Grimm Tidings: Grimm's Circle, Book 6

by Shiloh Walker

  Sneering at him, she jerked against his hold. Not that it did much good. He didn’t budge. “You think I like hurting like this? That I like seeing him so miserable?” She shifted her gaze back to Gavin. He couldn’t see them—at least, he couldn’t see her unless she willed it, and she assumed Jacob had pulled that nifty little cloaking deal, as well. “He needs me, Jacob. He…”

  She stopped, shaking her head. Neither of them had been able to move on. Neither of them. He’d buried an empty box and he spent three days a week at an equally empty grave. She wasn’t dead, but she wasn’t exactly alive anymore, either, and she couldn’t let him go.

  None of this should have happened.

  “Celine…” He reached up with his free hand and cupped her cheek. “Has it ever occurred to you that part of why he visits here so often is because he feels you? Why he still clings to his grief is because he senses you? How can he let you go when you’re right here? Waiting for him?”

  She stiffened and jerked away.

  “He doesn’t know I’m here. I’m careful.” She swallowed. “I’m careful.”

  Although there had been times when she’d been tempted…so tempted. They didn’t need to know that, though. Because she had been tempted. Many, many times. From the corner of her eye, she saw the look on Jacob’s face. And she knew he knew. He knew, damn it.

  “You’re careful, yes. And I know you haven’t let him see you, no matter how much you want to.” Then he sighed, his thumb lightly brushing over her lower lip. “But, Celine…no matter how much you hide yourself from his sight, you can’t stop him from feeling you. And he does.”

  She jerked away. “No.”

  “Yes.” He shifted his gaze past her to stare at the man in the cemetery. “He may try to cling to your memory forever. As long as you linger, the more hope you give him, the longer he’ll wait. After all, he never saw your body. He fought having you declared dead. The longer he clings to this hope, the more of his life he’ll waste.”

  Celine swallowed. It was a dark, depressing image, the one he painted for her.

  “Is that what you want for him? To spend his life alone, in grief?” Jacob’s hand curled over the back of her neck. “He has nothing in his life but misery. But he could have more.”

  The ache in her chest spread. Reaching up, she closed her hand around the pendant. “I was told I’d be able to walk away from the life—become human again, if I chose. What if I choose that now? Can’t I? Can’t I do that and go back to…”

  The words froze in her throat as she heard a car approaching.

  She didn’t know why the sound bothered her so bad.

  But it did.

  She didn’t know why dread curdled and swirled inside her.

  But it did.

  And then the car stopped. The dread grew as she watched as somebody climbed out.

  The sight of that woman, familiar, shouldn’t have bothered her so badly. She was a friend of Gavin’s. More his friend than hers. Trish Corbett and Celine hadn’t ever been much more than acquaintances, despite the friendship Gavin shared with both Trish and her brother, Kyle.

  It shouldn’t bother her to see that Gavin had a friend here.

  But it did.

  And her nervousness only grew when she saw the way Gavin’s eyes cut to Trish. And then away. Something flickered in those dark, bleak eyes. What…

  “No.”

  Spinning on her heel, she stormed away, only vaguely aware of Jacob’s presence.

  “He could have a life again.”

  “Shut up.”

  “You’re not part of his world anymore.”

  She stopped in her path and slowly turned to face him. “I could be.”

  She reached up, with hands that trembled, to pull over the pendant she wore. “I don’t want this life.” Staring down at it, she shook her head. “I don’t want it.”

  “So walk away from it,” Jacob said. “Do it. You can. You’ve got that right. But you won’t get him back.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because he doesn’t fit you anymore.” Jacob closed the distance between them. He reached up and closed her fingers around the pendant so that the silver disc was trapped in her icy hand. “Whatever you choose, you’re no longer who you were. And should you try to go back to him, he’ll see it. It’s in your eyes. These years, the changes in you, they can’t be undone.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  Jacob laughed, but it was a bitter, hollow sound. “Sweet, that’s life. Fair, unfair, whoever promised you that life would be fair?”

  Fair…

  Her words still rang in Jacob’s ears, hours later.

  He couldn’t afford to be distracted, not when he was getting ready to take her out for the next hunt through town. And soon…soon after that, he would show her the truth about the chains binding her so tightly to the past. She was a distraction enough on her own, and she never watched her fine ass as well as she should.

  Fair.

  “The lady expects life to be fair,” he muttered as he slid various blades into place. They were still holed up in Cincinnati, far too close to Celine’s former home for his liking and he wanted this job done so he could get her away from here.

  Maybe even out of the country.

  Not that he expected it would do much good.

  He’d just have to track her down more often.

  The medallion he wore around his neck heated.

  He closed his eyes and sighed, not bothering to turn as Will appeared. The silver flash was reflected in the blade he held and he lifted it, saw the man’s image there. “Don’t I have enough to deal with? I don’t need you here.”

  “You’re wasting time.”

  “I’m doing things my own way.”

  “Your way.” Will paused a moment and then pointed out, “Your way is not working. She’s no more reachable than she was nine months ago when I placed her with you. She’s the same—unreachable, cold, closed-off. There’s been no change.”

  “That’s not entirely true.” He added two blades and then turned, shrugging, shifting his body to make sure he had all the weapons in place, comfortably within reach. “She’s angrier.”

  “Angrier?” One of Will’s brows winged up. “And you think that’s an improvement?”

  Will, the leader of their not-particularly-merry band, rarely wore anything but all white. Today was no exception. White tunic, white trousers. His hair, as white as his clothing, was down loose around his shoulders. He had silver eyes and right now, those silver eyes were troubled, staring at Jacob with disgruntlement.

  “Well, I didn’t say it was an improvement, old man.” He shrugged. “I just said she’s angrier.”

  He wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or bad thing. But it was a change. That she felt anything other than the grief. Normally the only time she allowed herself to show any emotion besides the grief was when she was engaged in battle.

  But lately, that anger was creeping out at other times. Was it good? Only time would tell.

  “You need to show her.”

  Jacob closed his eyes. “I know what I need to do.” Then he slanted his gaze to Will and added, “She was placed with me for a reason. I don’t need you telling me how to do this.”

  “Don’t you?”

  Shoving another blade into a sheath, Jacob said, “I’ll handle it in my own way. You’re not the one who has to handle the fallout—for her, for me. So leave me alone.”

  “Jacob—”

  “Enough,” he snarled. The bitter anger brewing inside him snaked to the surface and he glared at Will. “You want me to break what little remains of her dreams. She has so little left and I know in detail just how little she has. There is no happiness, no hope. There’s nothing but wishful thinking about the life she might have had. And I have to crush even that. But you act as though I’m explaining the consequences of returning a movie a few days late.”

  “I want her to understand what you and I already know,” Will said quietly. �
��You tried to point it out to her already. But she won’t let herself see it, will she?”

  Jacob stared at him.

  “I know this isn’t easy. But until she sees, she’ll continue to suffer.”

  There was one time when she actually felt part of this new world.

  Only one.

  And it was when she was fighting.

  Cincinnati suited her, because lately, the city was infested with parasei demons and that meant she got to fight a lot and kill a lot. As she cut through a throng of the nasty things, Celine smiled with hot, violent pleasure. Blood stained her hands and she didn’t care. One of them got close—too close—and as a knife cut into her side, her own blood joined the mix. The pain was there, vicious and bright. But she didn’t care.

  Now she felt like she was part of this world.

  Now she felt real.

  Now she felt alive.

  And it wasn’t until it ended and she saw that she was bleeding from half a dozen wounds that she even slowed down to breathe. Breathing was overrated in this life anyway. Panting, she turned around, went to say something.

  And one of the parasei leaped up.

  She saw him and she jerked her knife up. Her hand was slippery, though, too slippery from all of the blood and she wasn’t able to block it well. She lost her grip on her weapon as the parasei laughed, a wild, delighted laugh as he drew in closer.

  Celine went down.

  Struggling under the man’s weight, she tried to get to another one of her weapons.

  Hands closed around her throat.

  “Careless little Grimm…”

  She sneered at him, still scrabbling for a knife.

  He leaned in and licked her cheek. The feel of his tongue sent a shudder of revulsion rushing through her and she swore, a lingering panic rushing in. Those memories, too many of them and too many of them were clear, rose up to taunt her. In the back of her mind, an ugly, depraved scream raged.

  “Fear. I taste your fear…”

  Hell, she could taste her fear. Taste it, feel it, hear it—

  The parasei all but crushed her into the ground and that only made it worse. Sensory memory slammed into her, making it worse—the pain. It had torn through her—ripped her—no, no, no, NO!

  She screamed and managed to get a hand free. But before she could make contact, the demon was gone.

  Gasping for air, she sat up, scurrying backward as her eyes struggled to adjust and see.

  Jacob.

  It was Jacob.

  A sob escaped her.

  The long leather coat he wore whirled around him as he flung the parasei across the alley. Tears blinded her and she scrubbed them away. In the time it took for her to do that, he’d already killed the demon.

  Killed it, and was walking toward her, his face tight with fury, his eyes cold.

  She closed her eyes.

  Here we go again…

  It had taken him nine months, but he’d finally gotten the picture. She wasn’t right for this, and now he’d make sure Will got the message.

  Good. The sight of his fury, his frustration, was a cold splash of water in her face and she was able to think, able to shove aside the slick, icy panic. He was done with her. Wonderful. He’d dump her on Will and she could tell that bastard a thing or two—

  “You won’t be seeing Will any time soon,” Jacob said, and his voice was strangely gentle, considering the fury she’d glimpsed in his eyes. Strange, that. She didn’t know if she’d ever seen him angry…

  Wait—what? He wasn’t taking her to Will?

  “No, sweet, I’m not.”

  For a moment, she was too surprised to think. Then, finally, she managed to say, “Haven’t I told you to stay out of my head?”

  “I’m not in your head, darling. You just put your thoughts and fears out there for all to see. Me, the demons, everybody. Bloody hell, a mortal with not a drop of empathy could pick up on what you’re feeling. ‘I hate this life, I made a bad choice and I want to undo it—would you please kill me?’”

  She stared at him.

  Heart still racing from the terror she’d felt earlier, the fear an ugly, slippery tangle in her belly, she shook her head. “I don’t—I’m not—”

  “You are.” He held out a hand. “Come. I’ve had enough of this.”

  She stared at his hand.

  “Enough of what?”

  “I said come.”

  Narrowing her eyes, she glared at him. “I don’t care to be bossed around.”

  “Too sodding bad.” He bent down and fisted his hand in her belt, jerking her to her feet.

  “What the—you son of a bitch—”

  She went to smack his hands away and he caught her wrists. The moment his bare flesh touched hers, the world exploded around her. Stunned, she tore away from him and he let her.

  “What…”

  The word was lost. The world was lost. She couldn’t hear herself speak. Couldn’t hear herself scream. And scream she did. Long and loud. But the wind tore it away from her, like it never existed.

  She was foundering, faltering, falling.

  Sucking in her breath, she threw out her hands, desperate for something to cling to.

  The only thing she found was Jacob.

  He was there.

  He was solid.

  He was real.

  And he was warm, strong.

  In the rush of ice and wind and nothing and darkness, he was there, with his arms around her, his mouth by her temple and she thought maybe, just maybe, she heard him speaking. She couldn’t see him, but she knew it was him.

  “Jacob?”

  And this time, she heard her own voice…and his answer.

  “It’s time you see some things clearly, Celine. Well past time.”

  Will emerged from the darkness as Jacob and Celine disappeared.

  Sighing, he closed his eyes.

  He hoped he hadn’t been wrong to push Jacob as he had.

  He had already made a mistake with Celine, something he’d accepted over the past few years.

  He didn’t want to make another.

  Weary, he turned and studied the mess in the alley.

  “If you don’t clean it up, the police and reporters and everybody are going to have a field day.”

  He slanted a look at Mandy. She had a knack for finding him.

  Even though he’d left her, alone, at his home in Europe, she’d managed to track him. He’d known she would eventually develop the skill to teleport, but he hadn’t expected it to come to her as early as it had. It usually took a few decades to develop that skill—not a few years.

  Made it rather inconvenient for him—he couldn’t hide from her. Very often, he needed to.

  “If I do ‘clean it up’ as you say, then those who’ve been lost to the demons, their families will never know what happened, never have closure.” He’d done more than his share of cleaning up but he also knew sometimes that caused more problems than it was worth.

  Like with Celine…

  A hand touched his arm.

  Steeling himself to not let anything show, he looked at her, waited.

  “We both screwed up,” Mandy said quietly. “I’m the one who pushed you to bring her over. She just…she fought so hard.”

  “No. It was my error, not yours. Yes, she fought. She fought like a woman who wanted to make it back to her husband,” he corrected gently. “And I couldn’t give her that. But it was my mistake, not yours.”

  Sighing, he looked back at the mess of bodies littering the alley. “We’ll leave them. The families deserve to say good-bye.”

  “And the police will be looking for answers they have no chance of finding.”

  Will shrugged. “That is not my concern. They often have that very problem.”

  Chapter Three

  The darkness, the ice, the nothingness, it lasted forever. Celine was certain of it. So certain of it that she wasn’t even sure anything else even existed anymore.

  And then…it end
ed.

  Her feet were on solid ground and she was gasping for air, clinging to Jacob, her fingers digging into the hard muscles of his biceps, her head pressed against his chest while she waited for the spinning in her brain to stop.

  He stood there, as always, unaffected.

  And staring off into the distance when she finally managed to lift her head from his chest.

  “What…was…that?”

  “Do you remember your old life?”

  “Remember? Damn straight I remember. All I want is to get that life back.” I just want a chance to fix things…fix all of it. Apologize. Shit, the guilt was choking her. Guilt, grief, regret. “I want my life back,” she said again.

  “That life,” he murmured.

  As the darkness slowly receded, she stared at him for a long moment and then finally turned her head to look around. “Where…”

  The question died on her tongue. She knew where.

  Swallowing, she stared at the restaurant. She remembered this place. Remembered it. The soft green lights of the restaurant’s marquee shown down and through the tinted glass windows she could see people moving back and forth. It was her Grimm’s abilities that let her see more clearly—had she been human, she wouldn’t have seen so well, but she wasn’t human anymore. And she could see just fine—too fine.

  And she heard rather well too.

  “Are…are you okay?”

  That was Trish’s voice.

  There was a pause, followed by Gavin’s. “Yeah, just fucking great.”

  Another voice now, one she hadn’t heard in years. Kyle…one of Gavin’s friends. He’d been with them that night. The night they’d all gone out. The night she’d died. “You need to go after her.”

  “Why? What’s the point?”

  Following the direction of the voices, she found them, standing in the darkness of the sheltered balcony. That was where—

  Her breathing hitched in her throat. “What’s going on?” she demanded.

  “You want to see what would have come of your life,” Jacob said, his voice flat, emotionless. “Perhaps you should see what was already happening. What you couldn’t see then. What happened after you left that night. What might have happened if you’d made different choices. In short, it’s time for you to open your eyes, sweet.”