Home Again

by Angelique Voisen

  Everything was so fucked up in this town.

  Zack let out a huff. He didn’t know how much time passed, but he thought the front door to Seth’s house cracked opened, before slamming shut again. Zack unbuckled his seat belt, alarmed. Then the door banged open again and Seth came running out, face so pale and entire body shaking. Zack had never seen Seth so afraid.

  His fury sparked as he saw the fucker closing in on Seth. The urge to get out of the truck and deal with Roy the old fashioned way, with fists, arose, but Zack tightened his jaw. He had to remain where he was, otherwise, he’d ruin the plan. Seth reached the street now, a panicked look on his face.

  Seth stumbled and Zack's heart broke to pieces. His fury rose up inside of him, like an awakening storm. Then Seth threw his head back, all the chords of his throat sticking out, and stunned him. Seth did as he was told and screamed.

  Zack pulled the truck into motion, shining the headlights on Seth, who blinked, stared right at him, skin paper white.

  “Move,” he screamed and by some miracle, Seth did just as Roy appeared on the street. Seth’s stepfather looked like some bumbling grotesque caricature monster ripped out from the pages of a horror novel.

  All that fear he felt earlier? Gone. Purpose filled him as well as a pure kind of certainty he won’t regret this. Zack felt no ounce of guilt as he stepped on the accelerator and went at full speed, running the fucker over.

  Chapter Three

  Present

  Seth’s phone alarm jolted him awake from the erotic dream he’d been having. Opening his eyes to slits, he grabbed his phone from under the pillow and squinted at the time. Seven in the morning, an ungodly time to get up on a weekend, except today wasn’t normal. This was the one Sunday Seth had been waiting for what felt like his entire life.

  Shoving the comforter away, Seth got off the bed and padded to the wall calendar beside his desk. He ran a finger through the Xs he made.

  Inside his drawer, he had more of the same calendar, all bearing different years and the same black Xs. Seth touched the huge red circle on today’s date and a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He had a circle for each month of the year too, but this time, he wouldn’t be leaving the prison empty-handed.

  Leaning his head against the calendar, Seth closed his eyes. There was it again, his harsh heartbeats, like his heart constantly warred to claw its way out of his chest and seek the man it belonged to.

  “The years have been incredibly lonely without you, Zack,” he whispered, raising his head.

  Seth’s phone vibrated again and he picked it up from the bed, his smile disappearing when he glimpsed who the call was from. His mother. What did she want? Since Roy’s funeral, they’d never spoken. After graduation, he announced he was moving to the city and she’d only muttered two words under her breath, “Good riddance.”

  It had been a decade since he left town, but he didn’t cut ties with her. Seth always left her with his new phone number and email. He was no longer that scared teenager but hate couldn’t easily be erased. She stood by and let a monster use him as a punching bag, then hurled obscenities at him when he told her the truth.

  Seth couldn’t deal with her right now and refused to let her ruin today. He let it ring while he prepared for the day. The plan was to wake up extra early to make preparations, to make sure the entire apartment had no spec of dirt on it, that nothing was out of place. Everything had to be perfect.

  Showered and dressed, he looked at his main work PC in the living room along with his thick planner beside it. Usually, he’d check emails, see if his clients needed anything or go through his planner to see if he missed anything, but not today.

  Seth worked to the bone for the past years to get to this point in his life. From this point onward, he would learn to slow down. To take a break.

  Seth headed downstairs and nodded to the security guard on duty in the morning.

  “It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it, Stevenson?” His comment made Stevenson look up from this morning paper.

  “Yes, it is, Mr. Marlow, you have a good one.”

  Seth exited the apartment building and walked to his car. He paused. Clients often asked him about the car. Seth didn’t blame them. The rusty blue Buick was at odds with the rest of him. It clashed with the suits he wore, the apartment he lived in.

  This small town boy had made it. That had been the article he saw online from the local paper. He recalled the editor reaching out to him for a face-to-face interview but that place had too many bad memories, so he requested an online interview instead.

  Achievements meant nothing to him though, not the impressive salary he pulled working remotely as a web developer, or the apartment or the suits. The first time Seth visited Zack in prison, he made a decision and a promise.

  Zack made him promise during their monthly prison visits to live life, to enjoy every moment. Seth broke that promise because he couldn’t imagine enjoying anything without his soul mate by his side.

  He had one dream, to walk the world with Zack by his side. Unlike the time when they’d been helpless kids, he wanted Zack’s return to be a seamless transition. So Seth made the decision to work his ass off so Zack and he could live the rest of their lives in comfort.

  Seth got into his car. It didn’t start the first time but that didn’t rattle him the way it usually did. Time had never been on his and Zack’s side. Ten years had been stolen from them when Zack had been charged the maximum sentence for manslaughter in the second degree with a motor vehicle.

  He’d been so angry the first few years, had let all that rage turn into a kind of cancer.

  The third time, the car engine let out an angry purr. Seth started the route he’d memorized by heart. Seth moved to this city for one reason too, because it was close to the facility Zack was in. Every single move he made on the chessboard called life, it was all for this moment.

  Excitement hummed in his veins. Seth turned on the radio. It could get one station, classic rock, but the soothing tunes filled the tiny space. Then apprehension set in. How could it not?

  What if this didn’t work? What if Zack took one look at Seth, at the life he’d built, the apartment he had tailored for them and decided Seth didn’t belong in his future? Seth would crumble and fall apart, he knew that. He’d never been the strong one. That had been Zack, his pillar of strength.

  Seth clutched at the wheel so hard his knuckles turned white. He breathed in and out. I can do this. Fuck. I’ve been waiting for what felt like forever.

  Seth shook head. No room for foolish insecurities now. He had to get his shit together. During his short conversations with Zack during his monthly visits, a glass wall always separated them. Over the years, he watched the man he loved, the man who killed a monster for him and ruined his own life, turn only harder, rougher. Prison didn’t do Zack any favors, only toughened his body and left him with more scars.

  Every visit left Seth gutted and guilty because he could leave, free, while Zack had to rot behind those big walls.

  This time, there would be no barriers between them.

  ****

  Zack did his last set of push-ups, followed by his crunches. To keep himself sane over the years, he followed this one routine. Training his body didn’t just keep him in top shape in case he needed to defend himself—he’d shown the other inmates long ago he was no pushover—but it distracted his mind from wondering.

  Only one man preoccupied his thoughts. Seth.

  What was Seth doing now? Was Seth living life, dating some slick prick in a suit?

  On bad days, he'd bloody his knuckles, punching his wall over and over until a guard came by, yelling at him to cut it out. It drove him mad, thinking about Seth in the hands of another man, but hadn’t Zack been the one to encourage Seth to get out more?

  Zack finished his set. His cell mate, Ripper, continued to snore on the top bunk of the bed. Typical. He had to admit, he’d definitely miss the big guy. Zack would even go as far as to call Ripper fri
end.

  They made quite the team, fending off any asshole who thought they could be easy pickings. With Ripper by his side, there hadn’t been the need to join any gang. That suited Zack just fine. He’d been a loner for most of his life anyway.

  Sweat coated his entire body as he sat on the floor and crossed his legs and tried to do that meditation shit some yoga instructor taught the inmates. He didn’t know what the warden had been thinking, maybe Henderson really bought the idea that meditation and yoga could help with the inmates’ anger issues.

  Right. Zack did the exercises but it didn’t calm him one bit. He stared instead at the scratches he made on the wall, signifying the days he’d been locked up in here, paying for a crime he hadn’t regretted one bit, even now.

  3650 days. It sure felt a lot longer.

  He rose to his feet when a guard stopped in front of the cell door. Part of Zack still believed this could turn out to be some mean practical joke, that he’d be spending the rest of his unnatural life rotting behind bars, unable to see Seth. Eventually, Seth would stop seeing him too.

  In all that time, Seth never skipped a visit while his father never visited him once. On one hand, Zack wanted more for Seth. Find a good man, succeed in his job, live and forget him but the darker side of Zack only wanted Seth for himself. You couldn’t put a man in a cage and throw the dice, hoping he’d be a reformed monster. Zack heard one of the old-timers say that before and he’d seen it too.

  Some men went insane in here, simply broke down one day and became unfixable. What did that say for him? Zack held onto one hope, that this day would soon arrive and now that it did, could he really stand under the fucking sunlight with Seth, with nothing, no walls to keep them apart?

  “Seems like it’s your lucky day, Cruz,” the guard said. It was Ramirez, one of the younger ones who liked to chat.

  “Seems like it,” he replied in the same dead tone he used. Emotion made one weak. He learned that during his time here, so he made his face impassive, his actions cold and ruthless.

  “Hey,” came Ripper’s voice.

  He looked over his shoulder to see the bald, big black man covered in ink standing, holding out a hand to him. A scarred face looked right at him. “Good luck out there, brother.”

  Zack shook his hand, nodding. There was no need for any other words. Ripper went back to his top bunk and lay down and Zack looked at Ramirez. Being in this shit hole this long, Zack knew all the guards’ names. Once they figured out he wouldn’t cause them any trouble, they mostly left him alone.

  Zack walked over to his bed and lifted the mattress to grab the letters under there, all written by Seth for him over the years. Each one was read so often the paper looked crumpled, the words smudged over.

  I’m never giving up on you. I’ll wait forever.

  Today, I went to the park and observed a happy couple on the other bench, laughing at each other’s jokes. Someday soon, we’re going to be those two. Someday, you’ll be right beside me, laughing at my cheesy and lame jokes.

  Someday, these lonely years will only become a memory. We’ll shut that door to the past and walk the road to the future together.

  Home’s waiting for you, Zack.

  “I’m ready,” he told Ramirez.

  Chapter Four

  Seth checked his watch for what seemed like the hundredth time. What was taking Zack so long? Sweat dribbled down his back in a line. He shifted from one foot to the other. Stop being so nervous, he chided himself. Unable to remain still, he began to pace. Clouds rolled in the horizon, stretching across the arid blue skies.

  Pine trees faced the barb-wired fence of the prison, their branches swaying gently in the wind. The yard looked out to those trees. Unfair temptation. Seth wondered when Zack entered those gates ten years ago, did he take one look at the forest outside and think that might be the last time in a long while he’d taste and smell freedom?

  Guilt found its way out of the nook of his heart once again but he refused to let it weigh him down. No room for negative emotions now, not for the reunion he’d waited for so long. Hinges creaked and he spun on his heels.

  A stranger emerged from those gates, a man he hardly recognized. Zack could no longer fit in his old clothes so someone must have lent him a clean white shirt and jeans. They spoke just a month ago, same glass wall between them. Seth should know what to expect.

  The wild-eyed cocky boy he knew in high school was gone, replaced by this hard-eyed man who had turned to working on his body to pass the time. Ink sleeved both arms. More peeked under the collarbones of his shirt. Zack had his old black backpack slung over one shoulder, except the color had now faded to a dull gray.

  Zack walked up to him and Seth froze up, just like that. Way to ruin their reunion but he couldn’t help it. Zack ran over his stepfather, for his sake. When Seth could no longer bury himself in work, when he was too exhausted to do anything but think, he’d begun picking apart the details of that night.

  Did Zack factor in the old beer bottles in his dad’s car to make sure he’d be convicted for second-degree manslaughter? Did Zack drink those two beers on purpose?

  Seth didn’t have the courage to ask during their monthly meetings. They talked about trivial stuff. It soothed him to be near Zack, his own personal hero, but he wondered why they couldn’t ever talk about the hard stuff. Maybe they were saving it all for now.

  “Hey,” Zack said, voice harsh, deeper than he’d remembered. Zack came to a halt, inches from him, so close and yet too far.

  “Hey back.” God. What was wrong with him, with them? All Seth wanted to do was pull Zack into a hug, except he remained where he was, scared Zack would finally decide he hadn’t been worth spending ten years in jail for. That he’d never been good enough.

  “Did processing—” Seth faltered. He could do this. “Did everything turn out okay?”

  “Enough small talk.” Zack crossed the distance between them, shoving him until his back hit the window of the Buick.

  His breathing hitched as Zack slammed one hand against his side, every muscle there bunched and tensed up, just like Zack’s face. Zack was nervous too, he realized. With shaking hands, Seth reached out, touching Zack’s face.

  Zack shut his eyes, breaths coming up short too.

  “We’ve been waiting for a long time, haven’t we?” he whispered.

  Zack opened his brown eyes. Darkness lingered there now but Seth had lived with a monster in his youth. No man went to prison and came out unchanged. He’d take all that darkness in Zack, swallow it and show his man what it was like, living in the light.

  Not that Seth made good on his promise either. He didn’t know the first thing about fun, about letting loose, but maybe they could do it together.

  Zack thumbed his bottom lip, angled Seth’s face, and then zeroed in for a kiss. Seth parted his lips, yielding to the force and hunger of the man he’d been waiting for his entire life. Heat kindled in his insides and traveled right to his dick. His skin tingled as he clutched Zack’s left shoulder.

  Zack pried his lips open—not that he was complaining—and slid his tongue down his throat. Zack took his time as if he wanted to savor Seth. Seth didn’t want this moment to end. Chests and groins pressed up against each other, nothing stood between them. No walls, nothing but clothes but those could easily be taken care of.

  For those glorious seconds, Seth forgot where they were and the issues they needed to tackle. Zack slipped one hand down the waistband of his jeans, his boxers and found his dick. Seth would have moaned if Zack didn’t muffle his voice with his mouth. He moved against Zack, then realized he they shouldn’t be doing this here.

  He pressed a hand against Zack’s broad chest. Zack paused, pulled his lips away, expression a little inhuman, savage still with hunger. It would have frightened another man but not him. This was his Zack and the boy he’d known and grew up with was somewhere inside this dangerous not-stranger.

  Not wanting this to turn awkward, he threw his arms arou
nd Zack for a hug. As if Zack needed to recover his bearings, Zack hesitated, and then hugged him back.

  “It’s good to finally touch you,” he murmured.

  “Fuck, Seth. You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this moment, thought it’d never come.”

  They parted. Screw the guard staring at them, him and the entire world. Zack was here, returned to him and that was all that mattered. It felt like since Zack’s incarceration, he’d lived his entire life with a big empty hole in his heart. Now, things were about to change.

  “Me too,” he answered. “Come on, I don’t think you’d want to stay here a second longer.”

  ****

  Zack didn’t need to take another look at the hell he’d had to call home for ten years. No, he couldn’t call it that. He’d think of it as a temporary stop. Zack got in Seth’s car, squeezing himself in the passenger seat. Seth started the engine but Zack noticed his hands trembled a little.

  He shouldn’t have done that, descended on Seth like a desperate and hungry beast. Hell, if he had his way, he’d have done more. Zack felt like he’d been starving for the longest time and now he wanted his fucking fill. Seth certainly wanted it too. Zack saw it in the other man’s eyes, the desperate want that he was sure reflected in his own.

  The darker side of him would have done so much worse, taken Seth there and then. The hell with the silent watchers, but what did that make him? The monster, the killer everyone thought he was?

  “Why are you still driving this piece of shit?” he asked. Fuck. Zack didn’t intend that to come out like he was an insensitive asshole. He knew from their letters that this ride meant something to Seth because it was one of the first things Seth could call his own.

  “I didn’t have the heart to get another car,” Seth admitted. “I’m sentimental, have a tendency to cling to the past.”

  Like me?

  Zack didn’t voice the thought out loud though. A better man would have let Seth go a long time ago. That night ten years ago, he made his choice. If he hadn’t ended Roy’s life, then sooner or later, that fucker would have killed Seth, snuffed out the only light in his world.