time hadn’t been good to her. She looked tired, worn, old. Not at all the vibrant young woman Faith remembered from her childhood. She had the regrets of a lifetime reflected in her dull eyes.

  Faith waited, not knowing what to say. Thank you? For rescuing her from a situation Celia was responsible for? She swallowed against the rising anger and clenched her jaw until her teeth ached.

  Connor stroked his fingers repeatedly over her hands, and she curled her fingers around his, holding on for dear life.

  Celia looked up at Pop and Connor first. “I’ll always be grateful to you for all you’ve done for Faith. I failed her. I’m just glad she had you to turn to.”

  Faith bit her lip to keep from crying more.

  Celia moved closer to Faith and looked as though she too was battling to keep from crying. “I messed up, baby. But then that’s nothing new. I just wanted to come by and tell you how sorry I am. And to thank you for what you said to the police. They aren’t going to press charges against me as long as I testify against Eric.”

  “I’m glad,” Faith whispered.

  “I hoped…I hoped maybe we could get together sometime. Maybe when you’re better.”

  Faith tensed, and again, Connor stroked his thumb over her hand in an effort to calm her.

  “I’m s-sorry. I just can’t do this right now,” Faith said. The knot grew so big in her throat that it was hard to breathe around. More tears slipped down her cheeks, and she damned them. “I need you to go away.” It was hard to keep the hurt from her voice. Her utter sense of betrayal. At the moment, she felt let down by everyone she’d ever loved.

  She shut her eyes and turned her face into the pillow as the sobs mounted in her throat.

  “That’s enough,” Pop said tersely. “She’s had enough.”

  “Of course. I’m sorry,” Celia said. “I’ll go now.”

  “Shhh, honey, don’t cry,” Connor said as he tucked her hair behind her ear. “It’ll only make your head hurt worse.”

  “I want to go home,” she said in a muffled voice.

  “I’ll talk to the doctor and see what he says,” Pop said soothingly.

  As he walked away, she only cried harder. Thank God they weren’t noisy, gulping sobs, because it would have split her head right open. Instead silent streams of tears ran down her cheeks. Faster and faster. Like a dam breaking.

  Connor eased onto the bed beside her and gathered her in his arms. He didn’t say anything, just held her while she cried and occasionally dropped a kiss on top of her head.

  A few minutes later, Pop walked in, and close on his heels came the doctor. The doctor frowned when he got a good look at her.

  “Your father tells me you’re ready to be discharged, but I hesitate to send you home when you’re visibly upset. Are you in any pain?”

  She shook her head, nearly wincing with the effort. “I just want to go home,” she whispered.

  “She’ll go home with us,” Pop interjected. “And straight to bed. She won’t so much as lift a finger. You have my personal guarantee.”

  “Well her CT scans all came back normal, and other than that bump on her noggin, her other injuries are negligible. I’ll consent to discharging her, but if her condition worsens, if she feels nauseated or has vomiting or her level of consciousness decreases, I want her back here ASAP.”

  Pop nodded. “We’ll watch her. You have my word.”

  “All right then. I’ll give the nurse her discharge orders. Someone should be down in a little bit to send her home.”

  “Thank you, Doctor,” Pop said.

  After the doctor left, Pop walked to her side and patted her arm. “We’ll get you home and taken care of. You’ll be right as rain in no time.”

  She nodded, but a heavy feeling descended on her chest. She’d tried really hard not to focus on Gray, but now that the issue of her mother had been dealt with, he was all that was left. As cowardly as it sounded, she just didn’t have the strength to face him right now.

  CHAPTER 40

  Gray awoke with a start. Sunshine blasted through the window, hitting him square in the eyes. Which told him he’d slept entirely too damn late.

  He rolled over, and his body screamed in protest. When he hit his wounded shoulder, his breath left him in a staggered gasp.

  Ignoring the protests of his body, he shoved himself out of bed and stumbled over to retrieve the watch he’d taken off the night before. Ten-fucking-thirty.

  He left the room with a bang and nearly tripped over his shoes in the hallway. Bending, and nearly passing out with the effort, he scooped up his shoes and walked into the living room.

  “So the dead has awakened,” Micah said from where he was slouched on the sofa.

  “You should have damn well woke me up hours ago,” Gray snarled.

  Micah lifted a brow. “You needed the sleep, and Faith wasn’t going anywhere.”

  “Except I need to see her,” Gray bit out. “I have a lot of explaining to do.”

  Micah shrugged. “As soon as you get your shoes on, we’ll go.”

  Gray sat down and yanked his shoes on. Then he shoved himself upright again and looked expectantly at Micah.

  “Okay, okay, man, I’m coming,” Micah said as he got up from the couch. “You ought to have someone look at that shoulder while we’re at the hospital. Make sure your arm isn’t going to rot off or something.”

  Gray glared at him. “I’m taking the antibiotics. It’ll be fine.”

  They walked out of the apartment and climbed into Micah’s truck.

  “Have you heard from Pop this morning?” Gray asked as they drove off. “Do you know how she’s doing?”

  “Nope. Nothing yet. She’s probably still sleeping.”

  Gray sighed impatiently. Not seeing her, touching her, holding her was driving him nuts. He should have been there with her. Soothed her hurts. Comforted her when she was scared. It tore his damn guts out that some cop had found her out on the streets, scared half out of her mind and running for her life.

  “Quit beating yourself up over there,” Micah murmured. “It won’t change anything.”

  Gray pressed his lips together and didn’t say anything.

  Twenty minutes later, Micah pulled into the hospital parking lot.

  “I’ll drop you off out front, and I’ll go park. I’ll meet you in Faith’s room.”

  Gray nodded, and when Micah pulled up at the patient loading and unloading point, he pried himself out of the truck, trying to keep the pain at a minimum. He hadn’t taken any painkillers this morning because he wanted to talk to Faith with a clear he
ad.

  The automatic doors swooshed open, and Gray walked inside. He stopped short when he saw Faith across the lobby getting out of a wheelchair pushed by a nurse.

  Connor stepped to her side, wrapped an arm around her and tucked her against him as they started forward. Gray’s heart raced. Fuck. She was being discharged, and he’d never even been to see her. He’d left her alone the entire goddamn night.

  He hurried forward as fast as he was able without taking a nosedive. When he was a few feet away, Faith looked up and saw him. He stopped short when he saw the flood of pain fill her eyes. His chest nearly caved in.

  “Faith,” he began.

  Her lips trembled and tears filled her beautiful eyes.

  He closed the distance between them and reached for her hand. He flinched when she pulled it away and cupped it with her other one.

  “Baby, are you okay? God, I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I just woke up.”

  “It’s okay,” she said in a faltering voice. “Pop and Connor stayed with me.” She looked away, but he saw a tear trail down her cheek.

  “Faith, baby, look at me,” he said. But she refused and closed her eyes.

  “This isn’t a good time,” Connor said evenly. “She’s had enough for today. She needs to get home and rest.”

  He started forward, but Gray couldn’t let it go like this.

  “Faith, I love you. That’s all that damn well matters. Nothing else.”

  She turned her gaze on him, and all the breath was sucked right out of his chest at the raw pain he saw there. She opened her mouth but closed it just as rapidly. He could see her retreat, fold in on herself. Her shoulders sagged, and he could see the utter fatigue draped over her like a mantle.

  Connor’s arm tightened around her as though he feared she might crumble. But it was Gray who was crumbling. Connor pressed his lips together and ushered Faith past him. Gray turned and watched her walk slowly out of the hospital entrance where Pop had pulled his SUV around.

  Micah strode up then, and he stopped in front of Faith. He bent down and kissed her cheek. “How are you, baby doll?”

  Gray didn’t hear her answer, but he saw Micah’s reaction. Worry narrowed his eyes, and he reached out to touch her face.

  “You go on home and get some rest. Let Pop and Connor take care of you for a while.”

  When Connor helped Faith into Pop’s SUV, Micah approached Gray, a look of sympathy on his face.

  “I fucked up,” Gray said in a low voice. “I should have told her the truth. If I had, none of this would have happened. She’d be in my arms, in my bed, safe.”

  Micah shook his head. “You can’t think like that, man. Give it a day or two. Let her come down from all the emotional turmoil.”

  “I can’t let her go,” Gray said simply. “Not when I’ve finally found her.”

  CHAPTER 41

  Faith accepted Damon’s hand as he helped her out of the car. She closed her eyes and allowed the ocean breeze to wash soothingly over her face. The sun beat down on her, warming her skin, but she still felt cold on the inside.

  “I don’t like leaving you here alone, Faith,” Damon said, worry evident in his voice.

  She sighed. Pop and Connor hadn’t been thrilled with her wanting to leave so soon after her hospital stay either, but she desperately needed some time away from everything. She had to think. Collect her thoughts. Do something other than lie around while Pop and Connor fussed over her.

  “I’ll be fine, Damon. You’re so sweet to do this for me.”

  He inserted the key into the front door lock then opened the door. “You know all you have to do is ask. If it’s in my power, you can be sure I’ll do it.”

  He walked in ahead of her and dropped her suitcase in the foyer. The beach house he owned was wrapped in police tape and would be cordoned off for the investigation for months to come. When Faith had called, in need of a getaway, he’d rented a similar beach house close to Galveston.

  Part of her felt bad for taking advantage of his generosity, knowing full well she couldn’t return his interest. But he’d offered her his friendship, and friendship was something she was currently in bad need of.

  “I’ve hired someone to come look in on you twice a day,” Damon said. He held up his hand when she would have protested. “Your meals will be delivered. I don’t want you to overexert yourself. You need to rest and recover. If there is anything you need, anything at all, pick up the phone and call me.”

  “Thank you,” she said softly.

  He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “I just want you to smile again.”

  She complied and gave him the best one she could muster. “I just need a few days to regroup. Sort some things out in my head. Pop told me everything that happened, but it’s hard to process. I just wish everyone hadn’t been so determined to keep me in the dark.”

  He cupped her cheek and rubbed his thumb in a soothing motion over her skin. “You can’t blame them for wanting to protect you, Faith. I would have done the same.”

  She went into his arms and hugged him tight. “I wish…”

  “Yeah, I know,” he said as he pulled away. He smiled down at her and nudged her nose with his knuckle. “I’ll get on out of here and leave you alone. Call me if you need anything.”

  She nodded and watched as he left through the front door.

  When she was alone, she found the couch and sank gratefully down onto the cushions. What she really wanted to do was pop a painkiller and zone out for about twelve hours. But that was cowardly, and it solved nothing.

  A regular nap sounded damn good though. Not bothering to move from the couch, she curled into the soft cushions and closed her eyes.

  A tear slid down her cheek, and she squeezed her eyes tighter shut.

  Of everything that had happened, the part she was having the most trouble reconciling was her feelings for Gray. She loved him. Or what she thought was him. But how could she be sure?

  The idea that she’d fallen in love with a fantasy filled her with despair. She’d never felt so alone in her entire life. She couldn’t run from the situation forever. She knew that. But she needed time, needed to be less emotional when she eventually faced Gray and the truth of what was between them.

  Gray swore as he caught yet another traffic light on Seawall Boulevard. His free hand curled tightly around the steering wheel as he waited impatiently for it to turn green again. His other hand rested on his lap. He’d torn the heavy bandages off his shoulder, freeing his arm, despite medical warnings not to. It was still tender as hell, and he kept a smaller bandage over the stitches, but enough was enough. He couldn’t go around one-armed.

  After spending a frustrating couple of days trying to see Faith, he was ready to put his fist through a wall. And then, when he’d gone back to Pop’s with no intention of taking no for an answer, he’d been told that she was gone.

  In the hours that ensued, he’d felt like peeling his skin off and turning himself inside out. The absolute helplessness he felt not being able to talk to her, to see for himself how she was—it was about to send him right over the edge. Not that he needed much at the moment.

  When he’d discovered where she’d gone and how she’d gotten there, his hopes had plummeted. He knew damn well that Damon Roche was interested in Faith, and that if she gave him the slightest bit of encouragement, he’d be all over her.

  The sun was sinking over the horizon when he pulled into the driveway of the beach house. He got out and walked as quickly as he could up the stairs to the front door. He debated for a moment about whether to knock, but he shrugged off the urge. It was door-die time. The worst she could do was tell him to fuck off.

  He tried the knob and found it unlocked, so he opened the door and walked in. As he walked into the living room, his gaze fell on the couch where she was asleep.

  His mouth went dry. His heart beat a little faster, and he clenched his hands into fists at his sides.

  He moved quietly and dropped to his knees
beside the couch as he drank in her appearance. She looked unbelievably fragile, like she required tender handling. He was almost afraid to touch her. Almost.

  Unable to resist the softness of her cheek, he trailed a finger down her jawline to the corner of her mouth then eased it over her velvet lips.

  A painful surge rushed through his chest when he saw the tearstains on her face. He leaned down and kissed each reddened spot.

  She stirred beneath him, and her eyes fluttered open. “Gray?” she whispered.

  “Yes, baby, it’s me.”

  Shadows fell over her eyes, and he could sense her withdrawal. As though she was steeling herself against him.

  It damn near broke his heart.

  Not wanting her to withdraw even further, he reached for her and pulled her gently into his embrace. He held her close, absorbing the fact that she was safe and alive. She felt fragile and oh so very precious in his arms.

  “I couldn’t bear to lose you,” he said, his voice catching with emotion. “These last few days have been hell, when all I’ve wanted to do is hold you, touch you, tell you how much I love you.”

  She went still against him. Then she pulled slightly away until their gazes met. “I needed some time to think,” she said quietly.

  He reached out to cup her face in his hand. “Faith, I didn’t use you as bait. I didn’t set up our time at the beach house to lure Samuels out. I would never do that to you.”

  She put a finger over his lips. “I know, Gray. Pop told me what happened. I understand. He told me that he asked you not to tell me about the potential danger I was in. He feels terrible.”

  His brows drew together in confusion. “Then why…I don’t understand. If you know…” He stopped and started over again. “Why are you upset?” he finally spit out.

  Deep sadness welled in her eyes. His heart dropped to his stomach. God, he’d do anything to take that sadness away.

  She looked away as a tear slipped down her cheek. He reached up and thumbed it away. “Oh, baby, don’t cry. Tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.”

  She looked back at him. “You can’t.” She took a deep, shuddering breath. “Gray, I understand why you did what you did. I’m not angry. I accept that you didn’t come to the beach house in order to draw your partner’s killer out. What I can’t accept is the fact that nothing that happened was real. I can’t live with the fact that you only gave me what you knew I wanted in order to get close to me, in order to get information and then ultimately to protect me. You were so sure I was playing games and only wanted a fantasy, but what were you doing if not providing a facade for me?”