Luciana: Braving the Deep

by Erin Teagan

  I imagined what it would be like if I couldn’t talk to my mom or dad or Isadora for months and months at a time. Izzy wouldn’t even know she had a sister.

  “I haven’t called my family since that first day,” Thomas said, frowning a bit.

  In fact, I hadn’t talked to my family in a few days either. “We’ve been so busy, you know?” I said, and my face burned because how was it possible I was too busy to call my own family? I shuffled my feet in the sand, and suddenly felt a wave of panic. What if Izzy’s surgery was moved up? I took in a deep breath of the salt air. My parents would call me if that happened, right?

  I pushed the thought out of my mind and focused on Thomas who was taking his turn. “Wow, I can’t believe how clear it is. You can totally see all the parts … this is so cool. I always thought you couldn’t see the ISS through a telescope.”

  “It’s not easy,” Marcus said. “You need a telescope programmed to track the movement. With the naked eye, the ISS just looks like a bright star.”

  I squinted at the sky where the telescope was pointing, and Marcus was right. The ISS looked like a shooting star, bright and moving across the sky. Then my gaze fell upon Ella and Claire, walking by the ocean with their elbows linked like best-friends-forever. How could Ella not see what I saw in Claire? How could she not believe me, her true and actual friend, for one second? Maybe we weren’t such good friends after all.

  “Okay, Luci, you’re up,” Sarah said. But when I leaned over the telescope, all I saw was fuzz.

  “I can’t see anything.”

  Sarah looked at the sky. “Cloud. Just wait a second for it to get out of the way.” She watched as it moved across the sky. “Okay.”

  But when I looked again, it was too late, the International Space Station was gone, and I was the only one that didn’t get to see it through the telescope.

  When we got back to the cottage, Claire grabbed the bathroom first, leaving Ella and me alone. We pulled out our pajamas and Ella rubbed lotion onto her dry hands, neither of us talking. For a moment, I thought I saw Ella’s face soften and she opened her mouth to say something, but then we heard the toilet flush and Claire was back. Ella took her pajamas into the bathroom and shut the door.

  I got dressed and climbed up to my bed, burying myself under the covers. A few minutes later, Claire and Ella were whispering and giggling below me, and once I thought I heard my name.

  “What?” I asked.

  “We didn’t say anything,” Claire said.

  But I knew they did and I wanted to tell them that I had a rule about friendships and leaving people out of whispering and secrets. It was a rule Raelyn and I made back in third grade and it was definitely our best rule.

  They were silent for a minute but then their giggling and whispering started all over again. I couldn’t fall asleep, too busy straining to listen, even though I knew I shouldn’t. I was afraid I’d hear them talking about me in a not-nice way. Even worse, I was afraid it would be Ella’s whisper. And then I’d know we weren’t going to be friends anymore and probably I’d never get a postcard from her again. And I wished I didn’t care. But I did.

  I opened up the window by my bed. Just a crack so I could hear the lapping of the bay and the frogs and the wind instead of Ella and Claire.

  The next morning at breakfast, I sat with Dominic, Thomas, and Buzz and we watched the Aviation kids doing calisthenics on the grassy area in their bathing suits instead of their flight suits for a change, getting ready for their day in the pool to practice water survival. I tried to focus on what Buzz was saying about missing bacon, but I was distracted by Claire and Ella eating their breakfasts on a beach blanket under a tree nearby.

  When Claire got up for a minute, Ella came over to our picnic table and motioned me toward the big tree. I went, even though I didn’t feel like talking to Ella just then. Or maybe ever. I was sweating, and hoped that Ella wouldn’t notice, or that she would think it was because of the summer heat.

  “I thought a lot about things last night,” she said, “and I think if there’s any chance of the three of us girls making the dive team, we’re going to have to get along.”

  “Wait,” I said. “Does that mean Sarah and Marcus found an open slot for you to retake your test?”

  She nodded. “Marcus found an open pool time on Monday. If I pass the treading test, Pirate Pete will take me for a practice pool dive to catch me up to everyone.”

  “That’s great news, Ella,” I said. “I’m really happy for you.”

  “Anyway,” she continued. “There’s no way Sarah and Marcus will send the three of us to Cetus if we can’t even be friends.”

  I nodded, agreeing with her, but also not really liking her tone of voice. Almost like she was the boss of this situation.

  “And I think the only way that could happen,” she continued, “is if you apologize to Claire.”

  “What? No.” I took a step away from her. “I was trying to help you. She dropped the stopwatch in the pool and did it on purpose.”

  “How are you so sure she did it on purpose?” Ella asked.

  “Because you were ready for that skills test, Ella. Like, so ready there was no way you were going to fail. The only reason you didn’t pass was because of Claire.”

  “But don’t you think there’s a chance she didn’t do it on purpose?” Ella said. “Even a tiny chance? You were all fooling around, raising your arms and stuff. It really could have been an accident.”

  I groaned in frustration, but then stopped myself. I was the one who suggested we do the wave, not Claire. I guess she could have gotten caught up in the moment and dropped the stopwatch.

  “Luci, we’re all on the same team,” Ella continued, “and the Cetus mission is no joke. We need to put all of this behind us and put the mission first.”

  I slumped. I knew she was right. If Sarah and Marcus found out we couldn’t get past this, we could say good-bye to our spots on the dive team.

  She grabbed my hand. “I don’t want to fight with you. I’ve been looking forward to this camp so we could be together. I’m not asking you to be best friends with Claire. Just don’t be enemies.”

  I sighed. “You should have passed that test, Ella.”

  “I know,” she said. “But stop worrying about me. It stinks that I’ll miss the big pool dive, but I’ll get one more chance to take the test before Cetus teams are picked. I could still be on the dive team.”

  I spotted Claire through the windows into the cafeteria. She was coming back.

  “Someone once told me that you have to be friends with your roommates,” Ella said. “That astronauts have to put their differences aside and get along with their team no matter what.”

  I smiled, knocking into her with my shoulder. “That is terrible advice,” I said, joking, because it was something I had said not too long ago when we weren’t getting along all the time at Space Camp.

  “Come on,” Ella said, whispering now because Claire was marching across the grassy area. “Just apologize. Let’s get along. Do it for me. For the mission.”

  As much as I hated to admit it, Ella was right. If we were on a mission to Mars right now, there’d be no room for arguing or accusing teammates of something—especially if you didn’t have proof. All of this could have been in my head. Maybe she hadn’t moved away from me in the pool. Maybe she didn’t try to sabotage Ella during her treading test.

  Maybe Claire wasn’t the problem at all.

  Maybe it was me.

  When everyone went to the hangar to get ready for our morning meeting with Marcus and Sarah, I took a quick detour to call my family. I wanted to talk to them about camp and about Ella and about apologizing to Claire. Even though I’d been apologizing to friends for my whole life about little things, this situation felt more complicated. It wasn’t like the time I broke Raelyn’s charm bracelet, or when I got sticky gum on her favorite bathing suit. This was trickier because it really wasn’t clear whether I was the one who needed to apologize
. But I knew my parents would tell me to be the bigger person and make things right. They’d know just what to say.

  They answered on the second ring, my heart leaping when Isadora’s chubby cheeks came into view.

  “Hi, Izzy!” I said. She flapped her penguin in the camera. “Hi, Penguin!”

  And then Mom and Dad leaned into the picture, waving as Izzy reached for the sippy cup in Mom’s hand.

  “How is she doing?” I said. “Any updates?”

  “All is well, Luci,” Mom said. “Her surgery is still scheduled for the week after you get home from camp.”

  My breakfast gurgled in my stomach. Did Izzy even know her heart was sick? Did she even know what a big deal this was?

  Isadora came back into the picture, almost swinging her cup into the computer before Dad grabbed it, which made Izzy shriek and cry.

  “It’s okay, Izzy,” I said calmly. But she was mad. The red-faced-tantrum kind of mad.

  Mom picked her up and shushed her and took her to the window to look at the birds, but it wasn’t working.

  “How are you doing, Luci?” Dad asked as my little sister screamed in the background.

  “Well …” I started but Dad was distracted by Izzy trying to fling herself out of Mom’s arms.

  “It’s good?” he asked. “You’re meeting friends and having fun?”

  All of us worried whenever Izzy had a fit. Worried that it would strain her heart more.

  “Maybe I should call back another time,” I said. “I’m doing fine, Dad. Everything is great.” I lied.

  Dad peered over his shoulder. “Yes, I should go help your mother. We love you, Luciana.”

  “I love you too,” I said, and then we hung up.

  I stared at the blank laptop screen for a moment, thinking about how everything was not great and how was I going to fix all of this anyway?

  After our morning meeting, I took the long way to the greenhouse, hoping to gather my thoughts before I had to face Claire. I stopped for a minute to watch the Rocket Science kids put the finishing touches on the rockets they’d send off later that day. I took a closer look at the jet engine sitting on a table that the Aviation kids had been putting back together over the week. When I passed the underwater astronaut trainer, Thomas was backing away from a porthole.

  “Pretty cool what they’re doing in there,” he said, walking with me.

  “Survival stuff?”

  He nodded. “How to live through a plane crash into water.”

  “Whoa,” I said. “That’s pretty serious.”

  He shrugged. “Better to be prepared, though, right?”

  We were almost to the greenhouse now and all I could think about was how unprepared I was to talk to Claire.

  “Hey,” I said, changing the subject. “Have you ever had to apologize for something you didn’t really feel sorry for?”

  Thomas snorted. “If you’re not sorry, why would you apologize?”

  I sighed. “Because I want to be the bigger person. You know, for the good of the team and all.”

  Thomas shook his head. “That’s not going to do anything for the team. If you don’t mean it, don’t apologize.”

  That was not the advice I was looking for.

  “Maybe you’re apologizing for the wrong thing?” Thomas said, stopping in front of the greenhouse.

  A light bulb flashed in my brain. “Hey, you know, that’s pretty genius advice.”

  Thomas smiled.

  “Are you the kid in college?” I asked.

  He didn’t say anything, but he smiled as he headed to the robotics station.

  “Thought so,” I called after him.

  I stood outside the greenhouse for a second, getting up my nerve to talk to Claire. Ella and Buzz were huddled around their printer, and Dominic and Thomas circled a bin of PVC pipes and robot parts. Thomas was right. I wasn’t sorry for accusing Claire of dropping the stopwatch on purpose, because I believed she had actually done it. But maybe I was sorry for the way I shouted it across the pool, the way I accused her in front of everyone. I took a breath, and walked through the plastic flap door of the greenhouse.

  Claire looked up from the plant pillow in front of her. She was measuring another seedling. So far we had five sprouts. Sarah had been right; at this rate, we’d be able to harvest a few to send with the dive team to Cetus in a few days.

  I sat down on the stool next to her and she stayed focused on her measuring, holding the ruler against the delicate stem of the butter lettuce.

  “Claire,” I said, the room too quiet except for the hum of the bank of LED lights glowing red and green and blue on the rest of the plants. “I just want to say that I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have accused you of cheating in front of everyone like that.”

  And, truly, I was sorry. If I could do it again, I would have told Sarah or Marcus or Pirate Pete instead of announcing it to the entire room.

  She stopped what she was doing, biting her lip and not really looking at me. Would she reject my apology? Make me say it again?

  But instead, she said, “Thanks,” and went back to her work.

  I studied her.

  “So, that’s it?” I said. “Apology accepted? We’re cool?”

  She slid off her stool and took the plant pillow back to the grower. “I know you’re good friends with Ella, so …” She shrugged.

  She took another plant pillow and sat down again, measuring each leaf, some of them twice, recording observations into our plant binder with complete focus.

  I cleared my throat. “Need help?”

  “Nope.” She kept working.

  “Are you sure?” I said. “I could record while you measure?”

  “I’m fine.” She rotated her body away from me, pulling her stool in closer to the table.

  How could we do the pool dive as partners tomorrow if she was barely even talking to me?

  “Claire,” I tried again. “I’m sorry that I embarrassed you.”

  She finally looked up at me. “I know. I heard you. Apology accepted, okay?” And then she went back to her plants.

  Usually when someone accepted your apology you hugged or talked about it some more and it was like you were all of a sudden better friends than you’d ever been. Everyone always felt better after a good apology. But not this time. Not with Claire.

  It was possible I felt even worse. Like, there was no hope for Claire and me to ever be friends.

  I just hoped we could be friends enough to get us through the pool dive tomorrow and, even more important, qualified for the Cetus dive team.

  The day of our dive to the bottom of the pool had arrived. Claire and I were going to practice our soil sampling EVA for Cetus—as partners, but maybe still not as friends. If we were on a real mission to Mars, we’d be doing a space walk to collect Mars soil and see if we could use it to grow hydroponics in our habitat. But since we were actually going to be in a very deep pool and not millions of miles away on Mars, we’d be collecting ping-pong-sized balls instead, and delivering them to an underwater storage room.

  Dominic and Thomas were going to run a set of robo-ops with their underwater robot. Buzz had to stay up top with Ella and Sarah because he still had to take all of his scuba skills tests. Both Buzz and Ella would get one last chance to pass their tests on Monday.

  “Once you’re at the bottom of the pool, take a few minutes to explore your environment,” Marcus said, setting up his own air tanks so he could dive with us. “But then when we turn on the music, that’s your signal to begin performing your EVA or robotics operation. From that point on, you’ll want to act as you would if you were in space, and complete your task efficiently and quickly.”

  “That doesn’t mean rush,” Sarah said, “but don’t dillydally either. When you’re doing a space walk, you don’t want to be outside the spacecraft for longer than necessary.”

  “Also, this is a partner activity. Rule number one: Stay with your partners at all times,” Marcus said. “Scuba diving is a dangerous ac
tivity, and so you need to keep your partner within sight in case either of you runs out of air and needs to use an emergency regulator.”

  We nodded, my stomach all butterflies as I put on my scuba gear.

  Claire and I hopped into the pool, and I peered down into the deep blue. I was actually going to scuba dive! I looked at Ella and waved, and for a second I felt sick to my stomach. What if my mask filled up? What if I panicked? In a twenty-five-foot-deep pool, you couldn’t just swim to the surface. You had to take your time going up and let the pressure leave your body. It didn’t help that I barely even trusted my own partner. I took an extra breath and reminded myself that I was only going to the bottom of the pool, not loading myself into a capsule on top of a rocket headed to Mars. That thought didn’t help my nauseated feeling, so I pushed it away and thought of Izzy instead. How many more days until I would see her again?

  “You ready?” Claire asked, interrupting my thoughts.

  I squared my shoulders, hoping she couldn’t hear my heart pounding double-time through my scuba vest. “Yep,” I replied. “You ready?”

  She nodded.

  Pirate Pete swam over to us, suited up in his diving equipment. He checked our gauges, tugged on our air tanks, tightened our straps, and then he gave us the A-OK sign. “Everyone good?” We put our regulators in our mouths and breathed in and out. Pete gave us a thumbs-down. It was time to start our descent.

  Pete guided us over to the long ladder, and Claire and I took either side. We went down one rung at a time, taking a break when Claire pointed to her ear, signaling that the pressure was causing her pain. I could feel the pressure too, like the beginning of an ear infection or like how it felt coming out of a loud auditorium. Half hurting and half plugged. We tried swallowing to relieve the pressure in our ears like Pete taught us, and when that didn’t work, pinching our noses and blowing out at the same time. Then we continued down a few rungs before stopping again and repeating the process.