Godhunter

by Amy Sumida

  Yep, when the sun came up again, I'd be happy to see it.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  “We need to call the God Squad together,” I announced as I walked into Thor's bedroom.

  “Why, what's happened now?” He sat up in his chair by the fire, placing his book on the table beside him.

  “I just got through with another spirit-walk and Blue's got a new plan to kill Maria,” I shook my head. “What is it with him and that girl?”

  “I think mainly it's that her death will destroy not only Putin's relationship with Medvedev but Putin's mind as well. However, it could also be that once he locks onto a target, he doesn't give up.”

  “It would sure explain his obsession with me,” I sniffed. “Anyway, can you call them all and have them meet us at my place?”

  “Sure,” he stood up. “Wait, why your house?”

  “I need to get some things and there's food in the fridge I should use before it goes bad. Having them meet us there will kill two gods with one sword.”

  “Maybe lay off on the god killing analogies when you're living with one, darling.”

  “Point taken,” I nodded and headed out to go find my cat. Nick needed some time to prowl the real world.

  “And, darling,” he called.

  “Yes,” I poked my head back in.

  “What's a God Squad?”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  “Thanks for coming, everyone,” I placed the platter of meat and cheese down on the low table in my living room. They all dug in. “And thanks for bringing your appetite.”

  “Anytime you feel the need to feed people,” Pan waved a chicken leg at me, “I'm your god.”

  “Well, I didn't want it to go to waste,” I sat on the sofa next to Thor. “It's been awhile since I've been home and I was worried the meat would go bad.”

  “No worries with us,” Persephone nibbled at a piece of cheese. “You can't give a god food poisoning.”

  “Oh, I didn't even think of that.” I toasted them with my coke can. “Eat up, I have some sausage I wasn't going to serve but you're all welcome to it if you'd like.”

  Enthusiastic grunting was all the response I got.

  “So, I noticed you haven't put up Christmas lights.” Pan said with a mischievous look.

  Horus made a disgusted sound, half snort/half choke.

  “What, you got a problem with Christmas?” I raised a brow when Pan giggled.

  “It’s not Christ’s birthday,” Horus stared morosely at the floor, the chicken forgotten in his hand. “JC’s birthday is in March.”

  “He’s just got a burned butt over it because it’s actually his birthday,” Pan elbowed Horus, who pulled himself upright like a bird ruffling its feathers.

  “December 25 is your birthday?” I knew the whole Christmas thing was really about taking the Winter Solstice from the Pagans but I had no idea Horus was involved.

  “Horus,” Thor rubbed a tired hand over his face. “Get over it. It’s been hundreds of years, man. A lot of religions got intertwined, it’s no big deal.”

  “No big deal?” Horus puffed up. “I was called the 'Lamb of God', I had twelve apostles, and my myths spoke of my crucifixion and consequent resurrection in three days. His stories were my stories first!”

  “They called you a lamb?” I squished up my face in horror.

  “Among other titles... also stolen,” he sniffed.

  “You were not called a lamb,” Thor sighed, “it's been so long, you don't even remember things accurately and everyone thought it was my birthday too.”

  “Wait, it's your birthday too?” Shit, I had to go get a gift. What does one give their god boyfriend?

  “Nah,” Thor shrugged, “my people just thought it was. I was born in July.”

  “Oh,” phew, I had awhile to prepare then. “Wait, the Vikings celebrated your birthday on Christmas? So, it should really be Thormas?”

  “No,” Horus ground out amidst the immediate laughter of everyone else. “Haven't you been listening? It should be Horusmas.”

  “Horusmas!” Pan started to cackle. “You've got to be shitting me! That's fucking hilarious. Horusmas.”

  “What's wrong with Horusmas?” Horus inhaled sharply.

  “It just doesn't roll off the tongue, now does it?” Pan kept laughing. “Happy Horusmas!”

  “I think it has a regal ring to it,” Horus sniffed.

  “Oka-a-ay,” I blinked slowly. “So anyway, if anyone's interested, I know Blue's next move.”

  “Just ignore Horus, Vervain,” Brahma shot him a wry look. “We all do. Go ahead, what did you find out?”

  “He's planing on murdering Maria when her family goes on vacation.” I was getting really tired of saving this woman. “The Putins own a dacha, a little Russian vacation house outside of Moscow. Blue's going to use Medvedev's driver to gun them down but only actually kill Maria. He needs Putin alive for everything to work.”

  “So we take out the driver?” Thor had Nick’s forepaws on his shoulder and was stroking the cat's back soothingly. Whether it was more soothing for him or Nick, I wasn’t sure.

  “I'm not down with killing an innocent,” I frowned and started stroking Nick. I needed kitty comfort too.

  “He's a potential assassin,” Horus pointed out.

  “He's a potential victim,” I clarified, “and I'm not killing a man for something Blue's done.”

  “So what do we do?” Teharon mused. “This isn't a bomb or poison we can just remove from the picture. We could protect the family but that would still leave the driver looking like an assassin.”

  “We don't have to kill him to stop him,” Mrs. E said simply. “Set a trap for him, head him off and grab him right before he reaches the Putins.”

  “That's why I love you,” Mr. T kissed her cheek. “You're brilliant.”

  “We'll have to hold him till they leave the dacha,” I pointed out. “Otherwise Blue can just have him try again.” I dropped my head into my hands and scrubbed my face. “This is going to be endless isn't it?”

  “They won't stay more than a few days I'm sure,” Pan stuffed a piece of roast beef into his mouth and continued as he chewed. “I'll look after the dude, it'll be fine. I'll stock up on vodka.”

  “No, I mean this,” I looked up and waved my hand out to include everyone. “Sneaking into Blue's head and trying to prevent whatever horror he's got planned next.” An endless line of spirit-walks, invaded dreams, and frantic chases stretched out before me. “When's it gonna end?”

  “When he's dead,” Thor said grimly.

  “But none of us are powerful enough to kill him,” Ull looked around the room and then back at me. He raised a speculative eyebrow.

  “I don't think I can kill him either,”I shook my head. “So that means it'll never end. Blue's right, we'll slip up eventually. No one wins all the time. He's going to sneak something by us, maybe I won't catch it, maybe we won't be able to stop him in time, but either way, he's going to win from sheer perseverance.”

  “So do you stop fighting?” Teharon stared at me.

  “What?” I stared back in shock.

  “When you know you'll lose eventually,” Teharon lifted one perfect brow, “do you still fight?”

  “Of course,” I looked at Thor like maybe he knew why his friend had suddenly gone nuts. Thor just made an amused sniff and shrugged.

  “Why?” Teharon planted his elbows on his knees, folded his hands beneath his chin, and stared harder.

  “Because giving up is not an option,” I huffed. “Because if I'm going down, I'm going down fighting. Because the bad guys don't get to win that easily.”

  “But it's not your fight,” Teharon's voice never rose above the level of polite conversation.

  “I'm human,” I ground out, “this fight's more mine than yours.”

  “That's right,” he said and smiled like I had just learned an important lesson. “It's your fight because you made it so and you're not going to stop fighting, even wh
en the odds are against you. So why waste your time worrying over what will or will not happen? We have plans to make.”

  “Okay,” I exhaled gruffly. “I'm shutting up now.”

  “Holy hand grenades,” Ull exclaimed. “You shut up the Godhunter!”

  Before I could yell at Ull, The Devil went down to Georgia started playing from the vicinity of Persephone's butt. She jumped guiltily, grimacing when everyone stared at her, and then pulled her cell phone out of her back pocket.

  “Hey, baby,” she said into the receiver. “Uh… nothing... no I’m… uh, I’m hanging with some friends,” she swallowed and listened. “This isn’t really a good time… yes but… I don’t think that’s… well, I, uh…”

  There was a knock on my front door and Persephone looked at it with round eyes before swinging her horrified gaze to me. I frowned as she flipped her phone shut and started to smile the smile people use when they're just about to tell you something you’re gonna want to throttle them for.

  The knock came again. Louder.

  “Persephone,” I took a deep breath and let it out, “that wouldn’t happen to be the Lord of the Underworld at my front door, would it?”

  “Maybe,” she looked pained and when the knock came again, she hid her face in her hands.

  “Who is it?” I called in a sweet sing-song voice.

  “Hades,” a low, gravelly response came through the door. “You’ve got my woman in there and she’s supposed to be with me.”

  I looked back at Persephone as I realized he was right. It was winter (it’s hard to remember seasons in Hawaii, give me a break). This was his time of the year with her. I’d be a little pissed if I only got three months a year with Thor and he kept taking off on me too. I felt bad for the guy, so I got up and opened the door.

  In my doorway stood a man of average build and height with dark brown hair and clean-cut good looks. His smile was boyish, his hair carelessly tousled, and his outfit was casual but it was his eyes that stopped me short. I inhaled sharply as I forced myself to meet them. They were a normal brown but behind the brown a fire raged and shone through, like the irises were made of colored glass. I had the eerie feeling that if I looked any closer, I'd be staring straight into Hell. So if eyes were the windows to the soul, what did that say about his? I swallowed hard and smiled.

  “Hey, baby,” Persephone came to the door and gave me a minute to compose myself better. “I was just helping my friends out, I guess I can go now.”

  Hades looked me up and down, then up again. His head tilted to the side sharply. “There’s something very familiar about you,” his eyes narrowed.

  “Yeah, everyone says that about her,” Persephone went to cross the threshold as Hades tried to come inside. There was a little flash and Hades jerked back, looking stunned.

  “Your home is warded,” Hades looked over to the gathering of gods in the living room and then back at me. “Who are you?”

  “Look, babe,” Persephone put her hands on her hips and faced him. “You said you were too busy to help me with my little projects, so I can’t tell you who she is. This is all top secret stuff that you’d already know if you were a good consort and supported me.”

  Hades frowned and lifted a brow all at once. Which is really hard to do. I've tried it since then and failed. “Is this really that important to you, Bunny Nose?”

  Coughs and sputters erupted from the group behind me but I managed to keep a straight face. Bunny Nose pouted and crossed her arms.

  “You know it is,” she let out a harsh puff of breath. “Don’t try to Bunny Nose your way out of this. Other goddesses have consorts who support them completely,” she looked pointedly over her shoulder at Mrs. E. “I’m tired of you ignoring me for nine months and then smothering and controlling me the other three. I get enough of that from my mother.”

  Holy crap, there was about to be a lover’s spat of divine proportions on my doorstep. I had to do something. “Hades, please enter my home and be welcome.”

  Hades blinked at me, then smiled, and it was surprisingly genuine. “Thank you,” he stepped in, “and may I bring no harm with me.”

  “I’m Vervain,” I held out my hand to him and Persephone just gaped as he shook it excitedly.

  “I’m Hades,” he smiled wide and continued to shake my hand for a bit longer than necessary. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Vervain. I don’t get to meet many of Persephone’s friends and this is the first time I've been invited in.”

  “That's just sad.” I looked at Persephone for a moment, then back at him. “Okay you two, follow me,” I turned and started heading to my art room. I stopped when I realized they weren’t behind me. “Come on, I don’t have all night.”

  They shot a look at each other, then followed me. When we got inside the room, I indicated a chair for each of them but I remained standing. “You two have issues,” I looked back and forth between them. “Now normally that wouldn’t be any of my business but your issues are about to explode all over my living room. So I’m going to help you out just this once.”

  Hades looked at me with a frown. “You think we need counseling?”

  “That would be a good start,” I sighed. “But I don’t have time for that right now so it’s going to be speed counseling.”

  “Vervain, don’t you think I’m right?” Persephone had a small whine to her voice. “He should be more supportive.”

  “No time for you guys to complain,” I waved a hand imperiously. “I’m going to tell you how it is and then you’re going to do your best to fix it… somewhere else. Do you understand me, Bunny Nose?” Persephone nodded, her face slack with shock, “How about you, Hot Stuff?”

  Hades blinked rapidly but nodded. “I’m willing to try.”

  “Okay, great,” I nodded curtly and thought a moment, trying to sort things through. “You’re feeling abused and controlled,” I pointed at Persephone and she nodded. “You’re feeling neglected and horny,” Hades looked like he didn’t know whether to laugh or slap me, so he compromised and nodded as well. “Alright Miss Sephy, here’s a really important question. Do you love him?”

  “What do you mean?” Persephone looked even more shocked, if that was possible.

  Hades stared at her intently.

  “Hades,” I hardened my gaze. “You’re going to have to step up here. I think our girl’s a little shy. Do you love her?”

  “Yes,” no hesitation. Hooray for him.

  Persephone nearly got whiplash looking over at him in disbelief. “You do?”

  “Bunny Nose,” he kissed her cheek sweetly. “How could you ever doubt it?”

  “I…,” she looked at me and then back at him, “you never said.”

  “I show my love for you all the time,” he frowned. Typical.

  “Okay,” I held up a hand. “Common male misconception. Truth is, women need words. We like to be shown how much you love us… after you tell us how much you love us. Now that we got that clear, Persephone, for the record… do you love Hades?”

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  He smiled so radiantly, I almost needed to shade my eyes.

  “Bravo,” I held up my hands in the at last motion. “Now the really hard part… you,” I pointed at her again, “need to grow up and stand up to your mommy.”

  Hades hooted with laughter as she sputtered, “I’m very mature.” Hades howled even louder until she smacked him.

  “Don’t argue with me,” I shook a finger at her, “take a pointer from Nike and just do it.”

  “What does the Goddess of Victory have to do with this?” Hades’ face twisted up in confusion and Persephone nudged him.

  “If you'd let me get a TV, you’d know what she’s talking about,” she stuck her tongue out at him.

  “Thank you, Persephone,” I said and she nodded, sweetly smug, until I continued, “that was very mature.”

  “Hey,” she pouted.

  “Shu-u-ush,” I pointed to her again. “Tell your mama that you’re a grown
woman and then start acting like it… move away from home.”

  “What?” She looked like a doe caught in the headlights.

  “Either get your own place, away from mommy dearest, or move in with him,” I pointed back at Hades and he grinned at me like I was the best thing since beer. “Don’t get too happy with me yet, Sizzle Butt, you aren’t entirely blameless.”

  He sat up straighter and raised both brows in surprise. “I’m the most loving of consorts,” he said defensively.

  “Yeah, yeah somehow I don’t think your idea of loving and her idea of loving are on the same page.” I looked at Persephone and she nodded tightly.

  “He wants sex all the time,” she crossed her arms. “Sex, sex, sex. I’m sore by the time I go home.”

  “But Bunny Nose…,” he started but I cut him off.

  “Shu-u-ush,” I narrowed my eyes on him. “Go buy a book on romance and try it out, you’ll be surprised how far a little consideration gets you. If you love her, show some interest in her, not just her body, and give her a little space. No one likes to be smothered. Got it?”

  They both nodded.

  “So what have we learned?”

  “I’m going to tell my mom to shove it and I’m going to move in with Hades,” Persephone intoned dutifully.

  “Really, Bunny Nose?” Hades hugged her tightly and kissed her forehead. “I’ll try to be more supportive of you and I’ll romance you till you get fat on chocolate and the smell of roses makes you sick.”

  Persephone giggled and kissed him. “I love you, Sizzle Butt.” She giggled more.

  I groaned and shook my head free of the knowledge that my joke nickname would be used in their sex talk for years to come. “Okay, talk amongst yourselves, I’m going back to the others.” They hardly even noticed when I left. The sound of smooching followed me down the hallway.

  I entered the living room to complete silence and steady stares.

  Thor stood and took my arm. “Are they both still alive?”

  “What do you mean?” I’m not sure what my face looked like but I am sure it was horribly, totally, shocked.