“No.” Winston gripped her wrist. His hold was gentle but firm.
“Let me go.” She tried to yank away but he wouldn’t let her.
“I can’t, Ana. Let me help you. What can I do?”
“Nothing!” she yelled between heavy breaths that didn’t seem to contain any oxygen. Her throat closed some more. She was starting to feel light-headed. It wouldn’t be long before she got dizzy and then she’d be stuck. She’d be too far gone to move. Once she was outside and alone she’d calm down.
“Please.” His eyes were wide and filled with emotion. His grip tightened. “Let me help you.”
“You can’t!” she yelled. She just needed to be alone. The room tilted for a moment. She had to get out. Had to get away. “Need to leave.” She was gasping. “Away from you.”
“No, don’t say that.” His hand loosened.
“Let. Me. Go,” she got out between ragged breaths.
Winston let her go so abruptly that she almost fell backwards. The room spun for a moment. They could talk in the morning. When things were more normal. She couldn’t right now.
Ana turned and ran. She didn’t look back. She couldn’t.
19
Winston followed Ana. His friend … who was he kidding? She had come to mean so much more to him. Infinitely more. He hadn’t planned on telling her because there was sweet fuck-all he could do about it. Also because she didn’t want him back. Sure, she wanted him to fuck her. Just like all the others, but he wasn’t worth anything more. Just a fuck. A friendly fuck, which somehow made it worse.
He’d hoped that she wouldn’t be able to go with Kane. That she’d realize that she had feelings for him. He’d been so fucking sure that she did. What an asshole he had been. Seeing her with Kane had only made his feelings deepen. His need for her had increased ten-fold. Maybe he had been wrong about Ana.
Winston watched as she leaned against a tree, her breathing eased after just a minute or two. Then she was digging in her purse and eventually typing on her phone. Ana leaned back against the tree. Her eyes were closed. She sniffed and wiped at her face. His chest tightened when he realized she was crying. Everything in him screamed to go to her, to comfort her but he knew deep down that his presence would have the opposite affect. She doesn’t want you or need you.
Winston pulled himself further into the shadows. He hadn’t planned on saying anything. Definitely hadn’t planned on touching her. Feeling her tighten around his fingers. Hearing her surprised gasp as she tumbled over the edge. Seeing that look of rapture on her beautiful face had been everything to him. He shouldn’t have blurted his feelings out like that. Should never have laid a finger on her. No, it was better this way. A clean fucking break.
Ana brought her phone up to her face, it became illuminated by the screen. She kept looking at it. Moments later, she made her way to the hotel parking lot. Her feet were bare. She hugged herself. His gut churned. It was safe within the hotel grounds but she wouldn’t be safe once she left. Winston maintained a safe following distance.
Ana waved at the security guard in the parking lot. He waved back. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” She nodded. Her voice sounded fine. “Waiting for my cab. It should be here … there it is.”
The guard smiled and nodded as the sedan pulled up to the curb. “Good to see you again.”
“You too.” Ana got in. Winston sprinted for his SUV as the cab pulled away. He followed the vehicle from a distance. Within five minutes, the cab pulled up in front of Ana’s apartment. He watched her enter the building. It was only when the light came on in her apartment that he was able to breathe again. To relax.
Relax. Right. No! Relax was the wrong word. His gut churned. His hands clamped down even tighter on the wheel. He needed to distance himself from this female. Needed to stay the fuck away. It would be best for her. Best for both of them.
20
“You look terrible,” Edith said as she walked into her apartment. “And look at this place. Where is my friend? What have you done with her?”
“I decided to take a couple of days off, that’s all.” Ana sighed.
“Off of work or off of life?” Edith put her hands on her hips. “Because I can tell that you’ve done nothing other than eat take-out and let your dishes pile up.”
“I’m all caught up on Netflix and I happen to like take-out.”
“What’s going on with you? You haven’t returned my calls.” Her friend narrowed her eyes. “You met up with Winston last weekend, didn’t you? What happened? Did he hurt you, because if he did, I’m going to find—”
“No, no!” Ana put her hands up. “It’s not like that.”
“Something happened though.”
Ana didn’t answer. She wasn’t sure she wanted to talk about it.
Edith held up a paper bag. “It’s double chocolate. Get the spoons and start talking. I promise you’ll feel better once it’s out”
Ana nodded. “Okay.”
Once they were comfortable, spoons in hand and a couple of mouthfuls down the hatch, she told her about the evening. All about going back with Kane and her panic attack. She skipped the part about the orgasm Winston gave her though.
“He rescued me and then told me he no longer sees me as a friend. He told me he has feelings for me.”
Edith stopped, spoon halfway to her mouth. “What did you do?”
“What I always do … I panicked.”
“And then?” Spoon still poised, eyes wide.
“I ran. I need to get away when I’m in the midst of a panic attack, it’s the only thing that calms me down. I went back the next morning but he was gone.” She sounded completely depressed. She felt completely depressed.
Edith finally ate the melting dessert. “Why did you go back? Had you changed your mind about starting a relationship with him?”
“No … I can’t be in a relationship. I’m not ready.” She shook her head.
Edith burst out laughing.
“What’s so funny?”
“I hate to break it to you, hun, but you already were in a relationship. There was nothing fake about the two of you from the start. You can be in a relationship … you were in a relationship.”
“Yes, as friends.”
“Bullcrap. I told you that a man and a woman can’t be friends if they’re attracted to one another and I still stand by that.”
“We were faking it.” Even as she said it, she knew she wasn’t being entirely true.
“Faking it, my ass. It was very real. The way you looked at him and the way he looked at you back. Friends don’t look at each other like that. They certainly don’t have heated kisses. Okay,” Edith cocked her head, “you still haven’t told me why you went back the next morning.”
“I went to apologize.” Ana looked down at the spoon in her hand. “I did a terrible thing. A selfish thing.” She swallowed hard. “I asked for sex. I wanted to use him for my own pleasure. I ruined everything. Doctor Brenner was right, friends don’t have sex with each other.”
Edith laughed again. “Really now? You really believe that you were selfishly looking for a thrill. Did it never occur to you that you might have been looking for a way to get closer to him? To deepen your relationship? The fact that you’re so cut up about it reiterates that you’re in way over your head.”
“No, I’m pretty sure I was looking for a cheap thrill. I let him touch me and … it was so darned good.” Her whole body flushed at the memory.
“Touch you?” Edith’s mouth dropped open. “As in … did you go to happy town?”
“I so did.” She couldn’t help but smile. “It made me want more. I’m selfish and terrible and a horrible friend.”
“You’re right, you are a horrible friend.” Edith laughed when Ana widened her eyes. Edith must have seen the horrified look on her face because she quickly added, “Not to me.” She sighed. “To Winston. You’re a bad friend because the two of you aren’t friends. You understand that don’t you? It’s not a bad thing th
at you want to have sex with him, he just needs you to own up to your feelings for him first.”
“I’m not ready for all that.” Ana grit her teeth, feeling frustrated.
“You are, hun, you so are. Have you ever stopped to think why you couldn’t let that Kane guy get anywhere near you, yet you let Winston take you to happy town and even went so far as to want to have sex with him? You just need to get over yourself and admit to your feelings.”
“Doctor Brenner says that I haven’t given myself permission to move on. I want to so badly, but,” a tear slid down her cheek, “I just don’t know if I can. I think I’ve ruined things with Winston anyhow. He won’t even read my texts, let alone reply to them. I’ve screwed up big time.” More hot tears fell and she wiped at them.
“The guy is mad about you. Absolutely crazy. He’ll come around. You need to have some patience. There’s something else I need to ask.”
Ana sucked in a deep breath. “I’m not sure I like the sound of that.”
“Did you tell him what happened that night?”
“Sure, I may have left out some things, but he knows most of it.”
“What things?” Edith asked, narrowing her eyes.
“Things I don’t like talking about.”
“You told him about John?”
Ana nodded. “Sort of. Not everything. I barely knew him when we spoke.”
Edith’s eyes narrowed some more. “Did you tell him about ...?”
“I didn’t tell him everything. I guess there’s more he needs to know.”
“I’d say.” Edith shook her head. “Give him some space. I’m sure he’ll start responding to your texts.”
“What if he doesn’t?” She could hear the worry in her voice.
“Then go after him.”
Ana nodded, she wiped her eyes. “I think I might just do that.”
21
One month later …
Ana scanned the busy room. She clutched her drink to her chest as a couple pushed past. The cider was lukewarm by now, but she didn’t care. She wasn’t there to drink or to party. A group nearby broke out in laughter. The sound of music and insistent chatter filled the bar.
It was getting late. Too late. Soon people would start to leave. Most of them in pairs. The thought made her feel even lonelier. It was her own fault.
Where was he?
Where?
Maybe he hadn’t come to Sweetwater this time. The thought made her heart clench. Made her eyes fill with tears. No! There was no way she was crying. She’d cried enough over the last month. The time had come for action.
“Hi, honey.” A big man sidled up to her.
“I’m not interested.” Her voice was flat.
“Leave her alone.” The guy who had spoken was huge. He had dark hair and even darker eyes.
“Mind your own—”
The big shifter growled deeply. “Fuck off!” he snarled.
The guy moved on.
The shifter approached her. He was frowning. “Are you okay?”
She felt her shoulders sag. A sigh left her. “No.” She shook her head. “Have you seen Winston? Do you know him?”
The big guy shook his head. “He’s not here. I’m not sure he even came through this time round. Look,” the shifter looked at her pointedly, “I wouldn’t worry about Winston. You do know that shifters rarely spend the night with a female more than once? You should not have developed feelings for him.”
“It’s not like that. He’s my friend.”
The guy grinned. “Yeah, right. You look lovesick. You scent lovesick. Winston is not on the list.”
“I need to see him,” Ana blurted. She had to see him. Had to speak to him.
The guy chuckled. “Not going to happen, female.” He began to walk away.
“Wait.” She gripped his elbow.
He turned. “What?” He licked his lips. “Want me to help you forget him?” It was weird because he didn’t look in the least bit interested in her.
“No!” That came out a bit more harshly than she had intended. “I, um … have you seen Kane?”
The guy frowned. “Kane? Why the hell do you need to speak to Kane?” He folded his arms. “I thought you wanted Winston.”
“No, there’s nothing between Kane and me. I need to ask him something, that’s all.” What was this guy’s problem?
The shifter relaxed. “Oh, so you admit you have the hots for Winston?”
Ana rolled her eyes. “Yes, okay? I have the hots for Winston. I happen to be in love with him. Now, will you please tell me where Kane is?”
“You’re too late, Kane already left.”
Ana was thankful that the guards at the hotel knew her. They knew of her friendship with Winston and had let her in, no problem. It gave her hope that Winston was there. She went straight to his room and knocked on the door. There was no answer. She tried a couple of more times before giving up. Then she went to the room that Kane had stayed in last time.
Her cheeks heated at the prospect of seeing the shifter. She was mortified. The guy had seen her in the throes of a really bad attack. He would think she was a looney tune and she couldn’t blame him.
Ana sucked in a deep breath. It didn’t matter. She needed to fix things. She knocked twice. There was no answer so she tried again. Just when she was about to leave, the door opened.
Ana tried not to stare. He held a shirt in front of his man-bits, otherwise he was completely naked. Come to think of it, he looked sweaty and his hair was mussed.
Kane grinned. “Hi … um … hi …” He’d forgotten her name. “Ana,” he blurted, obviously suddenly remembering. Then he frowned. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Sorry to bother you.” His room was dark. Someone rustled the sheets of his bed. Shit! Just as she had suspected, Kane wasn’t alone.
“No problem.” He smiled.
“Kane.” The woman in the room didn’t sound very happy. “Tell her to go away.”
Kane looked over his shoulder. “I’ll be back in a minute.” He locked eyes with her.
Ana had better make this quick. “Do you know where Winston is? I can’t find him.”
Kane frowned. “He didn’t come with us this time. A couple of us tried to change his mind but he wouldn’t budge.”
Crap, she could feel her eyes fill with tears. Ana blinked hard a couple of times to try to keep herself from crying. “Oh.” The word sounded choked. “Okay.” She nodded, trying to swallow down the lump that had formed in her throat.
“I’m sorry, female. I know that the two of you are … close.”
“Kane,” a soft purr, “I’m getting lonely.”
The big shifter rolled his eyes. “I need to go. Duty calls.” He chuckled.
“Oh … of course. I’m sorry I bothered you. One last thing—” she quickly blurted before he could close the door.
“Yes?” He raised his brows.
“Please tell Winston that I need to speak to him. It’s really important.”
“Sure.” Kane nodded. “I’ll tell him. Good night.”
“Good night,” she said as the door closed.
22
Monday afternoon …
The bark was rough against his back. A cool breeze whistled through the trees. Birds chirped overhead. Winston rose back to his feet. He had rested for over an hour and yet he still felt tired. Sleep would have to wait. They needed to get back.
“Ready?” he asked. The other four males were in their furs, of course they were ready. The closest male gave a low growl.
He hefted the deer carcass onto his back and picked up a steady-paced jog in the direction of his village. Over logs, through brambles and over streams. On and on. His pack-mates padded next to him. It felt like he had run for hours. Finally, he scented smoke, he could hear the sounds of children playing. Home sweet home.
Within minutes, he entered the village, continuing until he reached the large kitchen. His four companions broke away, headed home. He circumvented the bu
ilding and hoisted the deer onto a metal table outback.
Jackson stepped out onto the back step. “Wow!” he said as he laid eyes on the carcass. “That’s one hell of a set of antlers, and enough meat to last for a couple of days.”
“It was an older male, good meat but tough.”
Jackson snorted. “I’ll make jerky and stew. Tough meat is better than no meat.”
“Absolutely.” There had been no more run-ins with whatever had hurt Ward but hunting was becoming more and more difficult. Hunting parties had to travel farther and farther away.
Jackson looked worried. “I wish we knew what it was that was out there. Surely if they were an enemy they would have attacked by now.”
“I don’t understand it either,” Winston agreed. “We need to maintain our vigilance.”
Jackson nodded. “Anyhow, you go and clean up. I’m sure you can do with some rest.”
Winston had been gone for over twenty-four hours. He’d asked for a hunt assignment. He’d specifically requested to haul the carcass. That way, he wouldn’t have to speak to anyone. He hadn’t been the best company of late. Winston wished he could head out on his own but safety in numbers was all important. He’d been especially cranky this weekend. Winston had volunteered to stay there, even though he missed Ana something fierce. He still believed it was for the best though. Ignoring her texts was becoming more and more difficult.
He nodded. “Yeah.”
“Here.” Jackson handed him a parcel. “Some food. I’m sure you’re hungry.”
“Starving. Thank you!” He took the parcel. Winston could scent nuts, an apple, jerky and freshly baked bread. A thick steak would have been amazing but this would do the job just as well. It didn’t help to complain.
Winston turned to leave.
“Oh,” Jackson said, “I almost forgot, Kane was looking for you earlier. I think he’s in the dining hall.”
“Oh?” Why would Kane be looking for him? “Thanks.” He walked around the building and into the large room. He spotted the male sitting with a group having lunch.
Untethered (Shifter Night Book 1) Page 14
