He looked away, his Adam’s apple bobbed. “Nah! I’m heading back early. There are a couple of things I need to do.” Things? What things? She wanted to ask him but pushed back the urge. She didn’t believe him for a second. Why didn’t he want to see her? That was weird!
Winston hooked his thumbs in his jeans. In that moment she was convinced he cared. For just a second she was sure he didn’t want her to do this. Then he grinned. His beautiful eyes glinted. Winston winked. “Have fun! Maybe I’ll catch you next time I’m in town.”
Maybe.
What?
Why?
“Call me,” she said, a hint of desperation in her voice.
“Things are kind of crazy back home. Take care of yourself.” Winston turned and walked away. Just like that. He was breaking things off with her. Not that they had anything. Not really. But what they did have was important to her. One of the women at the bar tried to grab him as he walked by, but he stepped out of her reach, disappearing through the door. Her chest hurt, her eyes stung.
Her heart suddenly sped up a whole hell of a lot. She realized that up until now, she didn’t think he would hand her over like this. What had she expected from him then? That he would step in and take this fake dating thing to the next level? That didn’t feel right either. He had tried to play the relationship card and she’d shot him down. The fact of the matter was that she wasn’t ready for a relationship, not with Winston, not with anyone. He didn’t want casual so they were stuck. Two people in different places in their lives.
“Ana.” Kane was looking down at her.
“Oh.” She swallowed hard. “Sorry.”
“Are you okay?” His eyes were soft, his touch was soft as well.
She nodded. “I’m fine. Perfect.” Her voice sounded too chipper.
His dark eyes narrowed with concern. “Are you sure? Do you want to stay for another drink, talk a bit more?” He breathed out through his nose. “We don’t have to go back to my place. I could drop you off. Don’t misunderstand me,” his arm tightened around her, “I would love for you to come back with me, but only if you feel comfortable doing so.”
What a sweetheart. She sucked in a deep breath. Good thing she’d donned her big girl panties before coming out. Not really, it was a tiny pink thong. “Yes, I’m sure. Let’s get out of here.” She was afraid. Hugely afraid, but she was more afraid of going home alone right now. Of failing. She had to do this … she had to move on. Winston had gone to a lot of trouble and she couldn’t let him down.
18
Winston was just pacing back towards the bed when his phone vibrated. It was on the side table next to his bed. He grabbed the device and checked the caller ID. Fuck! It was Kane.
“Yeah?” A rough growl. His heart was pounding in his chest.
“It’s the human.”
Winston could hear heavy breathing in the background. It was elevated, feminine and so full of fear. His own throat closed. Fuck!
“Let me go,” he heard Ana say, she sounded terrified. His fur bristled, his hackles went up and all at once. His teeth sharpened, as did his vision.
Winston pulled on a pair of jeans. There was a ripping noise as his nails tore into the denim. He wasn’t sure how, but he managed to get one or two of the clasps done up without slicing off his dick in the process. He’d managed to convince himself to go through the motions when he got back to his room. To take a quick shower and to get into bed. That had lasted all of five seconds. He’d been pacing for the last few minutes, his mind conjuring up what was most likely going on down the hall. He was having to use every ounce of strength he possessed not to go and tear down Kane’s door. One more minute and he would have. The fucking crazy thing was that he was happy the call had come in. Thrilled that Ana hadn’t been able to go through with it.
Then he was ploughing through the door and heading for Kane’s room in a flat-out run. A hinge ripped as he tore into the male’s room.
Ana was crumpled on the floor. Her eyes were wide, her skin pale. Still fully clothed. She was breathing hard, her arms wrapped around herself.
Kane was pacing. He stopped and turned. “Thank fuck! I didn’t know—”
“What the fuck did you do to her?” Winston punched the male square in the face. Kane staggered back. His nose leaked blood but it wasn’t broken. Deep down, Winston knew the male was not to blame for this. Problem was, Winston was freaking out.
“I didn’t do anything.” Kane put his hands up. “I tried to kiss her, that’s it … I swear. I tried to kiss her and she started breathing funny. She tried to leave but I didn’t think it was safe for her to do so. You told me to call you if anything went wrong. I didn’t know what you meant at the time, but—”
“I … need …” Ana was breathing too quickly, “to … go …” Ana tried to stand up. She moaned, “Dizzy.”
“I’m sorry, I—” Kane grabbed his head in his hands, he looked beside himself. “I’m so damned sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong. I didn’t touch her, nothing happened.”
“It’s not your fault,” Winston rumbled as he picked Ana up. “I’ve got you.” He worked hard at keeping his voice even. He needed to calm the fuck down so that he could get her to calm down.
“Dizzy … Winston … I’m …” She was panting hard. “I need to … need … I’m scared …” she sobbed, tears streaked down her cheeks.
“I have you now. You’re safe.” He cradled her to him.
“I didn’t do a fucking thing, I—” Kane insisted.
“I know,” Winston said. “It’s my fault,” he added as he left the room. Winston headed for his own suite, he had done research. He needed to calm her down, to get her breathing under control.
Winston kicked the door shut behind them after they entered the room. He sat on the edge of the bed holding Ana in his arms. “You’re safe. You’re with me.”
Ana’s eyes were wide. Her chest rose and fell in quick succession.
“Look at me.”
Ana seemed to ignore him. “Home. Take … me … must go.”
He clasped her chin in his hand. “Look at me, sweetheart,” he spoke softly. “It’s me, Winston.”
She smiled even though she was still crying. Her breathing improved a bit.
“That’s it. You’re safe.” He trailed the pad of his thumb down the side of her jaw.
“I couldn’t do it.” It fucking killed him to hear how sad she sounded. “I messed up.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“I wasn’t ready,” a sob. “I knew it back at the bar. I should have listened to my instincts.”
“It doesn’t matter.” He felt like the biggest dick alive for being happy that it hadn’t worked out.
“I’m never going to be ready.” Fresh tears streaked down her cheeks. He was happy to see that her breathing was pretty much normal, her color had returned as well.
“Yes, you will be,” he spoke gently, caressing his hands down her back.
“All I want is to be normal. I want love. I want a relationship … long-term, I mean ‒ but I can’t even get this right.”
“You are normal,” he tried again.
“I can’t spend the night with someone.” She wiped away the tears, looking angry. “I’m so sick and tired of this. I just wish I could—”
“Shhhh.” He kissed her mouth … her beautiful lips. Ana sighed against him. “Here,” he said as he pulled away. Winston eased them further onto the bed, pulling the covers over them. “You’re staying with me tonight.”
“No,” she shook her head, “I can’t.”
Winston frowned. “Are you feeling lightheaded again? Are you about to have another anxiety attack?”
“No.” She shook her head some more and gave a very sad looking smile. “I’m with you, so I’m fine.”
“Good.” Winston laid down, he pulled her more firmly into the crook of his arm.
“You don’t have to do this though.” She lifted her head. Ana sniffed, her eyes filling with tears
all over again. “I’m in your way. You don’t have to feel obligated to have me stay over.” She gave a snort, which was halfway to a laugh and halfway to a sob.
“Obligated?” He gripped the back of her head and looked her deep in the eyes. “That’s where you have it all wrong. So very fucking wrong. I would be honored to have you share my bed … unless you want me to take the couch. I could—”
“Don’t you dare.” She shook her head, a smile played with the corners of her lush mouth. Ana snuggled into his chest. They were both still clothed. He in his jeans and she in her dress.
Ana sighed. He could almost hear her brain working.
“What is it?” he whispered, kissing the top of her head.
“I really hope I’ll be able to have an orgasm with another person again one day,” she said it jokingly but he could hear her underlying sadness, the very real fear.
Winston stiffened. Every part of him stiffened, especially one part in particular. What he wouldn’t give to have Ana. To own every part of her.
This amazing female really believed that she couldn’t do it. He knew for a fact and with absolute certainty that she could. He rubbed his hands up and down her back, feeling her relax. He was an asshole because his dick sprang fully to life. Her breathing eased and she pressed herself more firmly against him. He continued to stoke her back in long, easy strokes. Her breathing accelerated but not out of fear. Fuck, he caught a whiff of arousal. Ana didn’t realize it but she was probably reacting to him. The female was more receptive than she realized. She made a soft moaning noise when he massaged her back a little deeper.
Fuck it! “Put your leg over my body.”
“What? Why? Are you uncomfortable?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “Like this?” She slid her thigh over his. The scent of her arousal increased a whole hell of a lot. He had to suppress a groan.
“I want to touch you a little.” He put his hand on her thigh, rubbing up and down.
“Touch me?” Her voice was timid.
“Just a little.” Her dress was already way up on her thighs. “Can I lift this a bit higher?” He touched the hem.
“Um …” Her heart was racing. Winston didn’t scent fear though. He caught another snoutful of arousal. Fuck if his balls didn’t take note. The suckers pulled right up. “Oh, I … You don’t have to … you …”
“I want to touch you. Let me do this. I want to do this just as much as you need me to. You have to trust me on that.”
“Okay … yeah …” Her breathing was definitely ragged but not in the same way as before.
Winston tucked the comforter more securely around her. He eased her dress up over her hips and pulled her thigh up even higher on his body, careful to avoid his raging hard-on. Didn’t want to scare her.
“All you have to do is tell me to stop and I will.” Her eyes were already hazy with lust. Her breathing was still elevated. Using one hand, he cupped the back of her head and closed his mouth over hers. The kiss was heated from the word go. It raged, consumed … it wasn’t that he hadn’t been with a female in a very long time, it was her. So fucking sweet. So full of passion.
Ana mewled into his mouth. She pushed herself against him. He could feel her plump, little breasts against his side.
He pushed a knee between her thighs and clasped a hand over her sex. Careful not to spook her. Her slip of a thong was soaking fucking wet. He bit back another groan. He rubbed her through the underwear a couple of times. Testing, giving her every chance to tell him to back off.
Ana moaned, her head falling back. She rocked against his hand. “Oh god! Oh, Winston.” There was no sign of fear. Just pure, unadulterated lust.
He slipped one finger under the lace and zoned in on her swollen clit.
“Yes,” a choked-out plea. His dick throbbed. It all out fucking throbbed. His balls hurt they were so tight.
He kissed her, swallowing her moans. When Winston slipped a finger into her tight as fuck pussy, it was his turn to groan. Her eyes flew wide open for a moment before squeezing shut. Her lashes fused. Her breathing turned ragged. He carefully thrust inside her, sure to zone in on that spot. So hot and wet. His thumb found her clit. Ana rocked her hips, she fucked his hand. He wished he could give her more, so much more. He wanted to give this female everything.
Her pussy was already fluttering around him. She was taking sharp little gasps of air. Her face was pinched. Normally he would drag out the pleasure, but she’d waited long enough. Winston added a second finger, keeping his thumb firmly on her clit.
Ana’s back bowed as her body began to jerk against him. She bit down on her lower lip, her eyes wide.
“That’s it,” he growled. His voice was thick with a raging need. His teeth felt sharp. He wanted to bite her. To mark her. His cock twitched some more. Everything in him told him to put her on her knees and to take her … hard.
He ignored his own desires. A look of utter rapture took hold of her. Her mouth fell open. Her moans filled the room. Her hips still rocked against him. He slowed his thrusts, the pad of his finger eased the pressure on her clit. She mewled and gave a shudder as the last of her orgasm moved through her.
Ana licked her lips as she opened her eyes and struggled to focus. Her cheeks were flushed. Good! She shut them again. He was loath to stop touching her. Winston grit his teeth. He eased his hand away from her and pulled her underwear back in place. Then he pulled her dress back down. Her breathing was normalizing. Ana smiled, she looked drunk. Her eyes were hooded. “Thank you,” she whispered.
He stroked her head. “Sleep.”
“No, really.” She lifted her head, looking at him. Her eyelids were still heavily hooded. Her hair was mussed. In short, she’d never looked so fucking beautiful. His heart clenched painfully in his chest. “I appreciate it. I didn’t think it was possible anymore. I—”
“No, it was my absolute pleasure. No need to thank me. It’s no hardship touching you, I assure you. Ana, you are an amazing female.”
She bit down on her lower lip, a cheeky glint appeared in her eyes. “I know we shouldn’t but um … maybe …” her voice was husky. Her hand moved down his abs, she gripped him there, between his legs. He was fucked if his cock didn’t do a happy dance.
Winston groaned. It took everything in him to take her hand and move it away. He squeezed. “No, as much as I would love to … take this further. We can’t … we’re friends, remember?”
He felt her tense against him. Her face went from relaxed afterglow to tense. “I don’t understand. You just, we just—”
“We can’t,” he reiterated. “You know why. I made a decision and I need to stick to it.” He tried to touch her but she moved back.
“You touched me out of pity then.” Ana narrowed her eyes.
“That’s not true. Not even fucking close. We’re friends, I value you. I care more than you know.” He reached out and this time she let him touch her. Winston cupped her cheek. “Please, I loved touching you.”
“I loved you touching me?” She frowned. “Why then? Why can’t we have sex? I don’t understand.” Her eyes clouded.
It hurt.
She didn’t understand why exactly, but it did. Winston was right. Everything he said made perfect sense and yet it still hurt a whole hell of a lot. She’d gone from euphoria to down in the dirt, in seconds.
“We’re friends, Ana.” He ran a hand through his hair, sitting upright.
Friends.
Ana was sick of hearing him say that. Sick of saying it herself. She sat up and pulled her dress further down, suddenly feeling shy. It didn’t matter that he made sense, she still wanted him. Burned for him. “We can still be friends if we … have sex.”
Winston shook his head. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. “No, we can’t.” He pushed out a breath through his nose. “Truth is, I’m not sure we can be friends anymore, period.”
At least he had finally said it out loud. She hated the way he’d implied it the whole evening. Her heart
beat like a mad thing. The pain intensified. “Why not?” Her voice sounded distraught. She couldn’t stand the thought of not having him in her life.
“My feelings for you …” He made a growling noise and gripped the back of his neck. “I don’t see you as a friend anymore, Ana.”
“What?” She frowned. “Why not? We are friends though, Winston, I love spending time with you. I look forward to it. You like me too, don’t you?”
“I see you as more. I don’t want to be just friends anymore. Tonight proved it to me. It almost fucking killed me to leave you with Kane. I was about to come and get you anyway.”
Oh shit! Oh gosh! Oh no! She could feel her stomach clench and her eyes widen. This wasn’t happening. Why had she pushed? Ana wasn’t sure what she had expected but this wasn’t it. “I can’t,” she blurted. “I told you I’m not ready for a relationship.” As if on cue, her lungs seemed to close, her throat too. “Up until recently …” She struggled for air. “I couldn’t even …” She gripped her throat. “Shit!” She may as well be on the moon, or deep in the ocean. That’s how it felt right now.
An icy tendril of fear wound its way around her. She couldn’t say that the fear was back. Fear never left her. Not really. It lived inside. Deep inside. Waiting. Waiting. Fear of death. Fear of living. Fear of others. Fear of being alone. Fear of allowing herself to want because to have was to lose. Fear of fear. Fear of this. Her throat closed some more. Sweat beaded on her forehead. The room closed in. Her clothes felt too tight but at the same time she was cold.
“Ana,” his voiced was filled with concern, Winston frowned deeply.
“Can’t breathe!” She was panting heavily.
He gripped her forearms. “Look at me. Calm down.”
“Can’t!” she shrieked. “No!” she added, pulling away from him. She needed to go. Needed to … where was her purse? She looked about the room. Finally seeing it on the floor next to the door.
Thank god! She staggered off the bed and snagged the thin leather handle.
Untethered (Shifter Night Book 1) Page 13
