Double or Quits

by Erle Stanley Gardner

  “And Dr. Devarest hired us so his wife wouldn’t be suspicious?”

  “That’s right. He didn’t think there was one chance in a hundred we could find Nollie Starr, but he did think there was a chance we could unearth some evidence that would indicate his wife was the one who had burgled the safe. He probably intended to plant some such evidence so that we’d find it.”

  “And Harmley?” Bertha asked.

  “Harmley,” I said, “just cut himself a piece of cake; and Bayley, the chauffeur, who had been playing around with Jeannette, the maid, suddenly raised his sights and went after bigger game when he thought Mrs. Devarest might be interested.”

  “Was she?” Bertha asked.

  I grinned.

  “How did Dr. Gelderfield feel about all that?” Bertha asked.

  I said, “For the love of Mike, don’t keep me talking. When I get started, I can’t quit. Gelderfield’s out there making a confession. Why don’t you go out and get a load of it?” Bertha said, “Tell me about Nadine Croy first.” I sighed, clamped my lips together, and tried to keep from talking.

  “Go ahead,” Bertha said. “Just that one thing, lover, and then I’ll leave you alone.” I said, “Nadine was sweet on her lawyer. They’d been indiscreet. It would have raised hell with Forrest Timkan to have had his name dragged into the case with his client. So they wanted to use me as an amatory red herring. I was supposed to be the real hot-shot, sugar-daddy boy friend so far as Walter Croy was concerned. That would make Croy doubt any evidence he had pointing toward Forrest Timkan… . For God’s sake, Bertha, get out of here…. Gelderfield may be saying something that you could use to advantage.”

  “How?” she asked.

  “Turning it into money,” I said.

  That got her. She went out.

  She was back in five minutes. Those five minutes seemed like ages to me. I kept my eyes shut and my lips plastered together, trying not to think and not to talk, but thoughts were tumbling over in my mind like coffee grounds in a pot of coffee that has just come to a boil. I couldn’t get the thought out of my mind that I’d been responsible for Nollie Starr’s death. My damn fool questioning—the way I’d led with my chin—of all the damn stupidity—I wanted someone to talk to, and yet I didn’t want to talk. I knew I’d go crazy if I talked, and felt that I’d burst if I didn’t.

  The door burst open again, and I all but jumped out of the bedclothes.

  Lieutenant Lisman came in, grinning. Bertha Cool was standing just behind him. Lisman bent over the bed. “Hello, Lam. How are you feeling?”

  “Like an old crate with a new super-charged motor.” He grinned. “We told them to snap you out of it fast and:: make you talk.”

  “You did too good a job.”

  “I’ve got some good news for you.”

  “What?” He said, “Bertha tells me you thought it was your questioning that made Gelderfield kill Nollie Starr.” I nodded.

  “It wasn’t,” Lisman said, “not directly. He’s made a complete confession. He was in an awful jam. He’d been a little careless about some securities that didn’t belong to him. He needed money. Mrs. Devarest was a foolish woman with a fatal heart ailment who was making advances to him. And yet such is the perversity of feminine nature”—and Lieutenant Lisman glanced obliquely at Bertha Cool—“she was jealous when she thought her own husband was playing around.” Bertha Cool said, “Nuts. That’s not feminine. It’s just human nature. Men are the same way—only more so.” Lisman grinned. “Gelderfield decided to get Devarest out of the way, have the widow collect the life insurance, and then marry the widow. He might have waited a while if it hadn’t been that Devarest became suspicious of what was going on, and on Wednesday night took Gelderfield to task. Gelderfield drugged his drink. Gelderfield knew all about those insurance policies and had it fixed so Devarest’s death would seem to be the result of an accident, thinking that would make a difference of forty thousand bucks. Then when he realized what the policy meant by `accidental means,’ he was mad as a wet hen.

  “Gelderfield knew there were two weak points in his case if anyone ever became suspicious. He felt certain Devarest had been to call on Nollie Starr that Wednesday night and probably had told her that he was going to stop by Gelderfield’s on the road home.”

  “What was the other weak point?”

  “His father. The father had heard the quarrel downstairs, but after that he’d heard Dr. Gelderfield’s automobile running for nearly an hour in Gelderfield’s garage. Of course, you know what happened. Gelderfield doped a drink. When Devarest went under, he gave him a dose of carbon monoxide, then took him back to his own garage, started the car, and walked home. Like taking candy from a baby.”

  “What was he going to do with me?” I asked.

  “He’d given you a powerful drug—left it in the bottle of Scotch, thinking that you’d be certain to take a second drink. He called up to make sure that you had.”

  “I know,” I said. “I led with my chin.” Lisman grinned. He was really enjoying this. “You certainly did, Lam. If it hadn’t been for the police, you’d have been dead by this time.”

  “If it hadn’t been for me, you police would still be blowing your noses on your shirt-tails,” I said.

  Lisman was laughing, “Gelderfield,” he said, “intended to fix things so it would look as though the chauffeur had bumped off Donald. His father’s death would have been taken as a matter of course. The old man is pretty sick.”

  “And Nollie Starr’s death?” I asked.

  Lisman said, “Believe it or not, he didn’t intend to pin that on Mrs. Devarest. It never occurred to him that the evidence would point to her until after you mentioned it. He’d used the string out of a surgical corset. He went to call on Nollie Starr, asked her if Dr. Devarest had mentioned anything about his plans on Wednesday night, and Nollie Starr told him she knew Devarest had gone to Gelderfield’s home that night before returning to his own home, and asked Gelderfield why he hadn’t said anything about it to the authorities. That signed her death warrant. Gelderfield got the potato masher out of her kitchenette under the pretext of going for a glass of water. The surgical corset string came from a corset he happened to have in his instrument bag.”

  “Then he didn’t try to kill Mrs. Devarest when he went down there tonight?” Lisman shook his head. “He just cleared out to give you a chance to take another doped drink and to make certain that the coast was clear so he could plant your body where the chauffeur would get the credit. He was going to marry Airs. Devarest—as soon as he got the chauffeur out of the way, and he was going to do that by framing your murder on to him. If you damned amateurs would confide in the police once in a while instead of trying to handle it all yourself, we wouldn’t have to come along and pick up the pieces and ” I cursed him and started to climb out of bed. Lisman, the nurse, and Bertha all grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back down.

  Lisman had a patronizing, self-satisfied grin. “You wouldn’t want to have the doctor order a strait-jacket, Lam?”

  “Go to hell,” I told him.

  Bertha Cool put about a hundred and seventy pounds of avoirdupois across my shins. “I’ve got him anchored,” she said. “Donald, you’ve got to quiet down.” Lisman kept his grin. “Nice goings, Lam. You bungled the thing all up, the way amateurs always do, but we pulled your chestnuts out of the fire for you.”

  “Why, damn your soul,” I roared, “I ” Bertha Cool said, “Now, Donald, you shut up. The police could still charge you on Bayley’s statement.”

  “Nuts to them,” I smiled.

  Lisman lost his smile. “You’re in the clear on everything, if you don’t rock the boat now, Lam, so shut up. Besides, the doctor says you mustn’t be disturbed. You’ve got to rest. You need quiet.”

  “Quiet ! ” I screamed at him. “Quiet, hell! Who do you think I am, Gandhi? Get off my legs, Bertha. How much caffeine did they give me anyway?”

  “It’ll wear off in time,” Lisman said, grinning agai
n. “Come on, Mrs. Cool. Let’s let him sleep.” Bertha said, still sitting on me, “He’ll scratch your eyes out if I let him up. You better get out.” The nurse said, “Mr. Lam, the doctor’s orders are that you’re to stay in bed.” I said to Bertha Cool, “If you want a cut of that insurance money, get that flatfoot out of here and get that doctor to change his orders.”

  “Will you stay there in bed until I can do it?” Bertha asked. Lisman realized my nerves were rubbed raw. He caught a signal from the nurse, turned, and tiptoed from the room. “Now let your hair down,” Bertha said. “He’s gone. He’s a good egg after all, and he knows you gave him the breaks.” The nurse said soothingly, “If you’d get out, I think I could handle him, Mrs. Cool.” Bertha looked at her hundred and twenty pounds scornfully. “You and who else?” she asked.

  The nurse didn’t say anything, but she exchanged some signal with Bertha Cool, and Bertha suddenly got up off the bed and went out.

  The nurse came around to sit on the edge of the bed. “Look, Mr. Lam, I know just how you feel, but I want you to listen to reason.” I started to get up.

  She said, “Wait a minute. If the doctor thinks you’re reacting normally, he’ll let you get up and go out. Otherwise, he’ll give orders to keep you in bed until you do act normally, and there are enough strait-jackets here to see that you stay put. You wouldn’t act like that, would you?” She smiled down at me, a school-teacher smile, her plain, earnest face filled with sincere concern for my welfare.

  I said, “I feel as though I were going to blow up. I can’t lie still.”

  “You’ll feel better in a few minutes. Just keep quiet now.” The door opened. Elsie Brand came in with a package under her arm. “Hello, Donald. They tell me you knocked ‘em dead again.” The nurse looked Elsie over from head to foot, got up off the bed, and walked over to the other end of the room.

  Elsie said, “I’ve seen your doctor. When I told him about the dinner you didn’t eat tonight, he said maybe what you needed was food. He says you can get out of here if you’re awake enough to get dressed. Donald, the butcher shops are all closed, but I know a delicatessen that sells pretty good steaks, and there’s still some Scotch at the apartment.” I suddenly realized I was ravenous. I threw back the covers.

  The nurse beckoned to Elsie Brand. I heard her say warningly in a low tone, “I wouldn’t be alone with him. He’s abnormally stimulated. You can’t tell what he might do.” Elsie Brand laughed in her face.

  The End