RECKLESS - Part 4 (The RECKLESS Series)

by Ward, Alice

  I'd been gone for far too long.

  And now I was on my way back, with a man that would likely frighten the bejeezers out of my parents and infuriate Sean. Yet he was exactly what I needed. He made me laugh with his crazy stories about the band. He made me smile with heartwarming stories about his mother. And he made me feel safe with his arm wrapped around my shoulders.

  This man, a man that I never saw coming and had never planned for, served as my anchor that day.

  That thought comforted and frightened me all at the same time because, while it was nice to feel grounded by something other than my blueprints for once, it was also terrifying to think I might lose that source of comfort, especially at a time when I needed it the most.

  CHAPTER TWO

  My absolute favorite part of the plane ride had to be the look on Jace’s face as we flew over the mountains. I had switched him seats so he could get a better view and, like a little kid, he’d plastered his face against the round opening. Every once in a while, he would turn to look at me with a smile so big, I thought his face might crack.

  You’d think the man had never seen them before; then again, he probably hadn’t.

  Then, as we flew over the city, preparing to come in for our landing, he held my hand and gave me some room to take in the glorious lights; there really wasn’t anything in the world like coming into Seattle at night. Sure, other cities had lights, but there was just something almost ethereal about flying into SeaTac.

  As we started our descent, Jace stiffened at the turbulence. I was pretty much used to it since Seattle always had clouds, and that almost always meant a bumpy landing and take-off. I guessed they didn’t have that much in Texas.

  When we landed and stepped off the plane, he inhaled a deep breath of the salty air and closed his eyes, as if committing the moment to memory. “This—this is what it’s like?” he asked, opening his eyes.

  Between his massive grin, glowing face and wide eyes, he looked a little like we’d just stepped into an amusement park. I couldn’t help but smile at the excitement radiating off of him. “Yep. This is home,” I said, feeling a little giddy myself, despite the circumstances that had brought me there.

  “Home.”

  The word rolled off his lips so smooth that I knew, just knew, he had been a Seattleite from birth.

  I hadn’t really ever met someone going through the discovery, but I’d heard of plenty of the experiences. Most of them described that pull to the Pacific Northwest their “call home.” No one that had ever told me of the call could explain why the infatuation had existed or when it had started, yet it had been something they’d known since they could remember—or so they said. One look at Jace and it was clear that he was one of them.

  And I got to be a part of that.

  Unfortunately, the experience was put on pause because everyone was waiting for us right outside the terminal, just as I thought they’d be. My parents noticed me first. They tried to put on a smile for me, but they both just looked worn out. Scott, the oldest of my four brothers, had been the first to catch sight of Jace; his eyes narrowed as a tattooed arm wrapped itself around my shoulders. My mother’s eyes did the exact opposite when she finally realized that Jace was with me, and my dad, well, he still just looked tired. But his posture changed substantially.

  Then came the worst of all... Sean.

  If he had been a stick of dynamite, he would have blown up the entire airport. Beet red from anger, his face was contorted into a painful looking expression. His balled hands were clenched tightly at his side. The vein that popped out in his temple whenever he was pissed bulged and pulsated. But then, as we got closer, his posture started to relax and those fists pumped open and closed a few times. Then, as if Jace weren’t standing right there next to me, he plastered a smile on his face and opened his arms for me, his silent request for a hug.

  It was kind of stupid, really.

  I always hugged my parents first, even when he and I had been together. So, rather than acknowledge his overreaching attempt at friendship, I gave him a simple nod and a hello as I hugged my mom, dad, and three older brothers. Then, and only then, did I give Sean the hug he wanted. Unfortunately, it ended up being even more awkward than I’d imagined.

  He tried to pull me into him, but I didn’t want to get too close because Jace was standing right there. I didn’t want it to last for too long because I was worried that it might give Sean the wrong impression. But I also didn’t want to just brush him off; after five years of being together, the Ieast I could do was offer him my friendship.

  That sounded strange, too, though, because I still loved him. Having Jace standing just a few feet away didn’t erase all the history and it didn’t change my feelings. And then there was still that offer from Sean hanging in the air. Despite all my worry, I knew that offer would be there, even after the six weeks with Jace ended... if I wanted it.

  But that was the big question, wasn’t it? Hadn’t I already changed so much since the last time I saw him? Had our relationship suffered irreparable damage? Would I ever be able to go back after I’d experienced all the passion that Jace had offered me?

  Fuck me!

  Here, the life of my younger brother was hanging in the balance and I’d gone and thrown my love life issues into the mix. What had I been thinking? Why hadn’t I just put Jace on a plane home the moment we’d touched down in Las Vegas? Forget this being hard on me; this had to be difficult for both men involved.

  It was like rubbing salt in Sean’s open wound and then slapping Jace across the face with my history, all in one fail swoop. And all of it at a time that no one—not me, not my parents, not my siblings, not even Jace or Sean—needed any extra drama.

  Or maybe it was just me building the drama up in my head... at least it would have appeared that way as Sean released me from our hug. He and Jace weren’t even looking at each other; in fact, Jace had left to talk with my mom and dad, who seemed to be getting along with him fairly well, considering they’d just met him. And my brothers, they were talking amongst themselves, quietly, but not in a way that would indicate that they were making horrible comments about the random tattooed guy that I’d brought home with me.

  The real question was why I had been so anxious over everyone meeting Jace for the first time.

  We lived in one of the most progressive cities in the world, so why had I expected my parents to be anything but accepting of Jace? Hell, on any given day, they interacted with people who had at least twice as many body alterations as Jace. In fact, our next door neighbor had holes in her ears so big that I could almost fit my wrist through them and she was good friends with my mom.

  So what was my problem? Was it simply my conflicted feelings for both Jace and Sean? Was it that the breakup was still so fresh in my heart and mind? Or was it simply a case of being emotionally exhausted and distraught from the plane ride and worry over my brother?

  As we all headed outside, everyone holding polite but almost dismissive conversations, I started to realize that it’d been pretty self-centered of me to think that any of the tension during my arrival had anything to do with my love life. A love triangle was definitely easier to deal with than a brother in ICU and a lot less important.

  ***

  Jace and I rode with my mother in her car to the hospital. My brothers and Sean piled into the minivan with my dad. It was hard not to distract myself with the city lights, Space Needle, Mount Ranier and the sports omniplex as we drove through the city, especially since Jace was seeing it all for the first time.

  He stared out the window as if he were on an entirely different planet. Every once in a while, I would hear him make a noise from behind me, and I knew he was seeing something that he’d never thought possible. I grew up here and I still found myself transfixed by the picturesque scenery, so I knew it had to be pretty amazing for him.

  My mother’s tired, red-rimmed eyes kept me grounded, though. Those bright blue pools had lost a lot of their luster. She looked
like she hadn’t slept in days. Given the current circumstances, it was probably a pretty accurate assumption. I decided that it was time I try to face the reality of why I was there.

  “Has there been any news?” I finally asked as we hit our turn-off for the hospital.

  She drew in a shaky breath and shook her head.

  I grew up hearing that saying that no news is good news... but apparently, whoever said it had never been through something like this. I tried to brace myself for what I was about to face, tried to imagine what he might look like, but even as we pulled into the parking lot, I knew that what I was about to see, what I was about to feel—nothing could have ever prepared me for it.

  I was right.

  The second I stepped into the room, I almost fainted. There was my younger brother, the football athlete, barely old enough to be driving, his whole life ahead of him, hooked up to a myriad of tubes and wires. He looked so weak and frail on lying in that hospital bed. His skin was pale, his cheeks were hallowed out, and he looked half dead already. A steady whooshing sound was breathing for him. A constant beep was the only indication that he was still alive.

  Everything in me seized up, stopped working—my heart, my lungs, my knees. I only managed to stay upright because Jace’s hands immediately flew underneath my armpits. He held me up and carried me over to one of the plastic chairs. I sank down into it, spots blurring my vision.

  My brother wasn’t going to make it out of this alive.

  “I know it looks bad, sweetie,” my mother said, sitting down next to me to rub my back. “But the doctors say he is stable. There’s still time. He could pull out of this.”

  I knew what she wasn’t saying though...

  It would take a miracle, and even then, there’d be that possibility that he’d never be the same. He could be brain dead. He could lose the loss of some of his limbs. There were all kinds of thing that could go wrong, that could rob him of the life he’d had in front of him.

  “How’d it happen?” I asked, staring at Cole, not really sure what else to say.

  “Drunk driver ran a red light,” my mother’s breath hitched in a gut-wrenching sob.

  Right then, my dad and my brothers walked into the room. Dad fell to his knees in front of her, cradling her face in his hands. “Don’t give up,” he told her, sternly, forcing her to look at him through her red-rimmed eyes. “He’s fighting the best we can. We have to fight, too.”

  Through the tears, my mother nodded.

  I had my own set of tears, my own fears and worries. But I inherently knew that my mother’s grief was greater. Death and the possibility of it is a painful thing for anyone, but no parent should ever have to think about burying their child. And that’s what my parents were facing, that’s what they had to worry about. Losing a sibling wasn’t exactly less, but it certainly wasn’t the same.

  Somehow, my feet carried me to the side of my brother’s bed. With fingers that had taken on a mind of their own, I dropped the side railing. Through my peripheral, I saw my mother lift a hand, but my dad shook his head, telling her not to interrupt as I leaned my head down next to his ear. I needed to say something, to do something, to let him know I was there and I wasn’t leaving until he came back from wherever he was.

  “Cole,” I said, keeping my voice to barely a whisper. “I’m here. Please, you can’t leave them like this. You have to come back. Fight. Find your way out.”

  Lips quivering as the tears continued to stream down my face, I smoothed back the hair on his forehead and held his hand inside of mine. I waited for something, anything to happen, but nothing did. Just the beeping monitors and the whooshing machine. Until the nurse came in.

  “So sorry, miss. I need to turn him and check his vitals,” she said, standing a respectful distance away. She kept her eyes to the ground, as if she felt like she might be intruding. In all actuality, she kind of was, but I knew she had to do her job.

  I nodded, but I couldn’t seem to find it in me to move. Jace was by my side, lifting me up, directing me back to my chair. He stood behind me, his arm on my shoulder, as the pretty red-headed girl tugged and pulled at the sheets. I almost lost it when he simply flopped to the side, as though his body were a corpse. It was all too much to take in at once.

  Jace leaned down to whisper in my ear. “Let’s grab some coffee,” he said, giving my shoulder a light squeeze.

  I nodded, but again, I didn’t think I could move, didn’t think my legs would carry me. I was numb, inside and out, only I wasn’t. The grief, the pain, it was so overwhelming that I couldn’t function through it. Again, Jace came to my rescue. He helped me out of the chair and placed his arm underneath of me as we walked down to the cafeteria.

  I had wanted to stop at the coffee machine just outside of the room, but he’d shook his head and told me that I needed a place to sit for a while.

  “Why?” I asked, glancing back at my brother’s room. “I need to be in there with my family. They need me right now.”

  “I know. You will be, babe. Soon,” he said, directing me through the wide hallways that smelled of rubbing alcohol.

  The cafeteria was full of doctors and nurses on their lunch breaks, but I barely even noticed them. What I did notice were the families, the people sitting alone—women and men, young and old. So many of them looked like my own family: tired, weary, empty.

  We were all there for similar reasons. We were putting their faith in the hands of the people in white coats, those people that were eating like they didn’t have a care in the world. Of course, I knew the doctors cared, but their lives would go on if something happened to a loved one of someone in that room. Reality was, some of them would walk out of that hospital with one less family member; I could be one of them.

  We stopped walking and I looked up at Jace to find out why. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I asked if you were hungry,” he said, nodding at the counters filled with food.

  My stomach growled but then curdled. I was apparently hungry, but, from the sounds of it, my stomach would likely reject anything I put in it. I shook my head and let him lead me over to the coffee machine at the edge of the cafeteria. He fed the machine as I leaned against it, there but not really there.

  “What if he doesn’t wake up?” I asked, not really talking to Jace, or anyone else for that matter.

  “Then I’ll be here.”

  My chin started to tremble as the tears came, once again. Jace didn’t try to shush me. Instead, he grabbed my arm with one hand and our coffees with the other. He led me to the table, placed me in my seat and then set our coffees down on the table in front of me.

  “I’ll be right back,” he said, placing a gentle kiss on the top of my head.

  I had no idea how long he was gone, but when he returned, he had an apple and a handful of cream and sugar. He placed the apple in front of me.

  “I know you said you weren’t hungry, but you should try to put something in your stomach,” he said.

  Rather than pick it up, I stared at it. Meanwhile, he poured the cream and sugar in my coffee. I barely even noticed when he pushed it to my side of the table. It was as if my brain had gone on autopilot, like it knew that if I stopped to really process what was happening, I’d crumble into nothing more than a pile of dust. I didn’t even register that I was crying again until Jace brought a napkin to my tear-stained cheeks.

  “Andrea, I wish there were something I could say. Some kind of hope I could give you,” he said, taking my hands in his. “But I’m not a doctor. I only know that these people, the doctors and nurses, they’re doing everything they can to bring him back.”

  I knew that. Somewhere inside, I knew that they were doing what they could, and that even the most advanced medicine in the world might not save my brother. But I couldn’t think that. I couldn’t allow myself to consider that he might die right there in that hospital. Yet the truth was there, just below the tears, screaming in my aching heart to be heard by my brain.

  “All
I can really do is be here for you, for your family,” he continued, searching for my blue eyes with his brown ones. “I know that’s not enough, that all you really want is for him to be okay. But it’s all I can give.”

  And that is exactly what he gave as me and my parents sat tirelessly by my brother’s bed, none of us leaving for much longer than it took to sleep a few hours, eat, or shower. And even those things took us less time than they might have under any other given circumstances.

  Jace stayed in the background, bringing in coffee, food, electronics, whatever we needed. He held me when I cried. He listened when I needed to talk. He carried me when I was so tired and overwhelmed that I could barely stand. Day in and day out, and late at night, he tirelessly took care of all of us as we fought to hold onto hope.

  By day five of us being there, he looked about as worn out as we all felt. And that’s when it occurred to me... all this time he’d been taking care of me and my family and he’d hardly taken care of himself. Cole was still the same; no better but no worse either. Maybe it was time that I take care of him for a change, took him to my parent’s house, put him to bed and let him sleep for a while.

  After whispering my plan to my mother, she handed over the keys to her car and to the house. “Be careful, sweetie,” she said with a weak smile.

  “I will,” I promised. “And if you need me—“

  My mother shook her head. “You just worry about taking care of that man of yours.”

  We both exchanged a look, something that passed between us, an understanding that this was the choice I’d made. I’d probably made it the day that I’d said yes, but if there had ever been any doubt, there wasn’t one now. Not for me, and not for my weary mother.