My Last First Kiss

by Weston Parker

  I nodded. I wouldn’t need anything, but these were the things you said and the offers you made when you went to a funeral. “Yes, thank you.”

  Gracie smiled and hugged Rein. “I have to head out. I’m sorry again for your loss, Brayden. I’ll see you around.”

  After Gracie left, Emmett hung back, leaving just me, Rein, and Bella at the grave. Rein laced her fingers in mine and rested her head on my shoulder as Bella held my other hand. I wondered how long they would be willing to wait for me.

  Until I was done, I supposed.

  After fifteen minutes of complete silence, Rein looked up at me. “Can I cook you and Bella dinner tonight? You could both do with a warm meal.”

  I looked down at Bella. “Can you go say goodbye to Emmett, kiddo?”

  Bella nodded and left me with Rein. I turned to the raven-haired girl who had yet again captured my heart. “Thanks for the offer, but we’re going back to Florida.”

  Rein blinked, and her eyes flicked back and forth between mine. “Sorry?”

  “The plane is already here waiting for us. We’re heading straight there from here.”

  “What?” Rein’s calm expression faltered. “You’re going to hightail it out of here just like that? Again?”

  I couldn’t look her in the eye, so I looked at my feet. “I can’t stay here.”

  “I didn’t expect you to stay forever. I just…” She trailed off and pressed her hand to her forehead as she looked away from me. A cool breeze whispered over the gravestones and blew her hair off her shoulders. She turned back to face me and looked me in the eye. “You’re really going to do this to me again?”

  Guilt tickled my stomach. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  “I guess you’ve already said it.”

  I ran my fingers through my hair. “I’m sorry, Rein. I really am. But my life isn’t here. It’s in Florida. And now, everywhere I look in this town just reminds me of my mother.”

  “And why are you making that a bad thing? Are you trying to forget her?”

  “No, of course not. I’m trying to move on. I just want to get home. I have to take my daughter home. She needs to go back to school, and I need to go back to work. This was… I don’t know what this was.”

  “A mistake, apparently.” Rein looked away and pulled the collar of her jacket up as the wind picked up again. “Goodbye, Brayden.”

  Then she turned and walked away from me without looking back. She stopped when she reached Emmett and Bella and dropped down to one knee. She hugged my daughter, and the two of them talked for a moment. Then she stood, and she and Emmett walked down the winding path to the cars at the gate.

  Bella came back to me while I watched Rein’s little red coupe disappear down the road.

  “Where’s Rein going?” Bella asked.

  I took her hand, and we started heading back to the rental truck. “She’s going home.”

  “Are we going back to see her again?”

  “Maybe another time. But right now, we’re actually going to head home. There’s a plane waiting for us.”

  Bella stopped walking and tugged on my hand. “I don’t want to go home.”

  “I know, kiddo,” I said as I turned back to her and dropped into a crouch so that we were face to face. “But we have to. Our life is there. Don’t you miss school? And all your friends?”

  “Yes, but…” Bella’s mouth moved silently as she sorted through her thoughts. “But Rein isn’t there.”

  “I’m going to miss her, too.”

  “Then why can’t we stay?”

  I didn’t have a good enough answer for her that wasn’t simply, “Because we have to,” which I knew wouldn’t convince her. So I took her hands in mine and ran my thumbs over her tiny knuckles. “We have commitments back home. There are people there who miss us and need us to come back. Maybe we can come back and visit Rein again.”

  Bella still looked unsure.

  “I’m sorry, Bella, but it’s time to go home.”

  She didn’t fight me when I stood and started walking back to the truck. She trailed behind, deep in her own thoughts, and was quiet in the back seat of the truck for most of the drive to the airport.

  I had packed all our bags the night before and put them in the bed of my truck before strapping everything down. I had made sure to pack the painting Rein gave Bella and the one she painted herself. Those, of course, went in the cab as per Bella’s demands. As soon as we got back to the house, I would hang them in her room for her. They would bring her comfort. So would the picture of my mother I had taken from the mantle on the fireplace. A child needed visual memories. At least, I wanted my daughter to have them.

  I pulled the truck up close to the plane, and Bella climbed up the stairs into the private jet. She was upset with me but unwilling to say so, so I let her sit on her own while I helped one of the flight attendants load the luggage into the plane. He told me he could handle it on his own, but I wanted the distraction. Keeping busy and finding something to do was how I managed grief.

  When it was all loaded up, I joined Bella in the plane. She pressed her face to the window when we took off, and she stayed there watching Valdez disappear beneath us as we reached altitude.

  I hoped she wouldn’t stay mad at me for the whole flight. I needed someone to talk to in order to keep my mind off of my mother’s death. I distracted myself by retreating into the vortex of emails on my phone, and I began responding. It was something to do, and something was better than anything.

  After we were in the air for forty-five minutes or so, Bella was bored enough to start talking to me again. She took the seat beside me, a plush leather chair that was much too big for her, and asked if we could play games.

  I indulged her, and we played a variety of things, starting with Go Fish and ending with I Spy. It was a short-lived game. There wasn’t much to spy on the plane.

  Bella fell asleep shortly after, and I was left again with my own thoughts.

  My mother consumed most of them until the image of her was chased out of my mind and replaced with that of Rein’s face when I told her I was leaving.

  If she didn’t hate me before, she most definitely hated me now.

  I was putting her through the same bullshit I had ten years ago. She didn’t deserve it. She deserved a man who would stand by her and commit to her and never make her question if he would leave her behind. I wasn’t capable of offering her that.

  I was a runner. I knew it, and she knew it.

  When shit got tough, I did what I always did: I escaped. Going back to Florida was just that. Sure, I did need to get back to my job. My employees were relying on me and so were my clients. But I was lying to myself in thinking that I could only do my work well from Florida. I was the owner. I could work from anywhere.

  But Florida was safe. Florida was a refuge from all the hardships that Valdez ever threw at me. One of those hardships was Rein herself. I never thought I deserved a girl like her. She was too good, too pure, too kind for me. She had proven that when she forgave me and gave me a second chance with her.

  Now, I was spitting in her face and leaving again.

  “You’re such a piece of shit,” I muttered to myself as I gazed out the window at the fluffy white clouds floating by.

  Chapter 26

  Rein

  After leaving the cemetery, I felt like I was walking around in a fog. My head felt fat and fuzzy, probably because I needed a good cry but couldn’t muster the energy to actually do it. I felt drained, hollow. My legs were heavier than I ever remembered them being, and coming home and putting on a pot of hot water to make tea was a chore.

  Now, I sat on my bed staring at the little black dress Gracie had let me borrow that first night I went out with Brayden. It was hanging on the back of my closet door, ready for her to come pick it up, and it taunted me with memories.

  If the damn thing had a voice, I knew what it would be saying.

  You knew better than this, Rein.

>   You should have seen this coming.

  Men like him don’t ever change.

  Why did you think he would be willing to stay here for you?

  Stupid girl.

  I stood up in a huff and yanked open the closet. I plucked the dress from the back of the door and tucked it between my jackets before promptly slamming the closet doors closed. It was better not to look at it.

  I marched out of my room and down the hall to my bathroom where I started pouring myself a bath. I loaded it up with bath salts and lavender-scented oils. Then, just for kicks, I threw in a rose petal bath bomb and watched it spin and bob while it fizzed down to nothingness. I stripped out of the black long-sleeved dress, nylons, and jacket I had been wearing for the funeral. I’d been home for over two hours and hadn’t mustered the will to even bother changing.

  I left the clothes in a pile on the bathroom floor, knowing that I was inviting wrinkles upon my only classy outfit. It didn’t matter. I wouldn’t have another occasion to wear it, and even if I did, I probably wouldn’t want to. It had memories of Arlene’s passing associated with it now.

  And Brayden’s second abandonment.

  The hot water burned my toes as I eased my feet in. I tried to repress the memory of having them painted red alongside Bella. Such thoughts only made my heart ache in my chest, and I needed to find a way to bury them somehow.

  I wouldn’t grieve like I did last time. I wouldn’t let the sadness swallow me up and own me for years before finally coming into my own again.

  As I sank beneath the surface, the water kissed my shoulders and throat. The smell of roses and lavender eased the throbbing ache in my skull and chased away some of the bitterness in my chest. It did not, however, erase the anger.

  My whole body burned with it.

  When I got out of the bath, I wrapped myself up in my robe and padded into the kitchen to grab myself a glass of water. As I filled a cup, my doorbell rang.

  My heart fluttered in my chest. The first thought that popped into my head brought me joy and also incredible self-loathing: could it be Brayden?

  I scolded myself for my optimism as I pulled my robe tighter around myself and went to the front door.

  I opened it, and Gracie and Emmett stood on the threshold, bundled up against the cold with pink cheeks and grim expressions. It had been a hard day on everyone, it seemed.

  “Hey,” Gracie said, looking me up and down. “You busy?”

  “No,” I said. “Just hopped out of the bath. I couldn’t get warm.” It was a white lie. She didn’t know the bath had really been to try to scald away the lingering feelings of Brayden’s fingers on my skin. “Do you guys want to come in?”

  Gracie stretched to the tips of her toes and craned her neck to look past me. She must have been searching to see if Brayden was in my house. “Emmett and I were going to go have a beer or two at the Tavern and thought you might want to come with.”

  “You know, I should really—” I stopped talking. I was about to tell her no, but maybe going out and having a couple drinks with some friends was exactly the right thing for me to do. The last time Brayden had left me, I wallowed in my own misery for months. I refused to succumb to sadness like that again. Distractions were good.

  “Actually, yes,” I said with a confident nod. “I would love to come have drinks with you guys. Come inside while I get changed. And Gracie, I have your little black dress for you.”

  Both Emmett and Gracie came inside while I hurried into my bedroom to change. I opted for a pair of my favorite worn-in jeans with frayed hems and torn belt loops, and a long-sleeved white pullover. I tied my hair up in a messy bun before grabbing Gracie’s dress and tossing it at her as I walked by her in my living room.

  “Come on, let’s go.”

  ***

  The Tavern wasn’t all that busy. A lot of people from town had attended Arlene’s funeral and were probably back home with their families, cherishing their time together. I didn’t have family here, but I assured myself I was doing the same thing: spending precious time with the people I cared about.

  Emmett ordered us a pitcher of beer and a basket of wings to share. When the pitcher arrived in the middle of the table, he expertly filled all of our glasses, leaving the perfect half inch of foam at the top. I sipped it off and licked at my upper lip as Emmett dug into the wings.

  “Help yourselves, ladies,” he said, hot sauce staining the corners of his mouth.

  Gracie took a wing but I declined. I wasn’t hungry. Losing Arlene and Brayden had left my stomach feeling all kinds of uneasy. The beer wasn’t helping, but I hoped once I pounded this one back, I’d feel right as rain. Maybe even good enough to snack on some wings or order a meal.

  “Today was rough,” Gracie said after avoiding the topic since picking me up at my house. “I was impressed with how well Brayden kept it together.”

  “He’s not a very emotional person,” I said.

  Emmett nodded his agreement. “I think he’ll grieve privately. You know him best, Rein. He’s okay, right?”

  I shrugged. “He’ll be fine.”

  “What’s his plan now?” Gracie asked. She was watching me like a hawk. It was as if she could already sense that something was amiss. She had a sixth sense for trouble, and I didn’t doubt that an alarm was going off inside her pretty head, telling her that something was wrong.

  I would have to tell them eventually. There was no point in saying anything but the truth. I lifted my gaze to meet hers and sighed. “He and Bella are already on a plane back to Florida.”

  Gracie blinked. “Wait, what?”

  She and Emmett exchanged an uneasy look.

  I took another sip of beer, and it bubbled unpleasantly in my stomach. I pushed the mug away from me slightly, not in the mood for more.

  “Yeah,” I said. “Right after he put Arlene in the ground, he and Bella drove to the airport, got on his plane, and left.” I could hear how furious I was. My voice was trembling.

  Gracie and Emmett looked sideways at each other again.

  I rolled my eyes. “Listen, you guys. I’m not a fragile china doll. I can handle it. I’m just pissed. That’s all.”

  “And rightly so,” Gracie said. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. It’s not your fault.”

  “No, but I mean, I pushed you back to him. I shouldn’t have gotten involved. I just couldn’t help it. I thought things would play out differently. I thought—”

  “Gracie, seriously. Don’t even think on it for another minute. I’m a big girl, and I made my own choices. Now I have to move on, like I did last time.”

  Emmett looked uncomfortable as he sat across the table from me. He was cleaning his fingers with his napkin and fixed me with an apologetic look.

  “He’s an ass sometimes, Rein,” he said.

  “Don’t I know it.”

  Gracie sighed and picked at her nail polish. “Did he tell you what he was going to do? Seems so abrupt to just up and leave the same day as his mother’s funeral. Poor Bella. I think she wanted to stay longer.”

  “He didn’t say anything. Actually, I didn’t give him a chance to say anything. It wouldn’t have mattered.” I shook my head as I recalled him lying beside me in my bed. My heart had shattered into a million pieces that night for him. I knew the grief and the pain he was feeling, and I would have done anything to take that away from him. “I hope he’s okay.”

  Gracie chuckled without humor. “He leaves you yet again, and you’re still thinking of his wellbeing. You’re a much better person than me, Rein. Much better.”

  I shrugged. Hoping to get off the subject, I flagged down the waitress to ask for a glass of water. Then I went out on a ledge and ordered a burger and fries. When they came, I dug into them and ate fervently. Emmett and Gracie watched me and tried to look like they weren’t as repulsed as they were.

  “What?” I asked with half a French fry in my mouth.

  “Nothing,” they said together.

  Then
Gracie reached out and grabbed my hand. “Forget Brayden. Are you okay?”

  I stopped chewing and swallowed. I washed it down with water and looked her straight in the eye. “I know you’re scared because of how bad last time was, but I promise it won’t be like that again. I think a small part of me knew this was how it would end the whole time. I’ll be okay.”

  Gracie gave my hand a good squeeze, and she smiled at me. “You’re a tough bitch, you know that?”

  I laughed and nodded. “Took a while to get there.”

  “I’ve trained you well,” she said smugly.

  Those were the only genuine laughs I enjoyed that day. They were brief but enough to rid my heart of the storm clouds that had begun to make a home there. I reminded myself that despite the heartache I was feeling, I was lucky.

  Lucky to have friends who cared about me and who would stick by me over the next couple of weeks as I adjusted back to my normal routine of painting and getting coffee from Mr. Gallant every morning. Of grocery shopping once a week and pinching my pennies so I didn’t have to get a “real” job. Of nights in, mornings alone, and lunch breaks with Gracie.

  It wasn’t all that bad.

  I had been happy before Brayden came back here, and I could find that happiness again. I just had to search for it.

  Chapter 27

  Brayden

  Two Weeks Later

  I swallowed my irritated growl as my client’s secretary told me that Mr. Lawson was out of his office for the afternoon. She had a sing-song voice like a Disney princess, and it bored into my skull like a drill.

  “When will he be back?” I asked while pinching the bridge of my nose and squeezing my eyes closed. This client had been jerking me around for the last few days, and I was reaching my wits’ end. I knew it had nothing to do with the receptionist. She was just doing her job, and it wouldn’t be fair for me to take any of my frustrations out on her. If I was going to lose my cool, it was going to have to be with Mr. Lawson himself.

  Entitled bastard.