My Last First Kiss

by Weston Parker

  “I’ve been called a lot of things but never predictable.”

  Rein leaned into me, and I lifted my thumbs over the waistband of her jeans to graze her soft skin. She licked her lips. “Maybe no one knows you as well as I do.”

  “Maybe.”

  And then we were kissing. She tasted like reprieve and honey. Reprieve from the storm above my head and honey from her chapstick. Her lips were soft, and her tongue was sweet as it rolled against mine. She shifted in my hands, rolling her hips gently as I traced the line of her spine up her back to her bra. I ran my fingers beneath the band, and she let out a breathless moan into my mouth.

  Rein pulled away with a shy giggle and covered her mouth. “We should behave.”

  “What’s the fun in that?”

  “It can’t always be fun.”

  “Sure it can. It always is with me and you.”

  Rein put her back to me and reached for the door.

  I grabbed her ass with both hands and squeezed. Then I leaned forward to rest my chin in the groove of her shoulder. “Come on. Don’t be such a good girl. Live a little.”

  “No,” she said, slapping my hand away as I ran it along the top of her jeans and across her lower stomach. I could hear the tightness in her voice, the longing. I slipped a finger down her jeans along the top of her panties. “Don’t you dare start something you can’t finish, Brayden Hennie. Two can play at this game, and I assure you I will win.”

  I froze with my hands down her pants.

  She was right. I was teasing her too much with no intention of following through. My daughter was on the other side of the door, and all I had been looking for was something to bury my mind in. I took my hands out of her pants and kissed her cheek. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  “You’re forgiven,” she said as she curved her back and pressed her ass into my crotch. “And this,” she looked over her shoulder at me as she bit her bottom lip, “is karma.”

  She rolled her hips and my cock stiffened. Then she opened the door and disappeared into the gallery, leaving me in the hallway with an erection and a pounding heart.

  She had always been better at playing games than me.

  Chapter 22

  Rein

  I let myself in when I got to Arlene’s house and called out a friendly hello as I took off my jacket and hung it on the hook beside Brayden’s. He called to me from the kitchen where I found him bent over the stove.

  I went to the table and put down the bottle of wine and flowers I had brought with me. Brayden gave me a wry smile as he plucked a spatula from a holder on the counter. “Are you trying to liquor me up tonight?”

  “Am I that transparent?” I teased.

  “Corkscrew is in that drawer by the fridge, and the wine glasses are in the cupboard above,” Brayden said, keeping his eyes on the massive pan gently sizzling in front of him.

  I followed his directions and set about opening the wine. I poured us each a glass and brought him his as he flipped something over in the pan. When I got closer, I saw what he was slaving over: grilled cheese sandwiches.

  I lifted my wine to my lips and took a sip so he wouldn’t catch me grinning in amusement.

  “I know it’s nothing fancy, but they’re Bella’s favorite. I’m still adjusting to this whole no meat thing with her.”

  “I love grilled cheese,” I said. I pressed my hip to the counter and leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek. “Can I go see your mom?”

  He looked over at me. “Yeah. She might be sleeping, but she’d be happy to see you. She knows you were coming over.”

  “Okay, I’ll be back in a bit.”

  He didn’t say anything as I stepped out of the kitchen and down the hall to Arlene’s bedroom. Her door was open by a few inches, and warm light streamed out into the hallway. I knocked gently and she called for me to come in.

  “It’s Rein,” I said, just in case she was expecting Brayden. She also might not want me popping into her room.

  “Oh, please come in, dear,” she said.

  I pushed open the door and emerged in a room that I could only describe as the room of a grandmother in the seventies. The walls were a particularly unpleasant shade of blush pink, and everything in the room was floral and cream. Despite hating the color, I found it a strangely welcoming space.

  Arlene was lying in the bed and was slightly propped up by two fluffy pillows. Her pink comforter was pulled up to her waist, and her hands were clasped along her stomach. The set of pajamas she wore matched the floral-patterned sofa in her living room.

  She looked unwell.

  Her body was frail and weak—so much more so than the last time I saw her just weeks ago that it shocked me.

  “Cancer, it seems,” Arlene said softly, “is a fast forward button on aging.”

  I stopped at the foot of her bed and clasped my hands in front of myself. I couldn’t think of a thing to say back to her, so I remained mute, waiting for her to carry on as I knew she would. Brayden’s mother had always been the sort to lead or steer a conversation in the direction she wanted. I wouldn’t deviate her from her course.

  “I’m glad I have been able to become an old woman with my son and granddaughter at my side. There are much worse things in life than this.” Arlene patted the bed beside her. “Come. Sit. I want to speak with you.”

  I stepped around the foot of the bed and lowered myself to the open spot beside her. She barely took up any space on the bed anymore.

  Somehow, despite how sick she was, she still managed to smile at me the same way she did when I was just a teenage girl knocking on the door on her back deck, looking for Brayden. She had welcomed me warmly then with the same smile she wore now.

  “Brayden is going to miss you,” I blurted out. I gasped at my own forwardness and leaned away from her, covering my mouth with one hand. “I’m sorry. That was rude. I didn’t mean—”

  “I’m happy to hear it. I’ve missed him for ten years.”

  “He’s sorry for that, you know?”

  Arlene’s smile ebbed away, and she began fidgeting with the edge of her blanket. “He shouldn’t be. He did well for himself. He created the life he wanted. What more could a mother wish for her child?”

  I put my hand on her fidgeting ones. She fell still. “That he would be happy right where he was. Where she was.”

  Arlene startled me with soft laughter. “You and I were dealt the same hand, weren’t we?”

  There was no point in playing coy now. She was calling me out. “We were.”

  Arlene shifted against her pillows. Her hands were cool beneath mine, and she rearranged them to clasp my fingers. “I think he already knows it, but in case he doesn’t and in case he acts like the fool we both know he can be, he’s going to need you.” She squeezed my hands with strength I didn’t expect her to have. “Will you take care of him for me?”

  I swallowed back the ache in my throat and nodded. “I will.”

  “No need to be so serious,” Arlene said. “It doesn’t suit you.”

  I nodded again, knowing my words would fall flat.

  “I’m glad you and Brayden have found each other again. I would have hated to die thinking the two of you might never be anything to one another.”

  I smiled. “Me too.”

  Telling her anything different would have been cruel. I didn’t know for sure what would become of Brayden and me when she left us, but a small logical voice in the back of my head told me I should prepare to be abandoned again. I should ready myself for heartbreak.

  ***

  Later, after Arlene had curled up to fall asleep, I found myself on the sofa between Bella and Brayden, eating my grilled cheese sandwich. We were watching an animated movie of some sort. I wasn’t paying much attention. My conversation with Arlene was weighing heavily on me. I grieved for her, and I grieved for Brayden, who couldn’t possibly know the hell that was coming for him.

  I had lost both my parents a couple years after he moved away. I knew the p
ain that it brought with it; the gaping hole that only grew bigger and bigger until you finally found something to fill it up. That something was always temporary. It was always a lie you told yourself just to get through the day, or the week, or the month. Eventually, something would fall out, and you’d empty like an overfilled bathtub, spilling all your shit and your sadness everywhere until you were empty again.

  And you’d be grateful for that because empty was better than leaking.

  Brayden was about to confront that kind of loss.

  I found that I couldn’t eat the rest of my sandwich, so I left my plate on the coffee table and snuggled into Brayden’s side. He wrapped an arm around me as Bella curled up against my hip. The three of us sat like that for what must have been half an hour without moving.

  My eyes were just falling closed as the distant sound of coughing filled my ears. I thought for a moment that I was imagining it, but it came again, louder this time, and I pushed myself up and sought Brayden out in the pale illumination of the television set.

  He sat up and squeezed out from under me. I watched his back as he rushed down the hall to his mother’s room. He didn’t knock on the door. He disappeared inside, and I sat on the sofa staring after him, hoping he’d come out and get his mother a glass of water and then come join me and Bella on the sofa again.

  But that didn’t happen.

  Brayden leaned out of his mother’s doorway and met my eyes. “Take Bella to your place, please.”

  My hesitation lasted only milliseconds. I nodded sharply, and he vanished again. I leaned over to gently shake Bella’s shoulder. She woke slowly and rubbed at her eyes.

  “Your dad asked me to take you to my place. Let’s go get our jackets and boots on. Lucky you, you get to take a ride in the oldest car in Valdez.”

  Bella followed me as I got off the couch and went straight to the front door. I got her in her jacket and didn’t even bother doing mine up. Brayden needed us out of the house as soon as possible. I knew he was trying to spare his daughter a painful memory, and I would do everything I could to help him.

  I held Bella’s hand as we walked through the snow to my car. I hadn’t been at Arlene’s long enough for the windows to freeze, so I was able to pull out of the driveway almost instantly.

  “Is Daddy coming, too?” Bella asked from the back seat.

  “Maybe later. He’ll call us and let us know.”

  “Okay,” Bella said. She sounded unsure. She was a smart kid.

  The drive to my house was gut wrenching. I managed to maintain conversation with Bella to keep her from asking questions about her dad or her grandmother. I focused on keeping her occupied, even up until we walked inside.

  We went into the kitchen, and I asked if she liked hot chocolate. She said she did, and I pulled out all my possible hot chocolate toppings: sprinkles, marshmallows, whipped cream. Literally anything I had in my cupboards. I needed to prolong the activity for as long as possible.

  When the kettle was finished boiling, I poured hot water into a mug for her and stirred in the hot chocolate mix. I added milk to cool it down and then told her to add whatever she liked on top. As she reached for the bag of marshmallows, my phone rang.

  “I’ll be in the living room for one minute,” I said to her.

  Bella nodded, her attention now fixed on gathering multicolored marshmallows.

  I slipped into the living room and answered the phone. It was Brayden.

  “Hey.” I spoke quietly so Bella couldn’t hear me. “We’re back at my place. Bella is fine. Is your mom okay?”

  The long pause on the other end of the phone was all the answer I needed. When he did speak, he sounded entirely unlike himself.

  Empty.

  “She didn’t make it to the hospital.”

  That lump in my throat from talking with Arlene hours ago came back fully formed. I swallowed desperately, trying to hold on to the sob that wanted to escape me. I couldn’t do that to him. He needed me to keep it together.

  “Where are you?” I asked.

  “The hospital.”

  “What do you need?”

  “I need you to stay with Bella right now. I can’t… I don’t know how to handle this yet. Can you—” He broke off, and I had a terrible image of him sitting alone in a plastic chair in some fluorescent-lit, pale green waiting room. “Can you please stay with her tonight?”

  “Of course,” I said, straining against the urge to cry. “As long as you need. What else?”

  “That’s all. I can figure it out tomorrow.”

  “Brayden. I’m so sorry.”

  “Yeah.” Silence filled the phone. “I know.”

  Chapter 23

  Brayden

  I’d been sitting in the waiting room outside the Emergency Room at Valdez Hospital for two and a half hours. At least, that was how long I thought it had been.

  My mother was gone. She had died beside me in the truck halfway to the hospital. I had continued driving, like if I could just get there fast enough, there was something someone could do to save her and bring her back. I carried her in like assholes did in the movies. I stood there and begged for them to help her.

  I leaned forward, held my head in my hands, and closed my eyes. My head was pounding, and my whole body felt like I’d been swimming in a pool for dozens of hours. I was exhausted.

  Somehow, I had to move forward. Somehow, I had to bury her. Somehow, I had to explain death all over again to my daughter.

  A familiar voice spoke my name, and I opened my eyes to find myself staring at a pair of boots that were still speckled with snow along the sole. I looked all the way up to see Emmett staring down at me. He was dressed in his usual plaid jacket and blue jeans, and he was looking at me with that look that I remembered all too well from when my wife died: pity.

  Fucking pity.

  “Hey, man,” he said as casually as if he were saying hi to me at the counter of his diner.

  “Hey.”

  “Mind if I sit?”

  “Go for it.”

  He dropped into the vacant chair beside me, and the plastic cushion beneath his ass creaked. We sat quietly for a few minutes. He observed the other people milling around the hospital as I retreated back into my thoughts. I went so deep that I almost forgot he was there.

  His voice brought me back. “How come you didn’t tell me about your ma, Brayden?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t like sharing.”

  “Yeah. No shit. But this was your mother. You could have said something. Fuck, man. You didn’t have to carry this by yourself. You have friends here.”

  I leaned back in my chair and ran my hand over my face. “I think I forgot I did.” I glanced over at him. “Did Rein call you?”

  “Yeah. She told me what happened and asked me to come check on you.”

  I was surprised she hadn’t told Emmett that my mother was sick before now. She really could keep a secret. “She’s with Bella,” I said.

  “I know. She had just put her to bed when she called me. She said she’s fine, by the way.”

  “Sorry?” I asked, my brain a foggy mess. It was hard to make sense of the simplest things.

  “Rein said that Bella is fine.”

  “Oh. Good.”

  Emmett wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “I’m sorry, man. I don’t know what else to say.”

  “Me neither,” I confessed.

  “Then we don’t have to say anything.” Emmett’s arm fell from my shoulder, but he stayed where he was in the seat beside me. His company was more than welcomed. Sitting by myself had been torturous. With him beside me, it seemed that the darkest thoughts couldn’t reach me, like he was a light shining in all the dark corners of my mind.

  After another half hour, I rubbed at my tired eyes. “I should get back to Bella.”

  “Do you need a ride?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “The truck is outside.”

  “I saw it. I was asking if you’re okay to drive.”

 
; I managed a sheepish smile at my friend and patted his shoulder as I rose slowly to my feet. “I’m okay to drive. I’m just going to Rein’s. Five minutes up the road.”

  “All right.” Emmett walked with me through the stark and empty hallways to the front doors, which slid open when we arrived. We stepped out into the parking lot, which was nearly empty. It was nothing like the sprawling and bustling hospitals back in Florida.

  We walked to our cars, which were conveniently parked only a couple stalls apart. Emmett wished me a good night and told me to call him if I needed anything. He repeated it a couple of times, and I tried not to let on that it bothered me. He was coming from a good place and trying to help. I was the one who was shying away from his kindness.

  I was the one who was preparing to build walls to protect myself just like I had done when Isabelle died.

  I drove to Rein’s without turning the radio on. The five-minute drive in silence felt like it lasted hours. I spared glances at the empty passenger seat where my mother had sat as I drove her to the hospital in a panic, begging her to hold on and promising her that everything was going to be fine.

  Even right then, in the thick of it, she and I had both known it wouldn’t be fine.

  ***

  I stood at Rein’s front door for several minutes before I gathered the nerve to knock. I knew what awaited me on the other side. More fucking pity. I didn’t want it. I would never want it. But Bella was inside, and I needed to get to her.

  I also needed to sleep.

  I felt like I was asleep standing up as I rapped my knuckles on the door. I heard Rein moving on the other side, and seconds later, she yanked it open. She was dressed in a pale blue pajama set and fluffy white slippers. Her hair was down and loosely curled, and it billowed around her shoulders when the door opened and a cool night wind blew in.

  “Come in,” she said, stepping aside to make room for me.

  I took off my jacket and boots and followed Rein into her living room.