Grace Alive: a Christian Romance

by Natasha House

  “Well…I don’t know about that, but I’d like to publish my book one day.”

  “Your book?” He smiled, and I could see a snicker behind his smile. I could read that look on his face that said that’ll never happen. That made me furious. I pressed my lips together and shut my mouth. If I said anything, I was going to yell and scream at him. I suffered through the rest of our lunch date and was thanking God when it was over.

  Chapter 9

  I didn’t have to work today which was nice and not so nice. Nice, because I could sleep in for a little bit, and not so nice because my mom and dad were watching me like a hawk. I had no idea why. I think they thought I was going to run out the door screaming. I had been texting Branson all week trying to get to know him a little better, and we’d been on Facebook chatting last night for five hours. Mom tried to make conversation with me but failed. I had no desire to talk about the other night when my dad had yelled at me about my tithe.

  My mom made me breakfast. I choked down pancakes and two sausages, but honestly I didn’t feel like eating a thing. I needed to get out of here. After my meal, I took a shower, got dressed, and put on some makeup. I needed to go for a walk or something. I grabbed my cell phone, keys, and purse and headed out the door.

  “Where are you going, sweetheart?” my mother asked me.

  “Going for a walk in the park.”

  “Okay, love you.” I heard her putting the dishes in the dishwasher and walked out the door. My dad was in his study praying. I felt anger brewing up in me again. Why was I angry at my dad? He was just trying to teach me the laws of God. It wasn’t his fault I was so stupid. I unlocked my car and slid into the driver’s seat. I shoved my key in the ignition and turned it over. My car purred to life, and I peeled out of the driveway. I felt something lift off my shoulders instantly. I would see Mia at church tonight. I needed to talk to her. Really, really badly. Should I though? Should I say that my dad chewed me out last Saturday because I forgot to tithe? Maybe I should just keep it to myself. I slammed my hands against the steering wheel. Was that really who God was? A tyrant like my dad? If I broke the rules was I going to Hell?

  For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son. I paused as I heard the scripture in my heart. For God so loved the world. If God loved me, why did He get so mad at me when I didn’t do something right? It was so confusing. I turned up my stereo and let the worship music soothe my nerves. I just needed to drive. I drove for awhile until I hit the furthest part of town where a lonely park rested. It was the perfect place to just get away. I still felt emotional, but I could hide it pretty well when I wanted to. I shoved it all in a nice neat box marked Dad and buried it in my heart. I did love my dad; I just wished he wasn’t so hard at times. Deep down I felt like he was just trying to do what was right for me.

  I parked my car and climbed out. The fresh air would do me good. I locked my car and slung my purse over my shoulder.

  I started walking down the winding sidewalk that was nestled underneath some awesome woods. The trees were huge here, and there were forest animals all over the place. It’s really more of a reserve than a park. The only thing domesticated here is the path that they paved last year for the sake of bikers and moms with strollers. There is an outhouse somewhere too. Though I wouldn’t call that domesticated. I started walking briskly, making my mind push away all negative thoughts. This was going to be a good day. After all the praying I did, God must have forgiven me right? I started quoting scriptures under my breath just in case. I saw a couple women jogging with ear buds shoved in their ears. One guy was running with his golden retriever. I waved at him, and he smiled.

  I started jogging to loosen up my muscles. I tried to keep in shape. I jogged three times a week if that counted for something. I let the feel of the wind soothe my frayed nerves, and the coolness of the shade filled me with peace. After a good 20 minutes, I slowed down to a walk and circled back toward my car.

  “Zoe, right?” a man said from behind me. I turned and gave half a smile. Did I know this guy? “I’m Zach, Jacob’s friend. I came to church last week with him.”

  I didn’t even remember seeing him. He must have come in after I’d sat down.

  “Oh, hi,” I said feeling completely awkward.

  “I just saw you, so I thought I’d say hi. You know Jacob really likes you.”

  Awkward moment. My goodness, can’t this guy just go away. I really didn’t want to talk about creepy Jacob. I might explode.

  “He…really wants you to know that I think. He told me that your dad told him that you…well…that you and him are supposed to court. That’s so awesome! Jacob is really happy!”

  My dad said what! I lost all breath in my body for a second. He told Jacob that God wanted me to court him! My eyes flashed hotly, and my hands balled into fists. Seriously!

  “God never told me to court Jacob. I’m not…courting Jacob,” I said through a forced smile.

  “Oh, I thought…” Zach stuttered and then lost his bravado. “Oh, well I’ll go…I better go. I’ll see you tonight, Zoe.”

  That’s right there was church tonight. I let out an annoyed groan as I watched him go. How could my dad do that to me! He probably wanted Jacob to pray for me to see the light. My tranquil feeling now ruined, I stormed toward my car.

  ***

  I slid into the third row that night feeling extremely angry at my dad still. Mia noticed immediately. Her brown hair was in waves and a sparkly clip held it to one side. She was wearing a short pink dress that accented her figure.

  “Spill it, Zo,” she said as she pulled me to a private corner of the church. Tears welled up in my eyes despite myself. I swiped them away in annoyance.

  “Things are just getting out of control. My dad is trying to pawn me off to Jacob. He told me the other day that God told him I was to court Jacob. Then Jacob’s creepy friend told me that my dad told Jacob that I was supposed to court him! I mean seriously? How could my dad do that to me?” I said through a sob. Mia looked around and then wrapped me up in a big hug. She smelt like flowers.

  “Zoe, it’s going to be okay. Maybe…it won’t be so bad to court Jacob. Maybe…you’ll grow to love him,” she said soothingly.

  “Seriously? You’re taking his side? Jacob? Can you see me kissing that guy?” I jerked my head toward where Jacob always sat. He wasn’t here yet, which I was happy about.

  “Ew. You’re right. That’s just wrong on all levels. But, what if God did tell your dad that? I’ve never known Pastor Daniel to ever mishear God.” She blinked at me.

  “Please, stop, Mia,” I said close to tears again. She was right. My dad was never wrong. Ever. So why did I feel like upchucking at even the thought of Jacob? Shouldn’t I be attracted to my future husband? I thought of Branson and scolded myself. Just get over him, Zoe. This is the way it is. Jacob and you are meant to be. The Lord spoke to your dad about it. I tried to convince myself that this was what I was going to do. We headed out of our little corner and found our seats as the service was about to begin. Pastor Mike got everyone all pumped up before they dismissed the youth and children to their classes.

  My dad got up and smiled at us. Smiled! I was in shock! He began a lesson on prayer. It was a subject my dad absolutely loved. He expounded on how important it was, and how God was displeased with us when we let things distract us. I’d let a lot of things distract me lately. I still prayed, but I kept thinking about Branson and what I should do about Friday. It was only a couple days away now. After service, I hovered near Mia as she bustled her kids around. Tomas nodded to me silently.

  Crap. Jacob walked over to me, a sickening sweet smile stretched across his face. It isn’t even that Jacob is ugly. Far from it. Some girls actually thought he was semi-attractive. If you liked that greasy, slicked back look. For some reason he wanted me, even though a couple girls I knew liked him. He couldn’t take a hint. He approached me, and I had nowhere to hide.

  “Hi-ya, Zoe-Mcglowy,” he said with a stup
id drawl.

  “Hi,” I said with a dead voice. I was not in the mood for him today.

  “So what time do I pick you up for the movie?”

  “Movie?” I asked dumbly. What was he talking about?

  “Oh, your dad told me, Friday me and you were going to the movies. There’s a new Christian film out I thought we could catch, and then afterward we could grab a bite to eat. What time is good for you?”

  Never! I wanted to shout. Friday was my date with Branson! My dad had planned this? What did I do? If I said get lost he would say something to my dad, and I’d get a huge lecture about hearing the voice of God. This was going to be really tricky to get out of. Maybe I could work? I could call my boss and have him schedule me for Friday night. But, what about Branson? I felt torn in two. This was a no-win situation. If I said no I would face my dad, if I said yes I wouldn’t be able to go out with Branson. And…ugh…I’d be going out with Jacob. What did I do! Jesus, what do I do? I can’t win here! I prayed to myself. Jacob fidgeted. Oh, I’d waited a long time to answer.

  “Will six work for you? The movie starts at 6:15. Then we can go out to Charlie’s afterward.” He was still waiting for me to say something. I’d have to cancel with Branson wouldn’t I? I wanted to cry all over again.

  “Okay.” That was all I could say right now. I turned and walked away before I screamed like a three-year-old. Tears impregnated in my eyes against my will as I slammed out the door of the church. Mia got a glimpse of my face as she loaded her kids in her van. I jogged to my car and shoved my key in before she could come over. I’d driven myself today. I hadn’t wanted to ride with my parents even if it saved me 50 cents. I was going out with Jacob. This sucked!

  Chapter 10

  I had to work the next day, and all I could think was that I had a date with stinky Jacob. It was like having a date with a drowned rat. Wrong on every level. I helped people find felt, glue sticks, and beads. One old lady even pinched my cheeks. My life was sucky. I felt hopelessness spiral through my chest. It was almost time to go, when the door jingled and sure enough Branson walked in. His smile lit the room. He had no kids with him today. He saw me and walked over.

  “Hi, Zoe! Still on for tomorrow night?”

  Crap! I had forgotten to cancel with him! I was so wrapped up in my own misery that I let it completely slip my mind! I must have shown it on my face because his smile turned into a concerned look.

  “Is something wrong? You look like you ate a lemon. Does my breath stink or something?” He smelt his own breath then gave me a killer smile. This was going to be so hard to do. How did I explain this to him? My dad thought I was supposed to marry this creepy guy who I thought was a snake. Did I tell him?

  “Um, Branson, something came up for Friday. I completely forgot to call you. I can’t go out with you. Can we…reschedule?” I asked. I still wanted to go out if only to quench this strong urge I felt to be with him. I know I shouldn’t feel that way at all. I should just listen to my dad. Be a good pastor’s daughter, and obey my dad. After all, he heard God better than I did.

  “Oh, well, how about Saturday? Though I might have…the twins. I…could call their mom and see if I could work something out.” He reached in his back pocket for his phone and started scrolling. “I’ll call her. Hold on.” He walked a few feet away from me, and I could hear him softly talking to his ex. I didn’t want to create tension between him and his kids’ moms. What was I doing? Branson was a dad. He had, had how many girlfriends? Was he going to try and tempt me into bed with him? The thought terrified me. After a couple minutes, he walked back over with a small frown.

  “Um, she can’t take the twins Saturday. What about Sunday? After church Julie picks them up. We could hang out around one?” he asked. I really, really wanted to be around him.

  “Okay, that would probably work for me.” My parents went to one of the church members’ houses for lunch. I sometimes went with them. I could tell them that I wanted some alone time. I could suffer through my date with Jacob I suppose knowing that two days later I’d see Branson. He smiled at me and bought his milk. We must have some killer milk.

  Chapter 11

  Ugh. Date time. I wanted to just wear sweats on my date with Jacob and not do anything to make myself look good. But Dad was downstairs, and if I looked like the walking dead he would notice and be upset. I threw on a pair of nice jeans, a button down black shirt that made me look a little chubby, and braided my hair like I was 12. I added a little makeup but not much. I looked like a hick. Perfect. I came down the stairs just as Jacob knocked on the door. My dad looked at me, and his eyebrow rose slightly.

  “You’re wearing that, Zoe?”

  I simply nodded at him as I answered the door and let Jacob in. Jacob was wearing a nice suit with his hair combed back all perfectly. Yuck.

  “Ready?” he asked, and I could hear the excitement in his voice.

  “Yeah.” That was all I could bring myself to say as I went out the door with him. We got into his truck, and we headed toward the theater. We watched the super cheesy movie, and Jacob tried the shoulder shrug move on me more than once. Finally I leaned forward as if the movie was the most interesting thing on the planet. He tried to brush my hand against his when we were eating popcorn, but I was fast and moved it out of the bucket before he could. He sure was trying hard. After the movie ended, he tried to grab my hand, but I glared at him like he was the devil himself.

  “Sorry, I’m just so excited that we are finally courting.”

  “Who said we were courting?” I said with a sneer. His eyes widened at my response.

  “Your dad. He told me we were courting.”

  Dad! I boiled inside as we headed toward the restaurant. I had to get out of this mess. Charlie’s was packed. We still squeezed into a back booth. We ordered our food, and Jacob squeezed my knee under the table. I think I was going to be sick.

  “God told me we were going to be courting over a year ago. I was just waiting for confirmation. I can’t believe God told your dad too,” he said, and his eyes danced with excitement. I wanted to hit my head against the table until this nightmare was over.

  “I still need to pray about this more, Jacob. I just don’t know.” I pushed my food around on my plate.

  “Are you saying Pastor Daniel didn’t hear the Lord?” There it was again. Guilt! Pressure to perform. Did I just simply trust that my dad heard God for me?

  “I just want to hear God say it to me too,” I said slowly as if I were talking to a child. I suffered through the rest of dinner saying as little as possible. Finally, this awful date was done with. On the way home, Jacob seemed like he was thinking hard about something. He dropped me off, I mumbled a goodbye, and practically ran out of the car and into the house. Thank God that was over! Or was it? I moaned to myself as I hung up my purse and took my shoes off. Mom saw me come in and smiled.

  “How was your date?” she asked with a duster in one hand. With the way my mom dusted, I don’t think our house has a speck of dust in it.

  “Oh, just great,” I said. Was that too much sarcasm in my voice? I hoped not.

  “Jacob’s a nice boy. He’ll make a fine husband for you, Zoe. He’s got a good job, loves the Lord, and serves faithfully in his house.”

  I kept my face straight and simply nodded. If I said something I would probably start screaming, crying, or hysterically laughing, or all three at the same time. My mom kept up her dusting while I headed toward my room to get ready for bed.

  It was coaxing on 10:30 when I finally cozied up in my bed with my Bible. I flipped it open and just started reading a random spot. 1 John 4:7-8 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. I reread the verse again and leaned back against my headboard. I was supposed to love Jacob. If I didn’t love I didn’t know God. I felt a prick. Did I have to love Jacob like that though? Couldn’t I just love him as a brot
her in Christ? I let out a long sigh and kept reading for a few more minutes. My eyes started closing on their own, so I soon closed my Bible and set it on my nightstand. I shut off my lamp and closed my eyes. I could figure everything out tomorrow.

  ***

  I groggily woke up to the sound of my phone dinging from a text. I rolled over and slapped at my phone in annoyance. Who the heck texted at 8:30 in the morning? I didn’t work until later. That’s why God invented sleep. I managed to peek one eyelid open, and instantly I brightened. It was from Branson.

  Morning, want coffee? Weren’t we going out for lunch tomorrow? I puffed out a breath and put my hand up to catch it. Nasty. My breath was going to kill someone.

  Sure, what time? I texted him back, making my body get out of bed. We’d been chatting on Facebook and texting a lot since our first coffee date.

  Now? he texted. Was this guy serious? I did a quick glance in the mirror. I looked like…well…never mind you don’t want to know how I looked.

  I look like something the cat dragged in. Give me 20 minutes. lol, I texted him. I climbed out of bed, dragged some clothes from my drawer, and ran toward the shower. I had 20 minutes to not look like Frankenstein. Was it possible? I got in the shower and quickly washed up. I was out of the shower in five minutes, dried off, and got dressed. Now for my hair. What did I do with it? I had roughly fifteen minutes to make it look half-way decent. I pulled out my hair drier and went to work. After it was mostly dry, I applied my makeup as quickly as possible without smudging everything. Wow. Not too shabby for 20 minutes. I grinned at myself and jogged back toward my bedroom. I grabbed my purse and did one more glance in the mirror before heading toward the door.

  “Where are you going, Zoe?” my mom asked as I practically bolted past her.

  “Going to get some coffee with a friend.”