A Beautiful Sin

by Terri E. Laine

  “Hmm. I never thought of it that way.”

  “He does. I never thought I’d be sitting at a table in a restaurant, with the most beautiful woman in the world, who has just agreed to be my wife. And who has also changed my life and turned it into heaven.”

  “Canaan, you’re the one who’s changed my life. You brought love into it and you allowed me to trust again.” I leaned in close to him. “Can you take me home now? There’s something I want to do when we get there.”

  He stood up so fast he knocked his chair over. I doubled over laughing. But then he sat back down after righting it.

  “Haven,” he admonished. No matter what I did, he was sticking to his no more sex before marriage rules.

  We barely got the door to my apartment opened when his mouth slammed onto mine and we clumsily grabbed for each other. My bulky coat was in the way, along with my silly scarf, and Canaan in his haste tugged it off, but in the process started choking me. I grabbed his hands to stop him and when he saw what he was doing, he shook his head and let go. I rid myself of the damn thing and shrugged off my coat.

  “Will you unzip me, please?”

  “Are you sure you trust me not to tangle you up?”

  “Um, if you want me naked, I’m going to have to.”

  “You know I can’t have you naked. I’ll unzip you then close my eyes so you can change.”

  “My man with the self-control of steel,” I teased.

  Two months later, in May, we stood in the Episcopal Church. Both Father Tony and Bill were there to officiate. Our only guests were Kathy, Macie and her family, and Canaan’s parents, who I was already very fond of. It was plain to see from where he had gotten his kindness. His mother and father had taken me into their arms on our first meeting and welcomed me into their family.

  When it came to our vows, we gazed at each other without a prewritten script, having written our own vows. On my turn, I spoke simply from the heart, telling him how much he meant to me and how much I loved him.

  But Canaan’s blew me away. Of course, being on the hormonal roller coaster, I wouldn’t be able to stop crying throughout, and Macie offered me the giant box of tissues she’d thoughtfully brought with her.

  “Haven, I don’t know if you know this or not, but they misspelled your name. They left out the E. It should be Heaven, for that’s what you are to me. But then again, maybe not. Because you are also my Haven, my safe place, my sanctuary, my oasis. They say God works in ways beyond our understanding, and he certainly did with us. If anyone had told me a year ago I would be standing at an altar getting married, well, I would’ve called them crazy. And now as I look at my life, at our lives, I can’t think of anything any better than this. A love so true and all-encompassing that it makes me thank God every day over and over that He led us to each other.

  “So, on this day, our wedding day, I can’t give you my heart, because you already own it, and I can’t give you my soul, because you already share it. But instead, I give you all of me until this life of mine or yours has ended, because you possess every single bit of me, and I know you will cherish it as much as I will cherish yours.”

  Then he leaned in to kiss me, but I stopped him. “You can’t kiss me yet.”

  “Yes, I can. And I’m only kissing your cheek.”

  I sniffled back tears but didn’t do a very good job of it.

  Father Tony pronounced us husband and wife, and Canaan finally got his big kiss in. He held my face, dabbed at my tears with his thumbs, and kissed me long and deep to the chuckles around us. “I hope those are happy tears,” he said.

  “Yes, but your vows were so amazing.”

  “I love you, Haven. You’re amazing. Do you have any idea what you’ve done for me? You’ve changed my life, brought real meaning into it. You’ve given me joy that I never had.”

  My arms, which were wrapped around his neck, hugged him even harder. “It’s crazy to think how empty my life was without you.”

  “Psst. I think the natives are restless.” Macie poked my back.

  We turned to face the small group and they clapped. My cheeks heated because I was sure they’d heard us.

  “Shall we head to the house?” Canaan’s dad asked.

  “Sure,” Canaan said. His parents were giving us a small reception.

  On the way over, Canaan asked, “So, wife, you never told me what Jonathon said about your pregnancy.”

  There was a reason for that. I didn’t want him to be angry. “He didn’t say a whole lot except not to forget about all the orders I had to fill.”

  “Figures.”

  In the short time Canaan had been in my life, he didn’t have a great fondness for Jonathon. He thought Jonathon took advantage of me, and when my current contract was up, he wanted to renegotiate it so Jonathon would earn less or maybe nothing at all. We would see. But Jonathon was a big name in art. So I planned to hire a well-known attorney to make sure my interests were protected in the contract renewal or I would threaten to go elsewhere. And this time, all the fine print would be spelled out for me.

  “Did I tell you how beautiful you are?”

  “Yes, and you look quite gorgeous yourself.” I leaned across the seat and kissed his cheek.

  “Nothing will ever be as special to me as you are.”

  After the reception, which, thankfully didn’t last too long, we headed for our hotel for the night. I was much more than eager to get my man undressed. In fact, I was downright horny.

  At the front desk, I had to suppress multiple giggles as Canaan fumbled with his credit cards during check-in. There was a good reason for this. My hand had snuck under his coat and was pinching his ass. And oh, I couldn’t wait to see that naked ass again.

  He slid the card in the slot and the door clicked. When I turned the handle, he pushed it open so hard it slammed against the wall. When my mouth opened in surprise, his was there to take advantage of it. Warm lips pressed mine as his tongue tested out the waters. He was still unsure of himself, but everything about him was perfection. I cupped his cheek, and not the one on his face, and squeezed. He wasn’t used to anything sexual yet, but it was going to be fun watching him learn.

  “Canaan, do you mind unzipping me, please?”

  Large hands reached around me and expertly did the job. I slipped the dress off and stood before him in my bra and panties.

  “Oh, good heavens. I am so glad I didn’t know this was all you had on underneath that dress. I would have never been able to get through the ceremony, much less the reception.”

  “Your turn.” My eyes never left him for a second as he freed himself of his clothing. He was absolutely magnificent, standing there in nothing but his boxer briefs with his straining erection. I tugged those off of him and put my hand around his velvety cock. He automatically reached to take off my bra, which he was still clumsy with, and as soon as it was unhooked, we moved into each other’s arms.

  His kiss was like fire, flame in my veins. But it always was. Heat roared through me, and I was sure he could feel it. All I wanted was to feel him inside of me. He pulled away for a second, crouched down, and slid my thong off. Then he stood and cupped me, sliding a finger inside.

  “You’re so warm and soft. And wet.”

  “You make me that way.”

  I took his finger, circled my clit with it, but I wanted him. His lips found mine, and moments later he lifted me and planted himself inside of me.

  “Is this okay?” I loved how he checked to see if I was good with whatever he did.

  “Oh, it’s perfect.”

  His hands grasped my cheeks and moved me to a perfect rhythm as he backed me into a wall. Canaan’s face as we made love was an artist’s dream—this artist’s dream, and one I would never share with another. The V between his brows, the creases on his forehead, the opening of his mouth, all came together to create a striking view. And that was only his face. His body could’ve been a sculpture. And when I heard the words, “I’m going to come,” it was all ove
r for me too.

  Afterward, he carried me to the bed. Then he went to the bathroom and brought back a cloth to clean me up and also a glass of water. He was so considerate.

  That night, Canaan didn’t merely show me how much he loved me. He worshipped me with his mouth, hands, tongue, and body. He shared his heart and soul with me and kissed me until my body tingled from lack of oxygen. We fell asleep, him curved around me, whispering how much he loved me.

  I woke later with large hands resting on my swollen belly as he gently placed his lips on it.

  “You awake?” he said softly.

  “Yes.”

  “I can’t believe we’ve created this beautiful miracle, you and me. A miracle of life. I’m humbled by the gift we’ve been given. God has blessed us with something more precious than gold. I’m just so awed knowing a tiny person who could look like me or you or maybe both of us grows inside of you. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for either of you.”

  Tears of joy spilled from my eyes, because he was right. There was no greater gift and the only thing missing was my mom, knowing she would never see my nugget. But there was something else Canaan had given me. Faith—faith that somewhere she was watching over me and hopefully she would approve of the changes I’d made in my life.

  As he stroked my baby bump, he tenderly kissed me and it was the most beautiful and precious moment, something I would commit to memory and paint one day.

  The rumble of the truck grew louder and came to a stop just as I parked in my driveway. I met the crew as they carried it inside. I opened the door and told them just where to position it. When they left, I went in search of my lovely wife.

  Soft music played in the background, and I found her, covered in paint, as usual.

  I wrapped my arms around her and held her tight as she jumped in my arms.

  “Canaan,” she said, slapping playfully at my hands, but I didn’t let go.

  Nuzzling her neck, I breathed her name. “Haven.”

  Gliding my hands down her sides, I knew she was on board with what I had in mind. I dipped my hand past her elastic waistband and cupped her sex.

  “Canaan,” she moaned, writhing against my back.

  I molded her heavy breast in my other hand.

  “I thought you Catholics couldn’t have sex unless it was to procreate.”

  The fact that she could talk only made me work harder. I slipped two fingers inside her and she cried out.

  “The Catholic Church isn’t always right. Besides, the Bible requires a husband to keep his wife happy. Are you happy, wife?”

  She nodded frantically as I pumped my fingers inside her. Oh, how much I’d learned and fast. I hadn’t told her I’d used my research skills to learn more so I could keep her satisfied.

  “On your knees, love.”

  She turned in my hold and my fingers left the silky depths of her heat. Her eyes flashed with anticipation as she glided to the ground, her paintbrush forgotten. She unzipped my pants as she went and fisted my cock before sliding her tongue around the head.

  I loved her mouth. “We don’t have time for that. On your hands and knees.”

  Her wicked smile did all sorts of things to me as I pulled off my shirt and kicked my pants to the side. On my knees, I slid deep inside her, forcing her back to arch in response. I ran my fingertips down the length of her spine before curling my fingers in her hair. I leaned over and kissed her neck.

  She was wet and warm. And thank God we were married, because I didn’t have to confess my baser desires in confession. I was allowed sinful thoughts of my glorious wife and her lustful body.

  “Canaan, stop teasing me. Your parents will be here any time now with Hannah.”

  As much as I loved my daughter, I didn’t want to think about her in this moment. So I sped up my movements.

  “I love your breasts. I love being inside you.”

  Her response was indistinguishable as I hit that sweet spot. Leaving her breast, I moved to rub her clitoris because I was close. It only took her clamping around me in a vice grip to have me shooting off.

  I didn’t want to pull out, but the doorbell rang.

  “They’re here,” she sang.

  Kissing the smile off her mouth after helping her to her feet, I quickly put on my clothes.

  “You have paint on you,” she teased.

  “And you should be in labor by now. The doctor said having sex would coax our wayward child out of his mother’s belly.”

  “And how do you know it’s a boy?” Haven asked.

  “It has to be. I’m sorely outnumbered. God will have some mercy on me.”

  She laughed. “Clean up, my dear. Somehow I don’t think my parents will see the beauty in our sexual activities.”

  When she stuck her tongue out, I added, “And I’m looking forward to lots of your mouth during the six weeks I’m deprived from being inside you.”

  “Were you ever a priest?” she called out after I left the room.

  That part of my life felt so foreign to me. Though I had many occasions to call forth the prayers I knew like the back of my hand.

  The doorbell rang again. “Coming,” I called out and shook my head, remembering how Haven had shared with me the colloquial uses of that word.

  I chuckled more to myself when I pulled the door open. Kathy and Ed greeted me with wide smiles. “Come in.” I laughed again. Good thing Haven hadn’t heard me.

  “Oh my, the house is beautiful.”

  It had been a labor of love. We’d purchased a fixer-upper in a good neighborhood. Father Tony and Bill helped me along with contractors for the things that were out of my novice’s hands. Macie’s father was a contractor and had showed me how to do things like drywall and tile.

  “Just in time. Haven should give birth any day now.”

  “And where is my granddaughter?” Kathy asked.

  She and her husband, Ed, were Hannah’s honorary grandparents since Haven’s mother had passed long ago.

  “My parents should be bringing her any minute.” I gestured toward the door just as the bell rang.

  Macie and her parents entered the house with oohs and aahhs. Father Tony and Bill weren’t too long after. Haven had just come from the back freshly dressed when my parents arrived.

  “Daddy,” my daughter called out.

  Haven frowned, so I kissed her cheek before taking my little princess from my father.

  “Mom,” I said, greeting her with a kiss on the cheek.

  “Daddy’s little girl,” Haven muttered. Then she saw it. “What is that?”

  Her words and eyes were full of astonishment. I nodded at Father Tony, who’d helped me procure it.

  When the drop cloth was removed, Haven sucked in a breath.

  “How?” she asked in wonderment.

  Macie beat me to Haven’s side. “He got it back.”

  Tears spilled from Haven’s eyes and Kathy’s too. The pair shared a hug and a private word I overheard.

  “He’s still in jail and he’s lost his badge. He can never take this away from you. And your husband, a true man of God, got it back for you.”

  I understood the he was Kent. He had gotten the maximum time behind bars, which wasn’t enough time if you asked me. Still, he’d been stripped of his badge, pension and other accolades.

  Haven turned her glorious gaze on me. “How did you do it? How’d you find the painting?”

  There was something very private in her eyes that let me know I would be given many, many wonderful and personal wifely gifts for accomplishing what she hadn’t been able to.

  “Father Tony helped me talk the buyer out of letting it go at a hefty price tag. And I might have promised him you’d paint something spectacular. But I didn’t think you would mind.”

  “Is that grandma?” Hannah asked, reaching for her mother.

  “It is. I painted that, but Jonathon sold it.”

  Before Haven could take our daughter, her face tightened in a grimace and her hand found her belly.


  “What is it? Is it time?” Macie asked.

  She nodded. “I’ve been having contractions all day, but I thought they were the false kind. My water hasn’t broken yet.”

  It didn’t take long for all of that to change. Leaving our family and friends in our house along with our daughter, we knew she’d be in good hands. I threaded my fingers through Haven’s as I drove gingerly to the hospital, trying not to break any speeding laws.

  “Do you ever miss it?” she asked quietly from her seat during one of the breaks between contractions.

  “Being a priest?” I chanced a glance at her and she nodded while squeezing my hand.

  It was a topic that had come up over the last few years since I’d made my decision to leave. I’d had talks with Father Tony and Bill about it before.

  “No. I loved being a priest. But I love being a husband and father more.”

  “And being a professor, does it fill you the way being a priest did?”

  Her eyes looked pained. She still felt guilty for my choices.

  “It fills a different place in my heart. I enjoy the questions and debates over the text. I enjoy how the younger generation challenges the archaic views the church has on topics of the day. I enjoy the freedom of questioning the church as well. But there will always be a part of me that is a priest.”

  She nodded. At a stoplight she leaned over at a considerable contortion and kissed me.

  “What was that for?”

  “For being you.”

  Our daughter was born a few hours later. I thought Haven was asleep with her eyes closed until she asked, “Can we name her Juliana Susan after our mothers?”

  “Yes. I was going to suggest the same.”

  “Are you sad we didn’t have a boy?”

  I laughed. “Of course not. God only gives us what we can handle. And I can’t say I won’t enjoy trying for a son soon.”

  She groaned. And it would take another daughter, Ava, to be born before our son, Joseph, would unleash his holy cry into the world. But at that moment, it was just the three of us.