Give Me Something I Can Feel

by B. Love

  “That’s what I’m here for.”

  “Charlie…”

  “I’m not leaving you.”

  This time when he smiled… so did his eyes.

  Without Charlie here, this meeting between Harlem, my pops, and I probably would’ve gone a lot differently, but he hadn’t even made it in the house yet and Charlie was already keeping me calm. Yea, he and I resolved a couple of our issues the last time I saw him, Harlem however, was a completely different subject.

  I would let no one bring her harm as long as I could protect her from it.

  It didn’t matter if he was her father or not… I would keep him away from her as well if I had to; especially while she was pregnant.

  Charlie’s left arm was wrapped around me, and she was using her right hand to caress my stomach. The simple act had my nerves staying in tact as we watched my pops get out of his car and head to the front door. He rang the doorbell but it didn’t make me move.

  “I should get that,” I said, but made no attempt to move.

  The doorbell rang again.

  Of course Harlem wasn’t going to get it.

  She hardly ever did.

  Unless it was Charlie.

  “You need a key,” I realized.

  She shouldn’t have to wait to be let in. She should be able to come and go freely.

  “What?” she asked with a smile.

  “To the house. You need a key to the house.”

  I’m sure my announcement seemed random to her, but it was right on time for me. She simply nodded and blushed, so I stepped to the side of her and went to let him in. We greeted each other casually and he wasted no time walking into the living room searching for Harlem. He didn’t say that’s what he was doing or who he was looking for, but the way his countenance fell and shoulders caved at the sight of the empty room said it all.

  “She’s in her room,” I told him as I headed for the kitchen to grab Charlie. She was standing in the same place I’d left her in. “You have no reason to be nervous.”

  Charlie nodded and reached for my hand. I connected mine with hers, then led her into the living room.

  “Harlem,” I called. “Pops here.”

  I watched my father as Charlie and I entered the room. His head tilted and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but he quickly smiled and extended his hand for her.

  “Pleasure to meet you. Princeton Carver.”

  “Hi,” her voice was its quiet, chipper norm as she smiled. “Charlie White. Pleasure to meet you as well.”

  Harlem wobbled down the stairs, looking from me to Charlie. Charlie released his hand and took a step towards the stairs.

  “Hey, Harlem. How’s it going?”

  Harlem looked from me to Charlie. Then to him.

  “Good.”

  He nodded and put his hands in his pockets as he rocked on his heels.

  “How’s the baby? What’re you having?”

  Harlem looked from me to Charlie. Then to him.

  “Good. Boy.”

  “Wow. My first grandchild. A boy. From my youngest child. Wow.”

  I opened my mouth to check his ass, but Charlie quickly grabbed my hand and squeezed.

  “So do you have a name for him yet?” he continued.

  Harlem looked from me to Charlie. Then to him.

  “Hayden.”

  “And the father? Where is he?”

  Harlem looked from me to Charlie. But not back to him. Her head lowered as she cupped her hands in the center of her.

  “Um, Mr. Carver, why don’t you have a seat. Would you like something to eat or drink while you and Harlem catch up?” Charlie interrupted as she grabbed Harlem’s hand and sat her down.

  I sat next to her as my pops sat in the chair on the opposite side of us.

  “Actually, a bottle of water would be nice,” he returned his attention to Harlem as Charlie went to get the water. “Listen, Harlem, I know my reaction to you being pregnant may have been a bit… harsh… but I need you to understand where I was coming from.”

  Charlie handed him the bottle of water and tried to sit on the opposite end of the couch. I don’t know who gave her a crazier look between me and Harlem, but she quickly closed the space between us and sat next to Harlem. Her arm went around her on the couch. The feel of her fingers making circles on the back of my neck… it was like she was controlling my emotions with each spin of her fingers. Keeping me in check. I looked down and saw that she was making the same circles on Harlem’s thigh with her left hand.

  “Harlem,” he started regaining my attention. “I was hurt. I was angry. I was disappointed. For the past 10 years I’ve been a single father, and it has been hard. All I’ve ever wanted was the best for my children, and you being pregnant at 16 was not the vision I had for your life.

  I know that may sound quite selfish of me since it is in fact your life, but as your father… I am you. You are me. What happens in your life happens in mine. The baby that you’re carrying is mine. When you told me that you were pregnant I immediately thought about the fact that there would be another child that I’d have to raise without your mother and I just… flipped.

  For that, my love, I sincerely apologize. Do you accept my apology?”

  Harlem licked her lips and mumbled, “Yes.”

  “Good. Great. So… what are your plans? Are you working or is the father working? How do you plan on taking care of this baby and finishing school on time?”

  “Well… I’m not working right now, but Charlie has been helping me research business ideas. After I have the baby I’m going to work from home after school. That way I won’t have to worry about anyone keeping him while I’m at work and school. While I am in school, Princess’s aunt is going to keep him.

  She has a daycare and she’s offered to watch him for me.

  No, his father isn’t working right now. Tage’s father wants his focus to be school and football now, so he gives Tage a monthly stipend. Tage gives half of the money to me when he gets it every month.

  I still plan on going to college; even if I have to go online. Knight and Charlie have helped me a lot. They’ve helped me to see that I can still do all I wanted to do, so I’m confident that I can do this. With God and them of course.”

  I felt like a proud father. Watching her articulate her plans in such a sure and mature way. I smiled and nudged her shoulder softly. She returned the smile and nudged me back.

  “All of that… is great really, but what are you going to do when Knight returns to work? Where are you going to stay? Even if you work from here you will still need help with the baby, Harlem. Especially the first year of his life. And those terrible twos. You’ll need help. What are you doing about your living arrangement?”

  Harlem scratched her cheek and looked at me briefly.

  “Knight said I could stay here.”

  “Alone? You’re 16. You’ll be 16 in school trying to work with a newborn. You need help, Harlem. I think it would be best if you came home after the baby was born.”

  Harlem looked at me again, pleading with me with her eyes to step in, but she needed to make this decision herself.

  “It’s up to you, sweetheart. Do what’s best for you and Hayden. I’ll support you either way,” I assured her.

  “I think…” Harlem looked at Charlie. “I think I should stay here.”

  His head tilted and he stared at her for a few seconds, but it was a few seconds too long because Harlem lowered her head and inhaled deeply.

  “Harlem, I’m really trying to treat you like an adult and give you the space to make this decision on your own... but…”

  “I don’t want to come home. I don’t want to come home. I don’t care what I have to do to make it work I’m going to make it work.”

  “Mr. Carver,” Charlie sat up in her seat and look at Harlem and I for permission to speak. “I’m more than willing to help Harlem with whatever she needs while Knight is away.”

  “And who are you exactly?”

&nb
sp; “What you mean who is she?” I asked no longer able to sit and watch in silence. “My woman.”

  “And my sister,” Harlem added as she grabbed Charlie’s hand. “She’s been helping me this entire time. She has a bedside service for pregnant women. She’s been with me every step of the way, Daddy. I don’t want to put the pressure on her of having to help me raise my baby, but if she’s going to be around because of Knight and she wants to help me I’m going to gladly accept all the help she has to give until I’m capable of doing it on my own.”

  “What makes you so sure she’s going to be around after you have the baby, Harlem? They aren’t married. He could cut her off just like he does all the others. She could decide this is too much for her and leave. Then what are you going to do?”

  “OK, that’s enough. It’s clear that you two aren’t going to agree on this. So you can leave and maybe try again another day,” I cut in as I stood.

  He stood and avoided my eyes as he looked at Harlem.

  “You’re coming home when that baby is born.”

  “If she wants to stay here she’s staying here. I don’t care if I have to only announce home games to be here with her and the baby. If this is where she wants to be, this is where she’s going to be.”

  “No, Knight, I would never… no. Please don’t do that. It’s not that big of a deal. If I have to leave I’ll leave, but I’m not letting you do that for me,” Harlem stood and grabbed my hand. “You’ve already done so much. I can’t let you do that.”

  Not wanting to give her father, yea, he was back to being just her father now, the satisfaction of thinking he’d won… I nodded as I looked at him.

  “We’ll talk about it later. Let me holla at you as you leave, Pops.”

  He followed me out of my home and I didn’t speak until we were at his car.

  “What are you doing, man?”

  “What do you mean? I’m trying to get my daughter to come home.”

  “Why? You didn’t want anything to do with the baby and now all of a sudden you want them both in your home? Why?”

  “It just makes more sense for her to be home, Knight, and you know it. She will need help. She can’t do this on her own.”

  “She will have me and Charlie.”

  “Here you go with this Charlie shit again…”

  “Nah. You can go. I have to let you rule when it comes to Harlem because she’s your child and she’s 16, but you will not disrespect Charlie in any way. So you can leave before this turns into something that neither of us need it to be.”

  I walked away and returned to the two most important people in my life.

  It was my birthday! Dirty 30 and I was ready to get lit! OK, maybe not lit because I couldn’t hold my liquor for shit and I was having a rooftop day party, but I was ready to have some fun! I started my day having brunch with my parents and grandparents, then I went to the spa with Veronica. Rodney had to work, so he took me out last night, and Deja was here with me now at my party.

  The roof was covered with my closest confidants, and I could honestly feel the love and positivity surrounding me… but there was someone missing. Knight.

  Even Harlem’s crazy behind snuck up with her best friend after I told her not to because of the drinking that I knew would be going on, but of course she didn’t listen to me. She wobbled over to me with her long, beautiful hair blowing in the wind and handed me a gift that I told her not to buy me and kissed me.

  Now her and Princess were in the corner of the roof in their own little world.

  I spent the night at my own place last night and it felt weird. I felt out of place. Like that wasn’t where I belonged. Knight… I’d been craving him since last night. Since I was forced to sleep alone. Since I was forced to deal with the neglect of not having his arms wrapped around me. His breath on the top of my head as he slept. His snores that trailed off as he fell deeper into his sleep. His leg snaking around mine and pulling me closer if I started to move.

  I missed my man so freaking much.

  So much it scared me.

  Making my way over to the bar, I had a glass of wine. I could handle wine. Light sweet wine. It was my second glass and neither had affected me. I stood there and chugged it down as I fought the desire to call Knight. I needed him near me. Now.

  Deciding on getting close to the closest thing to him here, I started walking towards Harlem, but was stopped and pulled into a chest. A strong chest. My baby’s chest. His arm wrapped around my stomach and I couldn’t help but smile and moan as he kissed my neck.

  “Happy birthday, beauty,” he whispered into my neck before kissing it again. “You smell so good, Charlie.”

  I turned in his embrace and wrapped my arms around his neck. The deep inquisitive look that his eyes naturally held was replaced with a smile as I faced him.

  “Where you been? I missed you.”

  Knight smiled and pecked my lips softly before answering.

  “I was taking care of a few things for later today. Say goodbye to all of your friends. You’re leaving with me.”

  “What?” without repeating himself, Knight released me and headed for the exit. “Well, where are we going? I can’t leave. It’s my party, crazy!”

  He continued to ignore me as he left the rooftop. With the help of the DJ, I was able to gain everyone’s attention at once. After thanking them for coming, I asked Veronica to grab all of my gifts and take them to her home before dashing off the roof, down the stairs, and into Knight’s car. Well, I tried to get into Knight’s car, but the card, roses, and blue Tiffany&Co box stopped me from sitting down.

  I looked into Knight’s eyes as mine watered.

  “Get in,” he ordered.

  “I can’t,” I sniffled as I continued to fight back my tears. “It’s stuff there.”

  Knight chuckled and pulled me back gently. He grabbed everything that was in the seat and stepped back so I could sit down. When I did he put everything in my lap and closed the door. I looked down at everything that he’d placed in my lap as he got in the driver’s seat.

  “You didn’t have to get me anything, Knight. I told you and Harlem that.”

  “Are you gonna open it now, or when we get to the airport?”

  “Airport? We’re going to the airport? We’re going out of town?”

  Knight nodded nonchalantly as he stared at me.

  “Knight…”

  “It’s your birthday, Charlie. Did you really expect me to not get you anything or do anything? I have to celebrate you and having you in my life. Read the card and open the box.”

  My fingers glided over a few of the rose petals before I placed the bouquet on the middle console and picked up the card.

  After reading the first line all of the tears that I’d been holding in rushed from my eyes. Like water flowing at the Hoover Dam. This wasn’t just a random card he’d pick up. No. He put some thought into this. Like he’d searched through card after card until finding the perfect one. I looked out of the window and shook my head as I inhaled deeply.

  “Read the card, Charlie,” he pleaded more softly.

  I looked over at him and saw in his eyes that maybe he was afraid to say with his mouth how he truly felt. That this card was his way of letting me know in a way that fear couldn’t rob either of us of.

  With a loud exhale, I read the card from the beginning.

  The heart is like a cup. Some new. Some old. Some perfect. Some cracked. All empty and needing to be filled.

  On your birthday, I celebrate your life and your heart. And all of the love you’ve poured into mine.

  Happy birthday.

  I crawled over the middle compartment into his lap as he laughed.

  “Charlie,” he laughed more as I kissed him. All over. “Babe, wi–” I cut him off with kisses to his lips. “If you make us miss this flight...”

  That returned me to myself. I wanted to travel!

  “Thank you, Knight. That was beautiful.”

  I hugged him and kiss
ed him again before getting back in my seat.

  “Now the box. Although you should probably wait. If you had that reaction to the card I’m scared to see how you’re going to react to the necklace.”

  “Knight!”

  He laughed as I shoved him in the shoulder.

  “What, girl?”

  “How are you going to tell me what’s in the box? I wanted to be surprised!”

  “You taking too long.”

  “Fine!”

  My pout was immediately replaced with a smile as I stared down at the platinum diamond infinity necklace.

  “It’s beautiful, Knight. Beautiful. Put it on me,” turning my back to him, I handed him the necklace so he could put it on me. “Thank you so much, babe. I love it. You’re the best boyfriend ever. This is the best birthday ever!”

  “There’s more. I haven’t even gotten started on you yet.”

  I took her to Kaupulehu, Hawaii for her birthday. The plan was to stay here for the week. I’d taken care of everything before we left, so all of her clients knew that she was taking a much needed vacation. If they needed anything they were to contact her new assistant Brea.

  I expected her to put up a little fight for being away for so long, but she was filled with pure joy when I told her where we were going and for how long. In fact, she didn’t think about her clients until we were on the plane headed to Hawaii.

  When we arrived, night had fallen, so we spent the night on the beach talking and making love next to the bonfire I started. The next morning, we had breakfast on the patio. It was large and gave us a beautiful view of the ocean and palm trees that she couldn’t get enough of. We chilled for a few hours before heading to do some sightseeing and shopping.

  After a helicopter ride across the island we returned to our rental to get ready for dinner. To be honest, this restaurant was the reason I chose to bring her here. I found it online and immediately wanted to experience it with her. ULU Ocean Grill and Sushi Lounge was rated as one of the most romantic restaurants, and since I wanted her birthday to be one that she’d never forget… that’s where we were going.

  Because this was a surprise, I had Deja to pack Charlie’s bags. I had no idea what she was wearing tonight for dinner, and as I waited for her I was anxious to see. Charlie was a beautiful woman naturally, but the light and love that was within her shined outwards and made her even more beautiful. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever encountered in my life. And to this day I still can’t believe that she’s mine sometimes.