Beyond the Quiet

by Brenda Hill

  Was that how Jenna had felt?

  No, that was different, wasn’t it? Mac and I had been married and were living together. Terry and Betty were divorced. But could I live happily with Terry knowing how Betty felt?

  The phone was ringing now but there was no answer. Where was he? I felt desperate to hear his voice just one more time, even though I knew I shouldn’t.

  But I had to tell him about Rick. And then we had to talk about the new house.

  When he answered, I blurted out, “If you hadn’t met me at the open house, do you think you would have eventually gone back to Betty?”

  He said nothing. The silence stretched and I heard the faint static on the line.

  “Lisa,” he finally said, his voice sounding resigned, hopeless. My heart ached for him, for both of us. “I’ve told you in as many ways as I possibly can that I don’t love Betty, but right now, I don’t know that it would make any difference. I can understand why you feel the way you do but it doesn’t make it any easier.”

  “But she—”

  “Honey, I love you more than I thought possible to love anyone, and I wanted nothing more than to spend what I have left of my life with you.”

  “Terry—”

  “I want to say this, Lisa, I want you to understand.” He paused. “I had been condemned to die, but because of you, I had hope for the future. Some of my dreams were finally coming true. I dreamed of talking you into a motor home and traveling together, seeing and doing some of the things I’d always wanted. When you left tonight, you took away my dreams.”

  The pressure in my chest was too much. I tried to hold back the tears but I must have made a sound.

  “I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad, Lisa,” Terry said, “but right now I can’t help you because I can’t even help myself.”

  And then he hung up.

  The tears came, deep, unstoppable, wrenching sobs that left me breathless. I fell across the bed and lay in the dark, neither awake nor asleep. From the corridor, I heard a man and woman talking, their laughter alive with love for each other.

  I turned my face to the wall and closed my eyes.

  ***

  Over toast and coffee at Denny’s the next morning, I braced myself for another call to Terry. I didn’t want to make the call, didn’t want to put him or myself through more anguish, but he needed to know about Rick. At least in a public place, I would be certain to hold myself together.

  Waiting for him to answer, I could barely draw a breath. Was I having an anxiety attack? Breathe in to the count of seven, out to the count of eight. It was so strange...I was desperate to hear his voice, yet didn’t know if I could stand hearing it.

  I heard a click, then his voice mail. Was he standing by, silently listening as I had once done? Disappointed yet relieved, I left a brief message about Andrea seeing Rick.

  “Andrea thought he had been in an accident, but I think Jack must have visited him.” Then, after a pause, “Whatever happened, I think Rick is even more angry and may do something stupid. So please, watch out for him. And Terry, I’m going to talk to Ben about the house. With things the way they are, I can’t buy it. No way could I live there without you.” Tears choking me, I clicked off the phone and rushed to the car.

  About fifteen minutes later, still sitting in my car at the restaurant parking lot, I called Ben and asked if he was going to be in the office this morning.

  “Come on in,” he said. “I have some good news about the house.”

  Oh no. From his cheerful tone of voice, he must have heard from the lender with a closing date.

  And if he had, could I tell him I couldn’t buy the house?

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  On my way down the corridor to Ben’s office, I felt like a condemned person walking that last long mile. Ben was liable to be so upset he’d fire me. And even if he didn’t go to that extreme, he’d certainly have to go to a lot of trouble to get one of his realtors out of a mess.

  “We have a closing date, two weeks from today,” he said, giving me a fatherly hug. He certainly looked the part with his neatly combed white hair and twinkling blue eyes. “But before we talk about that, I want to know about the problem you’re having with Rick.”

  At Ben’s concern, I slumped into my chair. Where should I begin? Feeling overwhelmed, I glanced around Ben’s cozy office, gathering strength from the familiar surroundings—his long cherry wood desk, the sheen from its polished surface reflecting the glow from his green desk lamp. The ivy plant that wound its tendrils around the gold-framed picture of his wife and grandchildren. How terrible it would be if this were the last time I sat there with my old friend. And yet I knew that it was a distinct possibility.

  “What’s the matter, Lisa?” Ben said. “I’ve never known you to be so silent for so long. You aren’t having second thoughts, I hope.”

  He’d given me the opening I needed, but still, I couldn’t begin. I looked behind him at the wall, covered with family pictures and the certificates he had earned over his long career. Then it hit me. I was acting as nervous as Betty had been at our first meeting.

  Betty....

  The minute I thought of how she had looked at me, I began to cry.

  Ben took a box of tissues from his drawer and moved around his desk to sit in the chair next to me.

  “What is it, Lisa?” His voice was gentle. “Can I help?”

  When I had calmed down enough to speak, I told him everything, from the post office notice in the mail and Jenna, to meeting Terry, and my complete happiness since. I told him about the friction that had always existed between Rick and me, and what had happened when Rick had been waiting for me at the vacant house.

  “Why that dirty sonofabitch,” he said. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve made sure he spent the night in jail.”

  “I thought about it, but too many other things were happening. Now I know I should have said something.” I brought him up to date by telling him about Andrea’s message from Rick.

  “I checked into a hotel,” I said, “but I think Rick might be following me.”

  “You should consider a restraining order. I have friends in the department and I’ll help you. And I can certainly make sure he doesn’t step foot in this office again.” Ben sat back, his hands folded on his stomach, fingers tented. “I hate that you’re having to go through all this, especially with a former employee of mine. I feel responsible.”

  “Oh, Ben, you’re not. I didn’t even tell you what was happening. But what should I do about the house?”

  “That’s the easy part. You let me take care of that. I haven’t been in business for fifty years without knowing some people in power. But Lisa, be sure this is what you want to do. I can’t cancel the deal now, and then later go back and say, well, fellows, it was a mistake. So think hard. Are you absolutely sure this is what you want to do?”

  “I can’t live in that house without Terry.”

  “Are you sure it’s over? From what you say, he seems like a perfect match for you.”

  “He is a perfect match. Perhaps more so because we didn’t have that much time.” I told him about Terry’s disease.

  “Jesus, what a ball buster. Excuse the word.”

  “Oh, Ben, it is a ball buster. It’s worse. He divorced his wife of thirty years and she’s a wreck. I don’t know if I can live with that. It was different before.”

  “Before what?”

  “Before I saw her.” I couldn’t speak for a moment. “What should I do? I can’t even think logically anymore.”

  “It depends. Can you live with yourself if you deny him the gift of your love?”

  “Gift?”

  “One thing I’ve learned in all my years of living, is that love, true love is rare. It’s a gift to the right person, something to be treasured, cherished. And Lisa, I may not know Terry very well, but it didn’t take long to see that he loves you.”

  “But that’s not the issue. His former wife is suffering because of me.”


  “Ah, but were you the cause of their martial problems? It sounds to me as if his desire to live life to the fullest in the short time he has left was the cause. And yes, his ex-wife is suffering, but would she suffer any less if he hadn’t met you?”

  I hadn’t thought of it that way, and when I did, it was as if the clouds had opened and I could see the sun again.

  I wasn’t the cause of Betty’s suffering!

  What a revelation. The joy was immediate and overwhelming. I jumped up and gave Ben a hug.

  “I love you, old friend. Thank you!” I dashed for the door. I had to get to Terry.

  “What about the house?” Ben called after me.

  “Later!” I called back over my shoulder, in too much of a hurry to stop.

  In the car, I punched Terry’s number, impatiently counting the rings.

  “Come on, answer the damn phone,” I said. But it rang again and again, and then went to voice mail. “If you’re there, pick up,” I said. “I love you and I’m coming home.”

  A patch of clouds covered the sky and traffic was heavy. Feeling an urgency to get home, I barreled through yellow lights. Needing to make a right at the red light, I cut through a strip-mall parking lot instead of waiting behind a line of cars. Anything to keep moving. I couldn’t lose a second.

  Pulling in front of his apartment, I scanned the parking area for his car, but it wasn’t there. No, I thought, my heart lunging to my toes, he couldn’t be gone. I punched in his number again. This time he answered.

  “Yes?”

  “I’m home!” I told him. “Where are you?”

  “Lisa, I love you more than I could ever say, but I can’t take this kind of agony.“

  “There won’t be any more agony. Not for us.” I was babbling, but I didn’t care. “I love you and I’ll never leave you again. Come home, sweetheart, I’m waiting.”

  ***

  Standing outside the apartment building, I felt as though it were an eternity before I spotted Terry’s car. When I saw that Lexus turning in, a beige car like thousands of others, a curious thing happened. The sun broke through the clouds, sending a brilliant ray to caress the car with sparkling gold. Squinting at the sudden glare, I saw, for a nanosecond in time, the car bathed in golden radiance as if it were a celestial coach floating in an aura of light. It was beautiful. And frightening. I shivered with a sudden chill.

  Clouds covered the sun again and with one final flash, the sparkle disappeared and Terry’s car appeared normal. When he saw me, he stopped the car and got out. I took off running and threw myself into his arms, knowing he would catch me. Holding him close, I showered his face and neck with kisses, not caring who saw us. All I cared about was this wonderful man and showing him how much I loved him.

  “I’m so sorry, Terry,” I said between kisses, drinking in his clean soap smell. “Can you forgive me?”

  He took me into his arms. “Please don’t ever do anything like that again,” he said fiercely. “I’d rather face an inferno than life without you.” When he kissed me, my knees turned to jelly. Locking arms, we took the elevator to his apartment.

  When he opened the door, I gave him one more kiss, then we crossed the threshold into the living room. That stark little apartment, its white walls barren of pictures and the coffee and end tables empty of all the little items that gave a room color and interest, was the center of joy for me. Dropping my handbag, I closed my eyes, held out my arms, hummed “The Blue Danube” and danced in circles as if embracing the very air.

  “Want to dance with me?” I asked. “We’ve never danced together.”

  Terry had just taken me into his arms when the door opened.

  “What a touching scene,” Rick said. His lips curled, but his eyes held something more than his usual arrogance. Something cold and terrifying and empty that could only be described as madness.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  “Rick!” I said. He couldn’t be real, couldn’t be standing in our apartment in the middle of the day.

  Terry stepped in front of me, shielding my body with his.

  “Run for the door when you can,” he told me under his breath. Then, as if it were not in the least bit extraordinary for a madman to burst into his living room, he said quite calmly, “What can I do for you, Rick?”

  Rick kicked the door shut.

  “You’ve already done enough, old man.” Slurring his words, he went on. “You cost me my job, and you sent that punk to kill me. Now I’m going to return the favor.” Pushing back the right side of his jacket, he took a gun from a black leather holster.

  I recognized it from the self-defense shop, an Advanced Taser with so much power that it incapacitated faster than a 9mm hand gun.

  “If you’re going to show that off,” Terry said, his voice still perfectly composed. “I certainly hope for your sake that you’re prepared to use it.”

  Rick flushed. “I’m fully prepared, old man.”

  Terry folded his arms across his chest. “I kicked your ass once. Don’t think for a moment I won’t do it again.”

  Rick stared at him, as if his alcohol-muddled mind were trying to process the words. "You cocky old bastard," he finally said. "I oughta make you eat your fucking teeth."

  "If you think you're man enough to try, let’s take it outside and settle it the old-fashioned way."

  There was absolute silence for a moment. Then Rick’s eyes connected with mine and he grinned that stupid smirk of his. "Nah. I think I'd rather settle it right here.”

  Desperately wishing I had Mac’s pistol, I thought of running for the door, but that left Terry. He might be my hero, but no one can argue with a gun. My stun gun! Where was my handbag? There, by the end table where I had dropped it. Could I get to it in time?

  “Lisa,” Terry said, his eyes still on Rick, “go outside. Now.”

  Rick turned the gun to me. “Don’t you fuckin’ move.” Then everything seemed to happen at once: Terry, with reflexes honed from years of hauling equipment with the fire department, made a lunge and tackled Rick around his legs, knocking him off balance. They crashed to the floor and the gun flew out of Rick’s hands. I made a dash to grab it, but in that tiny living room, they rolled over it. For one split second I waited, watching for a chance to grab the weapon. Terry struggled to keep Rick’s hands away from the gun, but even in his drunken condition, Rick had years on Terry. They struck sickening blows upon each other, and I could tell Terry was weakening.

  “Go!” he yelled at me, struggling to subdue Rick’s hands. “Get out of here!”

  Instead of running outside, I ran for my handbag and my Taser and stood, frustrated, trying to get a clear shot at Rick. In just an instant, Rick managed to close his hand around his gun, and before I could react, he pulled the trigger. As if time had slowed, I watched the two darts, connected with a wire to the Taser, hit Terry directly in the chest and stomach, discharging a massive amount of electricity into his body. Stiffening, he collapsed. Rick pushed him off and Terry lay on his back, still as death.

  “Noooo!” I cried. I pulled the trigger at Rick and saw him crumple. Dropping beside Terry, I cradled his head in my arms. He struggled to stay conscious, but his gaze was unfocused, his breathing shallow. He couldn’t die; I would let him!

  “Look at me, sweetheart, keep your eyes on me. I’ll get help.” Caressing his face, I placed my cheek next to his. He had to know I was there.

  “Isn’t that touching,” Rick said, the sneer evident in his voice.

  Moaning, his face so pale I could see the blue veins under his skin, Terry clutched his chest and stiffened as if a giant spasm were coursing through his body. Then he went slack.

  Oh God, oh God! What could I do? Why hadn’t I learned CPR? I grabbed his wrist and felt for a pulse. Please God, please God. Finally, I felt a beat, very faint, but he was alive!

  Gently placing his head on the carpet, I ran for the phone to call the paramedics. Suddenly, I was jerked to an abrupt halt when Rick grabbed a handful of
hair. Burning pain in my scalp took me to my knees. I tried to pull my hair from his hand, but he had too firm a grasp.

  “Now let’s see if you can ignore me.” He yanked harder and tears sprang. I kept trying to work free.

  “I want some of what you’re giving that asshole.” He yanked my head into his crotch and I caught the smell of his unwashed body.

  No, no, no! I had to think of something. I had to get Terry to the hospital. What could I do? My Taser was across the room, no longer an option. Besides, without steady pressure on the trigger, it had only dropped Rick for a few minutes. Think, Lisa! My only hope was Mac’s .45 in the bedroom. Thank God I’d checked the clip when I moved in with Terry. Now I just had to get to it. But how?

  “I can make it nice for you, Rick. Let go of my hair and I’ll do anything you want.”

  “You little bitch, you’ll do what I want anyway.” Brown eyes wild, he yanked my hair and pushed me forward.

  I moaned. I tried not to, but the pain was too great. “Will I?” I said, wincing. “You know me well enough to know I won’t give in easily. Would you really chance my sharp teeth?”

  He lessened his grip. While my scalp still burned, he was no longer pulling.

  “I can make it nice for you,” I pressed.

  “What’s this shit? What’re you trying to pull?”

  “I’ll make a bargain with you,” I said, praying he’d listen, desperate to make it sound convincing through his alcoholic fog. I had to get him into the bedroom. “You let me get help for Terry and I’ll make it good for you.”

  Ripping open my blouse, I fondled my breasts and looked at him seductively. Please, please, let it work. His eyes were glued to me.

  “Oh yeah? What’ll you do?”

  Licking my lips, my eyes on his, I told him in as much detail as I could. “I can do it really good for you. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”